Menu

Posts by Dr. Femke E. Bakker

Dr. Femke E. Bakker is a political psychologist, certified meditation teacher, and TEDx speaker. She is the creator of the Selfgentleness Perspective, a practice of radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness. She writes and teaches for self-aware adults who keep getting pulled back into self-criticism and people-pleasing, even after years of inner work. Find her at drfemkebakker.com.

How Being the Strong One in My Family Became a Trap

By

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places.” ~Ernest Hemingway

My grandmother had just died. My sister and I had come from the room where her body still lay, and we were standing in the elevator in silence when the doors slid closed. My sister looked at me and said, “Now you’re the last strong one in this family.”

It was comforting to hear her words. I felt proud. And then, almost immediately, something else. My stomach clenched. I just wanted to stop the elevator, run away, and never look back. My sister wasn’t …