Dear Peter:

I greatly appreciate your honesty about how my wording came across to you. I will process and get back to you tomorrow. And I will correct what I may have misunderstood.

Oh. And the song- I didn’t write it. It’s a song by Glen Cambell. I love watching the YouTube of him singing it with karoke captions, so I can sing along.

Anita

Is it that I was stuck analyzing shame and fear in efforts to chase them away via understanding that kept them hanging on tight, while trying to understand them with an attitude of befriending them would have made all the difference? In other words, it’s not the analysis itself that kept them strong within me, but my efforts to divorce myself from them through analysis that kept them powerful within me?

I think so.

And strangely, as I am now thinking of befriending fear and shame, I have no desire to analyze them further.

anita

Concluding:

I will revisit all this later, of course. But for now, as with all things in life, balance is key—stillness and movement, analysis and non-analysis. Just as excess motion leads to chaos and excess stillness to stagnation, too much analysis traps the mind, while too little leaves needed insight undiscovered. All things in moderation.

As to me, all my decades-long analyses of my childhood was fruitless until most recently, and the reason was simply that I perceived the analyzer (myself) as worthless, acutely worthless and shameful. Shame has been the most acute. And the fear too, the fear of the next time I will be shamed. No way in heaven or in hell, that I could have transcended these acute painful emotions+ cognitions without facing this Shame and Fear. I am looking these in the eye right now, so to speak. Strangely, befriending them. Not for the purpose of keeping them, but for the purpose of not trying to escape them, a quest I was never successful at. Wow.. befriending all that I am. All. What a concept.

Developing this a bit further: the more I tried to escape shame and fear, the stronger and more persistent they remained. Accept them, befriend them, and I can almost feel their lack of motivation to stay.

anita

* I think that my post was too long, so i will break it down to parts:

Dear Peter:

First, a few definitions:

Transcendence- In a spiritual or philosophical sense, transcendence refers to an awareness that goes beyond everyday perception—seeing things from a higher perspective, detached from ego or suffering. It involves a sense of oneness, peace, or enlightenment, where things like fear, desire, and emotional pain no longer control one’s experience.

Detachment- A calm and objective perspective, where one is not overly affected by external events or inner turmoil. In a spiritual or philosophical sense, detachment means letting go of attachment to desires, suffering, or ego-driven identification. It’s seen as a way to achieve peace, allowing emotions to arise without being consumed by them.

Ego- In spiritual and philosophical traditions, ego is seen as an illusion—the part of us that clings to identity, comparison, and separateness rather than a deeper sense of oneness and flow. Some teachings suggest that transcending the ego leads to peace, allowing someone to move beyond attachments and emotional reactivity.
Put simply: ego is the voice that says, “This is who I am. I need to protect, prove, or control this image.”. Detachment says: “I am not defined by my thoughts, emotions, or external circumstances. I can observe without being controlled by them.”. Transcendence says: “There is no separate ‘me’ to protect or prove—everything is interconnected. Love, awareness, and peace exist beyond the need for labels or control.”

* Control in the above refers to the ways the ego tries to shape, manage, or dictate reality to maintain a sense of identity or security. Examples: (1) If someone disagrees with one’s beliefs, the ego feels threatened and pushes back aggressively to prove it’s right. Transcendence would say, “I don’t need to convince others—truth exists beyond personal opinions.

(2) The ego resists sadness or anger, thinking, “I shouldn’t feel this way.” Transcendence would say, “All emotions flow naturally—I allow them without attachment.

(3) The ego insists that life should unfold in a specific way (success, relationships, status), leading to anxiety if things don’t go as planned. Transcendence would say, “I trust in the flow of life rather than forcing results.”

(4) The ego clings to labels (smart, strong, successful), fearing that losing them means losing self-worth. Transcendence would say, “I am beyond labels—my value doesn’t depend on external definitions.”

Next, I am simplifying my questions and your answers and processing them best I can:

Question # 1: Does detachment require acknowledgment and emotional integration first, or can transcendence happen immediately?

Your answer: Transcendence can be immediate. A person can shift into a higher awareness immediately, without needing to process suffering first. Detachment does not require acknowledgment and emotional integration first. Transcendence can happen immediately when one stops identifying with suffering. Detachment is an awareness shift—not something to be worked toward, but something to be allowed. Suffering is real in the realm of maya (time and experience), so emotional acknowledgment might still play a role in some form.

Question # 2: If trauma isn’t “real” in the ultimate sense, does suffering need full emotional acknowledgment before moving on?
Your answer: Full emotional acknowledgment is a valid path to healing, but it hasn’t worked for me (Peter). Instead, I see trauma as something experienced within time (maya), whereas the Eternal provides immediate relief from suffering.

* You are making a distinction, Peter, between two different approaches to healing—one rooted in time (maya) and the other in the Eternal (a state beyond time and suffering).

Full emotional acknowledgment as a healing path suggests that processing emotions thoroughly—feeling them, understanding them, and working through them—is necessary for healing. This is often the approach people take in therapy or self-reflection, engaging deeply with their pain before moving forward. However, you say that this hasn’t worked for you. Why? You imply that staying in the realm of maya keeps you caught in suffering. Even though acknowledgment is meant to lead to healing, you feel it hasn’t freed you from suffering in a deep way.

Instead, you see the Eternal as offering immediate relief from suffering—not because trauma doesn’t exist, but because in the Eternal, trauma no longer holds weight or control over the self. Identifying too much with suffering keeps it alive, whereas stepping into an awareness beyond time allows suffering to dissolve naturally.

It’s an unconventional take—rather than processing suffering as something to be worked through, you view detachment from the entire concept of suffering as a way to transcend it.

Question # 3: Has your perspective evolved since 2016, or was it already solidified back then?
Your answer: In 2016, you were searching for understanding through information but got stuck. Later, you shifted to living what you believed instead of just studying it, which led to a transformation in your perspective.

You described your journey in two phases: (1) 2016: Seeking Understanding Through Information- At this stage, you were “gathering words”—actively searching for meaning by accumulating knowledge. However, you later realized that information isn’t the same as knowing.
You acknowledge that during this period, you were “dealing but not healing.” In other words, you were intellectually processing ideas but hadn’t yet experienced a transformational shift in how you lived them.

(2) Later Shift: Believing and Living Truths instead of just learning them- Two years ago, you asked a different question—instead of continuing to search, you wondered: “What if I actually believed in the things I learned were Truths?”
This marked a turning point where you moved beyond intellectual inquiry and began embodying your beliefs. This shift allowed you to break free from past obstacles and experience a deeper understanding of life and healing. This shift came when you stopped viewing Truth as something to search for and instead started living it.

Thank you, Peter, for sharing all of this and for your contributions to the forums over the years.
And now, my little research and thoughts: I just looked it up and indeed some philosophical and spiritual traditions advocate for immediate transcendence, bypassing deep psychological processing or self-analysis:

Advaita Vedanta is a Hindu philosophical tradition that teaches that the self is already one with the Absolute (Brahman)—there is no need for gradual self-processing, only the direct realization of this truth. Quote (Ramana Maharshi): “You are already that which you seek. The obstacle is the belief that you are not.”

Some Zen schools emphasize instant awakening rather than gradual self-exploration. Quote (Huang Po): “There is only the One Mind. Why talk of realization? You are already enlightened.”- This implies that seeking understanding is unnecessary—one must simply drop illusions and recognize reality.

Taoist philosophy suggests that trying to process and understand oneself is counterproductive—true transcendence comes from letting go and flowing with the Tao. Quote (Laozi): “Stop thinking, and end your problems.”- This perspective sees analysis and effort as barriers to transcendence.

Some Christian mystics emphasize immediate union with God through surrender, rather than deep psychological work.
These traditions argue that seeking, analyzing, and processing reinforce the illusion of separation, whereas immediate transcendence comes from direct realization, surrender, or effortless awareness. (to be continued)

Dear Peter:

I’ve been reflecting on our discussions, and it occurred to me that I may be able to offer some helpful feedback. As someone who has read through many of your posts—perhaps more than any other member besides yourself—I’ve noticed how consistent you’ve been over the years in your responses and the themes you explore.

Your honesty and depth of thought stand out, and you’ve remained true to your perspective. At the same time, I didn’t notice significant shifts in awareness or new understandings developing over time (though, of course, I haven’t read everything, and I may have missed important moments).

It makes me curious—do you feel your perspective has evolved since 2016, or do you see your understanding as something that was already solidified back then?

anita

Dear Peter:

I think you answered my questions back on April 2, 2018, exactly 7 years ago 😲: “It is an interesting paradox that it takes a strong and healthy ego to detach itself from the Self… The problem arises when we attach our sense of Self to the ego… we unconsciously attach the self and consciousness to our experiences, thoughts and or emotions. “I” (which is a construct of language) becomes attached to a sense of identity… I am my experiences, I am my thoughts, I am my emotions, I am my ego… I am a construct of language… and we end up in knots, a plaything of emotions and manipulations… a consciousness that is fixated on a emotion, thoughts, experience and all the pain that that brings… any letting go evolves a kind of dying. We make space for something else to emerge. It is a leap into uncertainty. A part of the ego that we cling is the idea that we can control the life/death/life process that is LIFE. Letting go of that is scary so we hang on and the more we cling the more we suffer… and the more we cling…. until we let go… Equals “dying” is painful…. There is a time for everything including attaching our sense of self to our ego and the language construct “I” (which is mistaking the map for the territory). As we awaken to the process we develop a healthy sense of self that “knows” when its time to let it go and make room for what comes next.”-

– Your perspective suggests that healing is a process, not an instant shift—that detachment becomes possible only after certain internal work is done. Your words imply that forcing detachment too soon, before the self is ready, isn’t helpful. You acknowledge that processing trauma is needed at first, but ultimately, you see detachment as the final step—a transition that happens when the time is right, not something to rush. In this view, trauma survivors must reach a certain level of self-awareness and inner stability before detachment can truly work.

One part of your reflections stood out to me this morning: “Any letting go evolves a kind of dying. We make space for something else to emerge.”

That resonates deeply with where I am right now.

This morning, as I turned on my computer, I had a strange experience. I thought about doing everything right today, and suddenly, I felt peaceful, optimistic—even euphoric. Then, a memory surfaced: this was how I used to feel growing up. Back then, every beginning day felt like an opportunity to do everything just right, where no mistakes will be made and no criticism will follow.

Before this morning, I remembered striving to get everything right, but I had long forgotten the emotional part—the euphoria itself. This is what I meant when I spoke about abandoned parts of myself left behind in the past, needing to be reclaimed before I can move forward.

Remembering that feeling today was like picking up a lost piece of myself from the side of the road—taking it with me, integrating it, and continuing walking forward on the main road.

processing the above: picking up this memory of emotion is essential for healing because emotional reconnection restores lost parts of the self. When trauma or life experiences cause disconnection, certain emotions—like hope, joy, or optimism— become fragmented, buried, or forgotten. Healing isn’t just about understanding what happened—it’s about reclaiming the full emotional experience that was lost along the way.

Remembering that euphoric feeling from childhood isn’t just a memory—it’s a piece of me that was abandoned, left behind when survival took precedence over emotional wholeness. By recognizing it, I am not just recalling an old sensation— I am reintegrating a part of myself, making space for it to exist again in the present.

Healing is about reclaiming what was lost before moving forward. I can’t let go when too much of me is still left behind. There has to be enough of me intact to make letting go possible—because if too much is missing, I won’t have enough of myself to withstand the release.

Thank you, peter, for making this processing possible for me.

anita

Dear Peter:

About you feeling misunderstood, I am sorry Peter. Sincerely, I think that your intelligence is significantly superior to mine and it’s difficult for me to catch up.

“Healing coming from closing the distance to the Relationship with Self. My experience has been that when the latter is addressed the temporal now long past experiences resolves by de-solving.”- You say true healing comes not from revisiting the past, but from deepening the Relationship with Self.

But I have to revisit the past- and believe it really happened- because my self was left, abandoned, in places along that past.

“So the question what are you seeking?”- myself. The abandoned parts of self left along the way.

“Perhaps a better question. When does the seeker get to be one who found?”- maybe this very Tuesday evening, April (not Fool?) Day. Collecting the pieces left along the past: here’s the piece that wants to be loved, here’s the piece that’s so very scared, here’s the piece that.. wait, reverse, here’s the piece that so desperately want to be loved: “oh love me, love me, PLEASE!”

There it is: I am seeking love. I know it’s true because there are tears in my eyes. I always sought love, a thing that wasn’t there for me. it wasn’t there.

“So the question what are you seeking?”- Love, as Always.

anita