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ALN

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  • December 1, 2014 at 11:15 am #68620
    ALN
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    “Friends with benefits” is a very dangerous situation. Years ago, I was the initiator with one of my friends. We were spending a lot of time together and one night it just happened. We kept sleeping together for over 3 months. A few times, she asked me what we were and every time I told her we were just friends that had sex. I knew she wanted more. One time she tried to hold my hand and I wouldn’t even reciprocate because in my mind we weren’t together. What a horrible person I was! I felt really guilty about how I was treating her and tried to break it off a few times, but then things would just get physical again. Eventually, things died down, but we grew super close as a result and we considered each other best friends. Then she started seeing other people. That’s when jealousy reared it’s ugly head within me and suddenly I realized that I actually truly and deeply loved this girl. But it was too late. She had already moved on. I was heartbroken. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that it isn’t always the case that the one who initially wanted more is the one who ends up getting hurt. I still deal with this pain to this day and it feels deserved because I treated her like shit. It was just hey, free sex you know? But she didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I miss her so much. My advice — stop sleeping together and communicate to him what you really want in this relationship. Be honest with each other. Wish you the best.

    August 4, 2014 at 1:58 pm #62616
    ALN
    Participant

    Hey no need to apologize. You’re right. Things ended the way they did because she didn’t want what I wanted.

    August 4, 2014 at 1:38 pm #62614
    ALN
    Participant

    I don’t understand what you are trying to say? I don’t know what makes her happy and I don’t know what she wants. Only she knows that. All I know is that this sorta psuedo relationship we have had going on for the past couple of years has been emotionally draining to me and I am moving on. I accept full responsibility for letting it get to that point, but it doesn’t change the fact that I miss her.

    August 4, 2014 at 12:56 pm #62603
    ALN
    Participant

    Matt and Big Blue,

    Thanks so much for your insight. I like the perspective of this encounter being a sort of test to show me how far I’ve come personally. But in a way, it’s made things harder because I miss her even more now. I will just have to take this as another challenge to overcome on my path to healing. Maybe this was meant to make me stronger.

    April 1, 2014 at 9:23 am #53935
    ALN
    Participant

    It sounds like you are volunteering for a city shelter? I’m not sure how it works in countries outside the US. I currently volunteer for an animal society whose goal is to make our city no-kill, which basically means no more euthanization for any companion animal. We take in animals from the city shelters, house them in our center and try to find them forever homes. The staff and volunteers are great. They show so much love and care for all the animals. My time working with them has been amazing. Do they have anything similar to this where you live?

    February 13, 2014 at 12:17 pm #50922
    ALN
    Participant

    I’ve been going through something like this recently as well so I understand. It is so difficult losing someone so close, but each new day gets you closer to being healed so have hope. This site has been so instrumental in helping me deal with and sort through all my emotions and thoughts. If you haven’t already, I’d just go through all the posts and see what you can relate to. For me in the beginning, I had a lot of anger towards her. I hated her for what she did to me. I resented all the times she disappointed me. I wished I could just erase her from my memory. I focused a lot on the negative because that’s what I normally do when I feel rejected. But those are emotions that don’t help with the healing process. The most important thing that I’ve learned is that forgiveness is the best path to go down. I read this one post on here that really struck a chord with me where they said if you are feeling angry at the other person, just say “I forgive her. I forgive myself. I send love to the both of us.” It has helped me so much. I’ve learned to go through my emotions and experience them instead of just filing them away in my head. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel hurt. It’s okay to miss them. If the emotions just got too unbearable, I would journal. So what I’ve learned going through this whole process is that I’m no longer scared and I have hope for myself because for once in a long long time, I am pretty happy with who I am. I still have a lot to deal with, but I know that I’m growing as a person and that’s the most important part of all this.

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 10 months ago by ALN.
    • This reply was modified 10 years, 10 months ago by ALN.
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