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Healing from Heartbreak: How to Lessen the Pain

Couple Back to Back

To get over the past, you first have to accept that the past is over. No matter how many times you revisit it, analyze it, regret it, or sweat it…it’s over.” ~Mandy Hale

Heartbreak. It’s a hard thing to go through. And the pain—it’s real, isn’t it? Like tangible pain. Almost as if that person, throughout the time we were with them, emblazoned our hearts with tiny little hooks and, one by one, they’re being wrenched out. Sounds dramatic, but that’s how it felt to me!

This recent breakup has been the most significant in my life so far. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this person. The harsh reality of that no longer being the case can be a lot to deal with.

But you know time is a healer, right? As a tip, don’t ever say that to anyone who is going through heartbreak! While it’s true, it’s hugely unhelpful.

Taking myself back to that place, I wanted to know how much time? Were we talking days, weeks, months, years? Relying on time isn’t good enough and it’s different for everyone. I wanted to feel better, even just a tiny bit better, right then.

I thought I would share a few of the things I did in these first and very raw stages of heartbreak to lessen the pain a little. I really hope they might help you if you’re going through this right now.

Wallow.

Allow yourself some time to cry and hibernate at home if this is what you are drawn to do. For the first day or two, don’t worry about what you think you should do or what people tell you to do. You have to do what you need to do.

Reach out to someone.

You may have spent a few days on your own, so you need to step out of your own thoughts and spend time with someone who is close to you and who you trust. My own thoughts were my own worst enemy in that time of heartbreak.

You might want to talk about the situation, which is good, but try not to vent so much that you conjure up more anger (and don’t spend time with someone who will encourage this either).

I made this error at first, which resulted in more wasted mascara and feeling like I’d taken three steps back. So then I just let go and spent time with my mum and a couple of female friends who really looked after me, who I felt completely at ease with and didn’t have to put on a front for. It can be a real comfort to be around a nurturing person.

Delete your ex from your social media accounts.

The first thing I did was remove him from my Facebook friend list. Seems silly, but that in itself was a wrench. But I knew that having the temptation to look at what he was doing, who he was with, and then making assumptions about what was going on in his life would only exacerbate the pain and do nothing to heal the heartbreak.

I also think that if the relationship ended particularly badly and there isn’t any valid reason to maintain contact (and really be honest with yourself on that one), delete their number so you won’t be tempted to text them. You will notice that after each day of no contact you will start to feel a little better.

Do something new that you don’t associate with your ex.

Reclaim your life as an individual. Often, what makes heartbreak so sad is that you feel a huge void. So start to create new memories to mark this new chapter, as it’s a great way to speed up the process of moving on.

It can be anything, but make it something for you. Join a dance class, a course, or a sports group maybe—something that ideally involves other people too, as fresh social interactions and making friends is a great way to begin to get over heartbreak.

Commit to not looking at old photos, letters, or texts or listening to songs that remind you of your ex for one month.

I took off any songs on my iTunes that reminded me of him because I knew that hearing them so soon would have me feeling really low. I still actually haven’t put them back on. Eventually, these things may form fond memories but right now, dwelling on them will make the sadness and pain even more intense.

By setting an initial time frame of one month, you can be comforted by knowing you’re not saying goodbye to them forever (you might decide you want to later down the line but you can think about that then). You’re just choosing to not put yourself though more pain by engaging with them right now.

Laugh!

Watch a funny film (a personal favourite of mine is Grown Ups), go and see some comedy, or go out with your close friends with the sole aim of having fun.

I recommend that you don’t go overboard on alcohol, as that only seems to heighten any emotion I’m feeling at the time, and I don’t always make the best decisions in light of that. But that is personal to everyone.

The aim is to go out and do whatever you think will make you laugh or at the very least smile, and be around people who make you feel good, lift you up, and show you that things will get better.

Laughing is brilliant for an immediate shift in feeling, so do anything you can to laugh as much as possible!

Learn and let go.

If you’ve spent some time doing all the above, you’ll hopefully feel a little better and have a renewed sense of hope and perspective. You might even be ready to embrace this new chapter.

This reminds me of that film 500 Days Of Summer, where the main character Tom starts sketching skylines on his wall. He’s broken through that initial pain of heartbreak and is spurred to channel the emotion in the direction of his passion for architecture.

Think about all the things you want to do and achieve. Consider how you can use this experience as a way to move forward. What new habits would you like to introduce into your life, what kind of experiences do you want to have, what kinds of people would you like to meet?

It’s still going to be tough, for a while, but that’s okay. Heartbreak is a crippling thing to go through but it’s also an amazing trigger for unleashing raw emotion and creativity that can be channeled in a positive way.

It’s put me on a path of self-discovery, and although I have felt vulnerable, it’s forced me to look at things about myself that the relationship was perhaps concealing.

Also, try your very best to let go of any anger, as it only makes you cling on tighter to that painful emotion. Forgiveness really is the key to moving on.

Heartbreak is awful, there’s no doubt about it. All of these ideas are really just suggestions of things that have helped make my own journey that little bit easier.

There’s no quick fix, but the more you start to gently push yourself in new directions every day, the more clarity you will start to get on the situation.

I don’t think there can be any definitive conclusion on how to cope with heartbreak. Just that with every small step you take forwards, each time you look back, it won’t be quite so painful.

Couple back to back image via Shutterstock

About Laura Yates

Laura Yates is a coach and mentor from the UK. She believes that when you give yourself permission to step towards what you love, amazing things happen. Visit her at laurayates.org.

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  • DE

    Laura,

    You are absolutely right. You need to stop all the media contact with your Ex to move on. Life is bigger than one person. You can’t expect that you would be able to get love from everybody. Some people do not know he meaning of love. So, it is better to forget the past and love yourself and move on.

  • Anon

    Good advice. I think cutting all contact immediately is the best thing to do, although I know everyone has different approaches. It’s so much better to rip the bandaid off than to peel it off, bit by bit so to speak. Anything you feel that you might need to say to that person in the initial stages of heartbreak won’t be valid in several months time..so it’s best to have space and distance.

    Additional advice:
    -Have a trusted friend do the deleting of social media accounts (my sister and my friends helped me delete pictures and put them on a hard drive. While they were deleted from my computer, I still have them somewhere if I ever choose to look at them again). I also did a search and deleted every document/every single thing that had to do with him on my computer.
    -If you have mutual friends, let them know you don’t want to be updated on his/her activities.
    -Let yourself feel whatever it is that you feel. Don’t repress it and don’t be upset with yourself for how you feel. It’s okay and remember that feelings are like the weather, they ALWAYS pass.
    -Don’t start dating until you’re ready! Rebounds are awful and you are just repressing the very uncomfortable feelings of the breakup.
    -Take care of yourself: give yourself a facial, do some gentle yoga, take a slow walk through the woods, read a new book. I took long baths with epsom salts, lit candles, meditated, did yoga, bought all new makeup, did my hair, got massages, bought lots of skin care products, ate healthy, got lots of sleep and just let myself feel good with these little things.

    I should write a post…I’m so glad you are sharing your experiences. Breakups are really hard and it’s nice to share your experience.

  • Anonymous

    Hi Anon,

    Thank you for your advice. Regarding what you said:

    “Anything you feel that you might need to say to that person in the initial stages of heartbreak won’t be valid in several months time..so it’s best to have space and distance.”

    A friend told me the same thing and I feel like it’s self-explanatory, but I wanted to ask anyway if you could explain what you meant.

    And I’m sorry about your breakup. I’m going through one myself and it is absolutely agonizing. I believe the most difficult part for me and wanting to stay in each other’s lives as friends but not knowing how possible that is later on in the future.

  • Laura

    Hi Anon,

    Thank you for your kind comment and all your advice is really excellent. Taking care of yourself and managing those stress levels is so important. It definitely is helpful to hear about other people’s experiences, I agree. Thanks again. Laura x

  • Laura

    Hi DE, thank you for you comment and yes totally agree. Life is bigger than one person and it’s a lot of responsibility to place on someone else if you are relying on them to make you happy. I think the best way to move forward is start to make your life the best it can be and to put yourself back at the centre stage of it 🙂 Laura x

  • Kiz

    I’ve just read this sat on a train after a month of hoping that he would take back saying he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be with me after 8 years because life has been difficult for a couple of years today I decided I need space he doesn’t yet know I have gone I feel like I have no heart at all right now it hurts so bad he was my best my soul mate and I love him dearly… I hope he at least wants to work on things I feel so alone right now… I will keep your very good article to try and help me see through the pain

  • jessica

    I’m going through the exact same thing. After seven years he just isn’t sure,about me anymore. He wanted to keep me around anyway but I just had to pull.myself out of the situation. It is so hard walking away from someone you love…

  • go-gogirl

    My partner of six years left 8 months ago, it was a terrible shock, I had no idea that things were so wrong for him. I did all the things that you suggest in your article and they helped me not to lose my mind completely, all of it is excellent advice. I am still finding it so hard and despite appearing to everyone around me to have “moved on” i am still in a great deal of pain and break down two or three times a week (usually when I go to bed or see/do something that reminds me of him). It feels as if I will never be free of this and that i will always be unhappy no matter what I do. Maybe I am expecting too much and it will take much, much longer than I thought……..

  • Laura

    Hi Kiz, thank you so much for sharing this and I hope you are doing ok. Perhaps you both just need some time and space to figure out what you really want. After 8 years of being with someone, of course, this is going to be a very difficult time for you so really make sure you spend some time looking after yourself and putting yourself first. I think getting away is absolutely the right thing to do. As your partner is the one who seems to be unsure of what he wants, taking yourself out of the picture is what you need and to allow yourself that breathing space, which he must understand too. I really do wish you all the best. Laura x

  • Laura

    Hi Jessica, I hope you are doing ok and just to echo my response above in your situation too. You must put yourself first as it’s not fair for someone to keep you around just incase they decide they want to be with you or so they don’t lose that familiar comfort. That can be hard to accept when you love someone, I do understand, but getting some distance I think is exactly the best thing for you at the moment. Wishing you all the best, Laura x

  • Hi Anon,

    Great advice on the ripping off the band aid is better than peeling it off bit by bit. That was what I have been doing for a good month and a half post break up and instead of helping me with moving on, I was just going through the vicious cycle of hope and having them crushing down again. I have finally cut off all contacts and deleting all photos and social media contact.

    It still feels like a great part of me is missing but like you said there’s no quick fix, the more you start to gently push yourself in new directions every day, the more clarity you will start to get on the situation.

    Thanks for sharing your experience Laura and great tips! xx

  • Nita

    How can I avoid him when the both of us are running the same company? The break-up was sudden but he wanted me to stay and be his professional business partner since he said half of the company belonged to me. He would’t even mind what I will do to it. The both of us struggled intensely to rebuild the company when it crashes 3 years ago. I was a stayed at home house wife who used to be his company GM. Being back to my seat was a like having power back. And it triggers a whole lot of fights and arguments. I wanted to be able to move on peacefully but I know deep down this company was like a daughter that I lost a few months ago. It was all I have. He shut me down from social life basically by asking me to be picky towards friends. I lost my friends one by one because of this. Be more conscious about people, I almost lost my family too because of that reason. I was living my life for the past 7 years only with him and for him. The break-up was the most devastating moment I have ever experience. Like others, I thought he was the one. The love of my life that will lasted for a lifetime. We vowed on that too. But when he said he has no more feeling for me. That all of it was gone. I was left empty, desperate, sad and mad. He was my everything. But I was not. And he demanded his freedom even before we finished all. He wanted it as soon as possible so he could get on with a new one. He said he has found someone he thinks might be the one he was looking for. My already crushed heart was stomped by him. I begged, I apologised, I repent but he just said it was all done nothing else. I wanted to be strong. I wish I can.

  • You can do it Nita. You are the number one, you are the One it’s worth living for.
    You may ask yourself what’s good in this… how can you gain, how can you improve your life with this experience, ”how ___ –> empowering question”

    Stay great !
    Mat

  • Joe

    I’m going through a really tough break up, and I’m trying to not contact the person but I’m finding it so hard to let go of all the amazing times we spent together. She had become my whole world and I can’t bring myself to remove her from social media, though I know it’s the right thing to do because it is destroying me! Can’t stop thinking about her, there’s do many triggers that remind me of her I don’t know what to do rght now! One amazing thing a mate said to me that I keep going over in my head is “there’s nothing easy about having your heart broken, but equally nothing more satisfying that having it out back together” just have to hold out hope that there’s someone out there for me with the glue I need

  • anonymous sailor

    I have myself to blame at least in part for my breakup – what happened was that I, having been sheltered throughout my life by somewhat abusive parents and being homeschooled, had no friends or relationships growing up. My first girlfriend was at 18, and honestly, I have fallen in love with her – probably not because she is the best person for me, though she is pretty lovely and nice, but because I have never had a feeling of closeness with someone like this before. It’s new and exciting.

    Unfortunately, because she went off to a university a bit north in our state and I’m joining the Navy (I leave in just a couple days,) I broke it off with her. I never realized how much I cared for her. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her, I’ve gone through bargaining for months now and have now hit a mixture of anger at myself, and depression, and I’m trying to figure out what I could’ve done better. I shouldn’t have broken it off with her, perhaps, but I’ll likely never know.

    We’re still friends, and maybe we shouldn’t be. It is incredibly painful that I asked her if she had any feelings for me, and I told her how I felt, and she says she has no feelings for me beyond being a friend.

    This article gave me some help though. I think by changing my scenery, starting a new life in the Navy, and maturing some more… I can get over it. And, maybe in a few years, we’ll see where we are after she graduates and I’m finished with my training. I can’t cut her out of my life because she was a good friend before we dated, and she’s a good friend now, and I won’t do that to her. But it’s good to know that it does get better. It’s hard to sleep and I have either eaten too little or eaten too much to compensate for depression and anger, and a feeling of hopelessness. I will get through it though, and reading that it’s possible is the best thing I’ve done so far. Thank you for the article.

  • Su

    Hi Kiz. I can totally relate to you.. How are you doing now?? We dated for 7 years. Finally got married in March..I thought life was bliss.. And everything collapsed in a month.. I am soo devastated.. He just says he wants to move on.. Our pictures of the wedding haven’t been printed yet.. He’s made a mockery of the institution of marriage.. Oh its soo painful.. I hope things have worked out for you though..

  • Ananya Karmakar

    Great post. Its really helpful. Thankyou so much. I have applied all of these steps thankfully and currently I am getting my mind ready to forgive him and let go. It has been a month and I undoubtedly feel better now though there are certain times when i break down and let my tears flow. I guess that’s a part of the healing process. 🙂

  • Ananya Karmakar

    I am also going through the same thing. How are you doing now? It has just been 1 month since my split with him after 5 years of relationship. He was my first love, and I was too much into him. It has been really difficult to cope up with the pain and I have already compromised a lot with my studies after this break up.
    I want to know how are you feeling after all these months so that I could also look forward to feeling that way as time passes by.

  • go-gogirl

    Hello, it has been 18 months since he left and I do feel different. Losing the relationship no longer dominates my life. i do not miss him but I miss what we had, the intimacy and physicality of it. Now i feel very down about how my life is – it’s not how I would have envisaged it. I am angry that I am struggling financially, that I am single, that I feel as if I don’t want to be with anyone again (although at the same time I feel lonely). My confidence took a great knock too.

    But I also feel ok. I am not unhappy all the time, I do actually have fun sometimes and whole days go by without me feeling down. It’s been a long and tiresome process. I worry about my future, what if this is how life will always be, what if I can never be with anyone again, it’s just not fair etc. etc.

    I am more like my old self and a stronger, better person for dealing with all the grief.

    I promise you that you will feel better. Lean on your friends, keep a journal (you will see changes every week if you look back), avoid him completely, get angry, cry, do whatever you enjoyed without him. You are still the same fabulous person, just temporarily sad.

    Much love and strength to you

  • Ananya Karmakar

    Thankyou so much for replying. I am sure you too will have a fabulous life ahead. And its good to know that you have started enjoying your life without feeling down all the time. I too hope to be there soon. 🙂 Take care.

  • ber7797

    Joe, since your post was 7 months ago, will you tell me if things have shifted for you? Upon waking every morning I still feel the ache. I feel like I was robbed. Ultimately, I know that every day that passes helps to heal the hurt but I wonder if and when it can truly be healed? I am about 2 months post breakup and I still feel nauseous when I think of it all. I really enjoyed the insight that your friend gave you. Although the thought of that hope is so frightening. Did you focus on finding the glue?

  • Vikram Virdi

    hey..i jst broke up with my gf…she went back to her ex bf. felling very low.i dnt wana talk to her. bt i cant cntrol…every tym i see her online on watsap ..i jst say hello once a day….i knw its weird bt dnt knw wat to do…. 🙁

  • Patrick Hendrick

    This was the advice of someone real. Much else on the internet is plain wrong. Heartbreak really really hurts. I dont remember something to far reaching in its pain and torment. From self doubt, pessimism about my value, the huge empty hole where they once fitted, to my confidence.
    wallowing is kind advice. I would never say to someone with a broken leg, get over it, stop whinging about the pain. This is real
    Cutting social contact is essential. It enpowers, when all power seems gone
    And yes. Its over. dreaming, praying, hoping will change nothing. When its over, it really is.

    Im six weeks in, and hit by waves of anger, sadness, lonliness and now self doubt.
    But I think it will get better.
    Thank you Laura

  • Anthony Grant Stone

    Hi there

    I’m anthony , and I have been sitting with a horrible heartbreak for a few days now , i’m gay and a very happy outgoing man , I dated a man in the closet for almost 3 years to date , we have been through a tremendous bumpy relationship from day one as he is scared to be who he truly is , throughout the 3 years I havnt been perfect , I was insecure and always complained about losing him till I actually did a week ago , I have been trying to let go but can’t seem to even tho we have been together and broken up over like 15 times in these 3 years , he says he can’t be with me as I havnt changed yet he hasn’t stood by my side to assist me , he has just left me every time iv felt insecure or said things that are from being insecure ,,,, he has even driven into my car out of anger and here I find myself forgiving him but when I’m insecure and that , he leaves me which causes the insecurity to remain , tomorrow is his birthday so on Friday I went and bought him a beautiful canvas painting of Buddha as I know he likes it and gave it to him already ,,,, he loved it but still didn’t really love that I am still trying to fight to keep him , I know i havnt been perfect but surely in love , you fight to be with whom you love …. We had broken up for 8 months and I had got over it until he met someone and the next day after meeting him , the guy turned around and said that he can’t see my ex again as he is too fat for him , first thing my ex did was call me crying as he knew that it damaged him …. I took him back becos I knew that I loved him regardless , and here I sit again going thru hell ,,,,, how do o progress with this horrible feeling ? What do I do

  • Ori

    i know wat i just read is wat i need to do. but right now it’s a bit hard. i been tryna distract myself thinking i cud forget by doing nothing but play music all weekend. all kinds of music. bottling it all up inside. we didn’t really even date.just talked alot about it. i messed up by tellin him how i really felt friday when i got drunk. the things he said in his own drunken state burned me alive. now all i wana do is hate him in order not to love him anymore.

  • Sabrina

    It happened to me too..I told him how i really felt..and he suddenly stopped all contacts..although he used to tell me that he loved me..but when I said I love him too..he went silent..won’t reply to any of my messages…then I did all the things mentioned above and after 3 months of trying..i was feeling a bit better..but messaged him on the new year’s eve wishing him a happy new year..knowing that he wouldn’t reply(it was my biggest mistake)…he did reply me back..and it took me back to all those heartbreak and sunken feelings..3 months of hard work gone through the drain..then I started messaging him again..desperate…and today he blocked me from facebook…it hurt a lot..i should have known it coming..but still it’s hurting…but i think he did me a favor by blocking…now I won’t be going back to his profile..see his photos and cry like a fool…I really hope I can get over him someday..i was such a happy person before…now i feel like a dead person inside.

  • Leia

    I am about to have a similar experience to you- I am working with my ex this summer i will see him 24/7 and he is already with someone else, while im over here devastated. I know what its like to get swept away by someone, but it sounds like this girl is not much concerned with your feelings if her need for attention was always prioritized over your need to feel secure with her. Don’t worry, they always pretend like they’re not bothered, but they are usually just hiding it. I hope that you can start to feel better and eventually find someone who values and appreciates you.

  • Leia

    I’m really sorry that you have to go through all this, and more than once too! It sounds like maybe, despite how much you two care for each other, you aren’t making each other happy in the long run. If being with someone is this painful it might be time to “rip off the bandaid” as people here have been saying. I know how difficult it is to act on behalf of your long-term self, when its so much easier to just be happy with them in the moment. I hope that some day in the future you can look back on this with more clarity and a mended heart.

  • Ryan

    I had my first heartbreak recently. This is the first time i experience this type of feeling and the truth is this feeling is the worst i have felt so far. I feel that i am at the lowest point of my life and it almost demoralize me. I used to be a positive and outgoing person but after that tragedy i can feel that i am becoming a more quiet person, i have lost my confident and everything i believe about love is all gone. This feeling also affects everything i do, my job, my study because i could not focus. She was my first love but things did not work as we planned. In the middle of our relationship, she felt that we should remain as friend because she felt that the love is suddenly gone. We met in the social media and we’ve known each other for almost a year. We have met many times and when she told me that she love me i was among the happiest person at that moment. I never involve myself into a deep relationship like this and this love i felt is so real. As a beginner in this type of relationship, it feels that someone who has given you so much hope but suddenly she took it back. It feels like someone makes you felt so special yesterday makes you feel so unwanted today. The sudden change of feeling really stressed me out. After my first heartbreak, i am traumatized and i am afraid to be involve in a relationship anymore. I still wanted to feel love again but i am afraid the same thing will happen again. She is still my friend and we still contact each other. I could not hate her and i don’t want her to hate me either. However, i felt a bit sad that she did not realized how bad the effect of that breakup on me. Whenever i see her with other guys, it really shred my heart which is already broken into pieces. I know i should not felt that way because generally both of us have moved on. Unfortunately, the process of moving on is really difficult for me. I’m still trying to convince myself that everything is going to be alright.

  • Ruby

    Hi Ryan, I’m so sorry about your heartbreak I hope you are much better now. I totally understand and feel what you said about how someone gives you so much hope and just take it back or how they make you feel special one day and now just unwanted. I don’t know if I should even be going through this because my heartache was with someone I was talking to and seeing but we weren’t in an actual relationship. I seriously feel like my heart aches and nausea like if I want to vomit. I just want to express myself. The thing is I’ve known this guy for about 9 months and I had so much in common with him he made me smile all the time. I just never met anyone like him. But just recently out of nowhere he was being distant and when I asked he said he decided to move on. I felt so hurt and betrayed because just two days before we were ok and he seemed so interested in me, I was so confused and still am I was asking him if I did something wrong and now he won’t talk to me. He gave me no explanation and blocked me because I kept asking him questions and calling because I really didn’t wanna lose what we had like we bonded so much I imagined a relationship would develop and he seems to not care how I feel. I feel upset with myself for liking this guy a lot when we weren’t even in a relationship, and now I can’t help but feel sad and just keep wondering what went wrong. Im trying so hard not to care but I still do and he doesn’t which really hurts me at this point. I have gone through a heartache before but for some reason it isn’t as bad as this. Like I just wish he would call me out of nowhere explaining but I know he won’t I know he will never talk to me again and it’s really hurting me, so I can just imagine how you feel knowing that you loved that person because with me it wasn’t love it was just someone I was really into and it hurts a lot. I keep feeling guilty like maybe I didn’t try hard enough but I just hope this feeling goes away soon because I can’t even concentrate on other things in my life. he did say we can be only friends but now that he blocked me I’m sure that isn’t an option anymore. I wish I didn’t spam him with my emotions and feelings but I just really wanted an explanation of why the sudden change. Sorry for the rant I just really needed to let it out. Now all I’ve done is just cry and wonder.

  • Ryan

    Hi Ruby. Sry for the late reply. I’m really sorry to hear about about your story. I know what u felt. It hurts so bad that it is killing you from inside. What you felt is normal. You are not alone. You deserve an explaination why he did that. As for my story, i discovered the truth by myself. The truth is my ex is already in a new relationship way before she dumped me. She was not sincerely loving me and she was probably using me to kill the lonely nights until she met someone she trully love. I must say that i am gutted, angry and sad until i decided to move on. Letting go and move on really helped me to win my life back. Yes, i feel much better right now. A wise man told me that forgive your past in the present so that you can have a better future. I forgive her although she never ask for an apology. She is still my friend although things are never be the same anymore. I started to meet new people and make new friends. I’m starting to gain my confidence back. Time do heals the inner wound as long as you accept the past is gone. Whenever i tried to look back, i felt the pain is not that painful as i felt in the first place. Experience is the best teacher after all. It helps you to be stronger. I hope my story will inspire you to do the next step in your life. Be strong and share your grief with your close friends. It really helps to ease the pain. Believe me Ruby, everything is going to be alright. It is not the end of the world to be heartbroken. Good luck!

  • Ruby

    Hi Ryan! Well I’m glad you are doing better, and thank you so am I, it really is all about timing and friends really do help and distract. I also have been meeting new people and it really does help, I know some people say that you can still be friends but sometimes it’s just not the same anymore so I understand what you mean but hope all is well! There is always something better

  • Lily

    What if its been 5+ years and you still think of the heartbreak and humiliation you went through and it still makes you cry?

  • Aileen

    Hey guy,
    kinda agree with cutting him all off . But my friends keep saying I need closure ? idk what I should do, Im still hurt so bad.

  • Anell Santos

    =,(

  • Catherine

    I’m going through a breakup (three days in) and it hurts like I’ve never hurt before. I’ve lost my appetite, sleeping is hard and I can’t smile at all. I’m consumed with thoughts about him and what is he doing? Was she better than me, slimmer, prettier…
    I keep thinking about Friday because that’s our special day together and I feel like he will start entertaining someone new on our Friday. I’m so sad and tired and lonely. I can’t share with anyone about him because I hid our relationship from my friends and family. I knew he wasn’t good for me but I love him and I can’t bare to not see him or talk to him. He ended it after he cheated and somehow turned it around on me that I caused him to cheat. My heart is broken in a million pieces and it’s really hard to imagine my life without him. He says he wants a break from me. I don’t want a break. I love him.

  • Drew Barie Cajandab

    Hi, thanks for this wonderful article. I am going through a heartbreak too and reading this made me feel somehow better. I especially liked the part about taking care of yourself and doing things for your own pleasure. It’s been tough for me during the past few days but I’m hoping for a silver lining someday.

  • david

    After being maried to the same woman for 23 years, and being with her for 30 (my entire adult life), there is no aspect of my existance that does not in some way relate to her. There are no new hobbies, or areas of interest. There can be no ‘new’ anything. To forgive her is to want her back – and that is not possible due to her decision to commit to a lifestyle of BDSM sex and affairs with strangers. Since we share two young childred it is also impossible to cut off all contact. This advice might fit people in their twenties or thirties, but not middle aged people who have had their soul craushed by the betrayal and loss of what they thought for decades was their soulmate. Sorry – very limited usefeulness in this article.

  • sk

    You will have several people come into your life. Some stay, some leave. Some Love, some hate. Some lift you up, some beat you down. Some feel ashamed of you, some take pride in you. The truth is, not everybody will be able to love you the way you love them; But, don’t worry about them being the “right one” for you because the “right one” will reveal themselves to you at the right time. They will love you truly for who you are and cherish every joy, every sorrow and every silence with you be it sunshine or rain. Live your life for today and plan for tomorrow. Always forgive and never regret.

  • cesar

    Hey, I’m really sorry about your breakup, I kno how tough it is and I’m going through something similar. I am replying to you since it’s the latest post I’ve seen so far. I would love to hear how you’re doing and maybe give some advice?

  • Beckerz

    I’m in the same boat. I know the pain quite well. Hugs xox

  • shero

    I am going through something a bit similar except I thought this man was one of the best humans and believed and trusted in him completely. We were together for 8 years and were getting married in Dec. I go on a short 10 day trip and in that time he “falls” for a work colleague and chooses her over me. In 10 days he moved from I cant wait to marry you to I want to be with my work colleague who I groped whilst you were away. It doesn’t make any logical sense but that is exactly what happened. As you can imagine the pain has been intense and the shock and devastation huge. I truly and deeply loved this man. Its been a month now and the fog has cleared. Its very clear now that this man is not good enough for me he is very messed up and has really horrible character flaws. I deserve so much more. What I have come to realize and I hope you know this as well his cheating has absolutely nothing to do with me. You did nothing to make him cheat. Cheaters cheat because of their own issues and insecurities. Its not a reflection of your worth. The fact that you genuinely loved him and he betrayed you makes him less worthy compared to you. You are enough and don’t let him make you think otherwise. Even though I am still in the storm and in pain from this horrible nightmare I am realizing that I am lucky that he showed me this ugly part of his now that he had hid so well because I realized that even if it hadn’t happened now. It would have definitely happened one day further down the track when children were involved and it would have been a lot worse and more complicated. I know you cant see this now but he has done you a favor not in hurting you but in showing you his true colors. It frees you up to eventually meet a man who will truly love you and truly appreciate your value. hope you are doing better.

  • disqus_YRV7TSVsSa

    I am recovering from a fresh heartbreak. It’s only been 3 days and of course I am still hurting…so bad. We were together since I was 18. I am now 26. I thought he would be the person I marry. I thought everything was great until I saw pictures of him with another girl. He said he doesn’t want a relationship with her but that doesn’t matter…I trusted him 100% and now I’m crushed. He claims he never meant to hurt me and suggested we take a “break” to focus on our selves. I am just afraid that the break may be permanent. He was such a great guy to me and my best friend. I just feel so hurt and lost right now. I don’t know what to do. 🙁

  • Temperance

    Im having a very hard time letting go..I gave all of myself to this person, went above an beyond, an was emotionally manipulated and gas lighted, as soon as i mustered the strength to leave, they would come around saying the words said were out of anger an not meant an I pushed them to it..I reached out to friends who condemned me, an made me feel low. Days ago I was violently assaulted by this person, an they apologized but blamed me, saying i deserved it.I have always been a strong person, but very codependent an everyone in my life manipulates on that fact. The dread I feel is overwhelming, an I was told by the person that I should trade places with their dead relative, an im not loved or wanted or needed by anyone, an that I should disappear. I dont know how to deal with all of this, my rational mind speaks, but my broken heart is louder.

  • Lvlygrl

    Well said, Shero. I loved how you said when someone cheats it’s not a reflection of the victim’s worth. And, I would like to piggyback on that and say even if the parter hasn’t cheated and decided to leave doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with the girl/guy they’ve decided to leave. Sometimes a person can decide that their just not in the same place as their partner. Or they’re not as ready as they previously had anticipated. And, like you said it’s good they realized this than 30 years down the road. My suggestion for women in particularly is the next time you feel you found the “one”, try taking things extremely slow. I believe that the impact of someone leaving is when sex was involved. And, you gave this person your body, heart and soul for years. …just for him to leave you for someone who decided to keep the goods on hold. I know the advice may be old fashioned but most of the women from back in the day were able to keep their men for dedicades following old traditions.

  • Cressida

    Hello, I am also trying to recover from a really bad breakup.This isn’t my first but it is surely the worst. Actually I never felt that bad in my life. Its the third month and I’m still feeling awful. I never felt so in love in my life and he really looked that way. I am very cautious as a person but he changed my mind with all his stupid promises. We had a long distance relationship for 8 months but we really made it work. We made plans about living together and he was the first that started talking about such things. Actually we we’re talking about that plans the day before he dumped me out of the blue for the most ridiculous reasons. After that I begged him I couldn’t believed him I was in shock. I could never expected this. Two days before he made me buy airplane tickets in order to see him. He got so cold. We had a perfect relationship he was the sweetest person. After days of begging finally I got to the breaking point and I tried the no contact rule. It was really hard as we used to talk about everything. It really worked until he called me to say that he loved me and that he wants me back, but when he saw that I was positive he changed his mind again!!! I tried again, I also deleted him from my social media and it was really helpful. Still it’s really difficult for me there are days that I can’t sleep and I havent found my appetite yet. I’m really trying to see it as an opportunity for change and self love. After a hard break up you really need to define yourself again. I’m trying to believe that time heals all wounds.

    Sorry for the long post I needed to express my feeling and show other people with the same problem that they are not alone. <3

  • Anna “Lala86” Raethel

    Oh Cressida! That is so horrible!! I went through the same with my ex. We lived 2 hours apart and despite him telling me all the time how much he wanted to see me, he would always cancel on me and not even make any plans to see me. Except maybe once a week.

    It hurt so much to walk away as he started out so amazing. But I found an amazing website called baggagereclaim which helped me so much. She talks about how guys give the hot and cold treatment (so unfair!) an how it’s not our fault when they make promises only to break them later.

    You will get over it in time. Its taken me a long time but I’m here, I’m still standing and I’m okay. You will be too. Just keep loving yourself, even when it’s so hard. Best of luck to you. Xoxo

  • Justine

    Thanks for this, I was strung along for many years with a guy I had a love for.. I couldn’t see he never saw himself with me. A month ago he admitted he’s got a girlfriend, I was doing really well until I saw his van outside a house on the main road where I live.. I then last night saw his car, feels like my heart has ripped again and I’ll have to find a new route home it’s like torture all the thoughts of why her not me .. Just hope we all find the person we deserve and the pain eases more each day xx

  • Randi Samuels

    So I’m new to this and normally don’t post things but here’s my story. I broke up with my boyfriend and year and a half ago. We were together for 4 years and lived together for most of it. We were very in love and had dreams together and built a life together. We had all intentions of getting married one day and all that goes along with it. Like many we had our hard times as well but we helped each other grow. I believed in him and tried my best to encourage him to see he had what it took to go to medical school and because he believed in me and encouraged me to see what I was capable of, he motivated me to see if had what it took to apply to nursing school. As I was accepted to nursing school we couldn’t ignore the different paths our lives were headed and we broke up so that each of us could succeed in these endeavors. At first we still talked and found that it only made us want to hold on and it was affecting me greatly. I’ve never felt more broken than I did starting that program without him. I had more demands on me than ever in my life and struggled to study or even care with my heart broken in that way. I wanted to try to make it work long distance but it wasn’t rational and although I fought it, we decided it was best to go our separate ways and minimize communication for a while believing it was necessary in order to function in these demanding fields we were entering. We made one promise to each other, that we would not fall in love with anyone else too soon and that we both hoped we’d find our way back to each other in the future, and we meant it. About 3 weeks into my 1st semester I had my 1st exam and our 1 year old kitty Icarus (that by bf and I got together, that he wanted to stay with me so that I wouldn’t feel so lonely) got out on the balcony and squeezed through the railings where he fell 5 stories. I still had to take my exam that day and once I reached our baby and got him to the animal hospital be started to decline very quickly. Within 2 hours Icarus died and other than my guilt for feeling responsible, all I could think of was how would I tell my ex that our kitty was gone. It took me 2 days to bring myself to make that call. All I could do was to tell him that in his absence, I told our baby kitty everyday how much his daddy loved him. A few months later my ex came to town and stayed for a night and all the feelings were still there leaving us confused and faced with making the same decision to not talk for a while because there was still love there and it was making it hard to be apart. We had that difficult talk about 2 hours before my pathology final and because I had been so emotional leading up to it I was unable to fully focus on studying for it, and I failed it and ultimately failed that course. For several months I blamed my ex for my failure, which may have been misplaced, but it did allow me to separate from him and begin moving on. For the next year I made great new friends and met wonderful people. My ex and I began talking sparingly as he was accepted to medical school and I continued to support him from a distance. I did an excellent job at moving on and being rather unaffected by any of our communication, or so I told myself. I honestly believed I really was okay that we were no longer on this journey together. In the beginning of May my ex told me he had time this summer to come out here to see me and we made plans to do so. As that time approached I got nervous about it and first I asked him to sleep on the couch. I was afraid that we would fall into an old routine and that history would repeat itself, ending with me hurt all over again. Something came up and my grandmother needed to stay with me so my ex ended up having to stay with a mutual friend. He arrived a week ago and all it took was 1 night together for all those feelings to come flooding back. The feelings I thought I had moved past came back in a heartbeat and it was like all the work I had done was wasted. Here we are again, and 3 days ago I said bye once again and barely made it out of the driveway before I staying crying my eyes out. I felt just as devastated as every other time I’ve had to see him at look at me the way only someone that holds your heart can, as you have to say bye to them and find the strength to go on without them. Nothing has changed and while there is still love there and something that keeps us connected, we each have important things we have given up everything to accomplish. And yet again, I remain here heartbroken that I still love them very much, and that love isn’t enough to bring us back together at this time in our lives. Time can heal these wounds but sometimes time shows you that what you had to begin with still remains. Sadly that doesn’t necessarily mean that it will fix things either and have the happy ending you so dearly want in the way or the time that you want it. I have woken up sad and cried myself to sleep for the past couple of days just as I did when we first split and left our home together headed in different directions. That pain might fade and go away for some, but for me it is just as present now as it ever has been a year and a half ago. Moving on I believe means that each party needs to move on, but when neither of you move on it seems that this is the vicious cycle you are left with. I do not know the end to this story, but I hope that my story adds a perspective to help someone see the different ways in which we all move on, whether it’s quick or takes longer than we’d prefer.

  • May Pineda

    Hi Randi! I would really like to talk to you regarding this one. I am now in my painful heartbreak and it just doesn’t get any better. It just saddens me every day, we were together for almost 8 years and it is really painful. I would like to talk to someone who is sharing the same pain like I am feeling right now.

  • Randi Samuels

    Hey there! I’m very sorry to hear that. 8 years is a very long time. It’s much longer than my relationship was/is, whatever it is. I’ve spoken at length with 2 of my close friends about it and at times I feel bad because I know they want to help but there’s nothing anyone can do. I think one of the hardest parts is in a way you feel stuck having more questions than you do answers. And those questions keep you deep in it, unable to really focus on other things. I don’t know how it is for you, but I know I held on in the beginning so much so that I hurt myself in the process, by not concentrating on my life in the present. Maybe it was learning to ignore what happened by putting it away somewhere that allowed me to at least feel I had move on. Currently I feel like that’s an illusion I created in order to function and study for exams, etc. But 2 times now my ex has come back into my life, a day here, and a few days recently, and each time it leaves me feeling the loss all over again. And for me, we both know there’s something there between us and that we’ll never be “friends” yet my ex has initiated contact and opportunities to see me. So when we say bye it’s hard to know what to do and there isn’t much that can be done at this time, but I still see him look at me the way only someone that loves you can and still you are left wondering, is it still there for them the way it is for you? If so, why do we keep doing this? The time together only reminds me that I still haven’t met anyone that evokes the feelings I have when he and I are together and while it’s unhealthy, all I can think is, is it possible to find our way back? I’m so impatient and know things happen as they are meant to but I still just want to hear him tell me it isn’t just me, that seeing me makes him feel the same, even if now isn’t the time.

  • May Pineda

    We both have the same situation and questions. We just want it all to be okay but there is nothing we really can do but to accept that we both need time away from each other first. It just sucks because you only want to be with him, but I just came to realization that maybe if we will be both lucky, time and distance will bring us together back again. No one knows but I am now letting time decide it. It really hurts but only me can help myself at the monent.

  • Heather

    Thank you! I haven’t been able to delete from social media yet. But this helps ease my mind tonight

  • Clara

    Time really plays tricks on us. 🙁 my boyfriend and i have been in a (long distance) relationship for 6 years. It seemed no trouble at all. Until he decided to break up with me last August 29. He said he thinks he no longer loves me. I didnt force him to stay, though. I have no more reason to stop him knowing he cant be happy with me anymore. We were supposed to have our 7th anniversary in october. He said he cant fake celebrating our anniversary. I was devastated. Now i can barely focus with my studies. My board exam is on october too, just a week later after our anniversary. im sorry if you find my thoughts confusing. Its so hard to find the words. 🙁

  • Dayana choi

    This was very helpful. My boyfriend of two years broke up with me last week and I just don’t know how to feel. He said he isn’t ready for a relationship now and wants to work on his future, but he wants to stay friends because he doesn’t want to lose me completely from his life. But how do i do that if I want to be more than friends? My heart aches so much. I know with time it heals. It I wish it was already the future so I don’t feel this way anymore

  • pyro

    am so sorry cressida . this is so awful

  • Quinten Verheyen

    Hello Cressida, you said something that is key to understanding how to deal with hard breakups: “you need to define yourself again”. I had a very very bad breakup 2 years ago and till today I’m still writing (almost daily) small letters to myself just to cope with the cruel and cold behaviour she had. However, that in itself is part of the healing. As is processing those nasty replays while you walk or drive your car or go jogging. As is having those tears by imagining they will apologise or show a sign of empathy. As is having a good time and realizing things aren’t so bad after all. The point I’m making is: you will make it. Not just because time heals wounds. That is true in a way and its popular to say. But what it really means is that you yourself are healing those wounds. Exactly because you are not ignoring your own health. Exactly because you are dealing (and allowing) the pain so that one day you will just feel from the inside that compared to some time before the pain is much less suffering then before. It is in a way not time but your own self-conscience that heals. It is like you said: defining yourself.

    And this is why also the hardest part is also the one bearing the most fruits. It is a wisdom that some people you meet know is true. Because they will understand your pain no matter how long it takes you and they will keep saying to you: it is ok take your time. Because it is true. And all those other people that do not understand and claim your pain is unjust or taking to long, inside you these are not wise remarks.

    You will get there and you will be proud of yourself more and more.

  • Betternotbitter

    Hi everyone my name is Nicole and i too am going thru a very painful breakup. Me and the guy i was in love with were “together” for about 4 yrs on and off. I’m not sure if I brought it upon myself but the relationship started while i was in a relationship with someone else. About 3 months we were just friends and as the relationship progressed I confessed to the guy whom i was in a relationship that i was talking to another guy and wanted to see where it could go. Fast forward me and the started seeing each other everyday and everything was good until he started talking to other girls behind my back and as a woman WE KNOW and for me I couldn’t fake it like I didn’t know so I basically broke it off and for the past 4 yrs we have been back and forth breaking up and getting bk together. We’ve been thru a lot with each other alot of bad things happened during the course of the relationship such as physical abuse and me having to press charges against him which after that for 7 months we had no communication, I’m sure 7 months for alot of you is lots of time to begin getting past your lover but it did absolutely nothing for me, I was angry and hurt, one week I’d think id had a hold on things and the next week I’d be a mess. After those 7 months we began communicating again and started seeing each other. I all the while had moved out of my own apartment and chose to move in with my ex bf the guy i was with before him, I believe i did it to try to lessen the blow but i continued trying to work on the relationship with the guy i was and is still in love with. I just want to add that in those 4 yrs he NEVER told me happy birthday or even acknowledged my birthday, but I acknowledged his, i know that has nothing to do with anything but that is just one of the many things that affected me though its small, i can recall once him choking me and sticking his finger down my throat when we were arguing once i also had to go to the ER that night because my throat started bleeding because he’d scratched the inside of it when he stuck his finger in my throat, the next day I forgave him like it was nothing though i know that isn’t the way someone treats you when they truly love you it never deterred my love for him. Today we spoke and he told me he didn’t love me anymore within a two week period that we hadnt spoke to each other and I don’t understand how that is even remotely possible, I am confused and hurt though thru the 4 yrs i feel like ive been in this place before with him. I feel like it is going to take me yrs to get past it and nothing helps no matter what I try to tell myself.

  • Star

    (This is going to be a long one, there is advice down there I promise!)

    Currently struggling with a recent break up myself.

    A little back story, we were together for a little over a year. He is 27 and I am almost 26. Very normal people, no kids involved, no drugs, no abuse, no violence, no third parties involved, just two regular people in a relationship.

    Both of us live at home with parents.
    Both have previously had one relationship, mine lasted 4 years and his only 6 months.

    I don’t think we ever really had an actual argument… We never raised our voices at each other nor said nasty things to each other. The only problem we seemed to have, was that I would get upset over silly little things (well to him they were silly) and he wouldn’t understand why I was upset… he would never talk to me or try to understand why I was upset, he would either ignore me or walk away from me. He could only see the effect that my actions had on him, but could never see the effect his actions had on me.

    He broke up with me saying that we aren’t compatible, that we argue too much (we really didnt, our relationship was pretty nice, we had a lot in common, went on holiday together and had lots planned for this year) and he said all the usual stuff like ‘oh we can be friends’ and ‘I don’t want you gone from my life completely’.
    I tried the friends thing, it wasn’t for me. My feelings for him were too strong and it was just upsetting me. He did mess me about for a little while, making out like he was really undecided as to whether he had made the right choice and kept saying things like ‘I’m on a knife edge’
    When it came down to it, he wasn’t on a knife edge at all, he was long gone and his feelings were too, I just don’t think he openly wanted to admit it because he didn’t want to hurt me.
    After a month or so of him messing me about, he finally said that us being friends was clearly too upsetting for me and it’s best we don’t talk at all. That is how it has been left.
    It’s a hard pill to swallow, I’ve had him held up on a pedestal for so long.
    ‘He’s the only one for me’ ‘he’s amazing’ ‘no one will ever love me as much as he did’ ‘ I will never love anyone like I love him’ …. truth is, I know that is a load of bullshit. Of course someone else will love me, I’m amazing 😉 and of course I’ll love someone again! (I felt like this after my first heartbreak and now I can’t stand the thought of the guy)

    The thing I’ve found most helpful, so far, as silly as it may seem… is writing down ALL of the negative things about him. It doesn’t matter how small and insignificant it may seem, if it made you unhappy, you write it down! (I have done so in a note on my phone so that I can read it if I ever have a moment of weakness, also so I can easily add to it ;))
    I have written them as if they are for him to read, but I will never send them to him. This is an exersize to help you, not to throw his negative qualities in his face (that would be pointless and wouldn’t get you anywhere)

    It has helped me a great deal, after really properly thinking about it and writing this, I can see that as much as he made me feel like I was the problem… I really wasn’t! He was the problem. He made me feel the way that I did and he just couldn’t see it. He placed all of the blame on me and I genuinely believed that I was the problem for a good few weeks, until I wrote it all down and realised that I wasn’t the problem at all. Sure I could have dealt with things a little better sometimes, but by taking a step back and really looking at his behaviour throughout the relationship…. my feelings were very valid and I shouldn’t have been made to feel like I was the sole reason for any problems we had.

    It is a little embarrassing to share my list with you, but I will do so anyway so you get a good idea of what I mean. We’re all in the same boat here and sharing is caring!

    (You’ll probably read it and think, bloody hell, what did she even like about this guy?!) And although I know he had some really lovely qualities, taking a step back and looking at a list like this makes me realise that he probably wasn’t the guy for me.
    If someone else showed me a list like this, I would hand on heart say… ‘why on earth did you love him so much?!’ no matter how nice his positive side was.

    Here goes!

    – You rarely replied to my texts and if you did you took a really long time.
    – You never asked me to do things first, it was always me asking you.
    – You didn’t make time for me on weekdays.
    – You wouldn’t come to my house any later than 8pm because it was ‘pointless’
    – You never got excited about things we were going to do together, You only got excited about work/games.
    – You never waited for me to eat dinner, you always ate it without me and I’d then have to eat alone.
    – You never ever talked about problems, just kept it all inside. You never opened up to me about anything.
    – You never wanted to try new foods.
    – You always had to be home at 6 o’clock for dinner, no matter what.
    – You would get annoyed about something small and ignore me for hours because of it, rather than talk it out and explain what upset you.
    – You rarely showed much affection.
    – You were always telling me that you thought there was someone out there better for us, that we were incompatible.
    – You always claimed you were ‘too busy’ to do things as often as I wanted to… but you didn’t have to do anything for yourself.
    – You ate the exact same breakfast and lunch every single day. How sad and boring.
    – Your mum would walk in to your room without knocking…. You’re a grown man!
    – Your door was constantly open, we never had any privacy.
    – You never suggested to do anything new, weekends became so boring because all you wanted to do was sit inside and watch TV or play games.

    So there it is, my list of negatives. As stupid as they may sound, they are the things that I genuinely really didn’t like. I did not realise for WEEKS that there were so many things I didn’t enjoy or like about our relationship. I was shocked at how many I came up with (there are quite a few more but I didn’t really want to air the whole of my broken relationship for all to see haha)

    Give it a try, write those negatives down and see if you REALLY think he is the only one for you. Because I sure don’t, I couldn’t have kept up dealing with those things and pushing my own feelings aside just to avoid him being annoyed with me and to keep him happy and by my side!

    Things will get better!!! We’re not alone, everyone goes through heartbreak and you should never convince yourself it was all your fault. It takes two to tango!

    X

  • Frances Revelle

    I was with that man for 30 years b4 I woke up…That’s a long time to b a fool….

  • Jill

    Anon. It’s do hard to just let go of someone u spent every waking and sleeping moment with. Throwing away pics and songs omg so hard to do but today I finally deleted pics as well as told my ex that she didn’t need to txt me anymore because it was obvious she was just being “nice” as she stated In her txt to me. I told her I’ll be fine and I wouldn’t bother her anymore as hard as it would be I needed to let go. If she’s decides to come back, I don’t know that I will want her. I feel better just typing this now. I have cried literally for 7 days and I’m sure I’m not done but I have friends and fam and tons of support. 🙂

  • Thenewguy

    So a lot of you were in long relationships.

    My girlfriend broke up with me on the 22 of the december 2016.
    I loved/love her dearly, i mean… i can feel her in my soul. even though we live 3 hours apart, i can feel her.

    She broke up with me because… i’m not the best at being social, i can go out with her and stuff like that, but if im in the public i prefer to be drunk. In private i am more comfortable. I didn’t surprise her… like i didnt write her letters or gave her gifts for christmas and birthday. Even though i told her each day how she made me feel, how out of this world she looked, and encouraged her when she was down. I still live at home and have no job, im 25 and a singer, and spent most of my time singing and making songs, i know should be working and i searched for jobs but im not too motivated also because of the social thingy…

    I can’t bear it… i know i’m not perfect but the way i looked her and when i looked at her… it was the same feeling as when im singing. Everything else fades, and i feel the present so strong….. i know we were made for each other… and i think parts of her agrees.. but her friends and family says im no good for her, and advised her to find someone who could spoil her and surprise her. Been 4 months and i still feel her in me, on the outside im okay… on the inside im sinking.

  • disqus_xFDyaceKq9

    I’m sorry for everything. The last thing I want to do is
    make you angry, that is why I’ve only texted you sparingly. I think about you
    every day, every night, all the time. I don’t know how I thought I could make
    it work from so far away, how everything would be ok, but it was the biggest
    mistake of my life. I know I’m just a broken record you no longer care to
    listen to. We both know how we started, but you were never someone who I didn’t
    respect, you were never a sidepiece to me. I always liked you and those feeling
    grew with time, exploded and spread like a wildfire. I loved you, I love you,
    I’ll always love you. All the little moments we’ve had together mean the world
    to me. RF, when we started holding hands I never wanted to let go, I dream
    about holding your hand. I know I’ve probably ruined things beyond repair and
    that is something I’ll have to somehow live with. I guess I just want to hear
    from you, know how you’re truly doing. I don’t need you to be my cheerleader, I
    just want to know that you’re doing ok. Do I want to know about your life? Of
    course, I’d love to know every detail, I want to be there making new memories
    with you. Like I said before, I now know what it’s like when people say they
    regret things. I didn’t have to find you sooner in life, I needed to stay with
    you in this life.

  • disqus_xFDyaceKq9

    I’m sorry for everything. The last thing I want to do is
    make you angry, that is why I’ve only texted you sparingly. I think about you
    every day, every night, all the time. I don’t know how I thought I could make
    it work from so far away, how everything would be ok, but it was the biggest
    mistake of my life. I know I’m just a broken record you no longer care to
    listen to. We both know how we started, but you were never someone who I didn’t
    respect, you were never a sidepiece to me. I always liked you and those feeling
    grew with time, exploded and spread like a wildfire. I loved you, I love you,
    I’ll always love you. All the little moments we’ve had together mean the world
    to me. RF, when we started holding hands I never wanted to let go, I dream
    about holding your hand. I know I’ve probably ruined things beyond repair and
    that is something I’ll have to somehow live with. I guess I just want to hear
    from you, know how you’re truly doing. I don’t need you to be my cheerleader, I
    just want to know that you’re doing ok. Do I want to know about your life? Of
    course, I’d love to know every detail, I want to be there making new memories
    with you. Like I said before, I now know what it’s like when people say they
    regret things. I didn’t have to find you sooner in life, I needed to stay with
    you in this life.

  • Jenna Sandoval

    I recently got my heart broken, I’ve never felt this kind of pain. My heart feels like it was torn out of my chest and stepped on. This triggered other emotions that I did not think were possible. The anxiety, the urge to cry, racing mind. I’m desperately wanting to feel at least a bit better. Tried counseling, tried praying…nothing works.

  • Katrien

    hey jenna, how are you doing? My break-up was one month ago and I still feel like I can’t handle life without him 🙁

  • Sassyfrass

    We were only together for 3 months but he came after a really long love dry spell for me.. Finally someone who I could come home to after a long day’s work and have my feet rubbed!! I think I got so used to the idea of being pampered that I forgot that I was falling in love with a hurt man-who was freshly divorced and missing his family of 10 years. It has only been 2 days. I cry at random when I think of all the fun little things we did together but I’ve developed and excellent mantra that’s been helping, “he has a small penis and he drools”. For some reason it stops my tears in their tracks 😉 Cheers to everyone who is hurting right now and know that there is someone much better and more compatible for us out there!!

  • Cecilia Gonzalez

    Great advice.I have been dating my bf for about a year now and he just moved to India for a year for work.I love him to death but it’s only me who is fighting for this long distance relationship.He’s admitted that he tends to neglect me because he’s too tired and to by him doing that i get so stressed and insecure throughout the day.It really has started to take such a deep toll on my life that my family has advised me to let it go. So deep down I know that I need to breakup up wit him and focus on my myself.This is my first love so I’ve given it everything I’ve got so it’s even that harder to see someone take it for granted because of their fear.Reading this just gave me faith that even though breakups are hell they can be endured .

  • Cheryl

    This help me so much thanks

  • Jenny

    Just as all of you guys, I am absolutely devastated and broken. I de-facto didn’t meet my break up yet, but I will tomorrow. He said that tomorrow we gonna talk and break up, and he will get his stuff from our appartment. My boyfriend isn’t the best guy ever, he has a lot of flaws, he hurt me million times for 2 years that were together. I lived with him in another country, so when he leaves, I will be left completely alone there with no friends or family. I’m so broken… I love him to the deep of my heart, but it seems like we weren’t ment for each other. We can’t find a common ground, we’ve never, ever had a normal conversation about us, we did not communicate. I love him so badly, and he hurt me that badly through these 2 years. We are just so different… But I do not want to let go, I don’t ((( he is the part of me, my best friend… Even though he is kinda abusive. But I am also not perfect, I didn’t get along with his family and friends, but I always tried to do my best. And I know he is been hurt by me being me. We’ve been planning a future together, kids, home, we’ve planned every single detail. But I can see, he doesn’t care about me anymore… I’ve been physically hurt recently and he didn’t even call to check on me… I’m crying for a week now for a whole day, and sleep for 2-3 hours each day, and I don’t know how to help myself. I understand that my life as I saw it will never, ever happen. I won’t have that house and our kids… we won’t grow older side by side as we were planning. I am so broken…

  • shols

    thanks for sharing this experience .i am presently going through the shock of heartbreak . we were still together until 14th of august 2017 . we traveled to her hometown together and drove back to our city on Monday the 14th . only for her to tell me after two days that i should stay away from her and she already found another man . i thought it was a joke but she blocked me from her chat. after some days i tried to find her but she locked her door and refused to let me in . 3 days after i saw a picture of her with another man on our icloud. i was shocked and really sad this could happen . i tried so hard to get her and i finally did . i asked her why she dumped me she said she doesn’t like me anymore . she said she doesn’t like black skin( after being together for a year) . she told me shes in love with someone else . she said they’ve been contacting for a month . it’s so hard for me to accept this . she’s Chinese and i’m a foreigner here with no family . After i left her home on Thursday i saw her chat with this man . they are getting married soon . the man is older than her father . he”s 59 years old. 28years older than her .I’ve tried my best to get over this shock but its really hard . she said we can be best friends . i don’t think that’s gonna work . she sent a message to me this morning telling me she’s getting married soon . i saw she already got a ring on her finger . from the beginning of our relationship she has always been talking about money . we are both working and i told her we can build our life together rather than spending all our income on luxury . but i guess she only wants money and not love . yet she played with my heart and broke me down . but all i’m doing now is to be thinking about all the negative things she’s done to me . it seems to be helpful and i hope i will be fine soon