why guys ignore?

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This topic has 12 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 5 months ago by buddha123.

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April 20, 2014 at 6:11 am #55034

buddha123
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I had a breakup with my boyfriend around 3 years ago. I tried communicating with him for some time and later gave up. Then he initiated contact after 6 months but i decided to move on. But, felt a strong urge to talk to him and so I contacted him last month. We spoke on phone for some time and obviously discussion was about past. He tried talking to me normally as if he wants relationship back. For more than a week, I called & messaged him but then he did not initate at all. So, I stopped. I am clueless, why doesn’t he want to initate communication… is he ignoring & not interested?

April 20, 2014 at 6:28 pm #55050

Big blue
Participant

Hi Buddah123,

I think we guys get too smart for ourselves and therefore sometimes do stupid things. My painful example, and I hope this shows the stupid, was about 6 weeks ago. She and I were both falling in love. I asked her out and she said she was kinda busy, with big smiles. I thought wow she is awesome and this is looking good. Not a no. Great vibes. She said I was really nice. Ok. Follow up with her…
Except then I got on this “helpful” place called the internet you May gave heard of it. I read about what guys thought of girls saying they were “busy” and you are “nice.” Yes helpful if I filtered this against my reality which was she was really into me. >Kablooey< I panicked having had baggage myself thinking she really was just letting me off easy. I ignored her for a couple days. She got hurt. I followed up but having had some baggage before she said she really cared for me but Stop and go away.
I’ve spent the last 6 weeks in total chaos. Only the past few days am I thinking that I can approach her and talk, I hope.
Lesson learned for me: don’t act on fears and distorted thinking. Chill out. It’s normal to have doubts. Don’t follow what people say on the internet like the road, but maybe as a possible map or even maybe sketchy directions. Follow your heart.

I hope this one guy’s perspective helps in some way.

April 20, 2014 at 10:28 pm #55075

Anei
Participant

Hi Big blue and buddha,

I felt called to add onto what Big blue had said. I recently had a similar experience; I was dating someone for 2 months and he really liked me, but I couldn’t see that and convinced myself in my head that he didn’t. Then I read posts on the internet from unreliable sources about how to interpret men’s behavior, which ended up being incorrect with him. I acted on this, then let anger and self-doubt take my mind over, and I pushed the relationship to an end, without intending to. That was never what I wanted, but it is like that saying. Whatever you think, you make come true. I had made something that was good, fun and exciting end just because I was so paranoid it was going to end anyways.

Don’t read too much into it. Just breathe, focus on yourself and becoming aware of your own emotions and thoughts. Connect with your own heart, yes. When you move from a centered place, everything becomes clear naturally. No need to “do” anything. Keep the relationship simple, and it will keep you simply happy 🙂

April 20, 2014 at 10:51 pm #55076

buddha123
Participant

Hi Big blue & Anei, Thanks for your response. I am actually pissed off because of his behaviour. I am the person who needs constant communication & he is busy in his own life. And certainly this way things break. For 10 days, almost every day, I used to either call him up or message. Last time around 5 days ago, asked him whether shall call him, to which he responded, he will call later sometime. And no sign till now. This just means to me he is ignoring. Whether I shall contact him or just let him be..I don’t understand.

April 22, 2014 at 12:47 am #55167

Anei
Participant

The best thing I could to tell you then, is to listen to and be responsible for your own emotions. If you feel angry, then own that. And own your needs. If it is a deal-breaker for the person you are seeing not to contact you everyday, then take responsibility for your own need – you can either request of him kindly and see if he is willing to talk to you everyday, or leave him and seek out a person who you know is willing to have this kind of a relationship with you.

Best of luck

May 1, 2014 at 5:35 am #55685
buddha123
Participant
Hi Anel, Thanks for your response..

I messaged him few times, tried getting the reason why he is not calling up and all that.. to which he responded, he is busy,..sick & not shifting his house.. Its been 3 weeks & no communication initiative from him… Now, he said..he is really busy with shifting and all.. He need some time & will call back.

I don’t understand whether these are genuine reasons to not contact somebody or just execuse? Even earlier, when we used to be together and things got worse later, his behaviour was same i.e. he is busy and stuck in something.. I suspect that he is just wasting my time and taking advantage of my emotions!

I don’t want to message frantically, accusing of cheating and all that.. as same things happend in the past. After the breakup and time apart, I picked myself & somehow accepted that the relationship was over. But his sporadic 2 messages, made me think about him again.. i started missing him and after almost 2 yrs, messaged him.. Now, what should I do? Should I ignore him back or again try to talk to him? Talking to him seems difficult as he may just ignore my call & message..

But, above all, what it means out of all these? Is he ignoring me purposely? And should I just leave him? Would like to know this from all..
- This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by buddha123.
- This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by buddha123.
May 2, 2014 at 12:22 am #55739

buddha123
Participant

I am just feeling lost.. Not sure what to do!

May 7, 2014 at 3:42 pm #55969

Happy Pooch
Participant

My thought is to leave it alone. He will come to you/contact you when he is ready. If by that time, you’re still interested then you respond back. If not, move on. One thing I learned, can’t beg and plead and expect to get a reaction or reply that you want. You have to learn to let go and let things happen sort of naturally if that makes sense.

May 8, 2014 at 11:12 am #56013

Kelly
Participant

I agree with Happy Pooch. Try to let this go. You contacted him a month ago and had a conversation about the past. “He tried talking to me normally as if he wants relationship back” Did he tell you he wants to re-enter a relationship, or did you assume that just because you were talking “normally”? He’s told you repeatedly he’s busy and needs time and will get back to you. I realize that’s disappointing, but I don’t think he could be any more clear about what he wants and needs: TIME. Let him have it. Although it would be nice if he would be more direct and tell you he doesn’t want a relationship (if that’s the case), at the end of the day it really doesn’t matter if the reasons he is providing are “excuses” or not. He will contact you if/when he wants to. Let it go.

May 11, 2014 at 3:23 am #56096

buddha123
Participant

@Happy Pooch & @Kelly, Thanks a lot for your all responses. And, I really appreciate this wonderful site and forum where ppl take time out from their busy lives and listen to others.. Showing apathy and listenning really helps.

@Happy Pooch, I agree with you. Begging dsnt make someone love u. It should be an inner feeling..In my case, I am just confused about what exactly he wants.

@Kelly,
Yes, he said, he is thinking about this relationship. I asked him, whether we should be just friends or what he wants..to which, his reply was towards the relationship. Even earlier, he used to withdraw, saying he is busy.(I know, he was busy for some reason. But, if a relationship is important then ppl do not ignore the other person). Since, the current situation is kind of past repeatation, I just get the feeling that probably he is still confused in his heart or just two timing… you know get suspicious at times..

I already took almost 2 yrs to accept the breakup and this time the contact was purely just check how he was doing but he started all the conversation about past and somehow both were stuck talking about that. My emotions again resurfaced and now I am back to the same situation where I was 3 years ago. Now feel frustated, but in last so many years of pain, have learnt that pouring frustation of my unhappyness & fighting won’t help. But, there has to be some outlate for that..and thats smthng difficult for me.

May 14, 2014 at 5:33 pm #56302

rushlady
Participant

I think guys ignore because it is less overwhelming than to admit to emotions. Culturally we do not allow our men to be loving and kind…not really. We Want that, we say we Need it that way but when he cries to us we reject him as not manly enough. This is said as an abstract thought…the hidden meaning of a guy’s actions. I analyze that he got into a sentimental moment with you that he regrets. He cannot bear to face being the one to hurt you again…he truly never wanted to hurt you. He just can’t face himself and does not have the capacity to face you. Plz do not ask someone with an IQ of 60 to do rocket science. He doesn’t have the “EQ” to just say goodbye. He needs you to figure out that when he gives you the slip, he doesn’t want to talk to you. Plain and simple. Let him go. He has lots and lots of work to do. Do you have 5-10years to devote to this as he morphs into a really good guy? Personally. I do not have that time. Best of luck.

May 19, 2014 at 9:00 pm #56615

buddha123
Participant

@rushlady .. perhaps you are right. Its been 20 days since my last contact and havn’t heard from him.. perhaps if I think about past, he behaved the same way. Somehow I accepted the breakup and was living my life but dn’t know why he again contacted me..Whats the point of peeking in someone’s life when you leave them.. Its been 3 yrs of separation and 5 years that I know him.

I contacted him a couple of month ago, just to say hi and know about him.. It was he, who started talking about past and meeting again. Then again he stopped.Its seriously ridiculous to behave with someone this way..

June 16, 2014 at 11:57 pm #58972

buddha123
Participant

I am seriously feeling frustrated, angry and hurt.. I know few over here pointed out that he ignored to leave me.. probably true..as its been almost 2 months and haven’t heard from him.

Still I get this feeling to talk to him..and don’t know what to do to overcome that.
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