Dear Alessa,

Yes, being a parent is tough. I do wish you are getting the support you need to continue on. It is important to have someone take up the slack when you need a break. For me, hope is another way of clinging for an outcome. Acceptance and just living in the present as much as I can, that is the better way. Oh, everyone makes mistakes. It is the good ones that can learn from that and do better.

I wish to thank you and Anita for your kind words. Seems like more than I deserve. And, I guess at the time I just may have needed to hear it. But, time has come for me to really move on. This is a nice place however too sweet for my taste. What is it they say? To make diamonds one must have lots of pressure. It is time to work harder on myself.

Tommy.

What is it like for the young to fall in love? First, I think they don’t know what love is. One has believes one has no feeling of love for the other person. But, when is about to break up and lose her then there is something pulling one back? One has conflicting feelings and fights due to the lack of understanding oneself clearly. One needs to know what love is and how to behave with loved ones. It isn’t just a matter of feeling love for another person. It is a matter of respect and trust. Of acting in a way that shows caring. You will see that love and caring on all these pages of the forum by Anita and Alessa (formerly Helcat). All their posts are done with caring and understanding. Trying to help. Me? I am a coarse son of a … I try to be honest and respectful (don’t always accomplish that).

Many times, people will reflect what you give out. Be nice and people will try to be nice. Be non-caring and one will get that back ten fold. Ask me how I know. So, my crude advice is to learn about oneself and get one’s head on straight before getting into another romance. Got to know when to bend so that one doesn’t break.

This is coming from someone who has never got his head on straight, Tommy

Alzheimer’s Society
Is Dementia hereditary?
The majority of dementia is not inherited by children and grandchildren. In rarer types of dementia there may be a strong genetic link.

Both parents can contribute to the genetic risk of dementia, research suggests that a family history of Alzheimer’s disease, the most common form of dementia, may be more strongly associated with the mother’s side

“Life is a moment in space,
When the dream is gone,
Its a lonelier place,
I kiss the morning goodbye,
But down inside you never know why,
The road is narrow and long”

I don’t know why that song is stuck in my head.

There was an woman who had a baby. The baby got sick and dies. She could not accept this. So, she went to the Zen master to ask for his help in bringing his baby back to life. The master thought for a while and then told her that she needed to get three grains of rice from three different houses where there was never a death. She went to every house in the village and all the houses have experienced death. She eventually understood and buried her baby.

My parents and my wife’s parents have passed. And each year, we travel to the graves of our parents (that we live in the same state. Her father on a different continent, we say a prayer). Bring flowers. Burn incense and hell notes (paper play money). Wish them well and go on with our lives.

Not trying to blame anyone. Sorry if it came out like that. Just that men look at relationships different from women. Women may be more connected to their emotions. Men are not. Men grow up in a condition of being picked on and being blamed. Some grow beyond that and others suffer from the weight of past experiences. So, not saying anyone did anything wrong.

Forgiveness? Nope. Karma will come fix that. It will always play out. People make their own Karma. I have made mine and will deal with it when it comes. Yeah, kids, …. spare the rod and spoil the child? Never thought I would have to punish my daughter. But, there was a time when it happened. I have gone over it many times. It isn’t something to be taken lightly. And I felt so much guilt for doing that. But, she got better. Behaved better. Good choices makes good things happen and bad choice, has their consequences, bad things happen. One makes plans to be a good father and then life throws a curve. Parenting isn’t easy. I think the curse goes something like I hope you have kids just like you were. And then you grow into being like your parents?? Of course, not everyone has good parents.

Oh, if there is one advice I could give …
Read with the child. It helps their mind. Open imagination. Create word pictures. And it is great to share stories.
Well, I wish you guys the best.

Dear Anita,

I understand what you are trying to do. And, I read those things when dementia first appeared with my grand mother. I did my research after the incident where I dis-missed my grandmother when she asked for the way home. It did not occur to me that she was having an episode. I was young and having fun with friends. She was lost for half the day. My mother spent that day looking for her. The guilt was overwhelming. Well, she was found and got home safely. But, her dementia progressed. So, if all the research was right then my mother should not have it nor any of her siblings. Yeah, age may be the major factor but it isn’t the only one. And life isn’t always a happy ending. My grandfather on my father’s side was balding in his forties. My father also. I too have that genetic trait. So, I can see what gets passed on. But, I appreciate the effort. Thanks.

Anyway, it isn’t my major concern at the moment. In my practice, i have been trying to improve the moments of quiet awareness. Some people who practice will to lose their feelings of desires and appreciation of beauty. They become apathetic. This is why the topic of compassion is important. The path to liberation from suffering isn’t to lose desire. Just like when we first sit, we are not trying to eliminate thoughts. The practice to to let go of thoughts so one doesn’t identify with them. This allows one to dwell in awareness. So, it isn’t getting rid of desires. It is to release the attachment to desires. Stop the clinging to desires. In tis way to keep compassion viable.

Personally, my desires are strong and my compassion is lacking. My practice is so much to become enlightened. More to understand life cause death seems to be so much closer than when I was seventeen. I saw my sister die of Cancer at the age of 41. Too young. I got to the hospital too late to see her before she passed. It just hits me, what the heck is this life for? My mother passed then my father passed two years later. DNR so they would pass and not continue to suffer. I saw when my mom woke up from a stroke. Tubes down her throat. She started pulling every tube out. The nurses and doctors came in and gave her something to knock her out. Then followed with sedatives. It made it easier for her. Eventually she was able to breathe on her own. She wasn’t able to speak like before nor move around. About a month later, she passed while I was at work. Yeah, not looking forward to anything like that to happen to me. I wish to go in my sleep.

A life lived with many regrets. Wishing to have a second chance. Knowing there will be none. Practice to keep the mind set on the present. Just hoping social security keeps my family afloat. I know I am an idiot and should have done better. But, I did whatever I did because it was what I thought I was. I wish I had more compassion and wisdom to live a better life.

I read about Alessa and her baby and I remember those wonderful times with my baby daughter. She is all grown up and going to community college, now. Yeah, had her late in life. Wish I could have given her a better life.

Anyway, I hope you are healthy happy and safe. Don’t worry about guilt trip on anything like that. I know what you did was right. It made me reflect and think about it. Maybe I grew a little?? Or maybe I am still the idiot?? LOL. Maybe I will try banging my head against the wall like I did when I was a kid. It felt good when I stopped. Good night.

Tommy

<cite> @a1b2c3d4 said:</cite>
Dear Tommy:

I will reply further tomorrow, but for now, I just wanted to say that as I read your post, just now, I felt genuine affection for you, as in: I (anita) likes Tommy 💛

I hope it doesn’t feel weird for you to read this. I suppose it’s a positive human emotion and I feel it for you this Sat evening.

anita

Your reply is full of feelings that do not make sense to me. Weird? Maybe. But, I do hope you are well.