Dear Anita

Thank you for giving me hope. I see all the young ones happy and I wonder why that never happened to me. But sometimes things don’t happen to many of us. I guess I don’t meet people like that.

You are an absolute angel and may god bless you. You have been my voice of reason for so long and I thank you. I can’t talk about my situation to many others. Thank you for what you do. And thank you for being there for me and giving me hope.

Thank you for the advice Anita. And I appreciate the time taken to do it.

1- I am travelling the next two weeks. I’ll come back and find time with the GP. I’m going to cold Stockholm. And I don’t like travelling or the cold but no choice. I have a gym membership and did go even last month . This month, my work hours are long and I am unable to go but I will go again soon.

2 – mum is doing ok for now. She has no one in the city that we used to live in. I worry about her like she was my child. She is all I have but I don’t know what else to do.

3 – I find myself very alone and sad that I don’t have a child. It just didn’t happen to me. Some of us are meant to lead lives like mine. I have accepted it thought I am still allowed to grieve.

4 – no, I’m not seeing him. He still chats at times but I don’t want to meet him. He knows how I feel and still texts me but he now wants children as his brother had a baby. I encouraged him to move on and find a woman to be with.

5- thank you. I am aware that I am very alone and that no one is around to look after me. Even on a day like today when I’m very tired, hungry and going home in the cold. And crying as I write this on the train. There is nothing and no one. It’s been that way since 2013. Even the GP says all my stress will go away when I am not so lonely.

6 – I have mentioned that I am divorced with no kids and I am 44. I’m sure most men know that I can’t have children.

thank you for being kind towards me. I am fairly invisible and it won’t even matter if I’m not around one day. To anyone. I just feel sad that it’s all my life is worth. In the end, that’s all it is. This year has made me realise how invisible I am. And it’s made me aware how no one really cares. But I’ll go on. As long as I can. And hope that I’m able to find some happiness. Thank you for being kind and for writing to me and giving me advice.

Thank you so much. I am trying to find that meaningful connection but it’s a struggle. However, I am trying. Thank you for replying. I am very grateful for what you do. Very grateful.

Thank you Anita. I don’t believe in a good life anymore. I just want to get by and try and feel happy once in a while. I carry a lot of baggage – about how i’ve Been treated, the things that I never had in life. But it hasn’t made me a bitter person. I’m probably not very positive and proactive. Ever since I wrote to you, I have tried to think of what would make me happy and remove all the toxic people and situations from my life. I’ll continue to do that. And hope for the best.

Thank you so much. My mum is here till the end of September and arrives next week. I hope to try and find some strength.

Hello Anita

no, the sexual relationship has stopped and with my mum being here, I won’t date either. I wanted a break anyways as I need to go to work first.

My mum stays with me 4 months in a year. As an asian woman, I look after my mum as much as my brother does. Though he has more resources to do so. I take mum out, watch films, we go on trips together too. I’m planning to take her to Lille and to Liverpool this year if I can. I get along with my mum though it’s a long time. I agree.. my mum is the only parent I have. Despite anything I feel, I should do my duty.

The last year, I have tried online dating. In fact, I met the 39 year old through online dating. Many others were ok but we didn’t click beyond a certain point either owing to children, way of life, beliefs or just laziness from their part. I have stopped online dating since june 1 and decided to go back to it once mum leaves.

The overwhelming sadness is how my life has turned out. I don’t have a child, I don’t even have a partner… the last year I have dated but I can’t seem to find anyone who genuinely wants to be friends and see how we get on. Everyone is in a hurry. I’m a decent, genuine, affectionate woman. Yet I have nothing in life..

Hello Anita

That makes so much sense and thank you so much. I let him make the decisions and I did suggest dates but he turned them down. I should have realised then. I should have stopped when he didnt pay heed to what I said. I’m glad I stopped contact and then he behaved the way he did. I did that thanks to you . Thank you so much.

Hi Anita

I was honest in July when we met for the first time. I said I needed a partner, a proper man in my life. I had lived alone fro 5 years and was divorced for 2 years. He knew what I wanted. And thats when he sent pictures. Talked more about his family. i was clear about my needs. he wasnt honest about his. And I dont know why that happens to me. Is it cos I dont ask? I dont question. I am not clingy and a pest and treat the man like an adult?

Hello Cath

Thank you so much. I have been interviewing. Hopefully I will get something. We all tend to crave a partner / children and I know the 39 year old does too. Both his brothers have children and he wants one as well. And a happy relationship.  I don’t keep in touch with him. I reply if he texts but don’t bother him. I won’t make assumptions about what men want but I find myself far too vulnerable right now to seek anyone. Without a job, I don’t seem to present myself as a person accurately. And most people try to take advantage.

Form what advice Anita and you have given me, i’ll Spend the summer finding work and going on. I don’t need to date. I didn’t date in 2016 or 2017 but I obviously didn’t learn my lessons and that is to treat myself well. And not be taken advantage of. I’ll focus on being stronger and getting through life. If I am a lesser person as I don’t have a child, fair enough. It just didn’t happen to me. Someone like me isn’t very lucky in life but we’ll add value in some way. I just don’t know how! Thank you for your advice. I am very grateful.