Dear Anita,

It is lovely reading you again and thank you for your kindness, compassion and beautiful acknowledgement of my efforts. It makes me feel really appreciated and that is something I rarely experienced before.

I would also like to express my admiration on how you handled Tella’s questions. I was in a similar situation a few years ago (except I have no kids). It was awful and the way my ex fiancée treated his 2 kids and neglected my own needs felt like a torture. I would never ever go back to that situation again (even if the man is nice and all). It is a recipe for disaster.

Back to the situation at home… I completely agree with you, Anita. I had to do something. And I did. Yesterday, I had a another confrontation with my mother. She was moody again, complaining how hard her life was and that I should do more for her. As usual she starts talking negatively (rather a monolog than a discussion). She did not even let me finish my dinner…

I lost my cool and told her that I won’t tolerate it anymore and that moving out is the best option for us. And that from now on I won’t talk to her unless she is polite. I felt awafel seeing her shouting and bringing up the past. I was afraid of her health as she is an older lady. My heart was racing and I went to sleep to avoid further escalation and pain.

This morning she apologised but this pattern repeats itself for so long. I feel bad for her and for talking back to her as I still love her and she has good qualities in her. Unfortunately it is really hard to live with her and it affects my life.

How would you react in my place Anita? I do not want to be silent but I do not want to fight with her either.

To answer your questions, I would love a place where I can feel safe and peaceful. I do not want to walk on the eggshells and be afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.

Does a place like that even exist? It seems like everyone is arguing and fighting and it is quite normal nowadays.

I’m glad you agree with me regarding the old spiders and the friendships between man and woman.

It seems like nowadays men are spoiled and women are desperate to get them. It is the opposite of what it was in the old times.

Who has even heard before about the friends with benefits or situationships? No lady would agree to that. Nowadays men do not even have to invite you for a drink in order to sleep with a woman. And God forbid if she expects to be invited to a dinner. You will be called a gold digger and the next woman is just around a corner.

Not easy to be single nowadays…

Recently I had another spider reconnection. We stopped talking back then as I told him that I’m only interested in a traditional marriage (no prenups, not being a concubine). Now he is saying that he wants that too and that I should move out from my mother’s and live with him at his own place. But I should sign a prenup as all women can change after marriage and get half of his place. I told him that I do not live with men who are not my husband anyway. And he wants to ‘test’ it before. I told him no but he is pushing.

Anita, how would you react to that in my place? And also what is your own perspective on that?

It has been a very interesting discussion and you’ve mentioned some really important aspects in my message and in the one to Tella.

Thank you again Anita! 🤗

Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Have a lovely day dear! Big hug and lots of warmth 💖🫂

Dear Anita,

Lovely to hear from you and thank you for checking up on me!

Me and the man I was seeing, we stopped our communication. He asked me in one of his text messages if I want him to be more successful and I replied that if we want to be more than fiends, then yes. He did not reply and our chat stopped there. I did not contact him again.

So he prefered to stop the communication than to remain friends. For him romantic connection was more important than staying friends for the time being.

I felt a bit guilty that I told him to be more successful as it might mean that I am materialistic and not person oriented. But then I realised that wanting someone honest, hard working and successful is not a sin and I need all those qualities in someone to compensate for a life I never had before.

I felt a bit of a relief. I felt more free after the chat stopped. And look Anita it’s been almost 2 months and no news from him and I guess no progress with the project either. I could waste more time by just chating and waiting.

So yes Anita, you helped me to make the right choice and now I’m focusing on dealing with my anxiety and fear.

I still don’t know how to conquer the stagnation
and helplessness in my current situation and finding a new place is not easy.

But I hope I’ll get there…

Anita, I love your new picture! You’re beautiful outside & inside 😍

Thank you for being here for me like a guardian angel 😇

Hope to hear from you soon and how is your life going.

Big hug for now 🫂

Dear Anita,

I’m happy to hear that you are proud of me and that you liked my message. Your words give me courage 😘

I’ll try my best to keep away from the spider web 🕸 and learn to protect my well being.

And if anything remarkable happens, I’ll let you know.

Have a great day Anita!

I will miss you 💖🤗

Hello Jana,

Thank you for sharing. The more I try to work with my emotions the more anxious I get. I don’t know why…

I grew up in household where I could not speak up my mind without being punished one way or the other. Every day I had a deep fear of consequences and being rejected by the only people I care about.

Now I feel guilty that I offend him, hurt his feelings and leave him in the difficult time. He told me about his health issues.

I feel sorry for him…

And I am afraid that I won’t get another chance to find another friend and somehow also escape my reality at home. I live in a remote place and
my options are limited.

I hope that helps you to understand me better.

Thank you Jana 🙏 🌸

Hello Jana,

Thank you for your reply. I’m glad to read your perspective on that. I agree with you and Anita 💯 but internally it feels so hard to let go.

You can read my message above and an update from this man. His health issues make me hesitate to end it right away. I just don’t have it in me to say goodbye after reading his new messages.

You said it right, my energy goes in the wrong direction and I need another man to be happy 🙏

I just feel horrible to do it right now…

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for your kind words of appreciation and making me feel so welcome 😊

I did not send you my original, short message as I wanted to add a little update.

He keeps writing about the project and I’m trying to avoid asking him too much. But he keeps pushing. He wants to convince me that it is not just a dream. He told me that if I promise not to share his business plan with anyone else, he will send it to me. I said ‘ok, if you trust me, send it to me and I won’t share the sensitive details’.

But once I said ok, he said that he will show it to me on his tablet (instead of sending) as there are some numbers and salaries included. So he wants future with me but hides information? Why did he ask me in the first place? 😆

He said that it is better to meet one of the people he is working with to make me believe him more.

You were right again, seems like it all goes in circles…

Now, he really wants to meet me and show me the plan. I think out of courtesy, I could meet one time and if he tries making any future plans again or romantic gestures, I could simply say that after his disappearance last week, I feel that I need some time…and that we could continue but only on a friendly note?

Is that a good idea Anita? Would you say something else instead?

To be honest, I’m trying to distance myself as much as I can but somehow he doesn’t let me. He just doesn’t give up easily…now the relief of unblocking me turns into a frustration…

I don’t know how to establish the emotional distance anymore…

What would you suggest Anita?

I hope you are well & could find some time to rest more.

Have a good weekend!
Warm hugs and talk to you soon 🫂🤗

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for both of your messages. You adressed everything in such a compassionate and loving way that it really touched me so deep ❤️

I really don’t know where I would be if not you taking care of me. It felt like you were holding my hand while I was going through the storm of emotions. So my thank you is just a very little I can do for you now 🤗

I still need to navigate the life at home so that another bad brake down doesn’t lead me to the dark path again…

I know now that you’re here so it should be different this time…

I’ll also try to apply all the advice you gave me regarding the self care and boundaries. I really struggle to do that at the moment. But now I know that someone in this world cares about me and that I can give this life another chance 🙂

And I’ll keep my eyes open regarding the spider 🕷 probably once he realises that nothing is the same anymore and that he can’t treat me like that again…he’ll give up & try to catch another fly 🪰

Thank you for being with me on this journey Anita
💕
And I hope that we both find inner peace and happiness despite missing out on being loved and appreciated in the past ✨️

Big big hug 🤗 to you and once again thank you for all you’ve done for me! ❤️

Have a good evening and take a good care of yourself!

Dear Anita,

Thank you for saying that again and believing in me 💖 I’m an old soul, maybe too old school for this modern world. Maybe the values we hold are invisible or not appreciated anymore by many men or people in general.

Maybe that was another reason why this man got my attention. He seemed to want the same life as me, presenting similar values. But now you’re helping me to see that it all might be just a spider web 🕷🕸

For me you are a beautiful soul too with lots of love, understanding and compassion.

Enjoy your evening Anita
Talk to you tomorrow 🙏