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AdamParticipantHi Matt
I cannot say that I have shared exactly the same experiences having never been married or having children. However I have been through bad break ups and cheating etc. I struggle with the same things letting go is really hard for me. I really recently took a trip to Nepal for a bit of soul searching and the thing that really touched me was the buddhist view towards compassion. Compassion for all beings. And when your ex may have wronged you I know mine sure did we can take comfort in the fact that she like all of us is human and is subjected to the same flaws we all are. This recognition can begin to sow the feeling of compassion, I know for me it was and is a big relief to look at things in this way. When you feel compassion for someone it removes the feeling of hate or frustration and replaces it with warmth. I would recommend you listen to some Dharma talks because the Buddha battled the same demons we all do and his insights can be helpful. Hope you find your way.
AdamParticipantHey Guys,
Thank you so much for the outpouring of support.
I have had my good days and bad days in between @owen deneny thanks for your words and this is something that I am going to have to journey learning to become better to my inner self.
@Alice thank you and you words made me realize that there are other people in the same position and that I its ok to process your feelings, one of the hardest parts of this journey for me has been accepting my feelings and allowing myself to be devastated and hurt when so often people are telling you to do the opposite.
@sunseeker26 thanks for your kind words also, I have tried visulisation but am not very good at it but realise that I need something in place to counter the negative emotions.
@AL I guess that will be the learning experience for me then, learning how to love someone who I feel deep down has wronged me completely, changing that outlook could be a big lesson for me.Thank you all for taking time to reply; I am going to Nepal next week for three weeks so hoping to meditate and do some of the things you have all suggested, I will keep you updated while there and give you updates on my progress, I hope to come back to my normal life with a new sense of balance and love.
Adz
AdamParticipantHi Cyd,
Thanks for your response I really like the suggestion of “if I loved myself more I would ____” after I read this it stewed around in my mind for a while and found myself thinking in the shower (where most of it gets done :p ) what would I be doing if I loved myself more and it gave me the motivation to simply get out of the house and just buy some groceries and cook myself a healthy dinner something I would do if I was caring and loving myself more. People often and even buddha says “the person most deserving of your love is yourself” which seems simple but sometimes is the most difficult thing.
AdamParticipantI have experienced exactly the same feelings and can feel your pain. I have had similar feelings over the Christmas period and like you the final ending was not my choice either. I find the thing that often prevents me from making contact is that what I am feeling is probably more a reflection of my own feelings and trying to contact or getting in contact will not resolve any of my own feelings but instead probably create new negative emotions or feelings of resentment. At some point we all have to be enough for ourselves. Keep your head up your not alone and like all things this too shall pass. After pain comes success.
AdamParticipantI eventually ended up back in a relationship with this person who you could say that I was co-dependent upon. The relationship ended over arguments where i was being deemed as not ”putting the other person first”. That person then moved fairly quickly into a new relationship. The criticism that was leveled at me from this person and the fact that they were able to move on so quickly has left me feeling depressed, isolated and feeling helpless. I have amazing friends and family who are constantly supporting me and telling me the old ”it will get better with time” and ”you are better off” however still have the occasional person look at my mystified that this could still be effecting me so greatly.
The end of the relationship left me questioning myself, my value, my actions.
I am beginning to meditate more and practice mindfulness.
I still have days where all I concentrate on the opinion and actions of this one particular person.
Just feeling lost within myself.
AdamParticipantHey Matt and Lucia,
Thanks for the kind words guys.
Your both right in the fact that I need to take it step by step.
Matt I have meditated before but find that it is something that I do not stick with although I keep Buddhas teachings in mind all the time.
I am currently studying part time and in a break period atm which has caused me to retract into this self doubting stage as I am not doing things that make me happy (right now).
I guess for me the struggle is believing in myself to know that what I am feeling is what matters, and that others thoughts and opinions are their own and should not impact me as much.
Thanks for this.
Regards
Adam
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