Happy belated new year to all. 2025 wasn’t the easiest year for me but I’m still trying to see the glass half full. 2026 has had quite an interesting start. In January I got blocked by the writer wife of an erstwhile celebrity crush over an innocuous Substack subscription, followed by said crush, and a bunch of these people’s relatives. I was active on a gossip thread about said actor when I was in college. I was 19 and extremely jaded and cynical over the disconnect I felt with my peers. I resigned myself to a friendless existence after getting rejected one two many times and never clicking with anyone in the dorms or first club I tried. I worried that putting myself out there would draw ever more scrutiny and gossip on such a small campus where I already felt like a pariah. I looked to online communities and social media to distract myself since I felt I needed to get a degree and get the hell out. My therapist, who I was with for 5 years, and I bonded over my obsession with said actor. This is significant since at first I couldn’t let my guard down since I was so deflated by 2 years of feeling misunderstood, alone, and mistreated during what was supposed to be the “happiest 4 years of my life”. I also dealt with some family drama due to my cousin’s wedding. I was the only cousin from our side invited since she’s particularly fond of me plus we’re closer in age (I’m 27 and she’s 29). However since she is at an impasse with her father (uncle) who will no longer be attending, no one from our side will be going. Since I’ve always struggled tremendously to make friends I was really honored to have someone like me enough to include me on their social media. This family conflict is upsetting but since I had PTO to make use of, I decided to book a trip to Scandinavia. Although I’m still single with few close friends, I’m trying to enjoy my independence while it lasts since who knows I could be engaged to the love of my life by this time next year. I’m still at chorus. Although I’m not tight with anyone from there yet I’m proud of myself for not throwing in the towel like I did in college after never clicking with anyone from the dorm, first club I tried, and being so overwhelmed with academics plus mental health I withdrew completely and become avoidant due to bad experiences. In hindsight I should’ve avoided going home on weekends although it was out of survival due to lack of sleep my first year thanks to an inconsiderate, self-centered roommate and later because I was too bored and lonely on campus and feared said roommate was turning people against me so socializing felt like a lost cause. I know that it takes 70 hours to turn an acquaintance into a friend and 200 for someone to become a close friend so I’m trying to persist and keep an open mind. I began therapy again now that I have insurance and am also working with dating coach to not rule out finding a life partner on the apps.