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How can I do what I wan’t to do with joy?

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  • This topic has 86 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 4 weeks ago by Tee.
Viewing 15 posts - 61 through 75 (of 87 total)
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  • #428946
    beni
    Participant

    Dear Tee,

    I reply late, sometimes I get in to this mode where I do not reach out to people. I replied already two weeks ago and I didn’t like where ther reply came from and it took till now as it’s changing again.

    Is it only related to physical pain (you mentioned sweet pain after you fall), or in general, in your life, when you are out of sync with your being, that you feel emotionally tense and heavy (no lightness)?

    It’s a general thing.

    Yes, to reach the goals which are aligned with my inner being, with who I am. Not someone else’s goals, but my own.

    Maybe you feel comfortable to reply this question: ‘What do you imagine happens when you meet your career goal and how do you know you met it?’

    What do you think about this approach?

    I forgot to pray lately, I think when I come out of the energy that there needs to be change, that there is something wrong or missing rather than I whish this and this happens and not beeing attached to the outcome it feels natural. There’s much patience endurance involved and sometimes I doubt it.

    Talking to our subconscious is another aspect of solving the problem,

    I feel your’re right it feels different. Two weeks a go I thought it’s the same. It feels rather like speaking to a person and praying doesn’t feel like talking to anyone or thing

    And another big part of solving the problem is the plan of action – daily activities to support our goal. This is what actually brings us closer to our goal. Talking about it and understanding it is not enough. We need action.

    Makes sense how can we reach a goal when wo do not move in it’s direction taking the steps, we need to be very clear what our goals are and why we need it. This kinda triggers me cause I struggle to take action mucho. I do not know how so I patiently wait and things work out too and I take action too it is just is so slow.

    I like this approach about problems: https://aylalove.bandcamp.com/track/problems-are-solutions-in-disguise-2

     

     

     

     

    #428970
    Roberta
    Participant

    Hi Beni

    I came across this quote last week and have found it helpful especially when things do not pan out the way I want or quickly enough. Any action done out of pure intent to bring joy or to relieve suffering is never lost, even if the immediate outcome is not what we want, and even if it is the opposite.

    #429013
    Tee
    Participant

    Dear Beni,

    good to hear from you!

    I reply late, sometimes I get in to this mode where I do not reach out to people. I replied already two weeks ago and I didn’t like where ther reply came from and it took till now as it’s changing again.

    You mean you wrote a reply 2 weeks ago, but never posted it? Because you felt some resentment or discomfort? You’re welcome to tell me more, if you’d like to…

    Maybe you feel comfortable to reply this question: ‘What do you imagine happens when you meet your career goal and how do you know you met it?’

    Hmm, I’ll have a sense of accomplishment of something that is important to me. You know the Maslow hierarchy of needs? I feel accomplishing this goal would meet my need for self-realization. Maybe I am wrong, but this is how I feel 🙂

    And I’ll know that I’ve met it, because there are some concrete milestones I’d like to achieve…

    I feel your’re right it feels different. Two weeks a go I thought it’s the same. It feels rather like speaking to a person and praying doesn’t feel like talking to anyone or thing

    Oh interesting… so praying for you feels like not talking to anyone, whereas speaking to your inner child feels like talking to someone?

    I forgot to pray lately, I think when I come out of the energy that there needs to be change, that there is something wrong or missing rather than I whish this and this happens and not beeing attached to the outcome it feels natural. There’s much patience endurance involved and sometimes I doubt it.

    You mean that when you pray for something, you feel you’re attached to the outcome? And it gives you a feeling that something is wrong or missing in how things are right now? And when you let go of that attachment, when you just patiently wait and trust that it will happen, then it does happen eventually?

    Makes sense how can we reach a goal when wo do not move in it’s direction taking the steps, we need to be very clear what our goals are and why we need it.

    Yeah, for me it’s important to know why I am doing something, i.e. it’s important to me that it is aligned with my true self and my true desires (and not someone else’s wishes, or something that I feel forced to do.)

    This kinda triggers me cause I struggle to take action mucho. I do not know how so I patiently wait and things work out too and I take action too it is just is so slow.

    Let me see if I understood you correctly: so your experience is that when you patiently wait, things work out by themselves? And so you’re not motivated to take action?

    Can you give me an example (if you feel comfortable) of a situation where things just worked out by themselves, without you needing to take any action?

     

    #429014
    Tee
    Participant

    Hey Beni,

    I’ve just checked the link you sent and I liked the little recital-song… so I’ve written down the words. I haven’t understood 100% of the lyrics, but here it is:

    It’s a real skill to be able to look at every problem
    as a miracle we’ve been asking for,
    guiding us exactly where we need to be,
    initiating us,
    asking us to evolve and come deeper and deeper
    into knowing that we are one with God
    We are never alone, we are never at risk

    My pathway meets (?) every day
    I see so many problems
    but my mind’s the only one
    that’s got them

    If I change how I see my way
    All my problems will be gone today
    Cause a miracle is hiding in every dark corner
    And there’s a divine light that shines the dark away
    And if I wish to see that light with my own eyes,
    Well the highest in me shows me how (?)

    All this dark is just in my mind – illusion
    Cause every problem already got a solution
    Everything is already okay
    Life’s a miracle in every way
    There’s a divine light that shines the dark away
    I just got to shine bright to see the light…

     

    #430187
    beni
    Participant

    Hi Roberta,

    Thank’s it’s reminding me at what I can control and gives strength.

    #430186
    beni
    Participant

    My pathway meets blocks every day
    I see so many problems
    but my mind’s the only one
    that’s got them

    If I change how I see my way
    All my problems will be gone today
    Cause a miracle is hiding in every dark corner
    And there’s a divine light that shines the dark away
    And if I wish to see that light with my own eyes,
    Well the highest in me shows me how, well it tries.

    All this dark is just in my mind – illusion
    Cause every problem already got a solution
    Everything is already okay
    Life’s a miracle in every way
    There’s a divine light that shines the dark away
    I just got to shine bright to see the light…

    the lyrics can also be found here on page 40 (same as 51 of the pdf): https://cdn0030.qrcodechimp.com/qr/PROD/63de5c0bef59a6b6430443b7/fm/mantras_for_miracles_full_song_book_a5_x2_compressed.pdf

    yeah, the song makes me smile inside

     

    #430194
    beni
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    You mean you wrote a reply 2 weeks ago, but never posted it? Because you felt some resentment or discomfort? You’re welcome to tell me more, if you’d like to…

    Jap, I felt disconnected. I have day’s or times where I retreat into myself and I struggle to reach out. It feels like a stone on my heart, it’s harder to give love and share/show myself and also I got and still am sick :-/

    Hmm, I’ll have a sense of accomplishment of something that is important to me. You know the Maslow hierarchy of needs? I feel accomplishing this goal would meet my need for self-realization. Maybe I am wrong, but this is how I feel 🙂

    And I’ll know that I’ve met it, because there are some concrete milestones I’d like to achieve…

    Yes, I know it. Are you saying that you wanna reach this goal cause it expresses values you want to see in the world?

    Oh interesting… so praying for you feels like not talking to anyone, whereas speaking to your inner child feels like talking to someone?

    Yeah, this is exactly how it feels. Praying feels bigger.

    You mean that when you pray for something, you feel you’re attached to the outcome? And it gives you a feeling that something is wrong or missing in how things are right now? And when you let go of that attachment, when you just patiently wait and trust that it will happen, then it does happen eventually?

    I think/feel praying is without attachment to the outcome. It’s not easy to put in words. I’d say it’s knowing while not knowing how/what at least in the beginning. I think that’s why it’s helpful to differentiate needs from the strategies to meet the need. I wanna pray for the need.

    Let me see if I understood you correctly: so your experience is that when you patiently wait, things work out by themselves? And so you’re not motivated to take action?

    Can you give me an example (if you feel comfortable) of a situation where things just worked out by themselves, without you needing to take any action?

    I feel like I wanna take action and do this and that and that it will have severe impact on my life if I do not take this action.

    Yeah, like I wanted to reply here and my mind was like now, now, now you have to do it. It can be painful to not do things. I feel helpless. It’s hard for me to let people wait. I usually know my things I don’t forget.
    Anyhow I figured if I really wanna do it I will do it. I’ll do it without effort but I have to wait for it. Often I can’t do it any other way it’s just too painful.

    #430206
    Tee
    Participant

    Hey Beni,

    Jap, I felt disconnected. I have day’s or times where I retreat into myself and I struggle to reach out. It feels like a stone on my heart, it’s harder to give love and share/show myself and also I got and still am sick :-/

    That’s okay if you don’t respond when you don’t feel like it. No pressure. I am sorry you got sick – is it something like the flu?

    I am again worse with regard to my back – it started hurting for apparent reason, without any wrong move, so I am perplexed. Not really panicking like last year, but it’s not a good feeling to go through it again, because I thought I’ve reached a certain state, where I was more resilient and more stable. But apparently not :\

    Are you saying that you wanna reach this goal cause it expresses values you want to see in the world?

    Well, it would be a positive contribution for the world, on a small scale of course, within my sphere of influence.

    I think that’s why it’s helpful to differentiate needs from the strategies to meet the need. I wanna pray for the need.

    You want to pray to know what you need to do? Like, you don’t know what your contribution (to the world) should be, and you want to pray for clarity on that? Sorry if I misunderstood you…

    I wanted to reply here and my mind was like now, now, now you have to do it. It can be painful to not do things. I feel helpless. It’s hard for me to let people wait.

    Ah, it sounds like you believe people have expectations on you, they want you to do something, and you feel pressured by it, and you don’t like it. (BTW there are no expectations from my side, so as far as I am concerned, please don’t feel pressured to reply).

    Anyhow I figured if I really wanna do it I will do it. I’ll do it without effort but I have to wait for it. Often I can’t do it any other way it’s just too painful.

    Okay, so you feel comfortable doing things at your own pace, in your own time, when you feel like it, not when someone tells you to do it, right? Is it related to your family and the expectations they have from you? Or other people’s expectations as well?

    BTW thanks for the lyrics. I see the entire booklet is called “Mantras for Miracles” – that’s nice, I’ll check it out.

     

    #430207
    Tee
    Participant

    *correction: it started hurting for no apparent reason

    #430320
    beni
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    That’s okay if you don’t respond when you don’t feel like it. No pressure. I am sorry you got sick – is it something like the flu?

    Thanks, I need to hear this over and over. Mhh, I wonder I actually am sick once a month an now since 3 weeks. Feeling exhausted, last week rather stiff, ill and headache this week more a cold, less dizzy. I wanna try omega-3 and Vitamin D maybe that helps.

    I am again worse with regard to my back – it started hurting for apparent reason, without any wrong move, so I am perplexed. Not really panicking like last year, but it’s not a good feeling to go through it again, because I thought I’ve reached a certain state, where I was more resilient and more stable. But apparently not :\

    Do I get you right, you put more stress on your back like exercise and now it started hurting? I can Imagine that you feel vulnerable and helpless cause what you did seemed to have less impact. Maybe it is something like a flashback and you are more resilient and stable than you think.

    Well, it would be a positive contribution for the world, on a small scale of course, within my sphere of influence.

    In a course in miracles they say that the valuation does not matter rather how it feels. I like that.
    Is it rather that you wanna see yourself in a certain role in life doing a certain action to validate your existence?

    You want to pray to know what you need to do? Like, you don’t know what your contribution (to the world) should be, and you want to pray for clarity on that? Sorry if I misunderstood you…

    Yes, that’s it. Thanks for trying.

    Ah, it sounds like you believe people have expectations on you, they want you to do something, and you feel pressured by it, and you don’t like it. (BTW there are no expectations from my side, so as far as I am concerned, please don’t feel pressured to reply).

    I think expectation is a small part. If someone does not reply on a forum or the phone within a time it’s easy to feel rejected. It’s already special for our systems to communicate without seeing or hearing. And I noticed that for me it’s hard to accept that my action is maybe not the cause but reminds a person at her vulnerability. My system sees danger if I do not take action I can get into ambivalence then.

    Okay, so you feel comfortable doing things at your own pace, in your own time, when you feel like it, not when someone tells you to do it, right? Is it related to your family and the expectations they have from you? Or other people’s expectations as well?

    Thanks for asking Tee. Yes I do things in my pace, time and feel. It is like being a child and I think I need this type of space to flourish.

    #430323
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Beni

    If someone does not reply on a forum or the phone within a time it’s easy to feel rejected. It’s already special for our systems to communicate without seeing or hearing.  and yet you say feel pressurized by what you perceive as others expectations of you. Each of us has their own timescale/speed that also changes from circumstances/perception.

    This was shown clearly to me today & I had to laugh at myself or rather my ego’s hypocrisy. I take my father out for a drive nearly everyday and he gets anxious if I drive faster than he likes, so we normally do 20mph, today we were behind two others cars and I felt impatience arise until I looked at the speedo we were doing 20mph! even as I was writing this the words dawdle and stuck came into my  mental narrative ha ha ego trying once again to cause suffering even when retelling such a minor story.

    Hope you are having a good weekend

     

    #430333
    beni
    Participant

    Hi Roberta,

    and yet you say feel pressurized by what you perceive as others expectations of you. Each of us has their own timescale/speed that also changes from circumstances/perception.

    This was shown clearly to me today & I had to laugh at myself or rather my ego’s hypocrisy. I take my father out for a drive nearly everyday and he gets anxious if I drive faster than he likes, so we normally do 20mph, today we were behind two others cars and I felt impatience arise until I looked at the speedo we were doing 20mph! even as I was writing this the words dawdle and stuck came into my mental narrative ha ha ego trying once again to cause suffering even when retelling such a minor story.

    Haha, yeahh in the end we do not know. I tell myself this over and over. Sometime I’m happy when people show up late or the opposite. If I get you right the point you make is that you wouldn’t drive faster anyway and the cars in front of you where annoying till you noticed your going already max speed. Good you’re laughing about it, why not have some fun.

    I’m impressed you take the time every day to take your Dad for a ride.

    Thanks, you too 🙂

    #430353
    Tee
    Participant

    Hi Beni,

    Thanks, I need to hear this over and over.

    You are welcome! You are welcome to take your time and reply at your own pace, as you feel the impulse from within.

    Mhh, I wonder I actually am sick once a month an now since 3 weeks. Feeling exhausted, last week rather stiff, ill and headache this week more a cold, less dizzy.

    Oh… so you’re usually sick once a month with similar symptoms? But now it’s been lasting for 3 weeks, with symptoms ranging from exhaustion, feeling cold, feeling stiff, headaches etc. Sorry about that :/

    Could be that your immune system is out of whack. Have you seen a doctor, or you already know this state, so it’s not something to seek help for?

    Do I get you right, you put more stress on your back like exercise and now it started hurting?

    No, I haven’t actually exercised more vigorously, I haven’t done anything to cause it.

    Maybe it is something like a flashback and you are more resilient and stable than you think.

    Actually I’ve been examining myself, and it could be psycho-somatic (I always seek possible mental causes of physical symptoms). So I kind of know what might be causing it.

    So yeah, you’re right, it’s probably not physical worsening (hopefully!), but more like a signal of something that I am not doing right in my life, a signal of a limitation of mine. And now it’s time to start addressing it.

    Is it rather that you wanna see yourself in a certain role in life doing a certain action to validate your existence?

    No, it’s not to validate my existence. I had that phase some years ago 🙂 At the time I thought I am not worthy, that my life has no importance, and that I can only make my life worthy if I do something that can help other people. I thought that would “validate” my existence.

    Since then I’ve realized that I am worthy just because I exist, simply by having been born, and I don’t need to do anything to prove my worth. However, I still have the need for achievement – not to prove myself to anybody, but to share my gifts and talents – to simply “shine my light” in a more deliberate way, if you will. So it’s kind of the need for self-expression and self-realization in one, you might say 🙂

    Yes, that’s it. Thanks for trying.

    Okay, let me repeat it here again: you don’t know what your contribution (to the world) should be, and you want to pray for clarity on that.

    My comment to that: how about listening within to what you want to offer to the world, rather than listening “without” (to a higher power to tell you)?

    If someone does not reply on a forum or the phone within a time it’s easy to feel rejected. … And I noticed that for me it’s hard to accept that my action is maybe not the cause but reminds a person at her vulnerability. My system sees danger if I do not take action I can get into ambivalence then.

    It can be painful to not do things. I feel helpless. It’s hard for me to let people wait.

    It sounds like if you don’t do things others expect from you (or you believe they expect), you fear that the person might feel rejected, and it causes you pain. And you feel helpless because you don’t want to hurt them, but at the same time, you don’t want to do it either. So you are conflicted. You feel ambivalence, and perhaps you freeze in that neither-nor state, not wanting to do it, but not able to reject it either. Am I interpreting this right?

    Thanks for asking Tee. Yes I do things in my pace, time and feel. It is like being a child and I think I need this type of space to flourish.

    It sounds like a healthy thing: to allow yourself time and space to flourish, not judging yourself, not rushing yourself, but being like a good parent, or a good friend, to yourself.

     

    #430526
    beni
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    Oh… so you’re usually sick once a month with similar symptoms? But now it’s been lasting for 3 weeks, with symptoms ranging from exhaustion, feeling cold, feeling stiff, headaches etc. Sorry about that :/

    Could be that your immune system is out of whack. Have you seen a doctor, or you already know this state, so it’s not something to seek help for?

    Propably and Immunesystem whack, I’m finally getting better!

    Actually I’ve been examining myself, and it could be psycho-somatic (I always seek possible mental causes of physical symptoms). So I kind of know what might be causing it.

    So yeah, you’re right, it’s probably not physical worsening (hopefully!), but more like a signal of something that I am not doing right in my life, a signal of a limitation of mine. And now it’s time to start addressing it.

    Haha, I do the same with the physical symptoms. Sounds like you’re confident and hands on about this!

    Since then I’ve realized that I am worthy just because I exist, simply by having been born, and I don’t need to do anything to prove my worth.

    Juhuu, feels good to read that. Reminds me at Gabor Maté I heard him say last week. Asking yourself if you’re good enough is the wrong question. Do you ask yourself if a tree is good enough or a Mounatin 🙂

    However, I still have the need for achievement – not to prove myself to anybody, but to share my gifts and talents – to simply “shine my light” in a more deliberate way, if you will. So it’s kind of the need for self-expression and self-realization in one, you might say 🙂

    Is it a way of giving love?

    Okay, let me repeat it here again: you don’t know what your contribution (to the world) should be, and you want to pray for clarity on that.

    My comment to that: how about listening within to what you want to offer to the world, rather than listening “without” (to a higher power to tell you)?

    I belief in the way things are and so far haven’t met a higher power. It can be frustrating to know things you’d like to do and not being able to do them. I think praying can really help me to be an antidote to feeling helpless. Then I can pray for finding way’s to do what I want to do with joy. To overcome my obstacles in times of despair.

    It sounds like if you don’t do things others expect from you (or you believe they expect), you fear that the person might feel rejected, and it causes you pain. And you feel helpless because you don’t want to hurt them, but at the same time, you don’t want to do it either. So you are conflicted. You feel ambivalence, and perhaps you freeze in that neither-nor state, not wanting to do it, but not able to reject it either. Am I interpreting this right?

    Thanks for sharing this observation. What you write is very close to how I feel. Yeah, this impulse confuses me and it is a challenge to bear. What I do is to let go which takes some time and control.

    It sounds like a healthy thing: to allow yourself time and space to flourish, not judging yourself, not rushing yourself, but being like a good parent, or a good friend, to yourself.

    It feels good to read that 🙂

     

    #430554
    Tee
    Participant

    Hey Beni,

    glad you’re doing better!

    Haha, I do the same with the physical symptoms. Sounds like you’re confident and hands on about this!

    Yeah, I believe in the mind-body unity, and I’ve practiced this approach since long ago. And it really helps because it gives me  some sense of control and the ability to impact things. It’s not like my body is against me, but it’s more like my body is trying to tell me something…

    Juhuu, feels good to read that. Reminds me at Gabor Maté I heard him say last week. Asking yourself if you’re good enough is the wrong question. Do you ask yourself if a tree is good enough or a Mounatin

    Yeah, we are all inherently good enough and worthy. But we were made to believe we are not…

    Is it a way of giving love?

    Yes, you could say that. It does come from my heart and I believe in it.

    I belief in the way things are and so far haven’t met a higher power. It can be frustrating to know things you’d like to do and not being able to do them. I think praying can really help me to be an antidote to feeling helpless. Then I can pray for finding way’s to do what I want to do with joy. To overcome my obstacles in times of despair.

    Okay, it seems you do know what you’d like to do, but you feel unable to do it. (It can be frustrating to know things you’d like to do and not being able to do them.)

    Because in your previous post you confirmed this understanding of mine: you don’t know what your contribution (to the world) should be, and you want to pray for clarity on that.

    But it seems that you do know what you’d like to do (i.e. what your contribution should be), but you feel unable to do it? Or you feel no joy in doing it? (Then I can pray for finding way’s to do what I want to do with joy.) Oh perhaps you feel a certain obligation to do some acts of service, to serve the world in some way, but you feel no joy in doing that? Please help me understand because it’s not quite clear to me…

    Thanks for sharing this observation. What you write is very close to how I feel. Yeah, this impulse confuses me and it is a challenge to bear. What I do is to let go which takes some time and control.

    You are welcome, Beni. Okay, if that’s how you feel, perhaps it is related to the above: feeling a certain obligation or pressure to do something grand and noble (to serve the world in some manner), but not feeling joy in doing that? Again, I apologize in advance if I am misunderstanding it.

    It feels good to read that

    Happy to hear that 🙂

     

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