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anitaParticipantThank you, Peter for the posts as well as for the beautifully written parable. I appreciate the depth you bring.
“Layla: ‘Yes. And every encounter is a seed. Plant it wisely.'”- some encounters are indeed seeds to plant. Others are thorns to remove.
“And when we fail and we will, and when the community fails us, and it will, may there be grace to forgive”- beautifully written!
I am learning these days that grace can mean honoring my own healing first. That includes naming harm clearly, and not rushing toward forgiveness to preserve comfort.
🤍Anita
anitaParticipantI’ve been sitting with your reflections, Peter, especially this part: ‘Moments of tension… can be powerful opportunities for growth… That tension, that pause, is where transformation begins.”-
In trauma-informed spaces, not all tension is transformative — some is retraumatizing. I’m curious if that resonates with you?
Anita
anitaParticipantDear Readers:
Earlier this morning, I mentioned continuing my SOCJ posts, but after a thoughtful exchange with Lori, I’ve come to understand that journaling-style entries aren’t aligned with the forum’s purpose.
Lori explained to me that this isn’t about preventing me from expressing myself. It’s about the format. The forums are meant for back-and-forth discussions, not ongoing personal journals. SOCJ-style posts, even without member references or “do not respond,” still function as private journaling, which is why Lori asked me to not to post my SOCJs entries going forward.
Therefore, I will return to sharing in a way that invites dialogue and mutual support — while still honoring my boundaries around engagement. I may not respond to every reply, especially where safety or emotional clarity are at stake. Thank you for walking this journey with me.
Anita
anitaParticipantYou are welcome, Eva.
You were asking for connection and respect, and instead of being met with empathy, you were told you were lacking “understanding.”
In other words, you were expressing real, valid needs. But he framed those needs as a problem, leading to the breakup.
Accusing you of being not “understanding” enough — flips the script. Instead of him being accountable for neglect or emotional distance, he positioned you as the problem. This is a classic reversal tactic that leaves the other person carrying the emotional burden.
It seems like love and connection with him were contingent on your silence and self-erasure. The idea that you might have “saved” the relationship by suppressing your needs suggests you were trained to believe that emotional expression equals rejection…?
Eva, you didn’t ruin the relationship by speaking up — you revealed a truth that he wasn’t willing to meet. Your needs weren’t too much — they were unmet.
You deserve to grieve not just the loss of the relationship, but the loss of safety in expressing your truth. That grief is sacred. It’s not weakness — it’s evidence of your emotional integrity.
With care, Anita
anitaParticipantDear Readers:
I will continue my stream of consciousness journaling (SOCJ) with an adjustment:
in the SOCJs to follow, I will not express or process my feelings in regard to members of these forums.
There will be no direct or indirect reference to any member of tiny buddha in the SOCJs to follow.
Anita
anitaParticipantGood Morning, Zenith: I changed my mind.. please disregard the Goodby 😊
anitaParticipantRemember my last words to you, Zenith: you ARE fierce inside. Trust it. I will miss you.
This place (tiny buddha) is no longer my place. Goodby, Zenith. I will miss you.
Anita
anitaParticipantWould you like me to have an email address of yours where we can continue to communicate, Zenith?
Anita
August 7, 2025 at 6:56 pm in reply to: “He initiated closeness, then disappeared — still hurting months later” #448344anitaParticipantDear Adalie:
I understand. I am so sorry about all the pain through all of this. I don’t know you irl, but I care nonetheless.
Anita⅝
anitaParticipantI know anxiety all too well and I know fear of people, but I am discovering my own fierceness. I am discovering what it means and how to make it work for me (and for others).. And so can you. It takes learning, beginning in “small” ways. I put small in quotations because whenever you assert yourself just right.. there’s nothing small about it.
If you want, we can practice: you be you and I’ll play the part of your manager.. or co-sister or mil.
(I have to leave soon and be back to the computer tonight).
Anita
anitaParticipantThe fierceness is in you.. Trust it and it will serve you well!
anitaParticipantShe got it from you! The Fierceness is within you, I noticed it from the time we first started talking 🔥
anitaParticipantTell her calmly and politely how you are going to respond to co-sister. You might be surprised- she may retreat and not push you. I just wish your husband would be there to support you. But if you have to do it alone- be it..
Take an example from your little one’s defiance.. just do it in a grown-up, mature way.
anitaParticipantIt takes courage. But think about it: what’s the worst that can happen if you decide how you respond to co-sister? You’ll have to sleep on a small bed all by yourself when you’re there. lol.. Better that or some sign of others’ disapproval than a heavy, angry (understandably) mind and heart!
anitaParticipantFrom now on- quiet defiance! No need to argue or be loud- simply do not submit to your mil’s expectations or directions! To thine own self be True! (Shakespeare said that).
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.