Hello,

Anita’s post is very much appreciated. This is a special forum for those seeking help or just to tell their stories. And when they share their stories, that pain becomes less of a burden. The sharing becomes a way to release it from one’s mind and lighten up the soul.

Here, when someone begins with such high wisdom, it is lost upon those even with ears to hear the sounds. I remember reading about Bodhidharma going into the meditation room at the Shaolin Temple (China). He asked the other monks what they were doing. The monks said they are practicing meditation to become enlightened or Buddha like. So, Bodhidharma picked up a roof tile and began to rub it. The monks asked him what he was doing. He said if you can sit in meditation to become Buddhas then I can rub a roof tile into a mirror. Of course, one can not make a roof tile into a mirror. The point is that one can not become something that one is not.

If one is hurting and in pain then that needs to be dealt with first. We do not go around saying there is no self and since there is no self then there will be no suffering. That is like the monks sitting in meditation trying to become Buddhas. It isn’t there to be seen or had. So, even though enlightenment is not outside of oneself, not everyone can see it. Body and mind work fine without a me. But, here, a me is the one suffering. Throw out this me and the suffering remains. It can not be erased so easily.

I like James123. He reminds me of so many people who I have met along my journey. Full of wisdom about the enlightened but lacks the tools and compassion to handle suffering of others. It has been said that those who have suffered the most are the ones who help the most .. those who need the help to get out of their suffering. So, yeah, I understand where James is coming from and its effect upon the work being done here. I also have seen what Anita (and others (too long to list all)) have done here. They have transformed this place from just a forum to a place of healing.

But, do not mind me. I am just the village idiot. Yeah, been reading Sufi stories. Crazy thirsty man in the desert seeking the Oasis.
Sorry, guess it must be my dementia getting the better of me. I apologize for my rude behavior.

Dear Alessa,

Yes, being a parent is tough. I do wish you are getting the support you need to continue on. It is important to have someone take up the slack when you need a break. For me, hope is another way of clinging for an outcome. Acceptance and just living in the present as much as I can, that is the better way. Oh, everyone makes mistakes. It is the good ones that can learn from that and do better.

I wish to thank you and Anita for your kind words. Seems like more than I deserve. And, I guess at the time I just may have needed to hear it. But, time has come for me to really move on. This is a nice place however too sweet for my taste. What is it they say? To make diamonds one must have lots of pressure. It is time to work harder on myself.

Tommy.

What is it like for the young to fall in love? First, I think they don’t know what love is. One has believes one has no feeling of love for the other person. But, when is about to break up and lose her then there is something pulling one back? One has conflicting feelings and fights due to the lack of understanding oneself clearly. One needs to know what love is and how to behave with loved ones. It isn’t just a matter of feeling love for another person. It is a matter of respect and trust. Of acting in a way that shows caring. You will see that love and caring on all these pages of the forum by Anita and Alessa (formerly Helcat). All their posts are done with caring and understanding. Trying to help. Me? I am a coarse son of a … I try to be honest and respectful (don’t always accomplish that).

Many times, people will reflect what you give out. Be nice and people will try to be nice. Be non-caring and one will get that back ten fold. Ask me how I know. So, my crude advice is to learn about oneself and get one’s head on straight before getting into another romance. Got to know when to bend so that one doesn’t break.

This is coming from someone who has never got his head on straight, Tommy

Alzheimer’s Society
Is Dementia hereditary?
The majority of dementia is not inherited by children and grandchildren. In rarer types of dementia there may be a strong genetic link.

Both parents can contribute to the genetic risk of dementia, research suggests that a family history of Alzheimer’s disease, the most common form of dementia, may be more strongly associated with the mother’s side

“Life is a moment in space,
When the dream is gone,
Its a lonelier place,
I kiss the morning goodbye,
But down inside you never know why,
The road is narrow and long”

I don’t know why that song is stuck in my head.

There was an woman who had a baby. The baby got sick and dies. She could not accept this. So, she went to the Zen master to ask for his help in bringing his baby back to life. The master thought for a while and then told her that she needed to get three grains of rice from three different houses where there was never a death. She went to every house in the village and all the houses have experienced death. She eventually understood and buried her baby.

My parents and my wife’s parents have passed. And each year, we travel to the graves of our parents (that we live in the same state. Her father on a different continent, we say a prayer). Bring flowers. Burn incense and hell notes (paper play money). Wish them well and go on with our lives.

Not trying to blame anyone. Sorry if it came out like that. Just that men look at relationships different from women. Women may be more connected to their emotions. Men are not. Men grow up in a condition of being picked on and being blamed. Some grow beyond that and others suffer from the weight of past experiences. So, not saying anyone did anything wrong.