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An observation about the mind

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  • March 17, 2014 at 11:37 pm #52940
    The Ruminant
    Participant

    I would like to share an observation and hear from others if they’ve noticed something similar or know something about this phenomenon.

    There’s this thing I need to do, which is something I for some reason do not want to do. Nothing dramatic, it’s just tidying up and organizing a space 🙂 If I would just start with the work, I’d be finished rather soon I think. Yet I keep procrastinating. This morning, when I woke up, but wasn’t fully conscious yet…that small time when you start to realize that you’re awake and no longer asleep…I thought to myself “Oh good! I don’t have to be anywhere today, so I have the whole day to tidy up the place. That’s plenty of time. How wonderful!” Yet after that, when I had gained full consciousness, I was in my procrastination mode again, not wanting to start with the project.

    Because this is such a small thing, I wouldn’t have really paid attention to it, but I have experienced something similar in a much more dramatic fashion before in my life. I have in the past suffered from depression and back then I wasn’t able to find a way out of it. What I do remember very vividly though (which was the only vivid memory I have of that time, otherwise it was just a blur), is that sometimes when I woke up, there was this very short time of a second or two, just before I gained full consciousness, when I was happy. It was like an oasis amidst a nightmare. I was truly happy during that one second, before I remembered again that life was actually horrible and I was no good, etc.

    What this tells me is that these problems really do come from the mind. Without the consciousness, I wouldn’t have been depressed and I wouldn’t feel like I need to procrastinate. I would be happy and productive. Well, also unconscious, so perhaps not that productive 🙂 I am really curious to understand better, what really happens when that consciousness is switched back on and all those nasty beliefs are yet again activated? I actually had no idea that procrastination would be one of those things as well that I hold onto for some reason. I thought I was just a really lazy person, but I was happy to get things done before I remembered that I’m a lazy person 🙂 To me this realization is huge. What other kind of beliefs I’m holding onto that aren’t actually real? Is that what meditation is about, to get into that state of consciousness where you aren’t really that conscious, but you’re aware enough to understand your true self? A state of mind without fear and beliefs? I have experienced that as well, but somehow this more mundane setting really made me aware of the problem with the mind!

    If I’m aware of it, then surely I should be able to change it? I’m no longer depressed, so I no longer hold onto those beliefs I did back then. Now my problems are smaller, but they are still problems. What if I have some other problems I’m not even aware of right now because they’re so ingrained in my worldview? How exciting! 🙂

    March 18, 2014 at 12:14 am #52941
    Archie
    Participant

    According to me, procrastination has many shades. Sometimes it arises out of the over-confidence we have, while some other times it is a result of the fear we have for things. But I never gave a thought to this phenomenon you are talking about. It seems pretty awesome to me because if we have a control over what affects us, then we would always find ourselves in a better place. Here, consciousness plays a very ambiguous part- it opens for us a whole world full of problems. But if we don’t have the right amount of consciousness, then how are we to survive? So I guess we need to develop a kind of emotional filter that can allow us to have a stress-free life by shoving off everything that might bother our comfort zone. 🙂

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Archie.
    • This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Archie.
    March 18, 2014 at 12:39 am #52944
    The Ruminant
    Participant

    Exactly! I understand that I procrastinate out of fear in some cases, but I’m not sure what I would be afraid of in this one. A clean space? 🙂 I’m making fun of it, but it is just so interesting that even this very mundane problem that I have spawns out of something that’s not really the truth.

    I do a lot of things all the time out of habit and “just because”, without really thinking about it or knowing why. When I watch certain TV shows, I like to eat in the same time, even if I’m not hungry. It makes no sense, but I am drawn to doing it. I am drawn to certain thinking patterns. Is it because I’ve done it so much that it’s become a habit? I still haven’t read Buddha’s Brain completely, but I know that one of the issues is “the more you think about something, the more you’ll strengthen that thinking pattern”.

    It’s kind of frustrating to realize that underneath it all is this life of happiness with no fears and a healthy confidence in your abilities. Then in a split second that’s gone and I fully believe in the reality of this other kind of life. I feel like the answers are right there, but how do I access it? 🙂 How do I bring forth the actual reality without fear and lessen the part that is responsible for survival?

    March 18, 2014 at 2:09 am #52946
    Archie
    Participant

    ‘Actual reality without fear’- isn’t it quite paradoxical!! I mean no one in this world would be that fearless to be not afraid of anything. Everyone has something to be afraid of. And that’s because we have emotions. As far as moulding yourself into a kind of a person who is oblivious, or rather nonchalant to every kind of fear is concerned, it seems to me a near impossible task. Because where there is complete happiness, there lurks a fear, however small it may be, of loosing that happiness. To me, every emotion is linked in one way or the other. And the moment you conquer them, you will find yourself liberated from all of your former desires to conquer happiness. That is what ‘Moksha’ or ‘salvation’ is about- to be free of all the worldly emotions!

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Archie.
    March 18, 2014 at 4:58 am #52952
    The Ruminant
    Participant

    Yes, that’s a good point. I have actually gone through a period where it felt like I was fearless. The problem was that I also kind of lost the appetite for life. I didn’t know what the point was anymore.

    So how about this:

    to have confidence in one’s abilities and in self + fear = a challenge that is necessary for growth.

    vs.

    lack of trust in one’s abilities and self + fear = debilitation or paralysis and stunted growth

    So if it’s not about the fear, but about the belief that one would not be good enough to overcome a situation? Though I don’t think life can be summed up that easily and there’s a danger in simplifying things, I still like to do such things 🙂

    March 18, 2014 at 7:18 am #52966
    Archie
    Participant

    Fear and the belief that one would not be good enough to overcome a situation- aren’t they same??? Bah! I am confused!! 🙂

    March 18, 2014 at 7:19 am #52967
    Archie
    Participant

    Though I completely support the first equation..

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Archie.
    March 18, 2014 at 7:49 am #52970
    The Ruminant
    Participant

    I’ll give you an example 🙂

    Public speaking is something the majority of the people dreads. It would be a scary situation to stand in front of a lot of people and give a speech. Even someone who’s very seasoned at public speaking can still acknowledge that it is a scary situation initially. Yet, some people deal with that fear and go ahead and do it anyway. Some become debilitated by the fear and aren’t able to do anything. The fear is stronger than the trust in one’s own abilities. In both cases, the fear doesn’t just go away. You still get nervous, even if you have confidence in your own abilities to handle the situation, but you deal with it and face the challenge.

    Another case could be intimacy. It’s a very scary situation to open yourself up to another person. Yet if you have enough confidence in yourself that you will be able to bounce back if something bad happens, then you can do it anyway. It is still scary and thrilling. Some people aren’t able to get past that fear and they decide that it’s better to not open up, or even if they tried, they end up getting triggered and do or say something to push the other person away. They don’t think they’ll be strong enough to survive a possible rejection.

    Those are just something I came up with on the spot, so they’re not terribly well thought out 🙂

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by The Ruminant.
    March 18, 2014 at 10:13 am #52986
    Chad
    Participant

    To the point fear being necessary for growth, I submit where does confidence come from without fear? How do we know we can achieve something had we not been fearful of it, proceeded forward and succeeded despite. As stated, the exhilaration and the thrill from the experience. I think is a byproduct of facing fear, and confidence is the end product. I think where people get caught up is the irrational fear. The “worse case scenario” we build in our heads. Instead of a willingness to try and accept the end result be it success or failure. Confidence may also come from having pride to know we tried despite the end result.

    March 18, 2014 at 11:46 am #52994
    Archie
    Participant

    I am having a deja vu moment here. Anyway, the fact of the matter is, the choice is purely ours- to take a step forward and plunge into our fear, or to stay in the darkness with it. 🙂

    March 19, 2014 at 2:18 am #53057
    The Ruminant
    Participant

    That is a good point, Chad! As always 🙂

    Do you have insight on why a person would be plagued by some kind of depressive or hindering thoughts in consciousness, when they lack those without the conscious thoughts?

    I actually started to feel a bit down last night and I have no idea why. These days I usually exist in a rather effortless way…like the theme is “everything is OK and I’m OK”. And now all of a sudden that switched to something else. I partly blame too much involvement with social media and access to information that is depressive, yet there’s nothing you can do about it. I have been avoiding those things, but have recently been pulled back in. I might need to step back again to see if that’s something that has a negative effect.

    March 25, 2014 at 4:45 am #53507
    c. gat
    Participant

    This so reminds me of something that I had to register to this site to comment. After my child was born, I developed severe ocd tendencies. One of my compulsions was a song running through my head, lound, non- stop and all day. One of my turning points came when I would wake up in the morning and for those brief seconds there would be no song and such a feeling of peace that was hard to explain Then it would begin again. I recovered fairly quickly, but it was miserable for those first few weeks. You definitely might be on to something here..

    March 25, 2014 at 11:53 pm #53553
    The Ruminant
    Participant

    Thank you for posting that! I was kept awake last night by an owl, so my cognitive skills aren’t that good at the moment and I’m not sure if I can explain myself very well 🙂 To me it feels like there is some sort of process stuck at the back of my mind, which doesn’t do anything during night, but then in the morning after waking up, it starts again. It’s not much unlike being obsessed over something, where you can’t get something out of your head, and it’s based on some emotion, but is processed in the mind. I don’t know if any of that makes sense 🙂 But I can very well imagine your situation and I’m sorry you’ve had to go through it, and am very glad you are through it! I wonder what the reason is behind it and how it could be stopped!

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