Hi Tee,

Good you can stay away from the PC during holidays. I’m also away and without a keyboard device. I already did a full reply two days ago and it got lost on the way. Now am doing it again.
I hear that you’re in pain yourself thank you for explaining me why it takes longer for a reply. Also that you did when you found energy for it.

Thanks Beni. I’ve never really learned NV communication per se, just always tried to understand the other person’s point of view and put myself in their shoes. That always helps have more compassion and understanding. And I’ve been a good listener too, always asking people how they are, inquiring about them. But I have to admit, now that I am suffering from health challenges, it’s not always easy because I have to deal with my own pain and have less capacity to deal with other people’s pain.

I grateful there are people who know how to communicate in a compassionate way. In a way which creates space in the heart. I understand, it’s hard to be here for people when you need you’re resources to take care of yourself. Maybe you need people to take care of you. I want to tell you that if you wan’t to talk about something there is space for it.

Glad you’re noticing it now – that when you feel you don’t have options, it’s actually a stress response, not the reality of the situation. So in those situations, try to slow things down (e.g. do some slow deep breathing), and give yourself time to answer.

Yes, that’s a big thing! What also helps is this accupuncture matt I’m trying since three weeks. It’s also very good when you have pain as it helps to refocus on other sensations.

I mean, if someone asks you something you don’t necessarily want to do, you don’t have to give your answer immediately. You can say you have to check your calendar and will let them know later, or something to that effect. And then you can process your upset when you’re alone, and then when you’re calmer, you can decide whether you want to go or not. Keeping in mind that you don’t have to please everyone and that “if you meet someones needs against your own needs, everyone is gonna pay for it“.

Good to read that, even when I know things I need to read and be told again and again. It seems to have more power when it comes from outside.

Yeah, that’s not a good motivation. If you do things you don’t want to do out of fear of being rejected, that’s not a healthy place.

You mean your parents intimidated you into doing something which is otherwise important and valuable (e.g. visit a sick grandmother), and you felt pressured to do it? Whereas if they would have explained, you would have done it more gladly?

Yes, I’m learning that there are people who feel when you’re not alright and then they ask me about it. My parent’s don’t know how to do that yet. I think they might be learning it right now.
I think there was a lack of understanding and space in my upbringing.

It just occurs to me that we need to first have compassion for ourselves, and only then can we have compassion for other people. If we are forced to do something while our own needs are not taken into consideration, what we’ll feel is anger and resentment. And then even if something is worthwhile and kind (such as visiting our sick grandmother), we’ll see it as a burden and have resistance towards it. Not sure if you relate to this?

Yes, I can even say that somewhere I want to visit grandma and there is something more important so important that it needs to be cared for right now. I think the way I learned to do things is to do the visit ma and cope my need for autonomy/authenticity/love/understanding.

What I also wanted to say is that I want to learn more by expirience and that I sometimes might have to trigger people to tell me their boundries and that this is a way I can learn without getting lost in analysis.

Well, we can’t please everyone. It sounds like you’re afraid that if you say No, people will get angry and you can’t bear that. Actually, there might be people who will get angry with us if we set boundaries – because they’ve learned to abuse us and exploit us. But good people – people who are your true friends and who are non-manipulative – will never get angry if you set healthy boundaries. They’ll respect those boundaries. So if you set boundaries and someone attacks you and blames you for that, they’re not a good friend.

Thanks

I hear what you’re saying. You want to be loving to everyone, you don’t want to close your heart to anyone, right? And you feel you need to close your heart to people if you want to set boundaries?

I belief my heart can stay open to anyone and that boundries can be set with an open heart.

This might be if those people are manipulative and can’t just accept your boundaries, but blame you for it. And so you start feeling angry with them and inevitably you close your heart, because it hurts to be blamed…. Is that what is happening?

It’s really hard to stay to my truth whith such people. And it really hurts if I close my heart for such people. Then frear, guilt and anger take over. I think yes, that’s what’s happening. I feel that it’s more important to keep the heart open than to reply to such things.

Do you feel she is blaming you and guilt-tripping you if you set boundaries? Because that’s what might cause you to feel rejected, and you might want to go against your wishes and do it anyway, because you don’t want to hurt her?

Yes, I think I couldn’t set boundries as a child there was no space for it. I would like to meet her and my needs.

Yeah, it could be that you do betray yourself because if you’re being yourself, you get blamed and rejected, and you don’t want that. We as children are totally dependent on our parents. And so we often betray ourselves because we need to stay in the relationship – it’s a survival instinct. And we keep that in our adulthood too.

That’s what I think might have happened.

So you might be doing something similar with you mother – desperately wanting to stay in the relationship and feeling that the only way to do it is if you betray yourself? (or at least that’s how it was the past?)

It’s propably all the same thing. How my mom treated me, how I feel others treat(h) me, how I treat myself. It feels pretty simple.

Sometimes we believe we’re selfish (or people accuse us of being selfish) if we want to respect our own needs. People pleasers believe they are selfish whenever they say No to anything. So I would reevaluate those instances where you felt you were selfish. Maybe you said it in an angry tone and lacking diplomacy, but your basic impulse was to protect yourself and your own needs?

Yes, when I did it it’s just that I didn’t know a harmonic way in that moment. I did it without compassion which creates tension.

Yeah, it seems you are very careful not to hurt people. But sometimes people will be hurt because you’re not letting them to take advantage of you any more. In reality, you’re not hurting them, but they might still accuse you of hurting them…. so that’s a challenge you’ll need to deal with.

Yes, people can be reminded at pain in the past. I can maybe remind them of their memory.
My responsibility is to act with pure intentions. I’m only responsilbe for what I can control.

I think that real, genuine connection can’t exist without empathy on both sides. If you care about people, but they don’t care about you or your needs, that’s not real connection. With some people we just can’t have a genuine connection, because they don’t have empathy or understanding for us, but rather, they want to manipulate us or take advantage of us. I don’t know if this has been your experience, but I am just saying: it’s impossible to be open-hearted and unguarded with everyone because some people will take advantage of that.

I want to disagree. It’s also painful to close the heart. I try to find some in between. Maybe we have a different idea of what the heart is. For me it’s how spaceful the feeling in my chest is. It has to do with how much compassion I feel.
Maybe there’s something I do not understand or can not do yet. Maybe the best I can do is just to be with my heart and not loose it.

Yes, we need to have both. We shouldn’t sacrifice ourselves in order to stay in an abusive or manipulative relationship.

Agree 🙂

But it seems she somehow shifts (or used to shift) a part of that blame on you? Or you felt sorry for her because she seemed helpless, she was pitying herself (you said she was in the martyr role) – and so you gave up on yourself so she would be less upset and less miserable about her own life?

Yes, I was strong for her maybe I was her anchor.

Good. If she’s learning how to meet her own needs, rather than expecting you to do that, that’s a good sign. I hope she’ll keep working on herself and also that you’ll be able to set better boundaries with her, not feeling selfish for doing that.

sadhu, sadhu, sadhuuu

Good Evening Tee,

You can even tell some people – but only those you trust – that you’re trying to be more open about your feelings and show more vulnerability, and so not to worry about you but simply lend you a listening ear, without needing to fix anything. I don’t know if this would be too much to ask, but anyway, just a suggestion in case it may help you open up even more.

That’s a very good point. People tend to be overwhelmed or to give advice.

What I am noticing is that your communication style is very gentle. So I am guessing that you have it in you and that it won’t be that hard to express yourself in a gentle, yet assertive way.

I do and also I work hard for it.

As for the black-or-white reaction (submit or rebel), that’s very typical because those are the only two ways we’ve learned as children. And it’s actually a part of our trauma response (fight-flight-freeze). Fight would be to rebel, flight or freeze would be to submit, I guess.

I think what could help is not to view such situations like an attack – like someone threatening you – but more like someone expressing their preference and you having the right to accept it or refuse it. You having the right to express your own preference.

I agree and I often have this perspective. In Non-Violent Communication, one teaching which stuck with me was: “If you meet someones needs against your own needs, everyone is gonna pay for it”. I belief it’s true. And yet there are situations where I do not leave because I forget that I can. I forget that I have options. Or I just can’t (mentally) and then I know it and live with that.

My experience is that whenever I don’t feel helpless about the situation, the more empowered and less angry I feel. Because I know I have options – I can say no and refuse to do what I don’t want to do. So this gives me a more relaxed attitude about it, rather than triggering the fight-or-flight response, where I feel I need to defend myself from danger.

Yes, it’s about admitting to your self that I have options. I can skip work, weddings, breakfast or whatever if I want. This really helps, these days it’s one of my main practices to give myself all the options. Maybe even too many. I give it to other people too, it’s like: “Whatever you’re gonna do I will accept you”. There’s more to it, the next step might be that there are boundaries and values added to it. Acceptance and tolerance.

I read that some people can’t say no at all, some options are just not practical even if it would be the right thing to do. I don’t push for it anymore. Like with my mom. I accept it happening or not happening.

And then you can be more diplomatic about it, e.g. saying “I know how much you’d love to see this movie, but I really feel tired today and need to get some rest”. So you acknowledge their need, but you also express your own need. That’s how you assert yourself politely and gently. Does that makes sense?

Yes, it makes sense and I can make sense out of it. The first part : “I know how much you’d love to see this movie”, I really want to adopt that. I think it can help making it less scary because there is empathy with autonomy. Yeah, I think I really want to use empathy and autonomy together. That might be powerfull. Autonomy is kinda scary by itself.

You mean the extremes of feelings that a person with a BPD feels (e.g. first the intense love for someone, then intense hate after the person doesn’t give them everything they ask for)?

I think in the broad I mean that somedays I feel connected and then shy again (withdrawl). In romantic relationship’s I get very attached and then I need a lot of space. BPD is overkill. I can connect with the following.

– abandonment is unbearable
– unstable sense of self
– it feels like I can’t be without a person (that’s what it makes hard to leave)

I think I mentioned it because I understood that you do not make boundaries then you boundaries are met by withdrawal.

Yeah, you can’t pretend to have boundaries. I mean, we can have too weak boundaries, which can be easily crossed, or too rigid boundaries, where we put up a wall around ourselves. It takes some healing and practice to learn how to set healthy boundaries. And also self-awareness, because you first need to know what is it that you want and don’t want in your life.

I belief atm, it’s something I need to feel rather than decide.

I totally get you. I also have a bad experience acknowledging weakness or vulnerability to my mother. It always backfired because she would blame me for my own suffering, telling me that it’s all my fault, or she would later use the information against me, to attack me or judge me in some way. She never showed empathy. So yeah, admitting that I am hurting was always dangerous and traumatic.

And I get you, de only difference is our mom’s strategy.

Oh really? Is she attending therapy? Because my mother has always refused it – she keeps blaming other people (including me) for her problems.

Yes, she does. You right, it’s great and a thing to be celebrated. Good to be reminded.

You mean, when she asks you how you are, but actually has that martyr expression on her face and you know she isn’t really interested in knowing how you are – you think that it would help if you asked her “what would you like to know?” instead of answering a more general question of “how are you?

Yes, I noticed that I answer questions which are more specific. I think she needs to connect and in this moment and does not know how.

I noticed that I did not reply to this part.

Thank you, Beni. I know it’s hard to love ourselves, if we are made to believe that we are unlovable and unworthy. That we’re not good enough. I know because it was the same for me. I actually received that first “jolt” of love by meditating on Jesus. Yeah. I didn’t receive it from any person around me (although I did and still do have a good and loving husband). But somehow I always felt a hole in my heart, I felt unlovable for a long time. And then in a meditation on Jesus (whom I imagined as unconditionally loving and non-judgmental), I asked him to fill my heart with love. And it happened. That’s the first time I really felt lovable.

Well, that was my experience. You don’t have to do it like that, of course. But sometimes, when there is no one to give us that first jolt of love, we can call for a higher power, if we believe in one. Alternatively, surrounding yourself with loving, compassionate people, and seeking support in therapy are the best ways to feel that love. To accept that we are lovable and worthy.

Thank you for sharing your experience and I’m glad there are several way’s to have this experience.

Alright, I think I get it: you used to hide your sadness, you didn’t want people to know that you’re in pain (I’ve have the always smile poker face. It’s hard to know how I feel for others and also for myself.)

But last year you started opening a little and admitting when you’re sad (I learned last year to say that I’m poor). You don’t do that to get people’s sympathy and “extract” love from them, but simply to share your feelings, to not hide your feelings any more, right? (More in a : ”oh, look I feel really poor and it’s real but you don’t need to worry. I’m glad you listen to me” way)

Yes, that’s exactly why I do it. Thanks for helping me making it present.

Definitely, that can be wholesome. I am glad you’re opening more, even if it’s still hard for you to show vulnerability. For example, it’s still hard for you to ask people for help when you have physical injury.

You say you don’t want to complain to people because you’re afraid they won’t like you (I don’t complain in front of other people because I’m afraid they don’t like me). But you want to change that attitude and be more open about your feelings. You don’t want to pretend that you’re fine when you’re not necessarily.

That’s all great, Beni. You’re trying to be more authentic and not be afraid to show weakness or vulnerability. You are not less lovable because sometimes you need help or you are sad or frightened. You mother might have taught you you shouldn’t have needs, or that you are selfish if you have needs. But that’s not true.

So it’s okay to show vulnerability. In fact, vulnerability is our secret strength, because it enables us to be authentic, to be ourselves. And being authentic is I think super powerful.

Yeah, that’s where I’m at.

Perhaps when you share that you’re sad and show some vulnerability, you start feeling uncomfortable and you panic? Maybe you fear that people with reject you, and then you quickly try to downplay what you said, like “oh but it’s not such a big deal, I am not that bad actually, I am fine”?

Hmm, yes. I’d like to have control on how I’m perceived because I don’t know what I’m doing is happening. I mostly don’t downplay anymore because it creates more confusion.

That’s nice of you. I think you showed empathy for her. Not pity in a negative sense.

Yes, I felt the same.

Do you say to people what you believe they want to hear? Do you do favors for them because you’re afraid they’ll reject you if you set boundaries? I am just curious: how do you think you people please?

I observed the following. When I’m with people with different dialect I adopt it. I can easily be with a group and agree to every activity. I might loose my autonomy with time.
Yes, I tend to tell people what they want to hear. I feel disconnected when I set boundaries. It’s like one or the other extreme only you or only me.

Oh so she is looking at you with self-pity, but then asks you how you are, right? And so you refused to answer, because you know her intention. Good for you! Yeah, it’s good you don’t allow yourself to be manipulated but could actually see through her and refuse to take part in her little game. What did she tell you in response? Did she get offended?

I think she felt rejected. I do not have space for her pain in this situations because of my own pain.

Good afternoon Tee,

yes, I had a difficult upbringing, with an emotionally cold, strict and very criticizing mother. And it left many scars on me, which lasted for many years. But with the help of therapy and increasing self-awareness, I’ve managed to heal gradually, basically to heal my inner child. I swear by this method of healing, because it helped me the most, after some other modalities didn’t help.

Wow, I feel proud that you did/do this work with you Tee. It needs a lot of strength and courage. I also feel grateful that to meet someone who did overcome it and is able to share it in the way you do.

Oh I see… so you’re kind of pitying yourself, telling yourself and other people “I am so poor”. Or “poor me, nobody loves me”. And then people might feel guilty if they reject you, right? And they start resenting you and the tension starts building. Is that what’s happening?

I do feel that way and I would say it in an unconscious way. Like when someone gives me a compliment I’d say. Ah it’s not so good. I’d down rate it. Because I’d get reminded that I don’t feel good enough.
This might be how tension builds up yes. I don’t see trough it yet.
Right now I try to get some distance from that. I say. Oh, I feel so poor. I must be the poorest person on the planet. Like I try to not take it serious.

If so, that’s your inner child crying and whining, because he really feels unloved. He really didn’t receive the proper love and nurturance from his mother (or father), and he is lacking. He is still trying to receive it, only not from your mother or father, but from the people around you. So you feeling pity for yourself is actually your inner child feeling pity for himself, because he indeed didn’t have his basic emotional needs met.

Okay, I observed that treating little Beni in a pity way does strengthen the belief that he’s poor. I try to tell him in the way I mentioned above: “Don’t be silly my love, you know this is not true anymore”.  It feels like this can help.

The way to heal is to heal your inner child, to give him the love and care he craves. To be a good parent to him. That’s how you’ll stop pitying yourself and “manipulating” people to give you love. Because you’ll have it in you, your heart will be full and nourished.

It is really difficult to give it to myself. I met some people this year who could make me feel that I’m good enough. A very wholesome experience. I belief you also do it.

Yes, there is a way to be in harmony with your inner child. You would need to first acknowledge and validate his needs. Tell him that he is lovable and precious and special. And that you’ll be there for him.

I do that, it does resonate a little. I think the best I can do atm is to not put pressure on him. I think I need to give him space that he can trust me again.
Also I work on making other people feeling good enough. I belief that the mind does not differentiate and by strengthening the trait, I’ll be able to give it to myself later on.

Perhaps experiment with that a little bit and see if you can give yourself some self-soothing. If not, it’s not a big deal, there are therapists for that. They provide a safe environment and the unconditional positive regard, so that we can start feeling seen and accepted and appreciated. They give us the first “boost” of acceptance and validation, and from then on, we learn to love ourselves (and our inner child) more and more.

I will. Thanks for the input.

Oh I see. So she maybe used you to meet her emotional needs, because her husband was emotionally unavailable? (Perhaps she complained to you about your father or other problems in her life?) That can put a big stress on the child, because the roles are reversed, and instead of meeting our emotional needs, the parent expects us to meet their emotional needs, which we as a child are totally unable to.

Yes, I belief this is it. I met her a week ago and I saw it in her eyes.

Hi Tee,

I’m glad you’re better. I wanted to say is that I hear you’d had a difficult upbringing too and it was not easy to get your needs met with your mom struggle taking care of her own needs in a healthy way.  Thank you for letting me know the circumstances.

Right, you’re afraid to appear too demanding. Perhaps you believe that expressing needs is selfish – that you are selfish if you do that?

Maybe that’s the whole, I do not understand it. I now that I feel guilty after or afraid before. The way I do it makes it more difficult for some people to say no and in the long therm creates tension. It’s difficult to say no to me but I really need to fully trust on that so I can learn what’s nourishing in a relationship and what’s not.

Actually this seems that you do believe that expressing needs is selfish. You are reprimanding yourself for having needs. You believe that even your purest, selfless love could be interpreted as manipulation and dishonest.

Yes, I that’s true. That’s my conditioning.

I see. Yes, a martyr mother doesn’t really meet our emotional needs. Perhaps she meets our physical needs (she cooks for us, works hard so we can have nice things, etc), but she does that not with sincere love, but with “oh poor me, I am sacrificing so much for you, and you’re so ungrateful” type of attitude. She makes us feel guilty for being a child and having needs. She makes herself a martyr and we’re almost the “villain” for wanting anything from her. Perhaps you experienced something like that?

Yes, that resonates. I think this is a disconnected way to love or connect. I think this is why I do many things. There is this hole which cry’s out: “I’m soo poor”. I started addressing it in other people. I started rubbing their heads and saying “ooh, you so poor”. That’s propably why it’s harder to say no to someone like that. When someone has that look.

Right, she isn’t really interested in knowing how you are, but actually wants to talk about herself, and how hard her life is, right? She doesn’t have interest and cannot truly meet your emotional needs, because she is so needy herself.

Yes! It feels like she takes it and turns it against me.

I can see how with such a mother, you felt that your needs are selfish. That everything you did to connect emotionally – even expressing the purest, the most selfless love – would be deemed selfish.

Yes, I want to learn how I can give more effortless.

When I was a child, my own mother would often reject my kisses and hugs (i.e. my sincere expression of love and affection), telling me that it’s stupidity, that it’s unnecessary, that such displays of affection are dishonest, or that it will spoil the child etc.

I am mentioning this, because my mother conditioned me to believe that needing physical affection is stupid and weakness. That my legitimate needs as a child were somehow “illegitimate”.

Perhaps your mother too conditioned you to believe that your basic emotional needs were illegitimate, and that needing love was selfish and manipulative?

It must have been very painful to get rejected this way. We’re so vulnerable as childs. Did you learn to overcome this?
I belief for me it was the other way around. I’d reject my mothers kisses and hugs. I think my dad wasn’t very available for her.

I see. You were more prone to dissociation then. It’s a defense mechanism. It happens because when we are a child, it’s too painful to stay present with such an emotionally (or even physically) unresponsive mother. The pain of feeling unloved is too much. And so we freeze and dissociate. That’s how we escape that immense pain of not being soothed, of no one coming to our rescue when we are in distress.

It could very easily be that your freeze and dissociation today is actually the same defense mechanism that you used as a child to escape the emotional deprivation you felt around your mother, and in your household in general (because you said your father was involved with his business, and the only emotionally available person was your grandmother.)

I belief it is how you say and this is where it’s coming from.

It’s hard to grow up like that, Beni. I totally feel your pain and your terror, actually, of not having anyone to emotionally regulate you, to be there for you in distress. But what’s amazing is that you are very aware of your needs: you know that what you need when you freeze is that someone put a hand on your shoulder and tell you “it’s going to be okay”.

That’s such a great observation, Beni. And so true. Because in fact, it’s your inner child who needs soothing and reassurance that everything’s going to be fine.

Over time, as you heal and develop emotional strength, you the adult Beni will be able to soothe the little Beni. You’ll be able to soothe yourself by putting one hand on your shoulder, and telling yourself “don’t worry, it’s going to be fine”. Right now, you still might need others to tell you this, and it’s completely okay. But with time, you’ll be able to tell it to yourself.

Wow, Tee. It’s amazing how you put things together and your sence of timing. It’s so nourishing to read these lines. I read this and then I had to sleep for 2h and now I’m finishing the reply.
I belief this is the struggle.. I’ve given up on telling little Beni what to do because he does not listen. Not doing seems to be harder than doing. It’s good to know for both of us that there is a way to be in harmony together.

Hi Tee,

I hope my remarks didn’t cause you too much distress? I hope some things resonated, but not to the point of being overwhelming?

Thanks for asking. It touched me. I didn’t get lost. You did hear what I said and put it in your words in a loving way. Like the two below. I still think about them.

I see – you feel dishonest if you first give something (e.g. organize a garden party) in order to receive. You would like to receive love and attention, without having to do something for people first, right? You would like to receive without “bribing” them, so to speak?

You know, you actually have the right to express your needs clearly, without beating around the bush too much. I mean, you can say “I would like this” instead of “I want this”. And you can learn to say it in a calm but decisive manner (i.e. assertively). So you can learn to modify your request to sound more polite and mature, however, you have the right to express your needs. You’re not bad or faulty for having needs, or for expressing them.

I’m glad I mentioned it. I do it that way because it’s scary and in the moment I’m overwhelmed.  I’d like to express my needs in a gentle, assertively way so they can be received easy.

Let me just check if I got it well: so you are afraid that even your selfless love would be rejected?

Yes, it makes it more difficult to love. When I do, I can have thought patterns which tell me: “You do it to be liked”, “your manipulating people to like you”.

When I put these 2 pieces of information together, one possibility occurs to me: that perhaps your mother was in a martyr role, where she served everybody, but was resentful about it, and yet she kept doing it? You wanted her to be happy, not to suffer, but no matter what you did and how much you helped her, it was never good enough?

Yes, the word martyr fits in well. You know, I don’t really remember what I did and what she did I can’t find much in my memory. I see her now and in sometimes I see myself. She also struggles with connection, I don’t think she has a best friend besides my dad.
I’m not sure if I tried to help her. I’m more prone to the freeze or self destructive behavior. I belief she couldn’t give me space, maybe I was part of meeting her needs. Like when you ask “how are you” but actually you create space to tell how you feel.
I think the person which was emotional available the most, was my grandma. My dad was busy with his business.

Another reason why I think it would be beneficial for you to work with someone is that you should learn to accept that you are worthy of help, and that you don’t need to do everything on your own.

Everytime I do it, it gets a bit easier. Thanks for the kind words.

Is there a specific situation in which you feel insecure, and then you freeze and don’t know what to do?

I think there are a few factors. “Do I know the thing I do by heart?”, “How shure am I about myself now?”, “What is the mood in the group” and the main factor, “is there somebody seeing what I’m doing”.

I had a massage workshop last year and we would be shown a sequence and then my memory would not work when I’d have to repeat. It was a very secure and loving environment.

The good bad thing is in my new job is that I’m seen. I can’t hide well, they know when I’m in zombie mode. I think I’m afaid to loose the job and the people in the job. I lost my last job and it felt like a breakup.

Hi Peter,

Thank’s for the introduction to taoism. I needed to chew on this for a while. I feels peacefull when I  look on beeing and doing as one state. This is the place I want to be. More then less I am doing or beeing. Maybe this is why doing often feels wrong.

I talked about this with a friend and she told met that instead of thinking what she wants to do she writes down how she would like to feel.
It does not work doing it with imagination what I do or thinking what I want to do and find good reasons for it.
I want to find practices which keep me out of my head.

I was acutally on a similar point last year. I then switched to a labor job to be better able to stay out of my head. I realize now, that there is an opportunity.

I have two ideas for now. I can test if I’m able to work with feelings rather than thoughts.
Maybe with this insight praying or chanting can work for me.

Are there other practices which I do not have on my radar yet?

with love,
Beni