Dear me:

You are correct: we first talked on Sept 18, 2016- that’s 9 years (and 3 days) ago!

I read what you shared yesterday, and it’s obvious that your now ex-coworker genuinely liked/ likes you.

“she wrote… I was a good good friend and she liked playing with me… she wanted to have her lunch with me and brought her chair close to me and was eating her food… She saw me heading out with my bike, so she followed me… filming the workplace (and me)… telling me she will miss me again and we hugged again… I get her on social media (she wanted me to)… At work we did like a lot of touching, like tickling, hand on hand…”-

It seems like you are almost surprised that she really liked you..? It definitely delights you, to be genuinely liked by someone you like- that would delight anyone!

On Dec 7, 2016, you wrote: “I never think I’m worth anyone’s time. People invite me to do things with them sometimes but I normally decline. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I don’t feel worthy of being around people.”-

You can tell, and I can tell, that your ex coworker genuinely felt that you were worth her time. It is clear to me that you are worthy of being around people!

As a response to your words above (2016), I wrote to you (Aug 29, 2024, on the 1st page of your 1st thread as “me”): “Similarly to what you shared, throughout most of my life… I too thought that I was not worth anyone’s time… Like you, I desired closeness with people, but couldn’t trust people for long, so I couldn’t remain close to anyone for long.. there were only moments of closeness, tiny moments in a desert of loneliness. Fast forward: I’ve experienced lots and lots of moments of closeness (online and in real-life), more than ever: this is what life is about, this is the joy of living! Life can get better!”-

I still believe that the greatest joy in life comes from positively and genuinely connecting with other people 😄✨🤗🫶

You wrote yesterday: “Anyway obviously it wont be a thing as she’s going back to the other side of the world and we will never see each other again or talk, just wanted to post about it… I wont be pursuing contact with the woman, just wanted to share a story.”-

It’s possible for the friendship to continue, to even deepen, long-distance, and it’s possible for the two of you to get together again irl, isn’t it?

How do you feel about what I wrote right above..?

🌿 Anita

It’s okay. me- for you to continue to shar3 your story. I’m just glad to hear back from you. The first time we talked was years ago.. When was it? 7, 8 years ago? Longer?

I will reply best I can, Going Through Life, Sun morning (It’s Sat night here).

🌿 Anita

Dear Alessa:

I have to quote you here because what you wrote only 17 minutes ago hit me strong:

“I think that what is really important and often overlooked in adults is a need for unconditional love.”-

So very, very true, Alessa. This thought didn’t occur to me until I read your words right above.

“Love is given freely to children and pets, but for adults, nope. If they do something wrong they don’t deserve love anymore. I think it’s such a shame and perhaps the wrong approach to life.”-

My goodness, Alessa, you are so right.

“No wonder we all feel so separate.”- I keep quoting you because what you are saying, in my mind, tonight (here, morning where you’re at) is revolutionary.

Let’s give each other, Alessa, the adults that we are- the unconditional love we needed for too long. Here. Now and forward… ❤️

Anita

Good morning (here) Q:

As to why the effect of loving oneself isn’t as strong as being loved by another person, that is, why external validation feels better or stronger than external validation-

I think it’s primarily so because we are social animals who are born to interact with others, to love and be loved by others. But seeking love externally does not preclude seeking love internally. Both can take place at the same time.

When you gave your ex a gift and she received it with appreciation- that’s external reciprocity. When you give yourself a gift and you receive it with appreciation- that’s internal reciprocity. In both cases, love is about giving and receiving.

I think of the part of me that I want to give love to, as the child within me (aka inner child). If I give her a gift and she doesn’t receive it- then mission failed, so to speak. No love took place. There has to be a receiver within.

External receiving is visible (ex’s genuine smile, a loving gaze) and audible (ex saying: “thank you”, “I love you”), but internal receiving is invisible and inaudible (unless you look at yourself in the mirror, or talk out loud to yourself).

I think that many are not in the habit of loving oneself, but it’s a good habit to practice because it makes people less desperate for the love of other people.

in your second post you wrote: “I don’t get to hear a lot of positive motivating words like ‘Things are hard now and you’re trying your best it’s okay keep going.’. So because I rarely heard those things, I think in my head I felt like yea maybe… I deserve to be in my current state”-

Imagine that instead of thinking “I deserve to be in my current state”, you’d be thinking (saying to the boy within Q): “Things are hard now, and I’m trying my best”, and then Q the boy receives this emotional gift, feeling calm and relief as a result..?

🌿 Anita

Will read and reply Fri morning, Going-through-Life (Thurs night here)… Take good care of you!

Adding: Does the above resonate wit you to any extent, Q?

* Forgot to add: I am sorry she cheated on you 😔