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AmberParticipantConnie:
It seems like you mention breaking up when you become unsure of the relationship and anxiety maybe kicks in so you think it’s easier to just break up. I used to do that in my past relationship and it was because I was DEEPLY unhappy. I knew I wanted better/more and he just wasn’t that. It took a long time but I finally ended it and couldn’t be happier. I think in this situation he wants to be with you but since you aren’t physically there it’s hard to express it. He may get caught up in his life and the things that are around him and when he’s lonely… he thinks of you and writes you. I wish you the best of luck. I think the no contact thing might be good, he has to win you over and show how much he loves you.
AmberParticipantNatalie,
When you first met him was he actively dating and then you guys became exclusive? From what I can tell on the whole dating thing is people nowadays look for love on dating websites and seem to keep the relationship “open” for a better opportunity and once it comes along, they disappear. It could very well be that or he reconciled with an ex of his?
Even though it was only a month of dating I fully understand how that can feel when he basically ghosted you. I think only time can heal you and the more and more time goes by the more he’ll fade from your memory. It hurts right now but it won’t always be like that. I would keep yourself busy and try as best you can to keep him from your mind (better said than done). I experienced this a few times when I was dating a few people. They would just suddenly disappear (because they were talking to someone else they thought was more compatible) and that would be the end of the contact. It took a few weeks depending on the person but I’d soon realize they simply weren’t right for me. I was fortunate enough to meet someone amazing and couldn’t be happier!
AmberParticipantHeartbrokengurl:
So happy to hear that! I really hope that’s all he needed was some space and you guys continue. Keep us posted
AmberParticipantHeartbrokengurl:
Did he eve respond to your last text?
AmberParticipantACE:
I also came into contact with a narcissist/sociopath. I was married to him for 8 years and together for 12 years. From what I can tell you from my experience, these are very bad people who will never change and the reason for that is because they cannot change. It took me a very long time to finally realize what was happening to me and I was able to get out. I have a 4 year old son and we share custody and it has been nothing but difficult. My best advice to you: Do not contact them. They are extremely manipulative and if you were mentally abused just as I was it makes it harder. You want to believe they are good and that they didn’t mean the things they’ve done but the truth is they do. They know exactly what they are doing and the money you loaned him, I would just call that a loss. Good luck to you! Keep us posted
AmberParticipantKatie/Heartbrokengurl:
I think that as well, some people don’t have good communication skills but judging by his previous comments in her prior posts is what makes me say that. Time is the only true indicator I think on how someone feels. The more time passes the more clearer things become and everything becomes easier. Everyday will get easier and easier. I can only vouche for me but if I truly loved and wanted to be with someone, I would text them/call them and show them that I care about them. I wouldn’t just answer a text and say “have a great day.” I do understand that people do need “time” or “space” but in reality if you want to be with someone, you won’t need that time or space. You’d want to be with them and would want to keep in constant contact. I did at one point need space from my boyfriend but as soon as I told him I needed “space” and he gave it to me, I within a 1/2 a day realized that I loved him and I wanted to be with him 100%.
AmberParticipantHeartbrokengurl:
From what it sounds like from that text is he’s trying to be friendly with you but it did seem like he unfortunately didn’t want to continue talking. For example if he wanted to continue talking and keep the conversation going he would of asked about you but he didn’t. I’ve had this happen to me in the past. I’ve had a few people that I was casually dating would all of a sudden ghost me (disappear) or wouldn’t keep the conversation going and I basically took the hint. I would honestly not wait around on this one. I think if you focus your attention on yourself rather than him it’ll make it easier. For me: I don’t think I’d text him again after that. I’d wait for him to either text you and you can see where you are even interested in that point to continue talking to him or start working on yourself and maybe keep things open for a new potential partner.
I was seeing a guy who I thought was perfect (but later found out he was an alcoholic) and he just out of the blue stopped talking to me. He said we just didn’t mesh well together and we were never on the same page. Hind sight is 20/20. I would of never met my boyfriend if I continued with this person and/or waited around for him to realize I was a great catch.
AmberParticipantHeartbrokengurl:
I think you made the best decision. I think you are a very strong person and you’ll get past this with or without him. I’m hoping that he just needs a little space and time to realize how much he misses you and how amazing you truly are. Honestly, if not, you are better off without him and deserve someone who will love you and will stand by you. Everything happens for a reason whether a blessing or a lesson. I still today try to remember that saying and it helps me through my toughest days. The best thing you can do is occupy your time. Try to look at the things you’ve learned throughout the course of your relationship and how brave you were to disclose your STI to him, that was HUGE. Remember that!
AmberParticipantHeartbrokengurl:
Sorry I replied to your initial post about the anxiety part: I just read the update on the situation. I would give him space. I did this a few times with my boyfriend because I was unsure of the situation but mine was because of my son. I was afraid to continue the relationship and us break up and for my son to end up hurt because he really loves my boyfriend.
I needed just space and time to think and I eventually texted him because I realized I really did love him and I Want him in my life. My suggestion to you is to continue living YOUR life and give him space for him to figure out what he is truly wanting. I think he’ll come around but it all depends on where he’s at in his life and whether or not he can have a fulfilling relationship with you. You also may end up realizing your not the type to wait around and might decide you also want to end things. PLEASE keep us updated!
AmberParticipantHeartbrokengurl:
I know the feeling all too well! I did the exact same thing as you! When I was dating a few people before I met my boyfriend I had anxiety if they didn’t text right back or if they didn’t call me when they got off work or if they didn’t make plans with me for the weekend, etc. It took a lot of self coaching and I had to constantly tell myself that if they for some reason didn’t text me back or call me, I was going to be okay and everything happens for a reason whether bad or good. I also did the same thing with my boyfriend. It lasted for a good 6 months or more but the more you become familiar with that person, their routine, texting habits, etc it becomes easier. My boyfriend and I are at the point where if either one of us doesn’t text we know it’s because we’re busy and can’t reply but we always do. We have built that trust with each other but it did take some time. I honestly kept all my fears inside and never really spoke to him about them. If something bothered me, I told him. Like a few times I’d ask him what his plans were for the weekend and he’d say “Don’t know yet or I’ll let you know” and the anxiety struck me. I’d relax and just have faith that we’ll make plans for each other and he always would pull through. I know exactly what you are going through and it does get better! Just takes time and trust and you’ll build that solid foundation.
AmberParticipantHeartbrokengurl:
Your exactly right! If he doesn’t, then oh well. There are people out there who either have the same diagnosis or will accept you knowing you have it. I didn’t disclose what I was diagnosed with until we were dating for a few months and we were getting ready to be intimate. Thankfully for me, it worked out and it will for you to. Even if it didn’t work out with him, I would of still been perfectly fine. Keep me posted!!!
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