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‘Actual reality without fear’- isn’t it quite paradoxical!! I mean no one in this world would be that fearless to be not afraid of anything. Everyone has something to be afraid of. And that’s because we have emotions. As far as moulding yourself into a kind of a person who is oblivious, or rather nonchalant to every kind of fear is concerned, it seems to me a near impossible task. Because where there is complete happiness, there lurks a fear, however small it may be, of loosing that happiness. To me, every emotion is linked in one way or the other. And the moment you conquer them, you will find yourself liberated from all of your former desires to conquer happiness. That is what ‘Moksha’ or ‘salvation’ is about- to be free of all the worldly emotions!
According to me, procrastination has many shades. Sometimes it arises out of the over-confidence we have, while some other times it is a result of the fear we have for things. But I never gave a thought to this phenomenon you are talking about. It seems pretty awesome to me because if we have a control over what affects us, then we would always find ourselves in a better place. Here, consciousness plays a very ambiguous part- it opens for us a whole world full of problems. But if we don’t have the right amount of consciousness, then how are we to survive? So I guess we need to develop a kind of emotional filter that can allow us to have a stress-free life by shoving off everything that might bother our comfort zone. 🙂
First of all, calm down. You really need to sort your problems. You need to spend a little time to think what really you are capable of. Be truthful to yourself. Since you have nothing to lose, it would be easier to plan out your life. Invest time in doing things that will raise your confidence. It’s not that you will become the best. But you can surely become better. Share your knowledge with those who are not fortunate enough to feel it. You say people around you are happy. They too must have had their share of problems to get what they have today. The difference is, they had faced them early. It’s never too late to start afresh. Since it’s you who knows your life the best, the start must be discovered by you and no one else can help you do that. Good luck!
Respect- both from others and self- is the most important thing for a relationship to work out. The moment someone starts to target your respect and social standing, you need to let go of that person. The more you cling to the situation, the more it takes control over your individuality. So it’s better to stay away from such influences. But for you, the damage has been done. Now, you should try to get back your former self. Involve yourself with people and in activities that will liberate your soul. You should not let a bad memory tarnish your future. Good luck!!
Hey! I can relate myself to the feeling that you’ve just shared. But you know what, that was a long time ago. By the time I left high school, I had completely moulded myself into an introvert, under confident person. And to top it up, I had this huge pressure of living up to my parents’ expectations. They wantedd me to be a doctor. They did not know that I wanted to study literature. At my place, it’s a really big deal to shift from a science background to arts. And I too didn’t have the courage to tell them. Then I cleared all the entrance exams. Including the one for literature. And then the moment came when i had to decide. I told my parents what I wanted to do. I don’t know from where the courage came but I did tell them. At first they were angry as they had spent a lot of money for my med exam coaching. But then they understood me. It’s a really small experience. But for me, it changed the way I look at life. Before I made this decision, I always had a feeling that I will never be able to go any further. I had crippled myself psychologically. But this small incident gave me the kind of confidence that I had always been searching. Now, I see my past and my mistakes as lessons. And my future as a plan that I have to execute. I still have my moments of doubt. But I always remember one thing- If I have survived this long, I can surely go a long way. So good luck and if you ever feel dejected, spend some time alone or with someone who understands you.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 