Well what I meant is that especially young people do bond over talking and discussing romance and suchlike, finding common ground or just sharing a personal experience etc…

I know that I will not be having sex with you this evening, meaning my clothes stay on and your clothes stay on.

I feel like with someone I really like things would be quite different,in the sense I’d really want real physical intimacy, proved himself to be someone that doesn’t shame or judge people.

I don’t think people should be ashamed for being virgin but society does shame you and encourage others to shame you. Or to pity you, give you unsolicited advice etc. For someone like me who suffer from social anxiety and toxic shame feeling rejected or dismissed for that would be excruciating and uncomfortable, but yeah sooner or later I’ll have to establish ground rules as you suggest so maybe it’s better if I prepare myself

Here is a thought: maybe other people your age should  be more like you in some ways, than you being like them.

I don’t know. I’m afraid that being like me prevent you from truly living or make you dwell too much in a comfort zone. Sometimes I have to push myself in going out or interacting with others.

He says he doesn’t like to ever plan things so he said he wasn’t going to have sex or physical contact with me, he said that he only wanted to keep talking and that how I pulled out of the hug immediately was rude. To be honest, I don’t 100% buy that he wasn’t also considering physical intimacy, maybe I’m making wrong assumptions but when he got near my home he was definitely aiming at my lips to kiss me goodbye, when what I was doing was simply aiming for a cheek to cheek goodbye. I don’t know why I react like this. Around me people are not so picky with physical contact with members of the opposite sex, at least not people my age. I entertained the idea of giving him a go but I just can’t. Something in me is blocked. I know I come off as very picky or hard to catch

Dear Anita

First of all, how are you doing?

Yesterday night this guy I’m getting to know tried to make things more romantic (hugs, kisses) but I couldn’t just hide my repulsion. Not that I don’t enjoy his company I do, but definitely only in a friendly way. By the way I was judged. Here another guy who spits at me how something like this never happened to him with other girls, he made me feel very bad with myself like I was sad miserable moodkiller only waiting to go home. I shared this bitterness with a friend of mine but she felt to take his side saying it’s understandable that he felt sorry that I basically killed the romantic mood so abruptly. I didn’t get that she understood me, or that he did, me myself I don’t know why I react in certain ways or why I do the things I do. I had the reason to wake up early for studying, for getting home early yesterday but I slept very long on this bitterness actually. I feel sorry that shit went wrong with him, he tries to act like nothing happened but honestly I didn’t like the way he made me feel at last. In myself I also kinda wanted to give him a sexual/romantic chance but then my body just couldn’t reciprocate, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. I also wanted to avoid talking about this with my other friend cause I know that she’s going to find it strange how I never seem like giving a serious go to dudes, she just seems not to grasp the concept of not liking something enough to like his hugs or kisses and apparently, neither do him. He tried to get reasons out of me, out of my “strange” behavior but to be honest I can’t understand myself so I couldn’t give him reasons neither.

You know, it comes in waves. Yesterday night i typed that cause my excited druggy brain couldn’t sleep otherwise, but this morning I woke up relaxed and pretty much calm, I checked what I wrote yesterday night and as usual, a wave of cringiness and uncomfortableness hit me like it always does whenever I share what happens in myself, out of desperation. Now I’m here, still relaxed, waiting a bit dreadly the next time my mind and myself crumble in pieces (I literally feel like I need to keep myself glued and together, I literally feel my mind and my self crumbling in millions different directions)

Literally everyone else who isn’t the person I like and want to be liked back by. Romantically/sexually

The bad relationship with thoughts is true and something I’m consciously working to make healthier as you suggested, but my real issue are emotions. Powerful, intense, sickening and secret waves of destructive, fiery emotions I can’t do nothing with. I’m keeping in touch with some dudes lately, and it’s so hard for me to understand or grasp myself, I wouldn’t even bother to try and let someone else understand myself. I’m not really even into these dudes but I guess I can’t go on not keeping in touch with absolutely no one, but yeah it makes me mad that I don’t get the chance to connect with people I would be really enthusiast with and I’m constantly presented with people that are just meh to me, and then I kiss them and I wish they were someone else, and they think I like them too cause I looked enthusiast and passionate while kissing but actually I was just pretending they were someone else. Why would I do that, you’d ask, why can’t you give them a chance, I don’t know, I can’t know everything about myself and why I think the way I think or why I feel the way I feel, I really don’t know, it’s just that I am really drawn by some people in the sense I’d always ywant their physical affection and care while everyone else physical touch is just repulsive to me for no reason