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Posts by Steve Hauptman

Steve Hauptman, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and the author of Monkeytraps: Why We Try to Control Everything and How We Can Stop (2015; revised edition forthcoming), a book about our addiction to control and the problems it creates in our lives and relationships. His writing explores control, emotional safety, relationships, and what becomes possible when we stop trying to make reality cooperate. Learn more at https://monkeytraps.wordpress.com and https://stevehauptman.com.

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When You Can’t Get Everything Right at Once

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“I once heard someone say that a sign of enlightenment was the ability to say (and mean it) ‘Well, this isn’t what I want, but it’s what I got, so okay.’” ~Sylvia Boorstein

I once met a speed-cuber, one of those people who could solve a Rubik’s Cube in sixty seconds. Nice friendly young guy.

I hated him.

Not personally.

I hated him on the level of metaphor.

I hated him because I was jealous. Life always felt to me just like one big insoluble Rubik’s Cube. I could never get things under control on all sides at once. The …