I read your other post as well, about two ways of being, and can completely relate to both.

What I realized a long time ago is that I cannot change, control, nor influence other people. I can only do that to myself. I also realized that there is no person in this world who could ever make me feel complete, nor give me a sense of belonging, at all times. What I learned is that there are only moments of belonging with others; some moments last longer than others but no matter how long they are (minutes, days, years or even decades), they are ALL still just moments.

I also found that no matter how close I got to anyone, I always felt a sense of disappointment, and eventually emptiness. How could so many people be disappointing? They can’t. It was all within me, my perceptions, my reactions, my feelings. I was responsible for my feeling of “being left out” and “desire to say screw everyone.” It was very intense, very disturbing, painful, and difficult to accept. But this realization liberated me.

The true sense of belonging is belonging with yourself. When you start on a path to being your own best friend, you will start to feel a true sense of belonging. You will also realize that esentially all people are the same in our core, we all feel similar emotions, have similar insecurities, and none of us are perfect nor could ever be perfect. Then you will see that you do belong to this imperfect human collective.

Hi Sandy,

i think Helen is right on with what she says. Remember that old Barbra Streisand song ” People who need people are the luckiest people in the world”?
Needing others to make us feel good about ourselves makes us the unluckiest people in the world. When I see what I can add to the lives of others instead of complaining about how negative I feel, it transforms my world.
Service to others is the centre of my life and I feel good about myself and am never lonely. People who volunteer for a cause have an automatic sense of connection.
There are so many opportunities in every community to help those less fortunate than ourselves. Go be a visitor in an old folks home. You will be so welcomed and so cherished. Old people need younger ones to tell their stories to. As long as I am thinking only about me it doesn’t take too long before I become negative.
Write a gratitude list every day. List your health, sight, your gifts and talents and see what you can take and give out to the world. be interested in others even if you have to fake it a bit in the beginning. people connect to those who show interest and kindness.

Hugs, Lyla

Thanks Cate, As long as my focus is on myself I will get petty, dissatisfied, resurrect every negative thing that happened to me and feel again every hurt and sense of injustice.
When my focus is on giving to others, I’m upbeat, contented and peaceful. It’s no magic formula but it does work. There is no shortage of people who could do with some kindness and caring. I still look after myself. I rest, pray, meditate, read, make art, get together with positive friends and listen to music. I have fairly severe and ongoing psychiatric disorders but giving helps me to transcend the negative thinking that accompanies the symptoms..

Hi Sandy , I can definitely relate and I do agree with the above posts but to a certain degree . I agree that it is a feeling from within , that is undeniable but how did it get there in the first place ? In my case it was life events starting from abusive parents and from there unconsciously choosing unhealthy people to be friends with and to have relationships with. And this was due to the fact that my self-esteem had been brutalized and I did not feel worthy of the love of healthy people. So I never really quite felt like I belonged or I was at peace in these different kinds relationships .
To see me I look completely put together even attractive but I do have a heavy heart . I think way too much , I’m always in my head . I am happiest when I am busy at work which is my passion in life.
I’ve been hurt , betrayed , humiliated , you name it, by the very people that should have loved and supported me . So is this really in my head or my reality ? It definitely gets in your head and messes you up especially when these are long time friends, family .
So really I think it is more of an issue of bringing healthy people into one’s life , which at least to me , couldn’t be more difficult . I never stop trying though and I am actually naturally socially outgoing .
But I definitely hear you Sandy. If people were being honest , this could very well affect a lot of people . And I crave connection very much .