YOu are absolutely correct. I am not the strong one in this relationship. I cave every time there is an issue that seems to make him unhappy, and try to “fix’ things. His negativity about so much stuff has made me attempt to make him happy over the years by fixing the problem or always flexible to change to what he wants. Everything is wrong or lousy, from the weather, to the TV shows, to the traffic, to the house, to the restaurant we are eating at, etc etc etc. He is such a negative whiner. As I have pulled out as the “fixer” and now be more of an observer of this dance we do, I see that he has no joy on anything positive. If it is positive, there is always something to whine about anyway.
I had, in my mind, given a chance to see what he would do, when I made an effort to be off the same 2 days ( middle of the week) with him. I arranged for us to go to the mountains for a train ride on the BLue Ridge Railway and just chill with him for the overnight. This was to see if there was a connection, and was I just throwing up excuses to justify my feelings with R-1.
Since it was middle of the week, the nicer restaurants were closed til the weekend. We bought tickets and got on the train ride. He looked around and said there were so many old people. ( and what are we?) He didn’t watch the scenery and seemed restless. On the stop, we couldn’t find a decent place to eat around the train stop and he grumbled about that. We did eat at a rundown restaurant, but I didn’t complain. He did for both of us.
When we returned back to the train station, and we couldn’t find anything open in the small town we arrived out, he said he was “done” with this and wouldn’t come back. I thought it was what it was and accepted the circumstance.( go with the flow, you know?) and felt kind of sad. I liked this small rural town and had been there a couple times before with girlfriends.
This demonstrated to me that I cant please him. He is not pleased with anything. It used to depress me, but since R-1 is my light and positivity in all things, I an not depressed. I just observe these little situations, and realized how I have bent over backward, and it still wasn’t enough for R-2.
I will give him plenty of whine and bitch about when I am gone…
I have arranged to meet R-1 in a few weeks ( business meeting?) and we will have a wonderful time and I will be sad to go back to this current situation. We will talk of the future and what it holds for us. I so want to throw the keys and disappear, but life is a little more complicated than that….