Don’t know if anyone is still tuning in to this, but I still haven’t contacted him. It’s very hard but I’m trying to stay strong. My heart feels empty but it’s been worse. What pains me is that I feel like I still expect a call from him to see what he feels. Is he not even sorry or does he even care? Does he not care if he loses me as a friend this time?? I guess I find that’s kind of sad. I still miss him even though I know we could be nothing more. Why do things seem so right at the time even though it’s wrong? Guess that was just being irrational. I know he is wrong for me anyway. I just find it hard to let people go when they were a big part of your life. I’m no longer angry unless I really think back. Don’t know what to do. Guess I could keep the distance a while longer and see what happens… do you think I should be able to take him back as a friend ever?

@Matt, I know that he’s definitely not going to leave his relationship. If he was going to he would have already left it. I can understand why he’s still in the relationship. It’s vital for “business” relations and they have the same goals and desires. It’s just hard to accept. And yes, I even asked him why is he still with her the night that kissed me. Before he took me home that night I can already tell his gf was trying to make up to him and she told him that she loved him and even wanted him to kiss her. He seemed like he was resisting it…not sure why. I have a feeling he was trying to cover it up so he could be close to me that night.

@Tera, yes it does get confusing. He might be bored or it’s just not a good relationship. I think he usually doesn’t get as much attention as he used to anymore. I mean he’s been with her for about 9 or 10 years now I think. Sometimes I wonder if the only reason he likes me is because I’m giving him the attention also. I wonder if he would go for any girl that does? I’m not sure what I see in him. I know I am physically attracted to him and we share common interests. I felt we had a deep bond at one point. I felt entirely comfortable being around him. He seems interesting and charismatic. He’s fun. But he does tend to flirt, a lot… However, I have a hard time finding anyone that “clicks” as well as he does. I know I haven’t dated much guys and that I’m still young but that doesn’t make it any easier. I dunno, maybe he’s kissed other girls? And yes, I definitely want something more. “Friends with benefits” doesn’t slide well with me especially if someone else is still in a relationship.

With your no contact rule, do you still think I should unfriend him on facebook? Or would keeping him there matter? Every time I see his name pop up it kind of angers me, but I do have him hidden in my newsfeed and I’m fighting the urge to look at his profile…

@Lisa, thanks for relating. I have definitely thought of some of the things you said before. Personally I have to admit I’m not totally happy with myself at this moment and know I need to improve. The thing though is I didn’t even expect to fall in love… I wasn’t even looking, it just happened. I’ve been single for a few years now, I’ve dated but nothing has ever made me want more. I still need to work on myself though so I agree with what you have said and that I should probably distance myself and see what makes me happy on my own. Letting go is hard, but sometimes it has to be done.

Thanks everyone for your input and insight without judgment. It’s truly appreciated!