Finding Meaning in Tragedy and Moving on Stronger

“Whenever something negative happens to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it.~Eckhart Tolle

I’ve experienced a unique situation that has taught me a surprising lesson about the scope of the human races’ ability to choose love over hate, understanding over anger, and belief over fear.

I’d rather not have to tell a story like this, and my wish is that no one would ever have to learn lessons from an experience such as this. You see, my husband’s mother passed away just at the end of June.

But she didn't just die of old age, or a sickness; she was only 61. She was washing her car in her own driveway and was forced into that car and taken. She was a victim of a violent crime; an unthinkable thing that you only hear about on the news.

The man that did this has been arrested, ending a nine-day violent rampage affecting many women and their families. Those families, including ours, await the long road ahead that comes with this type of devastation: evidence collection, investigation, trial, and sentencing.

Taking Steps in the Right Direction

My husband and I took his 79-year-old grandmother, his mother’s mother, and flew to where his parents and sisters live.

We were able to be with his father and sisters during this time, and we were able to be there for the beautiful funeral and memorial service. Many friends gathered around the family, as there are no blood-relatives in that area.

His mother and father are private people, so it was a small and intimate gathering, but much love was shared, and many friends came to the service.

I had expected there to be outrage, anger, disgust, even hatred for the man who did this, and possibly even for those of his same race, by some.

I witnessed none of those things. There was, of course, shock. There was sadness, remorse, and perhaps some initial anger.

I can't sit here and say I know every emotion that went through each and every person. But I did not encounter outward aggression. I felt only love; a loving presence of unity and togetherness.

Beautiful Surprises Can Bloom from Tragic Seeds

My husband’s mother was a kind and generous person. Small, delicate, and gentle like a little bird.

It is an outrage that this type of thing would ever happen to someone like her, to this family, especially right after my own mother passed suddenly and unexpectedly just three months ago, also not from natural causes, but an unnecessary prescription medication complication.

Even though these unbelievable events have shaken me to my core, I have such an unshakable peace about me.

I really thought that my husband would have a reversion to anger, that this would destroy all the changes he has gone through becoming this more enlightened person. I thought this event would destroy him in some way, but it hasn't.

He is devastated over the loss of his sweet mother, but to allow such things to ultimately destroy you, well, that is not what she would want, and not what we “believe” in.

I’ve been struggling to realize what the lesson could be out of this. I tried all this time to figure out the lessons to be had out of my own mother’s untimely death, and I think I was getting to it.

Then this happened, and so suddenly. I was left quite confused. If there are lessons to be learned from tragedy, what is this lesson?

We are not always meant to know the why behind the wisdom.

Why would she have to go through such a horror for us to learn some lesson? Is there a lesson, or does none of it mean anything?

I’ve been over it and over it myself, and with my husband. We believe there is a reason for everything. I know it soundS so cliché, and I hate cliché’s, but we truly do believe that there must be something we are to gain out of this tragedy.

I don't know why his mother had to succumb in this way or what the exact reasoning is, but I do know we are all connected, and there is some reason behind all of what has happened to my family over these last three months, and there has been an avalanche of events, believe me.

Some have said to me, “When it rains, it pours.” This may be true, but I’ve always had faith that everything would be okay.

I can tell you what I feel we've learned thus far:

Life is meant to be a beautiful thing.

I have learned that the beauty of the human spirit is that it is so strong; it can overcome almost anything. I have learned that love and kindness really do matter—that even when horrible things are done to one another, we can still band together and find forgiveness.

Hatefulness does not have to exist, and the absence of it during something like this does not tarnish the memory of the person we mourn; it makes it, and us, stronger.

We are much stronger than we think.

Time after time the human spirit has had an attempt on its strength and we've seen where it has not been broken. We can all be pillars of strength and compassion. You just have to allow it.

Allowing your emotion does not hurt you. It heals you; makes you stronger. Spread loving kindness, good vibrational energy, positive emotions, and see what it does for you and those around you.

We are an experiment in spiritual evolution. Things that happen to us hurt, I know. I would not be pretentious enough to sit here and speak about rainbows and flowers when life can be so ugly and mean. I've been there.

Being with our experiences will set us free.

My husband and I have endured some of the most devastating things in our lives. And I'm not just talking about the deaths of our mothers. We've been devastated by financial loss, personal heartbreaks—troubled times I would never wish on anyone.

Almost daily I see other people’s stories about hard times on TV and I still say, “Wow, that's nothing.” We truly have been through some serious stuff. It took me a long time to let all of that go.

I have only just begun to feel the spiritual awakening in myself, off and on since 2008, maybe, with a long period of going back to my old ways in there for probably a year. But once it begins, you can't ignore it. Once it’s in you, you can’t go back from it; it doesn’t go away.

One of the most helpful philosophies I learned was from Eckhart Tolle. He basically stated that it’s not the things that happen to you that your pain arises from, but your reaction to it.

I have changed my life based on this and many other writings by Tolle, Dr. Dyer, Louise Hay, and others.

Pain invites us to grow.

I hated how I felt. I chose to change. It can be done. You don't have to rush. It will happen exactly as it is supposed to.

When you allow yourself to be instead of trying so hard to do all the time, you will be listening to you inner being, and you will finally hear it. You will notice all of the synchronicities happening in your life; the paths to the right destinations for you will open up.

We could have crawled into a dark hole and shut ourselves off from the rest of the world after what has happened to us. But we won’t do that. We deserve better. And so do you.


About Nanette Stein

Nanette started her first blog in 2011 as a hobby. After her family faced multiple tragedies, she turned those experiences into lessons to help both herself and others by writing and starting her website She took the leap in November 2015 and ‘retired’ from her career as a Radiographer to pursue her writing and speaking full time.

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  • Hope

    So true, and it all starts with acceptance. If we accept  that we can not control anything outside ourselves, the suffering ends and the healing starts. It is that point where we get to learn the most amazing lessons of life. This can only make us stronger!
    Thank you Nanette for the beautiful post. 

  • Fiona C

    The path of life is not even. Sometimes we fall. Sometimes we hit the ground hard and it hurts. We pick ourselves up and carry on maybe carrying that pain for a while. And at times the path is smooth and comfortable and we are more inclined to notice the beauty around us. As we travel this path our experience is broadened and we are able to share with others and offer encouragement to them. One of the lessons is right there in that we can help others just as your post does today.
    When we understand that life happens to us all and that some are able to reach deeper understandings of this journey or are able just to find a sense of peace with it we can share that knowledge and try to aid those less able.
    Thank you for this post today

  • Connie

    First off, I’d like to acknowledge your losses and hope you continue to find peace and comfort. Life has had me questioning situations for the past nine months of being out of work, clinically depressed and deciding that only I could change things and move on and up. It took so much out of me and caused me to rethink my life, which I now classify as my old life. I still don’t have anwers to many questions and also believe things happen for a reason, but find myself stumped and realize too that sometimes we will never know. I do however realize people have a choice and sometimes when you act on a choice it determines certain outcomes. I woke up this morning with a heaviness on my heart and with tears in my eyes. I question why I’m still unemployed, why do I get close but not hired? This has caused me great anguish knowing I have a young man entering university in a few weeks. But you know what, I read some inspiration from others that seemed to talk directly to me and realized I need to just let go and see the positive and not force situations and I now feel a freeness. Keep on keeping on.

  • Lv2terp

    Beautiful post, thank you so much for sharing your story and vulnerability with us. Amazing points of inspiration were made….thank you! 🙂

  • Rachel

    Beautiful post. I’m truly sorry to hear about the tragedies you and your family have experienced. I am also being tested in my faith to believe that even in hardship we will be okay and that things that happen us is for a reason and a purpose. Situations happen to us, but it truly is the difference in how we choose to react to these aspects of our physical reality. I wish you the best.

  • Irving Podolsky

    I agree with you and your husband, Nanette. There is a reason for everything. And lessons? Well, lessons are revealed to those who look for them. You have found them, grown from them, and explained them in this post.

    I know it’s tragic to die the way your mothers did. It’s sad, and my heart goes out to you and your family. But from the bliss of soul consciousness (if you believe it exists) our material bodies are recepticals for the essence of who we really are, which cannot “die” or be harmed. This leads me to believe that agreements are made within a state of all-knowing, and choices are accepted as to who wears the white hats and who wears the black ones, for without confrontations, conflicts and contrasts, nothing new can be learned.

    You ask, “Why would she have to go through such a horror for us to learn some lesson?”

    Who is the “us” you are talking about? You and your family? Your husband’s mother? Or the killer himself? Could the lessons be for him? And maybe his supporters? From a Christian perspective (which I am not) did a sixty-one year old woman suffer and die to bathe the sins of the sinner?

    Or maybe not. Maybe I’m being entirely melodramatic. If so, I apologize. But like you, Nanette, I try to find reasons for the existence of pain and suffering. I want to believe that love and understanding will embrace and protect the ones who strive for it, even while transitioning into the non-physical. I need to believe that our journeys make a difference, to us and to the world.

    Thank you for sharing your heart with me…with us. You truly are a remarkable person.


  • D

    First off, my heartfelt prayers for you and your family!!! I did just want to say that from “my” perspective .. things don’t always happen specifically to teach someone a lesson. I can’t believe that your dear mother-in-law had lessons to be taught in that fashion or that she was selected to be the teacher for other. However, I think that, for me only, all things are capable of teaching and that it is my responsibility to gleen something from events .. sometimes if all it is is the ability to hold sacred a place that has been brutalized! By sharing your story .. you have allowed me to learn and be reminded that life itself is sacred and that it continues through all things!! Thank you so much for sharing!!

  • My heart goes out to you and your family! I know all too well your pain. On July 16th a dear young friend of mine passed away in a car accident where she was the passenger and yet the driver walked away with bruises only. She was on my horse competition team, 16 years old and was competing in GA for regional finals. The show was a week long. She and another girlfriend on the team went to go get breakfast for the rest of the team on their last day of competition… they were T-boned by a big rig. She fought for her life for almost 24 hours with our entire team at her side but she finally passed from her injuries. It is so hard to find any lesson in tragedy! To this day, the younger girls are still struggling and there are days I struggle silently because they look to me for strength. When we found her parents in the fetal position curled up on her bed and refusing to move for days on end… my heart broke in a million piece as I too am a parent my precious two year old daughter. It has been so hard to help them find the lessons and celebrate the joy she brought us when her loss just consumes us.

    I just could NOT find the lesson in her loss and the tears seemed to lack a shut off valve! I had to dig deep and find my strength for the girls that always looked to me as a “big sister” type. I finally found it and it was here in Tiny Buddha. I have been reading and following this blog for over a year now but I had to sit and read till I just couldn’t read anymore! I finally found peace, strength and was able to cope with the loss. Seeing your post the other day just really resonated with me! My friend Claire is watching us all and I know has shown her presence in the subtle beauties of life that I have to slow down and look for. She wants us to be smiling, remembering her humor and grace. She has brought me a new found strength that I never knew I had. When I think I might fail or I am scared… I know she is with me and telling me I am silly for thinking I am anything but short of amazing. Her passing has taught me that every moment is a blessing and although I knew this before, I took advantage of this daily! We need to enjoy the time we have here and live now! Be an example for someone and learn through our experiences. Our experiences not only make us stronger and wiser but continue our growth beyond our wildest imagination and comprehension!

    I hope that in all the horror of your situation, you continue to find peace! I thank you SO much for sharing your story! It is good to know you are not alone in your sorrow and grief.

  • Nanette Stein

    Thank you for your kind words, Fiona. I’m so glad I have found a forum of like-minded people to be on such a journey with. Just as you said, it is important to me to just try to share things that have happened to me and the knowledge I have gained from it and maybe it will resonate with someone.
    Thanks again for taking the time to read my post and to comment here, and know that I appreciate it so much.

  • Nanette Stein

    I am so sorry to hear of the loss of such a young friend. I am glad you were able to find some peace. It was a struggle for us, too, especially right after my mom passed away, first. So many questions about why…and just feeling that there MUST be something to it…After my mom died, while I was reading Dr. Wayne Dyer’s book, Wishes Fulfilled, he mentioned a book by a woman named Anita Moorjani who had been through a Near Death Experience called Dying To Be Me. I really am a skeptic by nature, so I wasn’t inclined to read this, but it kept coming up, so I downloaded it and read it. While some things I still question, it was the most comforting book I had ever read. It completely helped me through what I was going through after my mom’s death and I thank God I had read it before my mother-in-law passed. I recommend it to you, though some of her views are a bit challenging if you are someone who was raised with a set standard of religious beliefs. Even still, it is worth reading to see if there are some element you can find helpful about life after death.
    Thank you so much for reading my post and responding to me with your own encouraging words. I’m honored that it may have helped you in any way.

  • Nanette Stein

    I do agree with you. That is my struggle with this. I just don’t know what I am suppossed to get from it, except that it is MY lesson. I even felt like it was almos a ‘test’ of some sort, and I never believed in that, really, before. I just thought that we were suppossed to get something from the situation itself, I guess. I never thought it was her lesson to learn. I know in my heart that she is at ultimate peace united with the All where there is only Universal unconditional Love. But the timing of everything that has happened to us these past few months has had me wondering so much. That was the basis of my article. Me trying to hash out the “why” of it and trying to find some sort of solution, if there is a “why”, or indeed, a solution! That’s why I honor all of the comments here. How can we learn if we don’t accept each other and listen to what each has to say? I so appreciate your comment, D. Thank you, so much for your thoughts and prayers.
    With Gratitude, Nanette

  • Nanette Stein

    Your comment touches me. I understand what you are saying completely. Especially about “who” the lesson is for…My husband, Noah, and I have even discussed this. We believe the lesson from this could, and very well may be, for all of us, the man who did this, included. This new way of being was rather rapid for me, and is rapidly enveloping my husband. It is exciting and I never want the euphoria of it to wear off, but I also want to knw that we are approaching things the right way, including the journey of forgiveness for this man and what he has done. Maybe it all hasn’t “set in” just yet, but we’ll see as time goes by. I do so much believe that all things are happening as they should, even if we have to watch loved ones endure pain and suffering. Our mothers are beyond all of that now, so we can remember them and try not to dwell on the negative aspects of their death so that their legacy can be the start of our Awakening.
    I appreciate you and your comment, and I appreciate your comment on my blog, as well. I would love to hear more of what you have to say. I will email you at your address very soon.
    Again, I appreciate you, Nanette

  • Nanette Stein

    Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to respond. Just know that even in your quest to find your own answers, I just can’t help but to believe that all is, and will be well.
    I am grateful for your kind words, Nanette

  • Nanette Stein

    Thank you for reading and sharing back with me. I was afraid at first to put things out there for so long, and be vulnerable, but I just don’t know how else to be. I was that way with my blog. I would NOT put it on facebook for my friends to read. What would they think?! But now, everything has changed. I don’t want to live in fear. The only way I know how to write is putting it all out there. I can’t help but to just be honest. If we’re all connected, it’s time we start living that way…
    Sorry so long, and thank you so much for you own kind words!

  • Nanette Stein

    I understand exactly. Noah, my husband, was out of work for ten months just prior to finally getting a job back in January. He has endured more lay-offs than I can remember. One was several years ago when we were in escrow to buy our house after losing one already…just before Christmas . We have endured devastation that makes me just raise my eyebrows in disbelief now. I do not know how we got through everything, and now these things have come upon us. It is so hard to listen to somebody talk about how great life is and how things can change if you just believe it, when you are not sure they have EVER been in any situation remotely close to what you are going through…but you’re right, we do have a choice how we react in these situations. When I found myself so unhappy that I couldn’t stand myself any longer a book came into my life that changed me forever. Little by little I started making these choices about how I was going to feel about circumstances in my life and eventually I started seeing all the little synchronicities happening for me. I write alot about these things in the blog mentioned in my bio. I do not monetize or advertize in this blog right now, and have not for a year. That’s not what it is about for me. It is about my journey and my thoughts and feelings on how I’ve changed over the last year. I would be honored if you took a look. I hope you would find something to help encourage you through these difficult situations. To help you know that everything will be ok. It is all happening as it should, I think. And, you are right, how you act on the choices you make is what determines certain outcomes, also. Life is magical, but you are the wand.
    Peaceful thoughts being sent your way, Nanette

  • Nanette Stein

    You are right. Once I had acceptance in my life, pain subsides. Once I put aside my attatchments, I no longer live in fear. Thank you for reading and sharing with me, and for your sweet words.
    Peace, Nanette

  • Nanette Stein

    Thanks to everyone for their wonderful comments. You are all appreciated. There is a post I wrote Saturday on my ‘sister’ blog Our Eclectic Life that seems to address everything we have discussed here. This is the link
    And, of course, It is on my original blog, found in my authors bio as well. I thank you all again, N

  • I was very touched by this post. Loss is difficult, as I still grieve the passings of loved ones.But there have been spiritual messages for me in the midst! Much inspiration and strength here. Thank you!

  • Nanette, thank you so much for your response and the book offering! I am going to find it immediately! I know and understand that we all will pass away and it is part of life but on certain occasions… the pain seems worse. I will look into this and most likely pass it around =) I really appreciate your words of wisdom!!!

  • Kathy –

    Hi Nanette – very sorry to hear of the tragedies you and your family have had to endure recently. It must be so hard as one tragedy compounds another. It sounds like you are really moving through your grief though in looking for lessons, which is really finding something positive out of something negative. When I think about the concept of ‘everything happens for a reason’ I think of it in two parts – things happen (or s#*t happens) – then it is up to each of us to find the lessons in our own life from what has happened. It is always hard to think of really bad things as being ‘meant to be’ in any way, but if they just ‘are’ then the ‘meant to be’ part is totally up to us – in the choice we make to grow from the bad experience or not. I’m blogging about looking at life from a yinyang perspective – nothing is ever really totally good or bad – the lesson is there in the bad only if we choose to see it. And better to choose to see it rather than remaining blinded by the bad – at least that’s what I think…all the best…kathy

  • Nanette Stein

    Yes, I totally agree. That is what I am trying to figure out for myself. Is there a lesson? Or is it like that question of when a tree falls in the forrest…does it make a sound if we are not there to hear it? Situations are not black or white. They just ‘are’. It is up to us to find our own lesson in IT, not for IT to teach it’s own lesson to us…
    Thanks for your help. All of you really are wonderful people…we are not in this alone. I’m so glad I have realized this. All of your insights are like stepping stones leading us to the same path.
    <3 Nanette

  • Nanette Stein

    I so appreciate your comment, Deborah. I, too, find solace in this forum and in these people. I’m so grateful I found Tiny Buddha. I hope your grief can be further softened by the strength found here.

  • Lori

    My son suffered a birth injury and will be disabled his entire life. I used to believe things happen for a reason. I appreciate your article, but I, after almost 10 years have not found peace with what happened, as you have. I wish I could. it seems there is always a new struggle to overcome and I try not to wish for a “normal” life (I’m sure there is no such thing) and have the “grass is greener” mentality. When it’s an ongoing daily struggle, it’s so hard to find peace … but I’m hoping to find it soon (while he’a still a kid).

  • Nanette Stein

    Oh, Lori,
    My thoughts are with you and your son. I know how hard it is to go through excruciating things in life and have people tell you to “just change your attitude, it will get better,” I read through the comments and responses here, and I found that what I wanted to say here is said already in the comments, especially to Connie down below. None of us has all the answers, just our experiences, and maybe in each other’s experiences we can start to piece together something helpful. We can find encouragement through each other’s lives.
    I do so wish you peace….

  • Jessica

    Your story is very inspiring. It shows me that the light at the end of the tunnel can be reached.
    I am 17 years old and have faced many obstacles so far but have yet to meet one that I cannot overcome. When I was 12 years old my best and only friend killed herself and I was left with no one to help me or tell me it is going to be okay. The years following I was searching for a way to make the pain go away. The summer going into my sophomore year in high school I tried meth for the very first time and I thought that this was the solution to all of my pain and suffering. Up until the summer going into my junior year I was doing meth and heroin every day. People who knew me before couldn’t stand to look at me because the person I had become terrified them. Finally my best friend who resented me so much for doing all the things I had, told my mom and I got sent to rehab. A couple weeks later I was sober and very proud to be that way. I came to love being there and I looked up to all the counselors and trusted them more than anyone else. It seemed was only going to get better from there on out, turns out I was wrong. One of the counselors tried to get me to do meth and have sex with him. He was fired immediately but the cops got involved and for two months I was forced to text him acting like I wanted all of the things he saying. Finally he showed up at our meeting place and was arrested. I went to testify in court twice and the case is now being moved to a jury trial. I am currently on the honor roll at school, I am still sober, and i have two jobs. Throughout all of the bad things that have happened I am finally able to look back and realize that it wasn’t all for nothing. Everyone is given challenges and each and every one they overcome only makes them stronger. Everything in life has a meaning, you just have to find it. 🙂

  • Mom to Evelyn

    I am still learning to live in peace. My life was ok until my daughter’s birth. She was born with lots of congenital deformities. It was very over whelming and heart broken first sight when you know the 9 months pregnancy turn up abnormal. After a year’s hospital appointment with the genetic clinic, she has finally been diagnosed with a genetic disease called “Osteogenesis Imperfecta” or Brittle bone disease. Her muscles and bones are fragile and weak Her bone can break easily. Just 2 months ago, she fell off bed and broke her spine. Her spine initially curve in S shape in just 9 months time. After the bed fall, she had suffered a chronic pain and the spine fracture has made the spine curvature worsen. Her back looks like an old lady with osteoporosis. She needs to be handled with care to avoid bone break. Her body is weak, We were told that she would never walk.
    She is 20 moths old now, no crawling, no standing, no walking. I have been living in tears in the first year of her life. The unknown future is very fearful.

    couple months ago, we have decided to open our heart to find a buddha way. my husband start reading buddha books to find a way to living. As for me, i have read through some good buddha quotes. I am looking around to find people with same thoughts who can share peace sense when life tragedy happened. Thankfully, i have found this page.

  • Nanette Stein

    Mom to Evelyn,

    There is nothing I can say to make you believe that I understand, because I couldn’t possibly understand fully what you are going through. Any positive words I feel like saying to you will seem to fall flat, even to me. I spent most of my life shrugging off the positive well wishes of others as fake or patronizing. Especially if they were about something they could have no possible way of understanding. Their “positive outlook” just felt like a brush off to me.

    But I learned to accept their sympathy and not always jump to conclusions about what it meant. I learned that by doing what you and your husband are doing now. Through the process of nurturing my spirituality I was able to become peaceful with those things that I could not change. I am now at a point where I am realizing my life’s calling in opening up and sharing my experiences so that I can give whatever peaceful offerings I can to you.
    You are well on your way to managing your own experiences and you will then be prepared to offer some peace to another. I trully am sorry for your pain. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be in your situation. Just know that you are stronger than you may think; you chose to seek out light instead of falling into a darkness. You must see what a miracle in and of itself that is!
    As I have said in my posts here and in my blog, it’s not What happens to us that gives us pain, it’s our Reaction to it that does. I learned that from Eckhart Tolle. There are so many spiritual thinkers out there to learn from, I know you are being led to who you need to learn to cope with all that is in your life right now.

    I am so glad you decided to browse through this site, read this post, comment here. It truly is synchronicity in action. You are right where you are suppossed to be, and so am I for connecting with you.
    If you ever need anything, you can connect with me through my authors biography above through Disqus. I am so glad we met.
    Sending very warm blessings and prayers your way,

  • Nanette Stein

    What a strong young woman you are! I am always sorry when someone has to go through such pain, but we always go through what is necessary for us to receive the lessons and knowledge we need, I guess. Sometimes it feel like we get more than our share, though.
    If you are doing this well now, just imagine where you will be in 5, 10, 15 years! You are a pioneer in positive thinking and I salute your strength.
    And, you are right. Everything in life does have a meaning. When we quiet ourselves, trust ourselves, we will find it.
    Keep up the positive work, Jessica. You are an inspiration!
    Thank you for sharing your intimate story with us. It’s a testament to the ability to rise above.

  • anna

    sad sad story . maybe set up a page on other forums too to get support and to give some attention to this genetic condition your little girl was born with .its a hard journey for you and for her and for your husband. but i am glad i came on this page and read this story , one of real life . maybe acupuncture can help with the pain for her if you can get someone to help.

  • Marie

    This is so true! I have had a lot of “negative” things happen to me, and I love what Eckhart Tolle said about there being a lesson concealed in the negative experience. We really do overlook the lesson. We just see a negative experience. In a way, maybe the negative experience happened so that you can learn something about yourself, and find your true path in life. And also accepting that you cannot go back into the past, or wish that it didn’t happen. When we do that, we are only missing out on our present and future! Thanks so much for this post 🙂

  • Gem Sky

    Thank you for this. Wonderful

  • Gem Sky

    My Spiritual Awakening started in 1971 I was eleven, my father died at 39 of a massive heart attack, I was then left at the hands of my incredibly cruel, and selfish step father, while my mom who I loved so much turned a blind eye, to his constant insatiable meaness. Although I was raised in an Atheist family I knew my Dad was somewhere, and I have never given up the quest to find where it was he went. From the time I was six I could see auras aruond everything, and I also knew I had come from somewhere before I was here. My mother died recently from the very ugly, slow disease Pancreatic Cancer, I never left her side, I loved her, cared for her, till her last breath. I whispered in her ear all that I believe to be true as a Mystic in training, and Practicing Spiritualist in hope to bring her comfort that our Spirits go on back to our real home. Again I am still caring for my even more mean, awful step father he is now 81 and worse than he has ever been. Many people say I should walk away, that would be me not walking my talk so I continue. I have now read over 200 books on Spiritual Growth, life after death, Eckharts books and many more. I have had numerous readings which have helped bring me peace, yet many days I just can’t find any meaning, on those days I go into the city and find a homeless person to feed and help. Mostly I just walk the walk of Faith, Faith that all of our Human pain, and Trials are what help us to remember who we really are…Beautiful Spirits filled with Love, Forgiveness here on Earth to find, and share Unconditional Love.

  • Nevaeh

    Thank you for sharing your personal insights contemplated from a painful journey that is shockingly full of tragedy. 10 years ago I too found inner peace learned from a life of abandonment and devastation. It wasn’t to remain… I Found your story by searching Google for ‘how can I stop being a tragedy’ pffft 🙁 a tiny shoot may have just surfaced from seeds you gifted others… I hope x thank you for challenging my defeating prophecy

  • kim keeley

    I am seeing that this discussion is 4 years old but I am still hoping for a reply. I am curious how to process ” everything happens for a reason ” when talking about abuse. To a child. How do I deal with that?

  • Deborah Dills

    All within a 3 year period of time, … my husband of 36 years walked out of our marriage without ever telling me he wasn’t happy and nothing was ever said… he just rain away like he was on fire.. Then, another blind-sided event happened only 4 months later, I got a call from my brother in NY telling me over the phone at 8:30 pm that he had found my European Adoption documents hidden in a metal box in our dad’s apartment, Shocking at age 57 to find this out, and also finding out all the relatives knew about this too. My adoptive parents took their secret with them to their deaths. Finding out I had another name made me feel like I was so lost and in a “Twilight Zone” was a huge identity crisis for me.
    Then,, in October 2015 my left eye retina detached, and after it was repaired through surgery… it detached again 33 days later.. sending me into a depression I have still not recovered from.
    Tragic.. yes it is. Cursed? Yes, I feel that nothing in my life is good now, not happy at all either.

  • Deborah Dills

    I have lived a tragic life, and at age almost 60 years old. I want my pain to end. After my husband of 36 years walked out of our marriage, I thought my life would have been happier, but it hasn’t.

    Only 4 months after he left. I got a call from my brother in NY telling me to sit down because he had something “shocking” to tell me. Then he told me while cleaning out our father, Abe’s apartment, he found my European Adoption Documents hidden in a metal box. Wow, I even found out all the relatives had know. I was born to a French Jew from Strasbourg and adopted when 3 months old. I had another name but it was changed through the courts in France to a more suitable name for a now daughter of a rabbi.

    After moving to Ca, in 2015, again I thought my life would become better, but again, another tragedy came in. I would up one morning to blurry vision and found out my left retina had detached. After surgery, my vision improved but again, 35 days later, it detached again. sending me into utter depression at the almost total loss of vision in this eye.

    I always knew I was a strong woman, a survivor of not only physical abuse from my adoptive mother, having to run away and join the US Navy in 1979 to get away from her, but the emotion abuse and neglect from my own husband of 36 years, who was a; functional alcoholic who achieved many things in his life including his becoming a military officer, but the constant moving all over the United States every 2 to 4 years, leaving behind friends which made me happy, yet he was an introvert who had no friends around him except me.

    Not only have I had to file against my first divorce attorney with the state bar, but also with my second attorney who has decided to keep monies owed to me from my ex per the court stipulation. I feel an extreme anxiety of what is coming next, fear that my life will not get better because of lack of money to survive.

    There are no lessens that I can think of to explain my life and feel as though my life is like the two movies “Drag Me To Hell” and “My Life In Ruins”. I no longer feel energetic because I feel so beat up emotionally, physically and financially. When I found out that my birth mother told the family that I had died of a disease, my heart sank to my feet.

    All I can hope and pray for is that my life and that of my 2 sons, who have heartaches too. Their own father will have nothing to do with either one of our children, one of whom is mentally disabled and on SSI. Truly breaks my heart in pieces.