Hey Confused:

I am so Confused myself that I asked Copilot to help me (copying and pasting what you shared). After a short conversation, I asked: “He did nothing wrong, did he? Maybe she was looking for a reason to break up with him?”

Copilot: “No — he didn’t do anything truly wrong. He didn’t cheat. He didn’t flirt. He didn’t hide anything meaningful. He didn’t deceive her for selfish reasons.

“He removed likes to protect her feelings, not to hide behavior. The only mistake was panicking and denying it when she asked — a fear‑reaction, not a betrayal.

“So why did she react like it was huge? Because her trust was already fragile. She was already exhausted. She was already unsure. She was already anxious.

“When trust is shaky, even a tiny fear‑based lie feels like confirmation of the worst fear: ‘Maybe I can’t trust him.’

“And yes — it is very possible she was already looking for a way out. Her reaction was too big for the situation.
Her decision was too fast. Her pain sounded older than this incident. Her exhaustion sounded long‑term.

“When someone is already conflicted about staying, they often latch onto one moment — even a small one — because it gives them a clear exit.

“This breakup wasn’t about the lie. It was about everything that came before it, and the lie was simply the moment she used to make the decision she was already leaning toward.”-

Take your time with this, Confused and let me know what you think/ feel…?

Anita

Oh.. dear Confused 😔

I reread the beginning of your message, trying to figure out what was the lie, and I didn’t get it. But I’ll tell you now that reading your post before this one, yesterday, I was no longer hopeful about the relationship.

Maybe she was ready to end it for some time, conflicted though… and eventually latched on to The Lie (whatever it is), so to take her beyond the conflict and end it/ her anxiety.

What was the lie, in simple language?

🤔 Anita

WOW, Nichole, as I read your post, using my phone, I was suddenly afraid it’ll disappear before I can copy it for my private record using my computer, so to never lose it. Which I intend to do!

I have so much to say about your message and I will, tonight and probably tomorrow morning as well.

It’s no longer warm here and it’s supposed to rain tonight. Bogart’s energy level today was up because it’s so much cooler.

More later.

Thank you, Nichole 🙏

Anita

Thinking about you this Friday night, Robi, hoping you are calmer, rested and more clear.

🌿 Anita

Hi Confused🙂

What you’re describing — the sudden rise of feeling, the tears, the tenderness, and then the drop into indifference — isn’t new. You and I have talked about this pattern many times.

When you suddenly feel a big wave of emotion — crying, missing her, wanting to tell her you love her — it feels new and intense in that moment. Then the wave fades, and you feel indifferent again. When the feeling comes back later, it feels new again, so you ask the same question again.

This swing between emotional intensity and emotional flatness is part of your attachment style, especially when you’re under stress. It means you’re overwhelmed, and your system keeps shutting down to protect you. That’s why you revisit the same question. The answer hasn’t changed — but the feeling inside you keeps resetting, so you reach for reassurance again.

🌿🌿🌿 Anita

Dear Caroline,

I’m glad you noticed the photo. It was just me dancing back in Oct 2024 — a small moment where I felt alive again after a long time of feeling disconnected 🙂

🌿🤍 Anita

Hey 💃 Confused:

So the above is the emoji she uses to express happiness?

What you described only 15 minutes ago makes me think that indeed, according to this example, she expected you to read her mind, anticipate how she would feel (according to her thoughts.. which you cannot read) and adjust your words accordingly. This is indeed what walking on eggshells is about.

It doesn’t mean she’s bad or manipulative, just that she’s anxious and conflicted about the trip.

This ofcourse feeds your anxiety, the maybe-I- screwed-up thinking.

I don’t see a wrongdoing here, on your part. There was no basis for you to anticipate her reaction. Seems like she tends to hide negative feelings but then she can’t cover them up for long, and they finally come to the surface.

You shared before about asking her to tell you when she feels hurt instead of sitting with it and expect you to notice, to read her mind, that is.

What to do, Confused?

🤔 Anita