I’m glad to know I’m not the only one going through this, but I still don’t know what to do. My situation is different than those who’ve posted in this thread. I think I was in love with my best friend who’s also a girl – and I’ve never said anything about the possibility of me being bi because she’s straight, so no matter what I knew I had no chance. It hurt sometimes, but I loved her so deep to my core that I didn’t care. I was able to spend every waking second with her and always filled with joy and emotion. We live in the same house together as roommates, but I still live back home with my parent. In June 2020 I went back home for two months, and then when I came back in September I was so excited to see her, yet the moment I saw her, it was like something switched in me completely and I just didn’t recognize her. I cried a lot. We actually ended up talking about it and for a while things were okay, but that deep feeling of love had still left my chest. It wasn’t the same for me, but there didn’t seem to be any problems, so I let it go. Recently that feeling of not knowing her has come back, but even worse. It’s like, I don’t want to talk to her, I don’t have anything to say to her, I can’t remember how to act around her. Almost everything feels mechanical and it feels like I have this huge shield over my chest because I feel so largely disconnected. I’m heartbroken because I know I love her still, but I can’t feel it. We’ve only been friends for 3 years. I want her to be in my life for eternity. But I don’t know how that would be possible if I can’t even feel a connection anymore. I want to tell her how I felt but I’m also scared if I tell her the whole entire truth that I’ll hurt her, or our friendship will completely change. There are just so many factors. I saw some people mention this being a result of an anxious-avoidant attachment style, and I really wish I could use that as my excuse, but I don’t think that attachment style reflects me. Maybe I’m wrong, but I personally think I easily let people into my life if they have the right fit. From day one that I met her, we clicked just like that. So easy. This feeling of disconnection also happened with an ex of mine from high school. It was so strange. We were sitting in this large comfy chair together in the library, but then we were told only one person could be in that seat at once, so he got up and sat in the other chair. Somehow that was the moment where everything just left me, and it was like I didn’t know him anymore. We broke up the next month, but for other reasons. Regardless, I cried multiple times while we were dating because I didn’t know what to do. I fell for him so fast and the next thing I knew, I felt nothing. The only thing I’m seeing here is that it occurred in both romantic situations. But why? I haven’t dated many people, but it has only happened with these two people. I think I’d feel better if I told her what was going on, because it helped the first time, but this second time around is really weighing on me heavily, and I just can’t lose her. I’m also not sure how she’d feel knowing I had romantic feelings towards her. Sorry I know this is long, I’m kind of just letting everything out at this point. The past week it has literally felt like I have a ball stuck in my throat because I’m so tense from worrying and trying not to push myself away from her because I’m just trying to act normal. Being in a pandemic isn’t helping either honestly, because nothing about life is normal right now. Not gonna lie, I was prepared to love her the rest of my life, no matter the circumstances. It’s funny though, because what I feel now doesn’t really feel like heartache, it just feels like a loss. When we met I didn’t view her romantically, it sort of developed because we’d jokingly flirt with each other sometimes. The more we got to know each other, the more I loved her. I can’t just let that go.