The above advice is very true. Often women look for and find signs that are truly not there if it’s what they want in a relationship. Pull away just a little to get a better look at the big picture. Don’t call, text or make a plan with him. See if he takes the initiative. If he doesn’t make plans for the weekend by Wednesday then make your own plans and DON’T BREAK THEM if he calls you up Friday night and wants to go out. Don’t do this in a revengful or spiteful way….do it so that you can see if he truly wants to be with you and values YOU not just having a woman around occasionally.

It’s not easy coming to terms with the fact that a relationship may not be what you thought it was or wanted it to be. But it’s better to get it over with and deal with reality.

I agree with Eris. And, mentally, men tend to separate love and sex to a much greater degree than woman…to the point of complete separation at times. So, if you’re thinking having sex with this man will eventually, somehow, lead to aromantic love relationship with him you are likely going to be disappointed time and time again. It’s also very likely nothing to do with YOU specifically. He’s in a place in his life where he’s not available emotionally anyway. Especially if he’s threatened you that he’ll have sex with other women if you say no.

My advice is to, no matter how much it hurts, cut off all contact with him. Work on figuring out what YOU want in a relationship. Picture it in your mind without attaching it to a specific man. Then, focus on other things and go out and have fun (not sex) with a few guys. You’ll be surprised at how much that will attract the right people to you.

I hope that helps a little. It’s just lessons from my personal experience.

The absolute best thing you can do is give yourself time to grieve…yes, grieve. This is a loss even if you were at fault. Then, sit and figure out exactly where things went wrong. Don’t beat yourself up or make yourself feel badly about it, just look at it from an objective perspective and use it as an opportunity to LEARN. Everyone, and I mean everyone, makes mistakes and does things in their life that they’re not proud of. You need to make sure, especially if you’re feeling this badly about it, that you figure out how to use it to your advantage in the future. Then, allow yourself to move on and make a plan to continue on and do whatever you were trying to do. It might mean enrolling in another school, it might mean working at a job for a little while to get back on track before you tackle education again…not a lot of details to go on in your story. But the one thing is, it’s happened and you can’t change it but you also shouldn’t let it be the thing that defines you or makes you feel like you CAN’T move forward.

The law of attraction states that we attract what we think about. If you think about what you DON’T want…then unfortunately you attract t because you are thinking about it and vibrating frequencies that attract that type of thing. If you haven’t heard of this it sounds far fetched. But I’ve found it to be very true in my life.

Accept those things that have happened so far as learning experiences and setting you up for whatever comes next.

I, personally, would end both relationships. The affair is obviously not giving you anything you need or want anymore and I would cut off all contact (especially since you state he doesn’t contact you, that you initiate all the texts, etc). And if your husband is not interested in communicating about the things you’re not happy with in the relationship then you don’t have much of a relationship. You won’t necessarily be able to get everything you want from someone, but they should at least be able to talk and acknowledge that if either one of you think there’s a problem then there’s a problem to be dealt with.

On another note, cheating on someone that believes you are in a monogamous relationship is never ok. I would feel awful if my significant other choose to have sex with other people behind my back when I was trusting that he was true to me. I’d much rather he leave me if I was unwilling to compromise when he discussed issues or, even worse, I’d be devastated if he just cheated rather than dealing with me.

I think YOU’LL be happier if you address these issues head on. And do some digging inside yourself. You can only be as happy with another person as you are with yourself. I noticed you mentioned your physical appearance…dig deep to see if some of this (especially the affair) has a basis in self esteem issues. There are plenty of happy, sexual couples who are far from physically fit so mentioning that in this context throws up red flags to me that you might either have some issues there or are developing them because of the sexual issues with your husband.

I don’t mean to offend and I don’t know you at all so I’m just offering what I’ve seen. Hope it helps a little.