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alizee2007

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #307855
    alizee2007
    Participant

    Hi msfuturedoctor! I don’t think you need to give up your love relationship with a wonderful man that you say you love dearly. It definitely brings quality and good things in your life! You feel you need to discover yourself and wonder if you can do that by being on your own. You could, but because you already have a significant other in your life my advice to you would be to find a way to balance the two things. They do not have to be separated … I mean you can still find yourself and care for your relationship. You must discuss this with your partner and maybe decide to take things slow for a while so you can sort out your feelings. I am sure he will understand your problem because you say he is supportive. You could also go to a therapist to help you figure out your deepest feelings and balance your personal growth with your love relationship.

    Hope this helps!

     

    #307629
    alizee2007
    Participant

    Hi G! Welcome to the forum!

    Are you talking about distancing yourself for good from him or just emotionally ? Why is that? Does he have a girlfriend? Don’t you want to have a love relationship with him? Is he unavailable to you? Why can’t you meet in person if you have developed a great friendship? I think you first need do sort this out.

    The way I see it, you will have to reduce the communication between you two (though, I know, it’s hard!). Don’t reply to his messages as often as you used to and see his reaction on this. It will tell you more about where he stands regarding your friendship. Maybe it will make him miss you and clarify his own feelings for you.

    Let me know how that works!

     

    #305277
    alizee2007
    Participant

    Peggy, your most recent post really got me thinking … you are so right in everything you just said! “Slip a note into his pocket saying that if he wants to talk more here is how he can contact you” — he already has all my contact details. We talk on the phone and send texts on various occasions but the communication is liked to our work collaboration or the friendship that we developed.

    “You’ve been churning this over in your mind for two years yet you haven’t even acted upon “I’ve just met my future husband”. Have you ever expressed “I feel as if I’ve known you forever.”” — I never told him that, but now that you mention it, I see no harm in telling him that and see his reaction. It’s the pure truth, nobody ever made me feel this way.

    “I wish I was there at one of your meetings – I’d give you a great big push into his arms”. You made me smile! Yes, I could your your help, because I can’t seem to find a way to approach him…

    And the 2 plans that you mentioned greatly synthesize my problem and the root of my depression. I will definitely think this through.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by alizee2007.
    #305261
    alizee2007
    Participant

    Peggy — I am very aware of the fact that a love relationship can not fulfill my every need. I have friends, family, work colleagues that have become good friends to me. I am going out, am traveling often and I am involved in various projects … all these fulfill my needs but not the need of having a significant other, of loving a man and being loved back. I often feel lonely… This need can only be fulfilled by a love relationship with a similar person. Therefore, my life is going in many directions, I am not just relying on this man to “save me”. My obsession comes only from the fact that I like him so much, am ready for a love relationship and would like it to be with him.

    Anita — he is not a colleague of mine. We only collaborate for work related matters and he has a higher, auditing position to the work I do and this is why I see him rarely (1-2 times every few weeks). So, this should make things easier but you can see that they aren’t :)). Anita, you said:  “If you talk to him about a possible get together, a date or a relationship, suggest it in a business like manner, not emotionally or flirtatiously. Present it to him in such a way that his answer right-there-and-then is not required, in such a way that he can comfortably withdraw, but clearly enough so that you will know his answer”, this is what I was thinking too but could not put into words. Question is – how do I do that? easier said than done … I thought I made a start of that when I gave him a souvenir from abroad but he must have interpreted it as a gesture of friendship not of love interest …

    #305201
    alizee2007
    Participant

    Anita, yes, I am ready for the love relationship of my life. I like him so much and there is nothing I would like more than to be with him and see where it goes … but, as you said, I don’t know what’s in his heart and mind (he might think that of me too, right? ) and this is what keeps me in the obsession that I’m in… not knowing how/ if I should approach him or letting things unfold naturally and hoping he’ll make a move. In our 2 year work relationship we have definitely become more familiar with each other, sharing more things and getting to know each other better. So, I am hoping he’ll get more comfortable and confident to ask me out on a romantic date… but, that’s something uncertain and I hate not being in control of things. I feel powerless and clueless in my situation :((

    #305187
    alizee2007
    Participant

    Peggy — it makes sense what you wrote above and believe me, I will do my best to “let him know I like him” because he is so important to me. I just don’t want to spoil our friendship and work relationship … it’s very difficult for me to approach a man that I like. I might be lacking those skills … You are also right when you say that I should go on dates with other men, it would take the pressure off regarding the man I like but, at the same time, I don’t see myself spending my energy in others that are not important and meaningful to me. Yes, and I was avoiding relationships for a long time using career as an excuse, mostly for fear of emotional intimacy and showing my vulnerability to a close partner. But now, with him, I am so willing and open to reveal myself as I am and develop a love relationship with him! We can both learn how to do that! I guess one needs to feel these things first because you can’t just open up to anybody!

    Anita — when I first met him (aside from my feelings that I described above and which appeared like an epiphany the first moment I saw him) I liked the way he looked physically, liked his important position in the company BUT what I liked most, when talking to him and getting to know him little by little is that he is very intelligent, hard working, diligent, respectful, modest, kind, quiet, serious, friendly, funny, etc.  Therefore, it’s a whole person I like, I am not just impressed by his great job or the way he looks.

    Thank you both for taking the time to help and support me through this!

     

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by alizee2007.
    #305131
    alizee2007
    Participant

    Hi Anita! Thanks for your input! Believe me, everything you wrote has crossed my mind and I totally agree with you that this can be “fantasy” from my part. The rational part of me has thought about that over and over again. I mean, I know it might be only me feeling like this, when he might see me only as a good friend.

    So, I am torn between my feelings for him (which feel so great and right) and my rational thinking that tells me “its all an illusion" and hes only interested in me professionally…. I am so depressed about this situation, because I finally met a man I like (in a very long time) and I can`t be with him due to external circumstances ….

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by alizee2007.
    • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by alizee2007.
    #305045
    alizee2007
    Participant

    Peggy, you are so right. The first step is to find out his relationship status.

    For as long as Ive known him (almost 2 years) he said nothing of a love relationship or even implying having one, though he talked about his parents, hobbies, friends (male), college times, etc. I also did not mention any love relationships because I have been single for many years so there was nothing for me to talk about... I only know a few of his colleagues but not that well, therefore, I do not dare to ask them about his social status. But one thing is for sure -- he is not married. I know my story sounds childish and I feel like I am in high school again, but I never thought I would fall in love with a man under these circumstances. I am just racking my brain about this situation and dont know if I should “do something”, which might sound desperate or inadequate, or just let things flow naturally and see what happens…

    I might be one of those people who just “know” that they have met their soulmate, but sometimes I wonder if it is just an illusion of my mind or a gut feeling about him (I incline to think it`s gut feeling as all the feelings that I have about him are so right, peaceful and natural).

    Just like you said, Peggy, I thought about “inviting” him to an event, but did not have the chance yet to use an interesting and appealing event as a “starter”. Anyways, he might not be that “social”, as, from what I realized he is a little withdrawn, quiet, preferring nature and the country side.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by alizee2007.
    • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by alizee2007.
    #304979
    alizee2007
    Participant

    Thanks Peggy for your input! Another thing that is stuck in my mind is that — after our first professional meeting, I came home tired after a long day at work and wanted to rest for a few minutes. I must have slept for 10-15 minutes, but I remember that the first thought that came to my mind when I woke up was “I think I just met my husband!” and the thought continued all that afternoon, but I tried to dismiss it saying it was crazy for me to think that, as I knew nothing of the new person I had just met. This episode still runs through my mind as something like this had never happened to me.

    I have tried to find a way to let him know that I like him in a subtle way (once, I brought him a souvenir from a trip I made abroad and he seemed a little surprised but he must have interpreted my gesture as a gesture of friendship and appreciation rather than love) but other than that, I cant seem to "find a way to tell him" I like him a lot. I dont want to sound desperate, pushy or jeopardize our work collaboration…. this is just killing my peace of mind but hes all I think of these days and I am looking forward to seeing him again even though its only for a short period of time.

    Any advice on how I can let him know I like him in a subtle and elegant way? He brings so much joy in my life but, at the same time, sadness because I can`t be with him.

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)