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Michele

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  • in reply to: Seeking approval or seeking rejection? #169048
    Michele
    Participant

    mnmnmn

    in reply to: How do I confront him? #138683
    Michele
    Participant

    Update: I have approached my boyfriend a couple days after the argument in a non-aggressive manner. I told him that it was very important to me that we work on how we communicate when we’re upset. I suggested some ideas such as no cursing and trying not to use “YOU” statements such as “you don’t care about me”. He agreed with me. He has been extremely stressed at work and I have felt like I’ve been the only one making effort, I have also given him space when needed. He isn’t the same even when we speak he’s not there. Tonight we were talking and he was telling me about work and said that he has pulled away because he doesn’t want his work stress to make him lash out on me. Which I told him I understood but I struggled with until now because he never told me that he was reverting because of work, I kind of just assumed it. BTW we are long distance I am used to calling him in the morning and before bed. Both of which we haven’t been doing this week because of him. I know this is all stress related. Anyways he started arguing with me I bit my tongue and just let him speak I didn’t fight him but he kept going. He continuously called me an asshole, I asked him multiple times not to disrespect me. And he continued to ignore me, I told him if he didn’t quit I would stop talking to him until he calmed down. He didn’t stop, I have turned off my phone because I can’t listen to him anymore. He brought up the same points he made Saturday about me not caring about the relationship because I haven’t applied in North Carolina. I interviewed Tuesday for a position I received. I asked him to help me with my resume so I can start looking for jobs in NC, since I am supposed to visit him on Monday for a week. He agreed to so I am hurt that he has again thrown the same comments in my face about not doing anything for the relationship. He also brought up my ex which I haven’t talked to since we started dating and who I told to stop contacting me when he reached out. He has accused me of being unfaithful when I haven’t.  All I do is study and work, grab lunch or hang out with my friends if I have time to. I am hurt that he gave into his anger already. This makes me scared. I love him and we have both discussed our futures together but Im tired of being yelled at and crying because the person I love treats me like this. I dont know what to do

    in reply to: How do I confront him? #135873
    Michele
    Participant

    Thank you both so much for your advice and allowing me to view this from a different perspective. This move is definetly stressing him out and I completely understand his worry as he his risking a lot. I am in the process of interviewing for a position and will most likely start the new position within 2 weeks. This will allow me to stop stressing about immediate finances and begin the application process for our move. all of his worries are understandable my real issue lays in how he approached me. when we spoke this morning I expressed my plan to him and he apologized for handling the argument the way he did. We had the same exact conversation this morning as last night but it was handled without anger or accusations. He has anger issues and during arguments he tend to want to fight and attack verbally, I am not like that. His anger has been a point of discussion and is a trait of his he hates. How can we go about working on this? it is hard to stay up hours arguing when we could have discussed matters differently and progressively. I also understand my role in this as I stay up arguing with him.

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)