Dear Alessa:

In regard to the apology- you are welcome.

In regard to getting things off your chest- I am glad you did. You have been heard!

“It hurt being ignored. I’m a very consistent person. I don’t ignore people. It is difficult for me to connect with people who are hot and cold because it never really feels like they are actually interested in sustaining a friendship and have a foot half way out of the door, ready to slam it shut again.”-

I will do my best to not ignore you and to be consistently ❤️ .. to not turn cold.

“…what unsettled me the most in the initial conflict was Anita posting about how happy she was whilst we were suffering.”- actually, I remember that moment you are referring to. I understand why it unsettled you. I am sorry that you were suffering at that time.

“It also hurt when I was asked for things to stop and I was ignored. I was politely begging for my feelings to be heard and to matter. No. I don’t matter, is what I felt.”- You do matter. And I did stop referring to you (communicating about you without mentioning your name)- first because of Lori’s input, but most recently- because I realize it was wrong.

“It hurts me to see what is happening now. Post apology. I don’t have any energy left.”- when I post there next, I will do my best to resolve the conflict.

“It feels tone deaf to try to tell people what they can and can’t do after how we have been treat. What about our feelings? As long as things are handled respectfully and not in a cruel way, I don’t see the problem.”- as long as things are handled respectfully, yes.

I wanted to communicate with Tee 1-to-1 for the purpose of resolving the conflict with her- not so to silence anyone, but so that she and I could better hear each other. My suggestion was met with a No, and I accept it.

Please take care of yourself and your boy, Alessa.

With Care, Anita

Give me a chance, Tee, to be real now, to be honest now. Give me a chance to be who I am choosing to be NOW, not as I have been THEN.

One more thing: I was having a discussion with Tee. I apologized, she accepted, brought up a few points for further discussion, I asked for a clarification.. and .. why did you enter the tread at this point, Brandy.. to accuse me… Why didn’t you give my communication with Tee a chance?

The only explanation I have is that you have an agenda against me. You are here to hurt me. Not a projection.

Protesting abuse, I am now withdrawing.

Anita

Hi Brandy: I will not admit to false accusations, such as that I “use your sad childhood story to make excuses and justify bad behavior.”, and that I use a supposed “‘status’ on the forums to intimidate and silence members.”- it is simply not true.

Anita

You are welcome, Brandy. I strongly disagree with 5/6 of your “I believe” accusations. But what can I do, your beliefs are stated with such absolute confidence that I have no faith in trying to change what you believe so strongly.

😞 Anita

Dear James:

“Poor James. He tried so hard. Tried to be good. Tried to be strong. Tried to be someone… But the more he sought, the farther he felt… He thought.. That peace would come if he just tried a little harder, fixed a little more, understood a little deeper… Poor James… Finally, what remains is rich beyond measure.”-

This is very meaningful to me, it speaks to me. It resonates with my own experience of childhood and beyond:

I tried so hard, too hard to be safe. I tried to be good enough to be safe. I tried to be someone so to feel safe. My feeling of safety hinged on how others feel about me. I was terribly AFRAID of people.

“Finally, what remains is rich beyond measure”- for me, what remains today is indeed rich beyond measure: the fear is weaker, softer.

Thank you, James for this beautiful poem!

Warmly, Anita

Hi Tee:

I understand what you’re saying and again, I take full responsibility for talking negatively about members, including you, in these public forums. I understand it was wrong. Regarding any problem I have with a person in these forums, I need to address the person directly and respectfully.

On page 2 of this thread, on Aug 14, I wrote: “Note to all members: My posts reflect my personal experiences and thoughts. They are never directed at or referencing any forum member—except for the original poster, whom I address by name. Unless explicitly stated, my posts are not about or aimed at any individual in this forum. Still, in yet other words: my writing is personal and reflective. It is never intended as commentary on other members.”-

I kept my word since and will continue to do so.

What I asked in my last reply to you was: do you mean that it’s okay for you, Tee, at this point and onward (being that I will no longer refer to you negatively and indirectly, and being that you are welcomed to communicate with me directly)- to discuss me negatively with other members (whether I join the conversation or not)?

Anita

I am here, Alessa ❤️