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October 2, 2014 at 4:22 am #65902coolcorrianderParticipant
Dear Julia
First, take a deep breath. Calm your inner self down.
I’m so sorry to read your post and I can feel your anxiety and sadness. Keep reminding yourself that you are going to be OK. You probably feel like the world is about to caved in but it’s not.
Honey, I’ve been in your shoes before and I can assure you, it will get better and you are going to be OK.
You are not a bad person. You only wanted what a wife want/expect from her husband. Companion, love, loyalty, honesty and darling, he didn’t give you any of that.
It doesn’t matter who dumps who, what matters are that you now have the chance to be happy and loved as you deserved. Tell your self that you are not a bad person. Tell your self that you are worthy of honest and total devotion. Tell your self that it’s your birth right to be loved and happy.
It’s been a very unhappy 4 years from your post. So my darling Julia, let it go. Let it go and don’t be afraid. Have faith that things always happens for a very good reason.
Regards to the car and other material things contact your lawyer and see what’s the best thing to go about this. You can sell them and take your halves instance.
But before I that you need to tell yourself that you are going to be OK. All I said to my self then was ‘I was OK before I met you so now I’ll be OK again without you’
Keep your chin up. You deserve better, well you deserve the best!
Lots of love
Xx
July 14, 2014 at 2:26 pm #60872coolcorrianderParticipantI’m sorry but your friend sounds like a bit of a jerk. I do agree, that feelings are illusions because you choose to feel angry, sad, hurt, as well as happy, grateful, etc… But they way for someone that studies Zen, handling the situation is very poorly indeed. What’s he’s doing is dismissing you as an individual. Maybe there’s a damn good reason why you choose to feel sad, hurt and unhappy.
As we’re human, we can’t help to feel hurt, sad etc. Especially if we’re with the people that we’re close with. We tend to let all of the guards down and just be ourself.
He also does sound like need to attend one of this angry management class. Want to punch the wall because you stopped in the middle of your typing? I mean, come on!
Building a better communication skills start with LISTENING and I dont think he listens to you. You just to be honest with him and things will get better when people listen and acknowledge.
xo
July 13, 2014 at 5:41 am #60761coolcorrianderParticipant@TheRuminant – Thank you! I was thinking of coolcucumber but it’s predictable so coolcorriander sprang to mind. I love corriander! I do wonder – why The Ruminant? English is not my first language, I had to googled to find out what Ruminant was! 😀
Anyway – thank you as it’s sort of put my mind at ease. It’s good that people wont snub Billy no mates such as myself! ha!
Your statement about searching of a new best friend is like searching for a husband made me laugh so hard, I nearly fell of my chair! It’s brilliant and true! I just need to put my self out there be my self and hopefully there’ll be someone think that I’m rather cool to hang out with. Gosh, I do envy my 10 year old daughter as she makes friends so easily. I think mummy need a little bit lesson from her. haha!
But yes for now, no string attached and just enjoying everyone’s companies.
I’m lucky that I do have lots of options that I can choose, all I need is just to actually to sign up and join them. Well offer is open if you’re in London, we can talk about Astrology and Philosophy over coffee or even better, wine!
Much love
xoJuly 13, 2014 at 4:10 am #60756coolcorrianderParticipantHi @The Ruminant
Thank you for your response – I never see it from this angle.
You’re right, when I was young I never cared whether the other girl liked strawberry bubble gum or collecting barbie like me. We just hit it off. Why cant be as easy as that now?!
It’s true that all I want is to have someone else to share laugh, sorrow and silliness together. Someone/people that respect and accept me as I am. Most people I met now, all they want is to get drunk and go to the club! I have passed that phase in my life and I really want is just to chat over a cup of coffee or wine and just different kind of fun, I think. Like you, I call my self a nerd too! I’m a deep thinker and I would love to meet someone what I can have a good conversation about life and how can we make it better!! My poor bf, he’s very supportive however, I need to have my own circle of friends.
I’m thinking of joining groups too. Not sewing – as I am totally useless at it!! But definitely dancing and wine testing. The only fear I have is to show up in these groups on my own. You know, Billy no mates… but hey, I shouldn’t let the fear get in the way of what I want!?
Thank you @The Ruminant, it’s very insightful! I really appreciate it.
Much Love! xo
July 13, 2014 at 2:03 am #60754coolcorrianderParticipantLittle Dreamy…
*hugs*
Ok, he sounds like a not a very nice person and I really think you need to stay well away from him. This break up sounds like blessing in disguise indeed.
Relationship should be two way street and it’s NOT always about sex. And talking about sex, it’s pictures and sex chat… babes, this is not a real relationship.
Please please pretty please… move on. Block him out and MOVE on! I know how painful a heartbreak can be, trust me I have been there. Dont give up on love.. dont give on hope and for now.. just look after your self, your inner self.
Devoted 6months to a year just to look after Little Dreamy! Go to the gym, have healthy foood, hang out with your friends.
Love will come again when the time is right.
Chin up girl!
Much love xo
July 13, 2014 at 1:56 am #60753coolcorrianderParticipantHi Rewa
I’m sorry to hear that things are so hard for you. It’s never a good thing to feel so lonely and helpless. First of all I need you to take 3 deep breaths and say to your self that It’s going to be Ok.
Times when we feel with negativeness, we MUST allow some room for positiveness because it is VERY VERY easy to wallowing in our misery. Think about things that make you happy, old memories or even think about the sun in shining. Anything to take you to that calm, safe and pain-free place. Stay there for a while…
Everyone deserve to be loved and to be happy, including you but like Luna said we need to love and getting to know ourselves first. Why can’t you reach out to your parents? Rewa, hiding something to people that are dear to you is harming. Don’t do it. They’re your parents and like you said they love you very much! Then reach out to them!
You said you dont have any job.Are you actively looking? If things are tough why dont you do volunteering? You will meet new people in your area and gaining experience too at the same time.
I dont believe that life is unfair, Rewa. It’s all down to us how to ‘use’ our life. We have the control. Unfortunate things do happens however, again, it’s up to us how we’re dealing with that.
I hope that this helps.
Much love xo
July 12, 2014 at 9:29 am #60715coolcorrianderParticipantHello Wieethequeen!
I’m sorry to hear that you’re in such a situation.
Love is amazing isn’t it? But at the same time it can drives you crazy. Wiee, you’re young and you have your life ahead of you and you know what, dont make things too complicated for your self.
It’s good that you’re going away to study as it’s going to shape your future. We can’t ignore good opportunities! About your bf, you offered him your love and trust. Long distance relationship is hard, do-able but hard. Some people can’t handle it. I know for sure I wont be able to do long distance relationship.
My point is.. you’re willing and he’s not. I suggest for you to pick up your hearts, kiss him good bye and on with your life.
Get to know other people and be happy. After all, that’s one of the task why we’re here… Be kind to our self and others, Look after our self and other and BE HAPPY.
Much Love xo
July 12, 2014 at 9:20 am #60709coolcorrianderParticipantHi Luna
Thank you for the reply.
You are spot on! I have a lot of ‘friends’ but I’m lacking the ones that are truly like minded and share same interests. I dont think I am an introvert as I’m quite happily talk to random people in the tube. And maybe you’re also right about that I’m different. I know that I’m not the same person as I was a year ago.
I tried to form a friendship with 3 girls at work as I saw them and thought ‘yeah, they’re cool.’ I put effort in and unfortunately the more you spend time with people, the more you know about them.. with that you can say to your self that this friendship is sustainable or not. Unfortunately these ones were not. Two of them were too pushy and too strong minded and the other one was very insecure that I found my self had to stroke her ego. So I decided let the whole thing go.
With the case above someone told me that I’m quite radical as I dont give people chances…! But my feelings said I should let it go and all I did just followed my gut.
I’m still searching and getting to know myself better. Sometime I’m ok with this situation but I do hope one day I would meet someone that be my friend.
Thanks Luna.
Much Love xo
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