Dear Jana:

Your sensitivity and self-awareness are truly remarkable qualities that make your presence here so special. Please know that I’m here to support you in whatever way feels right for you. Your openness is genuinely inspiring. ❤️

Reflecting on your words, “If this whole thing hurt me a little, but in the end helped you or someone just reading this, that it’s always better to be vulnerable and honest than to be afraid and silent and then just be wrong”—I couldn’t agree more. Over the past week, I found myself thinking about you and our interactions, and I realized something similar: while some of our recent exchanges were distressing for me, they ultimately helped me grow into a better and healthier person. I hoped the same might be true for you.

The exact thought I had was “מֵעָז יָצָא מָתוֹק” (Me’az yatza matok)—a Hebrew saying that translates to “Out of the strong came something sweet.” This saying comes from a biblical story in the Book of Judges (Judges 14). While traveling, Samson was attacked by a lion and tore it apart with his bare hands. Later, he returned to find a swarm of bees had made a hive in the lion’s carcass. From this hive, he scooped out honey and shared it with his parents. The story symbolizes how something sweet and good can arise from a situation that initially feels difficult or harsh.

Regarding your reflection, “I do pick up on people’s energies… but I can’t say if I’m good at evaluating it. It feels now that I cannot fully trust myself, because my fear creates a ‘filter’ that makes me confused and often wrong”—I want to respect your wish for no analysis of your words. Instead, I’ll share some of my own struggles in trusting my evaluations of people. Perhaps parts of my experience (though certainly not all) may resonate with you:

For a long time, I often perceived others as dismissive of me, thinking little of me, and I would feel anger toward them. I also frequently believed people were angry at me, which led to fear—I imagined they intended to hurt me on purpose. It might have been something as small as a look, an unexpected reaction, or the absence of a response I hoped for. These perceptions caused me to end potential relationships prematurely.

I didn’t trust people; I believed no one was truly trustworthy and that everyone would eventually hurt me. My fear of people became overwhelming and was often accompanied by anger. I came to think of it as People = Emotional Pain (PEP for short, lol).

A major breakthrough came when I realized two pivotal truths:

1. I was often wrong—most people weren’t actively trying to hurt me or cause me pain. My fears rarely matched reality, even though they persisted for years.

2. The person I truly feared was actually my mother. Her actions—like throwing shaming words at me and then smiling with satisfaction as the hurt registered on my face—were where my fear and distrust originated. However, I projected this fear and distrust onto others instead of recognizing its true source.

Retrieving this memory (#2) allowed me to place my fear where it belonged. Now, I can reserve fear for situations where it’s warranted, like genuine physical danger, rather than assuming hostility from others.

Here are a couple of quotes I find helpful:

* Dalai Lama on Fear and Distrust: “The real destroyer of inner peace is fear and distrust. Fear develops frustration, frustration develops anger, anger develops violence.”

* Paulo Coelho on Rebuilding: “Tragedies do happen. We can discover the reason, blame others, imagine how different our lives would be had they not occurred. But none of that is important: they did occur, and so be it. From there onward we must put aside the fear that they awoke in us and begin to rebuild”, Paulo Coelho

Jana, thank you for allowing me to share these thoughts with you. Your reflections inspire me to continue growing, and I hope sharing my journey offers you even a small sense of connection or support. Please take gentle care of yourself—you deserve kindness and peace. ❤️

anita

Dear Anu_2.0:

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful message. I’m truly glad my writing resonated with you and brought back meaningful memories.

It’s inspiring to see your dedication to growing step by step, and I have no doubt you’ll achieve wonderful things along the way. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you ever need support or encouragement—I’d be happy to hear from you! 😊

anita

One more thing, Jana, as it occurred to me a moment ago:

You might have picked up on- being as sensitive and perceptive as you are- a certain anger, hostility on my parts. This may be that “something in the air” that you mentioned earlier.

The angle through which I look at any situation involving people, sooner or later, has been that of Suspicion ad Distrust. Expecting hostility from others, I respond with my own preemptive hostility.. only the other person was not hostile (yet), and in effect, I was the only hostile party in the situation.

It is not my fault that this is the angle through which I’ve automatically looked at situations where humans are involved, yet it is my responsibility, being aware of this now, to consider different angles through which to look at situations: consider positive motivations by people like you.

anita

Dear Jana:

I’ve been thinking about you every day since you last posted, hoping to read from you again. I want you to know that my message comes from a place of care, respect, and genuine appreciation for who you are. If at any point something I share here feels overwhelming or unwelcome, please know that it’s not my intention, and I’m happy to adjust or step back. My goal is simply to support and connect with you.

Something about the way you share your raw, honest self has touched me deeply and stayed with me. I think so highly of you, Jana. I see you as a reflective, empathetic, and courageous person—someone who seeks growth and navigates life with authenticity and resilience.

On Feb 24, you shared something that stands out to me this morning: “It takes courage to be vulnerable because we expose ourselves to the threat of being hurt… Maybe that’s why I see tenderness as ‘weakness’ because when I am tender and thus vulnerable, bad people have an opportunity to use me as a target of their frustration.”

Reflecting on what you’ve shared about analysis and understanding, I realize now how often I turned to analysis to shield myself from experiencing emotions—my own and others’. But I see now that this habit has limited me. I want to connect with people, including you, on a deeper, more compassionate level, and to hold space for emotions without trying to fix or intellectualize them.

Jana, I don’t ever want to hurt you by turning your openness into a subject for analysis. Your vulnerability deserves care and understanding, and I want to honor that.

What you shared on March 8— “No one cares. I guess I must be wrong again.”—is most meaningful to me this morning, and I want to respond with understanding, the best I can: Jana, I care deeply about what you share, and I want to support you in the way you need—by listening, by understanding, and by holding space for you to simply be.

Regarding your concerns about my participation in the forums (March 6), I want to assure you that my intention has been to help and to make sure no one’s pain goes unanswered. I also want to encourage you and others to take as much space and presence in the forums as feels comfortable—you are always welcome here.

Jana, your presence and words here have touched me deeply, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to connect with you. Please know that I’m here for you in whatever way feels right for you. Take gentle care of yourself.

anita

Dear Anu_2.0:

You are very welcome. I’d like to take the time to read and reply to your message more thoroughly on Tuesday morning (it’s late Monday afternoon here), when I can give it my full focus.

In the meantime, if you feel comfortable elaborating on the “parental pressure” you’re scared of—what it entails, how it looks or sounds—it could help me better understand and provide a more thoughtful response.

Looking forward to reading from you.

anita

Dear Zenith:

Maintaining calm with kids is very important- that’s when they are able and willing to listen to you. I bet there are YouTube and meditations about calm parenting, including guidance and suggestions. I am using my phone now, so I can’t look it up.

Anita

Dear Zenith:

Thanks for sharing what’s on your mind. Parenting can definitely feel tricky—trying to find that middle ground between being too strict and too lenient isn’t easy. It’s clear how much you care about your child’s future, and that’s such a great starting point.

I get why seeing stories like Sudhiksha Konanki’s case or reading those Reddit posts would make you feel worried. The cultural differences between what you grew up with and what you see around you in the U.S. can feel overwhelming. It’s natural to wonder how to protect your child while still giving them the freedom to grow.

One thing that might help is focusing on open and honest communication. Instead of scaring your kid into avoiding things like drinking or casual relationships, you can explain why those things don’t align with your values. Let them understand where you’re coming from in a way that feels supportive rather than controlling.

At the same time, setting boundaries is okay! You can guide them while making sure they feel safe and heard. It’s all about striking that balance and creating an environment where they can talk to you without fear of judgment.

As for the fear you’ve carried from your own childhood—it sounds like you’ve already started breaking that cycle just by being aware of it. That’s a huge step. Moving to India might be an option worth thinking about if it feels right for your family, but remember, your influence as a parent matters more than where you live.

You’re doing your best, and it shows. Parenting is tough, but your thoughtfulness and care mean you’re on the right path.

anita

Dear Zenith:

I just looked up the missing case: Sudhiksha Konanki, a 20-year-old University of Pittsburgh student, went missing 12 days ago after drinking alcohol and then going to the beach with a few others. She possibly drowned, while intoxicated, possibly foul play was involved.

It’s completely natural to feel worried about your child’s future, especially when you see stories like the above, or hear about the negative impacts of alcohol, drugs, and other cultural influences. Good parents want to protect their kids from harm and guide them toward making healthy choices.

It’s true that some aspects of American culture, like the normalization of drinking or casual attitudes toward certain behaviors, can feel overwhelming—especially when they clash with the values we were raised with. But I think it’s also important to remember that as a parent, you have a strong influence on shaping your child’s values and decision-making. By encouraging open communication, teaching her about consequences, and modeling the behaviors you want to see, you can help them navigate these challenges.

Your concerns show how much you care about your child’s well-being, and that’s such a powerful foundation. It’s okay to feel uneasy, but it’s also worth focusing on the positive steps you’re already taking to create a safe and supportive environment for your little one.

If you ever want to talk more about this or share ideas, I’m here for you.

anita