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AnaO

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • January 23, 2018 at 3:22 pm #188365
    AnaO
    Participant

    Thanks for the encouragement Mark! I really appreciate it.

    Sexual abuse is a life long sentence to most people. Some people forget about it and ignore it but most people are crippled by it. It’s very hard to work through but it can be done. I realize that I have to be determined and consistent in my healing process in order to heal.

    January 9, 2018 at 12:33 pm #185805
    AnaO
    Participant

    Thank you for your advice! It’s a process and there are no short-cuts.

    January 9, 2018 at 8:29 am #185749
    AnaO
    Participant

    To be honest, I’m not sure. She’s the only living parent I have (my biological father passed away in 2015). I never asked myself why I feel this need to have a relationship with her. My surviving sister doesn’t talk to my mom at all. I guess I feel sorry for my mom. Not sure how that correlated to my healing but I know I need to tell my story to truly heal. I used to not want to embarrass her but now I realize that I have to live my truth regardless of who it makes uncomfortable.

    January 8, 2018 at 1:25 pm #185669
    AnaO
    Participant

    Trigger alert: The info below is very disturbing.

    My step-dad died about three months after my oldest sister was murdered by a jealous boyfriend. I think he died of grief because he and her had sexual relations well into her adulthood. She was abused at a young age and turned to a life of drugs etc. He gave her money in exchange for sex. I have anger towards him for what he did to her, myself and my other sister.

    Anyway! To answer your question, he is dead. My mother stayed with him until his death. I felt betrayed by her decision to stay with him for about 25 years. She pretends to believe me in person but she tells my sister in law that she doesn’t believe me. My sister in law told me what she said. Anyway. That was a slap in the face.

    I try to understand her because she was abused by her alcoholic father when she was a child. I found this out in 2005. Her mother didn’t believe her. I tried to make excuses for her by considering the fact that she left home early because of the abuse. Got married at 16 and never had a chance to develop as a person. When my sister and I told her about the abuse, I felt that she couldn’t handle the truth because at that time, she hadn’t acknowledged her own painful past.

    When we are on the phone, she states that she was a good mother to her children and this is where the pretending happens. I don’t respond when she says that. I don’t have the nerves to tell her that she is lying to herself. I don’t have the guts to tell her anything anymore because she is so “fragile”. She was diagnosed with bipolar but she is in denial that she has it. That’s another problem for another day though. Thanks for listening.

    January 8, 2018 at 7:58 am #185591
    AnaO
    Participant

    Thanks Anita! My mother is one of those toxic relationships. I want a relationship with her but she will not acknowledge her negligence concerning me and my sisters as children. Our step-Father was sexually abusive to us and she didn’t believe us or do anything about it. I have “forgiven” her complacency but I can’t pretend it didn’t happen just so we can have a relationship. I don’t call as often as I used too. I’m trying to keep contact to a minimum.

    January 7, 2018 at 5:09 pm #185519
    AnaO
    Participant

    You are not alone in this feeling. I’m glad you are seeking help through a professional. Do you have regular counseling sessions? I’m in no way qualified to give advice about this but I have suffered depression, anxiety, PTSD and bipolar for 25 years. I am just now starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m glad you’re here.

    January 7, 2018 at 11:23 am #185465
    AnaO
    Participant

    Yes, I have been trying to move on from the pain of my past for about 25 years. So far I have been seeking professional help and will continue that. One thing, I’m doing now that I haven’t done before is submitting to the process of healing. I’m becoming more aware of the fact that I have tried to mask the pain with things that bring temporal satisfaction but hurts me in the long run. Now, I am seeking how to use that pain to propel me into my future instead of hindering me as it has for so long.

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