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anitaParticipantHey Dear Confused:
Yes, I realized it was morning in Greece when for some reason I thought it was 4 am or so 🙂
I didn’t know you did so much for her.
“Calling me a narcissistic asshole?”- you mentioned it once before, yesterday maybe, or the other day. I put it out of my mind because it didn’t fit with my image of her. But now, I’m hearing it. Sounds.. just not right. The Confused I know is neither one of those things! From what you shared about her earlier, she seemed so gentle.
When she finally pulled away, she needs a reason that makes her feel justified, and not guilty — and the easiest emotional shortcut was to label you as the villain. She lashed out at you. Is it the first time she did that?
🤔 Anita
anitaParticipantHey 🌙🦉 Confused:
So good to read back from you this Thurs night here.
I don’t think you’re bipolar. I communicated before with someone so diagnosed and you never sounded that way at all. Your thoughts never rush ahead in that fast, fast way.
Are the two of you communicating at this time.. I wonder 🤔
anitaParticipantHey Dear Confused 🤔
I think what’s happening right now is that your mind is trying to jump between extremes — big visions of the future on one side, and fear of the void on the other. That swing is what makes everything feel confusing. When you’re in that place, the questions don’t have clear answers yet. They’re just signals that you’re overwhelmed.
Maybe the first step isn’t to “fix” anything, but to let things settle a little. When you slow down inside, your feelings get clearer. You don’t have to decide if it’s love, fear, or the void tonight. You don’t have to solve the whole relationship in your head. Just breathe a bit, stay steady, and let the dust settle.
We can look at it together, one piece at a time.
* 100 mph ≈ 161 kph, 65 mph ≈ 105 kph
🏍️🚗🏍️ Anita
anitaParticipantHmm Dear Confused 🤔
The image of a car speeding 100 mph and crashing comes to mind.
Loving her to the moon and back is 100 mph (don’t know in kilometers at the moment),
Slow down, Confused.. 65 mph is the limit here, on the highways 🙂. Drive slower, lesser chance you crash (the shutdowns).
I’ll continue using the computer.
anitaParticipantHey Dear Confused:
You got it 👍 Confused: “They come close- pulling away, they’re going away- U feel feelings.”-
Perhaps Confused is no longer as Confused 🙂
Love + Fear = the above quote.
“How can U say if U wanna be with someone before actually living with them?”-
– How can U say that you love her “to the 🌙 and back”, and that you’re “willing to do whatever it takes”, and at the same time, say something like:
‘I can’t tell if I want to be with you. I’ll figure it out after I live with you for a while.’
People say things at the heat of passion or desperation 🙂
So, would it be more accurate to say that maybe you will love her to the 🌙 and back someday in the future, that currently You’re very fond of her?
🤔 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Eva:
I’ve been thinking about your thread and about something important — your agency. By that I mean your ability to understand your own experience in your own way, and to decide what feels true for you. You’ve lived this relationship day by day for years. You know what it felt like, what you needed, and what you didn’t receive. That understanding comes from inside you.
You get to make sense of your own story in your own words, at your own pace. You get to decide what the patterns mean, what you want, and what “action” looks like for you now.
I trust your clarity. I trust your ability to see your experience from the inside. I’m here whenever you feel ready to talk again. No need to respond until you feel ready. I hope you’re finding a little calm wherever you are.
🙂🌿 Anita
anitaParticipantHey Dear Confused:
I wonder if part of what’s happening is that the long‑distance version of your relationship has felt very safe and romantic for both of you, while the in‑person version feels more uncertain — almost like something that has to “go well.” That could make things confusing or stressful for her.
When you talk about needing to “to see how we are together for a month” in person before making plans, she might hear that as pressure to prove herself, especially given her insecurities. That could also make her more sensitive to anything that feels like comparison with other women.
🤔 Anita
anitaParticipantHey Dear Confused 🙂
My guess is that now that she cancelled the trip to spend time with you in- person (Aug 9, was it, 11 days from now?), the immediate “threat” is gone, and she will calm down and return to the safer LDR mode.
Possibly, her stress level over the planned trip led to her overreaction of a few days ago 🤔
Maybe the two of you are more comfortable in a LDR.
What stayed in my mind ever since you shared it with me, a long while ago, is that you told her when she brought up an irl future together- that it’d be a wait- and- see kind of a thing, that the two of you will spend time together, and if it’ll work out, then you’ll spend more time together, and repeat, as in testing the relationship irl.
I imagine that this has put a lot of pressure on her, particularly given her insecurities, feeling like she has to pass a series of tests before feeling safe in an irl relationship with you 🤔
You wrote right above, 3 hours ago: “I told her I am willing to do whatever it takes… that I love her to the moon and back”-
Does this mean that if the two of you get together in- person, it’ll still be a day to day thing: see if the two of you are getting along before you decide if the relationship should continue?
🌿 Anita
anitaParticipantSix months and 27 days since I heard from me. Me here 🤔 how me is doing?
anitaParticipantHow is Going Through Life 🤔
anitaParticipant“ευχαριστώ πολύ, σου εύχομαι το ίδιο..” means: “Thank you very much, I wish you the same.” 🙏🇬🇷
anitaParticipantHey Dear Confused 🙂
Truly a pleasure to read your message, makes me happy to read you say: “I stopped taking full responsibility and started seeing her more as an equal” 👏👏👏
Because it’s true.
I agree with your friend 👍
I am using my phone, but when I’m back to the computer, I will ask you know who what you wrote at the closing of your post in Greek.
6:30 am your time by the time I submit this post. I hope you sleep well 🌙🦉.
🌿 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Confused: it’s very late for you now in Greece (2:07 am when I submit this), and I know your heart is hurting. Try to let the night be quiet. Take a breath, φίλε μου. Your feelings are strong because you’re overwhelmed, not because you need to do anything. Let things settle a bit. Ειρήνη στην καρδιά σου… peace in your heart for tonight.
Anita
anitaParticipantConfused, I hear you. You’ve been intensely attached to her for a long time, but going between feeling close and feeling very distant ( indifferent, numb), back and forth.
Now that she’s distancing, all you feel is closeness..? No more indifference to her?
anitaParticipantDear Eva:
Your metaphor tells me how deeply hurt you feel about him walking away from you when you needed him most.
I can sense how hurt you’ve been for so long, feeling unseen, lonely and unimportant, him choosing to disappoint you over disappointing others,
And being told that you were “the problem” when you tried to make him see how hurt you felt.
I understand the appeal in the thought that one day he will say ‘I choose you, Eva’, and follow that statement with all the behaviors that will convince you that indeed, you are chosen.
I remember some time ago, you wrote something to the effect that these issues with him were analyzed to death, that what you need is action, not more analysis.
I wonder what you meant by action 🤔
🌿 Anita
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