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Aquamarina

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  • in reply to: Dating with anxiety is complicated…Need advice! #72889
    Aquamarina
    Participant

    Hi there day dreamer,

    Your situation sounds so much like that of my own 3 years ago. Terrified of the possibility of pain, yet oh so out of touch with the idea of intimiacy outside the sexual act itself. I had the same issue with the man that is now my boyfriend, I too slept with him and felt a connection through sex, i too wanted to know of his intentions away from the bedroom, I too was afraid of how to get answers regarding his true intentions with me. I ended up just being straight up with him by just telling him that i wanted more than just meeting up for sex…it worked for me as a few days later we agreed to offically date. I know that such a direct approach would not necessarily be an option for you at this point, so why not take the initiative and ask him out say for instance to a movie? Movies are perfect because you can ease yourself into displaying affection especially since you are having difficulty with closeness and intimacy, you can hold his hand while you’re watching the film, you’re still being affectionate but perhaps it wont feel as overwhelming for you. As an added bonus it will give you the opportunity to be somewhere outside your place, away from the bedroom, where you can learn more about how you interact with one another. We as women often feel that we cannot take the initiative, give it a try.

    in reply to: Should I Move On? #61414
    Aquamarina
    Participant

    Hi Uju,

    I had something similar occur to me a few years ago with the online dating thing, I had decided to take matters into my own hands and go visit this person because I had been to his home and everything. When I arrived another woman opened the door….

    I’m not saying that all online dating experiences will end negatively but I think you should just move on. If he likes you as much as he says he does he wouldnt be ignoring you right? Plus, for some reason people seem to be living vicariously in terms of any online “realtionships” or “emotions” its not to say that your feelings or his werent real…people just tend not to see how much a person can come to like the one on the other side of the screen…the weight of it doesnt register.

    You’d be doing yourself a favour by not messaging him or emailing him anymore. I know how hard that must be but You are preventing yourself from opportunities that are better for you. If when you stop trying to reach him he messages you, kindly ask for an explanation and consider whether or not he is worth your time. Remember, your happiness and how true you are to yourself are all that really matters.

    Cheers. 🙂

    in reply to: Negative thoughts and sex life issues #61386
    Aquamarina
    Participant

    Thank you Matt and Bid Blue for your words of advise, I appreciate your taking the time to respond and it’s refreashing to receieve imput as I have not been able to talk about this with almost anyone.


    @Matt
    – you’re absolutely right…we all have something about our past that isnt perfect. I am letting it silently sabotage our relationship. Who am I to use it against him? It can be a struggle at times (its so hard to not think about it!) but I will have to look past it if I wish to continue and keep this a healthy relationship.
    I am after all his princess 🙂

    @Big Blue, my emotions do overwhelm me most of the time….i wish I had more self control. Its crazy..if something or someone hurts me I just react. I dont think rationally because the emotions always get the better of me, i act on the moment and according to what my emotions “tell” me is the rational thing to do. Really, he thinks i’ve fully forgiven him he is unaware of how much it still impacts me. I will have to sit him down and have a nice loooong chat. You’re right, We are only human and I’m not perfect either. We will see how it goes. 🙂

    Thank you so much! 🙂

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