@Sarah It is not that I feel that I can’t live without him but it ismore like I get anxiuos about being by myself. For some reason I wonder if I’m ever going to find somebody else or what if I end up alone. That’s more of what gets to me. Yes, I miss him dearly and love him but I wouldn’t want to get back together with him because I wasn’t truly happy and I always felt that I deserved better. Yet, I believed in marriage being a lifetime commitment and I stuck it out through all that he put me through. He was very nice to me all the time and treated me nice but he just did things that were not appropriate and I always found a way to justify his actions. I wanted to make our marriage workout beyond belief. I tried everything and I did everything I could but it didn’t happen.
Sometimes I think that the reason I can’t get past this is because the way he did things. I would have been ok if he left because he didn’t love me any more and wanted to find the right one but the fact that he was looking forsome else while we were together and left when he found her makes me feel so unworthy and rejected. And you are right, he manipulated me all this time and made me feel so insecure because every time I felt that he was talking to somebody else he turn it on me and said that I was crazy and that I didn’t know what I was talking about.
I don’t hate him but I can’t stand her because she knew tha he was married and yet she didn’t care. But afterall she doesn’t owe me anything as she didn’t know me, it is my ex who is accountable to me.

I know everybody tells me that it gets better with time but it is almost 7 months and I’m still hurting like it just happened yesterday. How can this be that I’m such a mess and he has happily moved on without a care in the world.

@Annie thank you for the advice. I have thought about dating just to distract me but I feel that this will not help me in the long run. I know that this would be a lot easier if I started talking to somebody but I’m so emotionally empty that I don’t have anything to offer to anybody right now. Plus i would only be doing it to get over this situation. I know that I have to find myself first and then probably consider dating. But i do see your point, it would be so much easier to do this.

And here I’m again! Nothing has changed and I’m still allowing him to take my power away by not standing up for myself.
I very often wonder how can I not love myself to continue in this path. He pretty much has me doing what he likes and the worst thing is that I know that it is wrong and that I deserve better but I can’t say no. He is still with the woman he left me for but still comes around telling me tha he loves me and wants to spend time with me.
I really need so help.

Thank you @mac09
You are right he is a serial cheater and even if he was to come back it would take too much to trust him.
I just need to let him go for good and move on with my life in order to heal and see that better things are waiting out there for me.

Thank you so much for your comments and advice.
Deep down I know that cutting off all contact is what I need to do in order to get out of this. However, I’m having a difficult time following thru. It just feels like this heartache is never going to stop and I guess I feel that if i have some type of contact with him I can get by esier. I know that this is not what I need, because he has moved on and has a life with this other person while I’m just hanging there waiting to see when he can talk to me and what not.
I want to get to a point that I love and appreciate myself. A point where I’m happy being by myself and feel whole and complete. When we were together, I often wondered if “this was it, if this was actually my life” as I didn’t feel fullfilled. However, now that he is gone I want him back in my life even after he didn’t care about my feelings.

Thank you guys for your comments and for giving me your perspective. I will take each piece of advice and read it over and over until i get it through my head that the best I can do for myself is to walk away and never look back.
Than you!!

Thank you so much for your encouraging word Alia. Sometimes we have to hear it form others to realize how we can love someone else so much more than we can love ourselves. I know this because I take all his belittling towards me and yet i continue to pursue the reconciliation of our marriage. You are right I need to learn to love myself because this is all I know for sure i will have. I know that eventually this pain is going to go away and I won’t feel this way forever.
Thank you again for taking the time to reply and for your kind words.