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Andypandy499

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #411343
    Andypandy499
    Participant

    I just wanted to say thank you for the support and advice. I survived a weekend in Seoul retracing steps taken with another. I think less of her everyday, and don’t start crying in Starbucks. Like the sea waves of emotion ebb and flow but in reality I know what she was now and know how she simply used me.

    I have thrown her out of my head and heart like it how out the rubbish. I am worthy of someone better, someone true and loving as I am. She will not haunt me anymore.

    #410980
    Andypandy499
    Participant

    No I had a normal happy childhood. I was diagnosed with PTSD after being slightly wounded in Iraq. That caused my marriage to end to the only woman who never cheated or hurt me. I am lucky that she still looks out for me though.

    The woman in my life here who left was the first person I got close to after 7 years and I opened up to her about everything. Looking back I don’t think she ever appreciated the way that ptsd left me was impacted by the way she behaved. I don’t know why I have been feeling this way and I think it is the way that she refused to communicate, never gave a reason and how she could walk away so easily after everything we had done together. I am trying to focus on moving on now because PTSD didn’t beat me , cancer won’t beat me and she won’t keep me in the past. I am strong and I will get over this.

    #410875
    Andypandy499
    Participant

    I am willing to try anything to take away the pain and the emptiness eating me up each day. I don’t know how much longer I can keep putting a brave face on for the world and how much suffering I feel when I close the door when I get home. There are ghosts at home which seem to haunt me as soon as I turn off the light and close my eyes.

    I want to move forward but I am going to the city where we were together for the last time this week. I am not sure how I am going to cope.

    #410835
    Andypandy499
    Participant

    Thank you for the advice, I know what I should do but I don’t think I can move on, I miss her so much that even now I still cannot focus to carry on. I have tried to hate her but I cannot. I have tried to forget and move on but she is still here, in my head when I walk down the road. It’s like a ghost of her appears next to me at places we have been and that time replays in my head and I end up crying, which can be awkward in Starbucks.

    I feel so hopeless.

    #410724
    Andypandy499
    Participant

    She never said she wouldn’t leave me but she did say she loved me and didn’t want anyone else. Looking back I see she was selfish, everything appeared to be on her terms and maybe I went along with it because I was scared of losing her.
    my love was unconditional and total, and I would do anything for her. The pain is compounded by my illness and the fact that she cannot reach out to me is making that pain worse. I tracked down her address and wrote her a letter explaining how much I love her and how I am suffering. I told her about my illness not because I want sympathy but because I want fear to know what I am going through on my own.
    I do not think she will read it or reply. Which hurts even more.

    #410680
    Andypandy499
    Participant

    I want to know why she could not be honest and tell me she was leaving and why she stopped loving me. She always told me that everyone in the past left her, and I always promised I wouldn’t be like the others, but it seems she decided to do that to me. Cruelly without warning or explanation. Blocking me from her life completely. I am not sure I even want to wake up some days.

    I see her face and remember being with her almost everywhere I go. All I want is the chance to talk to her.

    #410604
    Andypandy499
    Participant

    I don’t blame her daughter, it’s just painful to know that all the discussions we had about things she knew all along that what I was saying, doing and showing her mum, it was being said and done by someone else too. I feel sorry for her caught in the middle.
    Not knowing why she chose someone else means I constantly feel unworthy and the fact it went on for so long makes me feel I was just used. As a place to stay, as a taxi service, as cash machine and as a holiday provider.

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)