21 Tips to Release Self-Neglect and Love Yourself in Action

Happy Woman

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

The most important decision of your life, the one that will affect every other decision you make, is the commitment to love and accept yourself. It directly affects the quality of your relationships, your work, your free time, your faith, and your future.

Why, then, is this so difficult to do?

Your Family of Origin

I grew up with nine siblings. I had two older brothers, three older sisters, three younger sisters, and a younger brother.

I never fit in. My sisters were tall and thin with beautiful, long, lush hair. By eleven years old, I was short and very curvy. My hair was fine, thin, and wild.

For the most part, my siblings did as they were told. I was outspoken, out of control, and rebellious.

I wore my sister’s hand-me-down school uniforms. I rolled up the hems on the skirts and popped buttons on the blouses. My look was unkempt.

I was teased and bullied at home and at school. Yet I didn’t go quietly into the night. I fought for my place in my family. To protect myself, I developed a good punch and grew a sharp tongue.

I was twenty-seven years old and married with four children when I became desperate enough to seek out my first therapist. I felt alone, stuck, and unlovable. I was determined to change.

After six months of working through my childhood issues, old thoughts, beliefs, and events, I felt alive again. It was like stripping off several layers of paint from an antique piece of furniture. I found myself restored to my original beauty.

Cultural Influences

We’re taught by society that our worth is found in the idols of our culture—technology, status, youth, sex, power, money, attractiveness, and romantic relationships.

If you base your self worth on the external world, you’ll never be capable of self-love.

Your inner critic will flood you with thoughts of “I’m not enough, I don’t have enough, and I don’t do enough.”

Feelings of lack are never-ending. Every time a goal is reached or you possess the next big thing, your ego will move the line.

Shift Your Self-Perception

Feeling worthy requires you to see yourself with fresh eyes of self-awareness and love. Acceptance and love must come from within.

You don’t have to be different to be worthy. Your worth is in your true nature, a core of love and inner goodness. You are a beautiful light. You are love. We can bury our magnificence, but it’s impossible to destroy.

Loving ourselves isn’t a one time event. It’s an endless, ongoing process.

It begins with you, enfolding yourself in your own affection and appreciation.

Read on for steps to discover your worth and enfold yourself in affection and appreciation.

1. Begin your day with love (not technology).

Remind yourself of your worthiness before getting out of bed. Breathe in love and breathe out love. Enfold yourself in light. Saturate your being in love.

2. Take time to meditate and journal.

Spend time focusing inward daily. Begin with five minutes of meditation and five minutes of journaling each morning. Gradually increase this time.

3. Talk yourself happy.

Use affirmations to train your mind to become more positive. Put a wrist band on your right wrist. When you’re participating in self-criticism, move the band to your left wrist.

4. Get emotionally honest.

Let go of numbing your feelings. Shopping, eating, and drinking are examples of avoiding discomfort, sadness, and pain. Mindfully breathe your way through your feelings and emotions.

5. Expand your interests.

Try something new. Learn a language. Go places you’ve never been. Do things you haven’t done before. You have a right to an awesome life.

6. Enjoy life enhancing activities.

Find exercise you like. Discover healthy foods that are good for you. Turn off technology for a day and spend time doing things that make you feel alive.

7. Become willing to surrender.

Breathe, relax, and let go. You can never see the whole picture. You don’t know what anything is for. Stop fighting against yourself by thinking and desiring people and events in your life should be different. Your plan may be different from your soul’s intentions.

8. Work on personal and spiritual development.

Be willing to surrender and grow. Life is a journey. We are here to learn and love on a deeper level. Take penguin steps and life becomes difficult. One step at a time is enough to proceed forward.

9. Own your potential.

Love yourself enough to believe in the limitless opportunities available to you. Take action and create a beautiful life for yourself.

10. Be patient with yourself.

Let go of urgency and fear. Relax and transform striving into thriving. Trust in yourself, do good work, and you will see results.

11. Live in appreciation.

Train your mind to be grateful. Appreciate your talents, beauty, and brilliance. Love your imperfectly perfect self.

12. Be guided by your intuition.

All answers come from within. Look for signs and pay attention to your gut feelings. You’ll hear two inner voices when you need to make a decision. The quiet voice is your higher self; the loud voice is your ego. Always go with the quieter voice.

13. Do what honors and respects you.

Don’t participate in activities that bring you down. Don’t allow toxic people in your life. Love everyone, but be discerning on who you allow into your life.

14. Accept uncertainty.

Suffering comes from living in the pain of the past or the fear of the future. Put your attention on the present moment and be at peace.

15. Forgive yourself.

Learn from your mistakes and go forward. Use this affirmation, “I forgive myself for judging myself for __________ (fill in the blank i.e.: for getting sick, for acting out, for not doing your best).

16. Discover the power of fun.

Self-love requires time to relax, play, and create face-to-face interaction with others. Our fast-paced world creates a goal setting, competitive craziness that doesn’t leave room for play. Dr. Stuart Brow says, “The opposite of play isn’t work, it is depression.”

17. Be real.

Speak up and speak out. Allow yourself to be seen, known, and heard. Get comfortable with intimacy (in-to-me-see).

18. Focus on the positive.

Go to your heart and dwell on and praise yourself for what you get right in all areas.

19. Become aware of self neglect and rejection.

Become conscious of your choices. Ask yourself several times throughout the day, “Does this choice honor me?”

20. Imagine what your life would look like if you believed in your worth.

Dedicate your life to loving you. Make it your main event.

21. Seek professional help.

Self-rejection and neglect is painful. You deserve to be happy. You have a right to be accepted and loved. If necessary, seek help from a support group, counselor, or coach. It’s the best investment you can make.

Because we are all interconnected, when I love me, I also love you. Together through our love, we can heal ourselves, each other, and the world. Love is our purpose, our true calling. It begins with and within each of us.

Happy woman image via Shutterstock

About Tess Marshall

Tess Marshall M.A. is a risk taker, author, and courage coach with a master’s degree in counseling psychology. Register early for her new e-Course, “30 Days of Bold” at her blog The Bold Life, and learn how to live in the bold zone!

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  • Tess, your 21 tips made me feel like coming of age and coming alive. One word is weaved through the post constantly and that is ‘your’ i.e. it’s both down to us and up to us. Life really is self-permission living so it’s ours to make or break. Thanks for the impetus to encouarge us to be true creators for our true selves.

  • Shann

    Tess, Thanks for a great post. When we are mindful of the present moment and allow for self-love, the whole world opens up, our hearts open and love comes pouring in.

  • Joshua

    “You have a right to an awesome life.” Potentially the most powerful statement and one post people forget daily.

  • Thanks for this! It comes at a perfect time for me, and I’m going to print it & read it daily. 🙂

  • This couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I’ve just begun a journey into therapy as well as attending codependents anonymous, which was a difficult leap to take. I hope through it all, I come out capable of loving myself (more) from the inside.

  • Joan Gutierrez

    Beatiful post and just what I need to meditate on today As I officially enter into the next phase of my life through the space time portal of a recent layoff. Thank you

  • Ali

    Tess, this is such an awesome and insightful post, I really enjoyed it! Each of those 21 tips are extremely helpful, I especially enjoyed number 7. Such a great message, thank you for posting, this came at such great timing for me.

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  • Accepting uncertainty is so important! We tend to be afraid of new opportunities, new adventures, and new experiences because we are afraid of any negative outcomes.
    But once you accept uncertainty, your life will expand!

    So in a way tip 14 can help tip 5 become a reality!

  • I enjoyed the fact that you not only shared those wonderful tips but also your story of how you came to understand the importance of them. A post to print & meditate on, most definitely. Bravo Tess & thank you for sharing…

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Yes everything is love when we are in the present moment…hearts wide open!

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Self-permission living. I love the way you put that! Thanks for stopping by.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Thanks so much for your meaningful comment. Personal experience always puts meaning in our posts. I appreciate you.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Yes it’s the best way to embrace fear in my world. Everything is uncertain. We’re under the illusion it’s not.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Yes it put’s life in perspective for me when I accept the mystery of life and get out of my own way and desire to control.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    I would think no. 7 would help you with your layoff. My hubs lost his job 2 years ago at 57. We stepped up our practice of all of our spiritual principles and he’s doing better than ever in every area of his life today. Ask yourself, “How good can I allow my life to get?” Then go for it.

  • Tess

    Amory Ann,
    Good for you to be brave enough to take action needed to create a wonderful future for yourself. I’m glad I could be a part of it today. Therapy was the best thing I ever did for myself and family. Even gave me the impetus to get my masters degree in counseling psych.

  • Tess

    I’m glad I could be of help! You are so worthy.

  • Tess

    We’ll all remind each other along the way of our worthiness of our awesome life. It reminds me of the quote about us being angels and we need each others wing to fly. Or something like that!

  • PassingByHigh

    This is great, and i never even read these things.
    I don’t know the authors name, but I know if everyone on the world was like him/her…the world would be a great place.
    Take Care.

  • Hi, I’m Aisya and I find this post incredibly helpful for my current condition. I’m 28 and still struggle to love myself. Last 2 weeks was the peak of my subconscious auto sabotage as the result of me fighting against myself. I already did the last tip on this post and will have the program starts soon. And the other tips are just straight helpful for me getting through my hard times. Thanks so much! Love

  • Hi, I’m Aisya and I find this post incredibly helpful for my current condition. I’m 28 and still struggle to love myself. Last 2 weeks was the peak of my subconscious auto sabotage as the result of me fighting against myself. I already did the last tip on this post and will have the program starts soon. And the other tips are just straight helpful for me getting through my hard times. Thanks so much! Love

  • I love this blog….such good and simple and do-able advice, thanks Tiny Buddha.

  • Catherine

    What a gorgeous post! I love the part about listening to the quiet voice of your intuition. It takes a lot of trial and error to distinguish it from noisy ego, but it’s amazing what you can achieve when you do! And also valuing yourself – such an important lesson.


  • Moon

    Yup, there’s no where you can go or nothing much that you can do, if you do not know how to love and accept yourself for who you are.

  • Waterbaby_roxx

    Great. This made my day 🙂

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  • Amanda

    This is a list everyone should having on their bedside table or hanging in their office! These tips transcend age, gender, status….
    Lovely, thank you!

  • Overwhelmingly beautiful!  Thanks, I needed that!

  • Tess – this is so powerful! I’m thankful I found my way here today, I needed to read these reaffirming ideas today. I need to get better at number 17!

  • LadyTamborine

    Your statement “If you base your self worth on the external world, you’ll never be capable of self-love” hits the nail on the head. 
    It’s been my experience that people for the most part KNOW this but they just don’t practice it. They say they aren’t materialistic yet for some reason “retail therapy” seems to be their drug of choice.
    How does one stop filling the cracks with things…and fill them with self-love? This may be the 40 thousand dollar question.   You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.
    Usually this behavior comes from long exposure to unresolved issues.  As you say, “stripping off several layers of paint from an antique piece of furniture”, was the catalyst of finding your true self.
    Perhaps #21 is the first step. 
    Great post!

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  • Sundancebleu

    Thank you for this!!!!

  • Le mole

    I enjoy the part where you mention about starting your day with love instead of technology. Fact is that lately reading your email first thing in the morning is such a common habit that it’s difficult to quit it. Thoughtful words. Inspired me.

  • The first step towards correction is acceptance of the flaw. It is hard to realize that the flaw lies within us only then can we take steps.

  • I enjoy the part where you mention about starting your day with love instead of technology.

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  • Anonymous

    “You deserve to be happy”
    So? So just work hard that means the universe is obliged to deliver your goodies? Yeah, riiiight. The Universe does what it wants. Hard work often isn’t rewarded or aknowledged with anything beyond more work.
    “Expand your interests”? “Travel”? When did this list start requiring vacation time and a living wage? Where can I sign up for that job?

    “Does this honor you”? Ummmmm.. actually, I tend to take the road of “Will this threaten my health insurance or ability to make rent? Could this increase the likelihood of Food Stamps and moving in with my parents?”

    “Be real” No, No, No Grow Up and start smiling for your supper. Life doesn’t owe you a damn thing. Life is a neverending competition for resources, living space, food, attention, love, everything. Our entire culture is based on competition. You may not have to be different to be worthy, but you’d better be good enough just to stay alive.

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  • E

    This helped so much!!!!

  • vday blues

    Neat persepctive

  • sharly Machado

    Wow tooo good

  • sharly Machado

    Really good job loved it

  • bathsheba

    would you mind showling pictures of ordiary looking people as having beautiful people illustraet your article is not helpful

  • shug

    Im very thankful for this threw abuse an the growing up without a mother i stop loving myself always thinking i done something wrong or im not goodenough not smarter thin others now im tired i want yo find myself,love myself my relationship my kids are affected by my actions.

  • seance

    This made me cry. Thank you.

  • Terquise

    This post really has me thinking and wanting to better myself and find my true self love within me! Thank you!

  • Angel N

    Thank you, gracias, cheers! <3 xx

  • anna

    Ahhh hard to forgive destroying love of your life. … I hope i will be able one day to stop regreting words i didnt say and that i behaved proud and stubborn toward person who was truly loving me and i was just so stupid to hurt him…i wanted to make him happy and all i did was making him hating me….He was best gift i could get from life. Truly loving,caring,worth trust…yet i was doubting i was checking i was awful… he always belived im good inside but finnaly gave up and lost this thinking. I thought he is only one who rly knows me and still loves me…he sees i may be little “harsh” but inside im senstive…problem is i was too harsh for him finnaly to bear it. …And i could so easly change all…few words,kind words…in correct time instead of staying angry after all he forgave me i should put this anger away and say lets not be angry i love you instead of saying it all makes no sense…. 🙁 He has now someone new…i hope best for him but i wish i could be on her place…even thought he said he would never leave me but i caused it…and i know its true…i crossed all borders….he is easy to compromise,understanding,knows that relationship needs a work he is searching for lifetime never for fun…and i know its hardly possible that he will find someone more “crazy” that i was to give me another chance… 🙁

  • maphoka hycinth lenkoe

    You are amazing, my goal is to become a psychological counsellor, I have a BA Degree in economics and I don’t even like it, but I am believing for doing what I really love. thanks for being true to your calling(loving being), you inspired me.

  • Ilona Randall

    I always see lots of tips and if I knew HOW to do them, then I’m sure it would be helpful… But hardly does anyone say how to accomplish their tips.

  • Mark Messina

    Tess, you are the best! I love spiritual journeys, yours is excellent! Working towards the self and self worth is the best gift anyone can give themselves. None is greater or lesser than any, and all have purpose unto divine calling. It’s all about love and harmony with all things.

  • shani

    Dear Ms. Marshall,
    I wanted to thank you so much for this post. I read it weekly and I cried the first time after reading. Self love is probably my main journey in life. These concepts are secret treasures of truth that can open up your world if you are wiling to slowly work on them. Timeless post.
    With much gratitude,

  • Simone

    I really needed to read this, thank you!

  • Kor

    I completely understand.

  • suky

    Tess – love this post. I will promote it on my website and get in touch. Everything you say here is on key and I love it! Thanks for sharing x

  • Well whatever god has planned for you, he did it for you. dont look back and feel the guilt related to why it all happened. Some emotions are not in our control and that makes us complicated. Relationship only works out when you know as well as love yourself. Read this , i hope it opens your mind and clears your confusion

  • LadyBug85

    wow…I can relate on your situation Anna…honestly,I am starting reading ow to love myself…because of A man..I feel so worst..I disrespect myself…and try to destroy it….Now that I read your situation,I feel inspired to move on and face the reality and embrace myself for the hurt that Ived encounter now…I just hope that by reading this post of Thess..It will absorb in my mind…I am trying to practice and make a habit on reading some blogs so that I can challenge myself…That You can do it…everyone can do it…Why cant I? Thanks Anna and Thess for this wonderful and helpful article…. God Bless You Both..and Happiness is to Us… <3

  • Thanks a lot for sharing this kind of stuff.

  • Rashi

    This helped me a lot. Amazing work

  • Rudy

    A friend told me I didn’t like myself 20 years ago. I blew it off. Now, I’m 43 with a Masters in biology. You say, “Wow. That’s an accomplishment.” Not for me it wasn’t; anyone can do it. Waiting for my first professional job. Work on myself can wait. No, it can’t I just realized. There’s no drug for it, and believe me, I’ve tried them (under doctor’s supervision).

  • Dickface

    ‘Affect’ and ‘effect’ are different words.
    Learn them!

  • Gangsta

    the flaw is nothing but a perception of yourself that you have told yourself over and over again and made it your reality… just like a drug junkies/alcoholics have made themselves believe its a disease they living with….. Grow a pair

  • Alice Marie

    As far as the wrist band…what happens after I move it to my left wrist? Do I move it back if I have another negative thought? Or if I have a positive one?

  • Navneeth

    Tess, that article was wonderful. You say in this post that you looked unkept with bad hair etc. but you look really nice in your picture. And the advice helped me a lot. I was cutting till yesterday till I decided now to do something about it

  • Jamie

    Thank you greatly for this wisdom. I have been feeling stuck in a rut of depression and self-hate. This helps shake free from so much negativity. God bless.

  • CC da Vixen.

    Thanks for this great post very helpful insightful and is something that I knew all along but had forgotten about myself. Due to some painful and traumatizing past events but I am in recovery. Doing my best to transform into that beautiful young lady I once knew.

  • smith

    please don’t be hard on yourself anna..we all make mistakes…it was just a growing experience…..if you were meant to be together then you would be together anyway…you can think and feel like this..itself explains that you are a good person…and remember you can truly love another only when you first love yourself…you cannot hurt others when you love yourself…so it all comes down to loving yourself 🙂

  • Tania Rachel

    I loved this article. Thank you! Would you mind if I put a link to this article in a blog that I am writing?

  • David

    This is excellent! Thank you. I know and practice these things but I’ve been off lately. Thanks so much.

  • Johnathan

    This post gives me the most settling feeling on a spiritual plane. I am a drug addict with manic-depressive tendencies. I often can balance the world around me adequately, but I have been feeling the disconnect between myself, my actions and the self-love that is so extremely necessary for a stable place of mind. Thank you Tess Marshall for inspiring me again by chance…

  • LovelyeSpirit

    I agree with every word you said. I also learned to speak love into myself. One thing that I do everyday is say this words, “I have love all over and inside of me, it fulfills and touches every part of me. I have love”. I also find ways to show love every single day whether it is family, friends or a stranger. I try to show love and give because the more you give the more you receive.

  • valerie


  • I’m printing this and I plan to read it every single day for the next 30 days. My coach told me I need to practice self-love and it can be hard to feel it. Thank you for these tools.

  • Asal

    Hi lm amother i have a6year old girl
    Im studing english in univercity
    Idlike to have best time and use all my time to improve my ability ,knowlege and selfconfidens .
    Could you help me.

  • kubasniak

    The best way to live is to be yourself and do what you like and accept it. Dont allow people to put you down by comparing and social pressure. Everybody is the best for themselves 😉

  • Daniel C. Thompson

    People always tell me I have to love myself, which I have never understood. Self-love is like masturbation. It is nowhere near enough.

  • KC2001

    I say Wow too; I’m going through something similar with a man I’ve been with 3 years; he yells at me, tells me to shut up and says he doesn’t care about my feelings, blames me for his wrong behavior… I can go on and on. I don’t do/say things he does even when I’m upset/angry. I’m not perfect for sure. I experienced similar abuse in marriage of 11 years, now divorced. Finding this article has provided so much clarity; letting me know I’m wonderfully made and on the right track to healing/loving myself; emotional abuse is not normal. I now know love is not suppose to hurt!

  • hiimnewatthis

    this made me cry ,.idkwats wrong with me really i know i don’t love myself but i want to change that and its hard

  • I will stop picking myself apart, everyone tells me how lucky and how beautiful I am but every morning I am looking in the mirror hating what I see, reminds me of when Janet Jackson said she didn’t feel beautiful and was surprised that others found her to be so Sexy. My situation is very simular but different than most, get this I HATE BEING SKINNY! Yes you heard me.. crazy right? I am 5’2 about 110-115 pounds and I hate it!!! I try to keep reminding myself that this is how God made me and do not disprespect him by talking about something he took his time to form. But Satan knows how to put thoughts in your head and use others to come at the right time and say..”you are so skinny” or “How much do you weigh?” And that is all I need to screw me up all week. I will start reminding myself what the word of God says about me and focus on that, and not what people say or how I feel at the moment. I am wonderfully made!!

  • crazy one

    I hate myself with passion. I pray to death.
    I cant see the positive in anything. Why? I sleep all day. Refuse to eat for days. Never go out. Reject people wanting in.. your tips are not so easy for people like me

  • ladym

    Look in the mirror and say to yourself…I love you your beautiful say the same about your body….that’s a start

  • ladym

    When going through a break up living in the moment, being grateful and forgiving helps ALLOT ……just focusing on loving me…..thank you!

  • Just do it

    Seek a counselor. You have depression. Go to hot yoga, hike, run or bike> you need natural dopamine’s to be released from regular exercise and your world will start to change.

  • jobean

    I have recently been through a relationship breakup that left me utterly heartbroken, during the time of our initial 12 months of being separated my ex handled it very badly, he never fully moved on, dipping in and out of my life, which I of course allowed as I felt such strong feelings for him, a part of me still does. I have sought advice from all quarters, to help me understand his behaviour, why he changed literally overnight? why he didn’t walk away, why he still kept that connection between us? his behaviour was incredibly hurtful and confusing, a true reflection of his mind. He has now moved on and made a new life, I rarely hear from him, just the odd text asking if I am ok. I am now starting to move on, I release him every day with affirmations, I try to think positively, but I daily have this feeling like a grief that waves over me and I have to work through it, I cry, I pray I affirm. I get up every day hold down a new job, which I enjoy, I have family, grown up children even grandchildren and I participate in the life I have, but there is always this emptiness, this sadness this loss which I find at times unbearable but I get through. I suppose I exist, my heart has been wounded deeper than ever before, but I get up every morning and I get through my day. I want to live again, I want to feel true happiness again. I know I probably sound ungrateful, I have so much love in my world, I have so many people who love me, but the one person who I always wanted to love me, make a life with me is no longer and the pain of that is at times hard to bear. Will my life ever be complete again. I don’t know but I still plough through everyday.

  • Nf

    I cried as I read the 21 steps to discovering your worth. Thank you Tess!

  • david

    How do i love myself? How can i with numbed emotions. Its hard to forgive and love yourself when u dont remember what caused me to not to get “hurt” again please some advice on how to leave my shell and be myself?

  • Addy

    If i cant feel anything as a start and i try to see myself in the eyes of others yet my heart feels disconnected with every living thing.. does that give me reason to take my life? I dont feel i belong anywhere

  • Ayxha

    As I was reading this, I related to Anna’s situation but as soon as I got to LadyBug85, I fell into tears. I am in the same exact boat. I want to change myself, love myself again, because i know there is so much hope for me but I just don’t know how to love myself again. I am also trying to read blogs over and over again, as reminder so that I wouldn’t forget the moment I realized how insecure I was about myself.

    My husband is getting ready to move to another state for medical school and insisted that I stay behind in California for some time to be away from each other and reflect but I am scared to death of being “alone”. They way I feel about myself is spilling over into our relationship, and he is at the point in his life where he just cannot put up with it anymore and needs to focus on his career. He believes that it can help me rejoice with my old-self and begin to love myself again. He also thinks that I have to do this alone. But I wouldn’t really be alone. I would live with his family, and they would help me raise our baby. I just don’t know them that well and I don’t think I will be comfortable with his four sibling and mother-in-law. They are really nice and respectful people but I would rather go with him.

    He says if I can get a job, and be able to afford rent, I can move away from his family and just be by myself (his family would still help with the baby). But I don’t know if I am capable of doing this. I am having a really time trying to just accept the long separation. Getting a job, might also help my confidence but I don’t know how to mend the pieces and find the courage to do this, without doubting my self.

    I completely lost myself, I forgot The girl I once was,I was loosing the woman he fell in love with and started becoming an image of mother, whom I resented for so long.

    I isolated myself after I got married. I stopped talking to my friends/family. Now I have no way of knowing how to reach out to an old friend. And I can’t seem to make any new ones.

    I sort of feel alone. I haven’t even talked to my husband in two days because I thought I was upset with him. But after long hours of reflecting, I feel like I am just upset with myself.

  • nikkiNC

    A great Lil piece of knowledge.
    Smart lady…smart lady. Thank you.

  • Helen

    Thank you for your insightful words and guidance for it is much appreciated! 🙂

  • john2015

    great article, I am 43 and just starting to realize why my whole life I have always been depressed and feel like I have no identity, like I am fake. I have alway felt like something was missing from my life, like there is a hole in me and used addictions to mask the pain and hurt and shame which of course creates more shame, pain and hurt.

    I never set out to be like this I have always wanted to be happy and loved and secure. I would try and be happier or more loving, like trying to fix the symptoms but it only works for a short time because the root of the problem is still there.

    I had seen a tv show about loving yourself and I started to cry because I realized that I never loved my self. Then I started to wonder why I never loved myself from a child to a 43 year old adult. There had to be a reason, I did not just wake up one morning as a child and say I do love you anymore.

    As I ask god for help I started searching the internet and found many articles about if you are not shown love as a child and/or are abandoned then you will have low self esteem and no love for yourself because how can you be lovable when you own parents did not show you love by spending time with you because they themselves were products of childhood trauma that they were never able to overcome.

    I really believe if you had childhood trauma you will not even know about it or be in denial of it like I was my whole life. I though that I had a perfect childhood but now that I am older I am aware that I chased my depressed father for love but he had none to give and as a child I tried to make him happy but I felt like a failure because he was always depressed and distant. How to do think that makes a child feel??? I left home at 15 and my parents were proud of me 🙁 They would send me to stranger for the summer and one time somethings happened to me that is still painful to think about and I never told anyone.

    Now I find my self not showing my son love, not spending quailty time with him and talking to him about how he feels. I think this was the biggest reason that made me aware that I did indeed have childhood trauma because I could see I was doing the samething to my child that my fatger did to me.

    With this awareness I can now stop the cycle by learning to give myself the love that I never recieved instead of hidding behind addictions or trying to find a woman to give me the love I never recieved as a child. As I learn to heal from past neglect and start loving myself I will have love to give to my children. What an eye opening experience. Thank you for writing this article and thank you God for showing me the way to healing childhood wounds.

    I pray that everyone can to learn to truly love and appreciate themselves because we are all gods children and we all deserve love and happiness not addictions, pain and shame.

  • Benjamin Bricca Ehlers

    A lot of really great words but not a lot of substance here. People may go ahead and single me out for not accepting the advice given in the article and for not loving myself enough and that is probably very true, however, I believe loving oneself comes down to honoring one’s feelings and doing what one wants while at the same time honoring the sovereignty of other people. This issue of great words and little content comes out among so many Tiny Buddha articles. Though I am sure the content is there for whoever is practicing Buddhism and/or mindfulness and has a leaning towards these types of philosophies, this information is passed down from a tradition that a lot of people may not actually practice. My message is to create your own love and your own philosophy centered around love and to know what works for you rather than just blindly accepting words of “love yourself”. It is so much more complex than that.

  • Kay

    please google this book The 16 signs of a Narcissist. Author Scott Basset.

  • Victoria

    That’s ironic…it was my first thought before reading the article, because of the way I was feeling about myself. But it’s all about perception. We have no idea how the woman in the picture feels, or what she was feeling on the day of the photo, whether she lies herself, or even if this is just a stock photo of a lovely looking woman that has been simply used to illustrate what it is like when we love ourselves…something radiant transforms us inside & out at a deep level.
    Last night, a friend went to photograph me while I was working on a sculpture and loving the whole creative process, which ignites something passionate inside me …but as soon as I was aware that she was taking photos of me doing my thing, I collapsed inwardly. I didn’t want to see images of myself because – to me, they don’t resonate with how I see myself inside at a higher plane. Instead, all I see is an unflattering image of a middle-aged woman, rather than the higher being I feel alive inside as I create – which is enormously powerful. Again, perception! It is uncomfortable to realise that no matter how much I evolve, there’s an old perception I have of myself lurking beneath the surface. But ‘beauty’ is in the eye of the beholder, and what my friend saw was my light – and because she loves me for the person that I am – which is how she sees me, as I see her! So why am I not loving myself as I should when someone points a camera at me? The irony is that many of the celebrities: singers, actors & models that we see as confident and ‘beautiful’ in the classic sense of the word, may inwardly feel just as stuck at different times of their lives, as any of us responding to this article. Oddly, though – isn’t it when they are following their passion – lit with some inner resonance to a song they’re singing, or character they are portraying, or gorgeous outfit they’re modelling, that our perception of them is ‘beautiful’!
    Anne, thank you for this article…I think I’ll start with the meditation, journalling, mirror-talk & the wrist band….starting NOW!! 😀

  • Victoria

    oops, typo! With regards to the picture used for the article, I meant to say “…or whether she likes herself…”

  • GB

    Reality is a dark, evil, dog eat dog universe. Period. If I had time to tell you my story you’d crap bricks and build a castle. These methods only work for some. Not all. If it applies to you then go for it. I’m almost 34 and since I was 16, all my life has been are opportunities I’ve worked for being ripped away from me, always getting the shaft in my art career while my peers get to do bigger and better things, My siblings living their dreams due to their raising with my father while my mom and I lived in poverty and I was emancipated at 16, My son being taken away from me by his mother for no reason and a game idea that is now making tons of money and getting tons of press was stolen from my team and I. Now I’m being kicked out of my apartment and barely getting by while others enjoy the fruits of my labor. FML (look it up on urban dictionary if you don’t know what this means). I’m honestly just waiting until the end at this point. positive attitude or non sh!t just doesn’t work out ever. I’d rather stick a pistol in my mouth and make confetti then exist in this world. To quote Azrael from the movie Dogma: “Human, have you ever seen hell? I’d rather not exist at all then go back there.”

  • Clint Bernard


  • Clint Bernard

    Can someone talk

  • bella

    I think I’m so ready for you to fuck me I’m 20 and SEXY and ready for sex

  • bella

    You are so right SEXY I’m 20 and a man sex that is what I really want from you I am zack

  • bella

    I just had sex 1 second ago and his name is zack hey he’s here right now oh he just said he wants more sex

  • Rambo

    No it does not give that reason. The fact that you were reading this page means deep down you know you can solve this problem and I can guarantee you that you can. I have gone through your pain. I know you can love yourself because I have done this. When you truly love yourself, then everybody else starts love you back. Please don’t give up.

  • JoytotheWorld

    This is my first day of moving back to South Korea from Canada after 2 years, I have left my mom, my friends, and a great boyfriend behind to become an English teacher. Breaking up over long distance is something I am used to, but this time, the feeling of homesick was overwhelming, reading this article helps me to find my power and love from within, and even if I feel completely alone right now, I know it will get better.

  • tushar

    I loved this so much am crying

  • Amanda

    I love this!

  • Tiffany

    This was such a beautiful post. I needed this. Thank you.

  • Cameron

    These tips are amazing. Adopting this mindset of self love and living to love ourselves and others more profoundly each day, will lead us to create a world where unconditional acceptance and altruistic love emanates from the core of every being. Thank you for this article, what wonderful ways to incorporate and apply constant love into our lives!

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  • lovelimess

    Well, it wasn’t right.
    No use beating yourself up over it or regretting it.

    It’s good he saw how harsh you are. Better than fooling him into thinking otherwise. Wish him happiness and smile.

  • lovelimess

    Your husband is leaving you with his family to raise your child alone? Your only other option is to support yourself and your child by getting a job and paying rent?

    It sounds like you have little say in this. Take it as a lesson learned to never depend on a man.

    You need to get a job and support yourself, ASAP.
    Yep, it’s hard. But, you can do it.

    Gratefully accept his families help with childcare and what have you. But, don’t move in with them and continue depending on them. Get out. The struggle will be worth it when you are not being treated like a dumb housewife without choices.

    Perhaps, your husband will learn what decade we are in while he is in Medical School.

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  • vilma

    blah blah….

  • Colette Hylan

    Tess, I am in agreement with most of what is being said in this blog, but there is something that seems very confusing to me. I would, greatly, appreciate and explanation to the following quote: “Don’t allow toxic people in your life. Love everyone, but be discerning on who you allow into your life.” My understanding is that love is a verb and that you can not love people that are not in your life. That being said, If I am not allowing toxic people in my life how can I love everyone?

  • Michael Harrington

    I really used to struggle with sexual confidence. It is very hard for a man.. we are under a lot of pressure to perform. In addition to a lot of positive thinking and practice, I started using a penis health creme. This creme floods my penis skin with powerful vitamins and nutrients every day. Just knowing that I am taking extra good care of my penis has helped raise my confidence, and it has led to better sexual performances overall.

  • Jhon Jairo

    u know I was in relationship with a girl for 6 years when we meet for the first time I was 16 and she was 13 for the first time I sow her I know she was the one I was deeply in love with her and she with me (first true love) (we broke up before 1 month) I loved this girl more then my life I give evrything to her I did evrything for her but she didn’t do the same for me all time and after all love I give to her I lose my self
    But when we broke up I realize she cheated on me (she was in relationship with another guy for 2 month and now she still is with him ) 
    and my heart was broken (still is ) after this broke up and after all things happen to me I realize the most important thing is to love your self beacuse no one can love you more then your self
    So be good with your self and you never gonna feel empty
    I was empty inside too much time and dont understand what I heave and what I wont beacuse I heavet this girl I loved with all my heart and my soul and she loved me too much(but people and feelings change) still sometimes I was empty, I was empty beacuse I loved her more then my self and now after this hard broke up Im lern how to love my self and I dont feel too much pain in my heart and in my soul and im not anymore more too much empty but im feeling good with my self 🙂 still I miss her some times too much I know im never gonna be with her beacuse she cheated on me and left me for another after 6 years together but this is life we need to move one 🙂
    love your self love life and you never gonna feel empty and lonly do this things and you gonna be happy 🙂
    sorry for my bad english 🙂

  • Joan

    Thank you so much Alexander israel, good Knowledge , do you have a Blog or a book for more like that you stated?
    Thank you

  • Shikha Upadhayay

    Dear Alexander,

    “Accept your reality, face your fears WHEN
    you feel them and let them simply ‘run you over like a freight train’. You will
    see: Nothing happens. All fear wants is to be acknowledged.” i toatlly agree to what you have to say about the Fear part, infact i’ve come to painfuly realise that for most of the part the choice is only between Fear and Love, and the Love that we are talking here is Self Love and not the kind of romantic love that we so usually mistake for love, infact the romantic love to me is more likely an inadequacy to face the fear and allow it to control a relation and then call it it in the name of love!

  • Amber

    Than you for this beautiful piece on self love. I can’t wait to apply these tips into my life!

  • Amanda

    Please help me. I have no self love.

  • amy

    I am at a point in my life where try as I might I simply cant bring
    myself to care or love myself at all. It’s like as if I just dont want
    to! I try everyday to start loving myself but fail at the very first
    hurdle each and every morning when I cannot bring myself to wash or
    brush my teeth.

    I hate myself and dont want to be me. I know all the
    rational thoughts that say that I am a good person, but i hate myself. I
    spend all my energy pretending that I believe in self love and taking
    care of myself and spirituality, because these were all things that were
    once my core beliefs. But over the last 7 years, I have lost faith in
    everything and just simply dont want to be around anyone anymore.

    I am
    not suicidal, and would never ill myself, just want to go away far from
    all people. I try to love myself everyday, listen to and read up on
    positive advice etc, fakng it til you make it etc, but just end up
    feeling like a fraud. Afraid that someone will find out just how much of
    a hypocrite I really am, that I don’t really love myself at all.

    I feel
    so ashamed to admit this even to myself, let alone anyone else. But I
    dont like myself and wish I didnt exist. I know that this is sucha
    terrible and ungrateful thing to say because, I have always been a
    deeply spiritual person, but something so very dark and deep has come over me. A fierce,
    couldnt care less anger and hatred, that I am always trying to keep a
    lid on.

    I know that if I meditate, all the evidence suggests that this is the only way to lift myself out of this, but I am stuck in apathy. A very strong part of me keeps saying its all bullshit, it wont work so dont bother! I hate what i am stuck in. Its like I am frozen, watching my life ebb away and I am spiritually and mentally paralysed to do anything about it, like I am permanently caught in the head light, unable to engage in fight or flight for my own survival. I have lost mys survival mechanism.

    I spent all my life, just dusting myself off, and starting again after having to go through trauma after trauma, always on my own, I never mattered to anyone, too many abandonements by people I loved and cared about and mistakenly thought they did too. People like my mum, dad, sisters, friends, ex husband, I am the perfect loser. No one wanted me or thought I was worth sticking around for. SOmething must be seriously wrong with me that no one was every able to love me truly or unconditionally.

    After spending the best part of my 40 years on this earth, trying to belong and beieve in people and love and goodness, something in me has gone away and I feel a deep dark somthing other has crept into its place. Something that will finish me off physiscally. I feel like a ghost, and empty shell, a hollow void, and I just CANT care or WANT to care anymore.

    But I HAVE to! Because I have 3 children who depend on me. Thats why I pretend, I cannot bring myself to abandon them to the four winds and this wicked world. I am completely and utterly broken, and not the wonderful and enthusiastic and affectionate mother I used to be. I cannot bring myself to touch or hug anyone at all, unless I am faking it in fron of strangers, in case they figure out jsut how bad I am and report me to doctors and authorities, because the last thing i want is to lose my children to a psychopathic governement Childrens Service!

    I just dont understand why, even though I love my children more than anything in theis world, I cannot bring myself to take care of myself and heal, meditate, eat properly ….
    Why do I hate myself so much? Why do I WANT to hate myself so much and WANT to neglect myself so much?

    Why is it so hard to even WANT to love myself, let alone actually getting to the point of even TRYING?? Why cant I engage in ANY kind of healing or self care? WHy has my soul become so cynical and resistant to love and anything that is good for my mind, body or soul, that I DONT even WANT to meditate, when once I used to and believed in it, and STILL do on a rational level, but cant seem to FEEL anything as REAL, everything seems futile.

  • Shujhi

    I read the comments… its helpfull for me.. but my brain refuse me every time.. i am a student and preparing for gov. Exam since last 2year.. i put all my stength but result is zero.. now when i again want to prepare my brain said that “you can’t do any thing” “you are useless”.. but i dreamed for ies exam… i want to be become an ies officer. .because of this reason i don’t want to talk to anyone.. i don’t want to go any new place.. don’t want to meet… my parents expect me alot especially my father. . How i will build up again me… many times i think to suside but because of my parents. .. i stop…. but… how… i want to do again the same hard work for my studies. .. help me

  • Wow, thanks for all the great tips! There’s a lot of wonderful stuff here. I’ve really been working on monitoring my thoughts lately and #3 sounds like a great way to stay mindful. 🙂

  • Iftikhar Ali

    love yourself on regular basis
    it’s not a one time job

  • dbrown166

    What do I do when I recognize a problem while in am altered state, and easily rationalize it when I am 100% cognizant? These words resonate heavily with me, but I only find myself seeking/heeding such words in times of distress. Granted, these times are usually a result of inebreation. It’s easy to be receptive and introspective to the point that you realize such affirmations are applicable to you, but it is even easier to dismiss them when you are clear headed and less vulnerable. I feel like I have done this so many times and have yet to actually apply and make the change. I feel so strongly as to comment in my current state, but will completely dismiss it when I have had rest, and regained what I perceive as the ability to look at the situation rationally. It really is frustrating and tiring.

  • Brad

    I come back to this article often. I’ve been trying these for so long and it seems like it never gets better. This makes it seem so simple and it’s anything but. maybe one day? maybe not..

  • meerkat

    sorry but this is just another example of cheap therapy and platitudes. people say you have to love yourself , but really what does that mean? it is much more authentic to just accept yourself, because really who wants to be around a conceited jerk. and only true narcissits would stare and talk to themselves in the mirror

  • Van

    I understand, I sometimes feel that way as well. But Im sure the writer wanted to say a lot more than just that, how to do it and such. But I feel like it’ll be too long. And everybody learns to do it differently.

    I think if the writer went down to specifics it would be biased towards readers. So it’s sometimes best to keep it simple and general to reach and connect with many people.

    And ideally, i think apart of the process is to do your own research, and do your own inner work.

    Thanks for sharing!

  • tayah

    thank you alot

  • katkit89

    Well, if you don’t say how, then I feel it’s useless because I’ve been stuck like this for over 10 years. Vague advice might work for people who don’t really have much issues but for someone like me, it’s quite depressing to see yet another vague advice which won’t tell me how to do these things.

    Also, I don’t think it was your intention to come off this way, but I have been making research and “inner” work for years. Again, if someone has some REAL advice, it would be great because millions like me suffer and don’t know how to get better.

  • Gigs Robin

    I stumbled across this blog after a discussion with a friend about the difficulties of loving one’s self. I knew I needed advice, tips, a boost towards self-love, so I searched the interwebs and ended up here.
    21 tips felt overwhelming for me, so I decided to break the tips up into smaller groups of 2 or 3 and challenge myself to be mindful of those things for a whole month. After a month of focusing on 3 tips, I feel so much healthier! I am so grateful for this article, and I’m excited to work on 3 new challenges throughout May.

  • Jacob Jackson

    I agree, it’s all well and good to talk about doing these vague things but they seem to only work if you’re already capable of having hope and trying new things without feeling depressed the entire time you’re doing it, no matter how fun or exciting it might *seem* to be. I’ve found, as a Christ follower, that we sometimes suffer not for doing the wrong things but because we’re actually doing *right* things and that the troubles are light and momentary compared with what is to come. I don’t know if this helps, but just know you’re not the only one who’s been suffering for more than a decade! Some people just don’t understand what real depression is like (not the kind of depression everyone has from time to time, but the debilitating, inescapable doomsday depression). -Jacob

  • JJ

    Amy, You are not alone. I have suffered with depression on and off my entire life. I’ve had periods were everything was going well and periods of darkness. I had reached a low point in my life a little over a year ago and contemplated suicide. But the life inside of me knew and reached out to ask for help. I started asking people if they had ever felt that way…and a miracle happened. I found out that I was not alone. That almost everyone was experiencing some sort of suffering in their life. That was enough to get me moving in the right direction. I started focusing on the good again and slowly working my way back to the light. It’s an ongoing process. Life is change and nothing stays the same. You don’t clean your house once and then never have to do it again. It’s an ongoing process. But you are not alone. Ask for help and it will come.

  • Shauntel Farland

    I absolutely love this article. I wrote down the 14 tips that I resonated with my in my journal. After, I wrote down my barriers to implementing these tips and brainstormed some ways to overcome those barriers. This was very helpful, thank you very much.

  • Gabi

    Thanks alexander much love to you

  • Divinity

    Sometimes it’s just up to fate to bring about a change in life. In the meantime patience and endurance is key, knowing the darkness will eventually lead to light.

  • Peaceful warrior

    Have you learned how to love yourself yet? I can really relate to what you express, and I dont know how to begin the process, I too feel completely alone and unloved and dont even know how to love or what love is, especially what it means to love yourself. It appears that my parents are very scared,frustrated and lost in some/many ways and they have not dealt with/or seem even aware of their demons, so they don’t know how to help me deal with my insecurities,fears, and lack of selflove and self.confidence.

  • mat

    I like this article and I hope it will help me. I have been feeling stuck for a few months, wanting to change my life, knowing what to do but I think I am not allowing myself to be successful. Thank you for giving some ideas to explore.

  • Brad

    I keep coming back to this page and trying these things over and over and it just doesn’t work. Everytime i fail at self care i feel more guilty, less adequate. Like there’s something I’m not doing right. Anyone else?

  • Krishna

    I love the 19th point, the most because it’s practical. So thoughtful – it’d filter off the nasty stuffs right away!!! Few other points too, Will write them down on sticky note.

    As I was feeling depressed as ever, Googled on how to stop living in the past – other sites didn’t show anything decent but just the same old depressing “be gentle, kind and love yourself” crap and nothing practical to rely on. I am so happy I ended up reading this article of your’s.
    Tess, Your writing is so beautiful – convincing and definitely something to put to practice. Thank you for being such a genuine person!!! It makes one happy when such lovely thoughts are shared. sure your article helps a lot of weak souls seeking help. You are doing a great job!!

  • sheetal

    I don’t feel the sme joy, hapiness whether I’m doing anything or talking to people. ..I think I’m becoming anti social day by day

  • Aud

    That’s not true. It takes courage to look at yourself in the mirror the first time and say “you’re beautiful. I love you. You are all I need to enjoy peace and contentment in life.” But I know, from personal experience, that this is the first step on the road to self-actualization. When you have done this enough you start to compliment yourself on your accomplishments, on what a wonderful person you are. The difference between this and narcissism is that your love of yourself and your wonderfulness will become so great that you will begin to feel it for and about everything and everyone you encounter. It will become your nature to lift others up as you have lifted up yourself. We do not need a divine presence to become self-actualized. There’s a “self” in there for a reason. You may lose this sense of personal well-being the same way you have gained it: by feeding yourself negative self-talk. Then you and the rest of the world become an ugly burden, just a place to suffer through your days. This happens especially when life deals us tragedies, or when we are in situations that make us unhappy and counter our positive thoughts for long periods of time. Or if we use certain drugs for an extended period-drugs like coke or meth and others that give their users a big sense of happiness…power…elation…, before letting them crash hard, depending on the next dose to bring them back to life.
    But it doesn’t matter if you’re down, even if you’re very down, and even if it’s for a very long time. You can still look in the mirror and say to yourself, “I love you. You’re beautiful. You have unlimited potential.” Even if you don’t believe it. Do it anyway. Do it over and over until a tiny part of you starts to believe it, and then start to make faces while you do it (quick note: if you REALLY REALLY can’t look yourself in the mirror, then say it to yourself in bed. Somewhere you’re comfortable. Baby steps). Because when you look at the facts, compare humanity with other animals, the result is interesting. We’re both beautiful and funny-looking at the same time. We have fairly small noses smack in the middle of our faces. We have ears one each on the sides of our heads, but (except for a few exceptions) they lie flat, so compared to other animals’ ears they’re not much good at picking up sound. We stand upright, making us easier prey but better hunters with our opposable thumbs…and so on, and so on. But put together, we are each of us beautiful. And not “in our own way,” but because we are each a hodgepodge collection of these various things. I love to look at people and see their differences and think about how beautiful they are.
    Anyway, that’s what I think.

  • l

    I can’t achieve the first thing on the list…how am I supposed to achieve the rest? My self-loathing is far too intense. I cannot love myself. I hate how every piece of advice tells me this is where to START. NO. It is the GOAL I want to achieve. I need to know how to GET TO step one!

  • Tim Reed

    This just sounds like being extremely egotistical… People keep telling me the differences, but it just doesn’t make sense.

  • Tim Reed

    And I’m afraid to take this advice because of that.

  • Danielle Alexandra LeClair

    This didn’t actually explain ‘how,’ just so you know. If it had, you would have used less fluff and filled the long soliloquy with the actual specific steps you took, the roadblocks you came across, the compassion and feelings needed to overcome your limiting beliefs. But whatever, everyone is entitled to say what they want. What do you expect from someone who lives somewhere called “Hooghalen” anyway.

  • very inspiring and enjoyed reading your post. incessantly we compare ourselves to arbitrary standards being pushed on us from all sides. Not only does all of this make our lives more difficult, it has negative ramifications for our mental wellbeing. How can this be fixed? Well, the first step is to become our own biggest fan. Once you learn to love yourself, many other aspects of personal wellness will fall into place! Here are some few great additional tips to begin your journey to self-love. check out

  • Jeree Petrie

    ‘Get a hobby. Tell yourself you’re worthy. Blah, blah, blah, blah,blah.’ I have hobbies. I have goals. I tell myself i’m worth it. I still want to be dead and out of here because I feel so hated and always have done. Same old fuzzy, happy-slappy clap-trap, none of which makes one jot of difference to how I actually feel. I’m with katkit89 – give me something REAL to get my teeth into or stop giving out the same old tired advice. Sorry to sound angry but really looking for help and never find anything practical – just platitudes. Ignore me. I’m British. We don’t do emotion.

  • Kaibur

    A random thought but, I find it almost paradoxical to say “You’ll never see the whole picture,” because in a way that’s still trying to wrap one’s mind the whole picture. The whole picture being you can’t see it!

    Anyway, this article got me thinking, so naturally I enjoyed it. I hope others found it helpful as well.

  • Andra

    This one is my fave: 4. Get emotionally honest.

    This has been me for the past 3 months. Allowing myself to feel the “bad” feelings just as much as the good.

  • Marjan

    Dear Tess….thanks for the beautiful tips. I read them many times and I’m going to read them over and over again till I’m fully mindful about all 21 steps.
    My personal realization of loving myself is to push away any limiting, negative and destructive thoughts in my head. I believe if I’m kind to myself I shall feed myself with happy thoughts, not fearful and depressing thoughts.

  • Chris B.

    Confront your fears and the death of fear is certain!!!!
    I think we all need to realize -become aware of who we really are as a spiritual being having a human experience-connected some strange way like a vein to a branch – to everyone –and all part of a beautiful oneness with the creator and all creation!!!
    It has nothing to do with religion , but a union of all as One under the source of all things!!!

  • JLWH

    I certainly agree with you Katkit89. I see the same issues. It’s like HOW to do it? I see the points and I agree with them but, without knowing HOW to use those steps, it’s akin to having a nice piece of writing but, nothing more. I feel as though the authors of pieces know instinctively how to do it but, they cannot pass that “how” along to their readers. I get where you are coming from and why. If we knew HOW to do something, we’d be doing it, not reading pieces on how, right?

  • Jon Stafford

    These are garbage. “Begin your day with love?” Give me a break. Let me clue you in on a few things: “Affirmations” are lies. Telling yourself that you’re great when every piece of objective evidence indicates otherwise is narcissism. You can say black is white all you won’t but it won’t make it true. Exercise sucks. Meditation sucks. Love is just a chemical reaction that makes animals mate. You can’t focus on the positive if there IS no positive upon which to focus. Make sure your decisions “honor” you? That literally means nothing. It’s just quasi-intellectual blather. And no matter how “beautiful” the life you create for yourself, you still die at the end.