I don’t know the culture, but in Autobiography of a Yogi, Yogananda leaves for a few days to the mountains after his guru told him it was a bad idea. He has a bad time and comes back, chagrined, afraid Guru would be angry. Guru said, “I have no expectations for any of my students, and only want their happiness. How can I be angry?” For your guru to be angry is a pretty unenlightened response, in my opinion.

It’s hard to transition, or do anything beyond the everyday when your parents are sick. Give yourself a break. You don’t have to leave this red hot minute unless you’re thoroughly miserable.

My old neighbors were a nun and a Brother who found each other and left the church. But your challenge is leaving and not knowing what you’re running towards.

Give yourself a date. Like, I will leave Jan. 1st/ 2015. The Universe will conspire with you to show you your next step once you put your Intention out there.

Good Luck!

Rewa,

You don’t produce karma in others,the guru didn’t get mad because of you, those were seeded by his/her own mental formations, attachments. If your river is asking you to disrobe, disrobe. Other people will do what they do, think what they think, but it doesn’t sound like you’re happy as a nun. That matters,perhaps most. Consider that Buddha felt a similar restlessness, left the life he was living, and went in search of the dharma. Its OK to do the same, its your life.

On the other hand,if you can breathe through your painful thoughts and feelings, perhaps you can see that they’re empty? The beehive on your shoulders all stirred up by illusions? Drop them, look around, what do you want? Follow that! Desire doesn’t extinguish by suppression.

With warmth,
Matt

Buddha taught that we all have ignorance, right? You made promises with less knowing, understanding than you have now… be unbound, dear sister, don’t spin with regret. Maybe the lesson is to make less promises… less intentional binding of who you think you’ll be tomorrow. Remember, no self, so who promised, exactly?

Guru ideas, not yours. Parent ideas, not yours. Puja, not yours. Rewa, not yours. Stop thrashing the horse, and it settles on its own.

Nun, not nun, social work, not social work. There rests the conditions we call Rewa, luminous, on every path she walks. With some mud on her shoes, normal, usual, breathing.

With warmth,
Matt

Dear Rewa,

I commend the commitment you made and honored for nearly two decades. Whether your spiritual path has changed or the difficulties you’re facing now are part of your development, I urge you to respond in the manner of your true nature — with compassion. That’s when insight will emerge. As painful as it is to be spending time with your family, it seems like an opportunity to address and resolve the guilt that you have been carrying about your parents–and now feeling with your guru.