Anita,

Although your mother provided for you, I’m sure you had your reasonings for why you were angry with her! Unless it was just hormones and the yearning to be independent? I find it interesting how we have similar feelings towards our mothers but one of ours was present growing up and one was not.

Well my parents got divorced when I was at a very young age, and my father got sole custody of me because my mother decided she wanted to move and do travel nursing. I have half siblings through my mother, but two of them were old enough to live on their own at the time and another lived with her own father. My mother is a very selfish woman sadly, as can be seen from her decision to pursue travel nursing rather than raise her youngest children. My mother had a very rough upbringing and my grandmother was terrible to her so that definitely accounts for her behavior, but it upsets me that she didn’t want to be a better mother than her own mother. However, I was raised by my dad who is an amazing man and I’m very thankful for him. My mother stopped travel nursing and came back to live in the area when I was in middle school, so she has been around, but I rarely see her. I would spend some weekends with her when I was younger, but it seemed like it was only for her benefit because she would have me mostly clean for her and wouldn’t spend quality time with me. Therefore, I am rightfully angry with her, but I don’t let it take over my everyday life luckily. I’ve just learned from her behavior and know how much better I want to be with my future children. Also, I feel as though my fear of making mistakes stems back to my childhood and my mother because I don’t want to be anything like her (just a guess though).

Christina

Hi Anita,

When I first started this thread, I really did feel like I did something wrong because that was something that was out of character for me (even though it was innocent), but after reading all of your replies, I’ve come to realize that I was just overreacting and it really was nothing major! So I’m very thankful for all of you. 🙂 I tend to overthink a lot, so it’s nice to get some reassurance from others.

On the topic of mothers, I’m very sorry you had the same feelings towards your own mother. I personally do not feel bad for my negative feelings toward my mother and don’t believe I am a bad person for having them because of all of the things she did/didn’t do. Why do you feel like a bad person for having those feelings towards your mother? I’m assuming she must have done something bad for you to have those feelings.

Christina

Anita,

I believe you have misunderstood what I meant by me having good character. I wasn’t referring to my perfectionism, I was referring to the fact that I got so upset over a pity New Years peck on the ear of a friend. I think that shows that I am inherently a good person and am not capable of actually cheating because something so innocent bothered me so much. I understand your concerns in regards to how I will raise my future children, but I can assure you that I would NEVER hold them to such high standards. I don’t enjoy being so hard on myself and I wish I didn’t strive for perfection because I’m just inflicting pain on myself. I would never want my future children to feel that way. I believe that I only hold myself to such high standards because my boyfriend, for example, is far from perfect but I love his imperfections. He has very different views than me, he’s sooo forgetful, he’s a big drinker compared to me, etc but I have never chastised him nor tried to control him/change him. Therefore, I don’t believe I would push perfectionism on my children. My mother was absent throughout my childhood, so I want to be the most loving and genuine mother that I can be who my children love and actually enjoy being around. I don’t want to hurt them or make them have negative feelings toward me like I do towards my own mother. There I go again striving for perfection, but I promise it does not and will not impact those around me! 🙂

Mark,

Thank you for giving me your perspective. You are correct; the alcohol impaired my mental power and resulted in me acting out of character. It makes me feel good knowing I would never do that when in the right (sober) mind. You are also right about me being human. I strive to be perfect in all that I do in life including my role as a girlfriend, so I feel as though I let myself and my boyfriend down. I just have to remember that I’m human, and I can’t be perfect. I know that the peck on the ear was not ill-intentioned, given my nature in everyday life, but it’s frustrating to not know all of the context surrounding it due to being intoxicated, which is my own fault. Thank you for reminding me that I AM human, and I’m not always going to have my life in order. Like you said, I can just learn from this experience (which is not so serious) and make sure nothing worse ever happens when I’m intoxicated.