How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Bring Your Dreams to Life

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” ~Albert Einstein

For a long time, I lived under the illusion that I was solving the problems standing between me and my desires.

Whether it was love, success, or the kind of life I dreamed of, I believed I was taking the necessary steps to create what I wanted. But what I was really doing (without realizing it) was keeping those things forever at arm’s length.

I was trying to create something from the same conditioning I’d adopted to navigate a difficult childhood, and all it did was reinforce the self-concept I’d walked away with (low self-worth and feeling “unreal” and inferior) and create more circumstances that reflected that self-concept back to me.

This happened across the board.

Early on in my business, I’d pour everything into creating an offer—a course, a program, something I deeply believed in.

I’d work tirelessly, build a sales page, send out an email, and if the response wasn’t immediate, if people didn’t sign up right away, I wouldn’t send another email (or ten) or look at the data and refine accordingly.

Instead, I would assume that something was wrong with me. That I needed to be better, work harder, explain myself more, train more, throw it all away, and start over.

What I wasn’t seeing was the most basic thing every successful entrepreneur knows: sales take time, and people need multiple touch points before they buy.

I couldn’t see that. So I’d abandon ship too soon, leaving money on the table and keeping myself stuck in a cycle of proving, perfecting, and starting from scratch. This lasted YEARS.

The very same pattern shaped my love life in my twenties.

I wanted deep, healthy, genuine love more than anything, but…

I gravitated toward men who were emotionally unavailable and mirrored the same early-life relationships that affirmed my low self-worth.

And when a relationship was killing me, when they didn’t commit or were inconsistent, withholding, or dismissive, I didn’t think, “Hmmm, maybe they aren’t the right fit for the deep, healthy, genuine love I want, and it’s time to let this go and look for what I want.”

Instead, I thought, it must be me.

I was sure if I was better—more lovable, cooler, thinner, more normal, less broken, more aligned with their wants, beliefs, and perspectives—things would change.

But they didn’t. And I’d leave these relationships with a reinforced sense that I was not enough, and the problem was me, not the kind of men I was picking. Which kept me attracted to men who reflected that back to me.

It was an unconscious feedback loop.

The same thing happened with one of my biggest life decisions—moving to Tuscany.

For years, I knew I wanted this life. I pictured myself in the Italian countryside, building a life that felt expansive, rich, and connected to nature. But I kept telling myself I wasn’t ready. That I hadn’t accomplished enough. That I’d allow myself this when I was somehow “good enough” to deserve doing what I knew I wanted to do.

But this time I interrupted my pattern.

I asked myself, “What if I stop trying to make myself good enough for what’s already in my heart and just take the steps to make it happen?”

I’ve been living on this Tuscan hilltop for two and a half years.

That moment showed me something big:

The conditioning that tells you to keep fixing yourself, that tells you anything that’s not working the way you want it to boils down to a deficit in YOU, stems from deep childhood wounding and is the very thing keeping your desires out of reach.

The problem isn’t you. When you think you’re the problem, you focus on fixing yourself, which robs you of your power to address the real issue and create the life, love, friendships, business, and bank account you’re already worthy of.

Back then I wasn’t really finding the right business strategy—I was trying to make myself good enough and hoping my business would do that for me. It didn’t.

I wasn’t really creating healthy relationships—I was trying to be chosen by men who were incapable of real intimacy. Never lasted more than a couple of years.

I wasn’t really building the life I wanted—I was trying to become the kind of person I believed was “worthy” of it.

None of this actually moved me forward. It was just a feedback loop that kept me stuck in the same cycle.

But when I started separating my present desires from my emotional baggage and past distortions of how to get from A to B, everything changed. Life started happening instead of me waiting to be given permission for it to happen. You know what I mean?

If you find yourself spiraling inside your own feedback loop, I invite you to ask yourself:

• Am I treating every setback as proof of my inadequacy instead of seeing it as data and feedback that lets me know what I need to adjust to get to where I want to be?
• Am I trying to be “better” for people who are fundamentally incapable of giving me what I want?
• Am I waiting to feel “good enough” before I allow myself to take the steps that would get me there?

Because the problem was never you. And the moment you stop trying to fix yourself for what you want—and start taking the steps to claim it—you’ll finally see just how much was always available to you.

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