Dear Kodi

I am glad that you do occasionally have access to a sanctuary. Now the trick is to create something similar at home, a sacred space can be as small as a niche on a bookshelf or as big as your own retreat hut in the garden. A person I know found the only place she could get away to was the toilet but she managed to put in a shelf that served as a mini altar.

During lockdown I shared accommodation with my son & family i was suprised how quick they all got used to me doing my practices and my young grandson understands that “Buddha time” means that if he is in my space he sits quietly or he waits patiently else where for me to come and play with him when I & others are finished.

I have never come across Hystamine intolerance what does that entail? One of my previous co workers had a reaction to bee products and it was amazing how many everyday items fell into this bracket.

I wish you all the best in finding a peaceful & fulfilling life

Dear Kodi

All beings want happiness and the freedom from suffering is the fundamental Buddhist teaching and the 8 fold path is the journey we can take to get us there.  The Aryuvedic system of medicine looks at the person as a whole and seeks to balance our systems that is in harmony with our dosha stlye.

I wonder what kinds of narrative runs thru your conscious and do you believe everything you think?

If possible can you expound what a horrible person feels like to you ie heavy hot tight.

Adding guilt about the things that are good in your life is like drinking poison, where as, appreciation is like ingesting a  healthy tonic. it is your choice which bottle you choose to drink from, as you become more mindful of things moment to moment seeing that you do have choice will be easier to see & that in itself is empowering.

So I am guessing that an introverted empath needs to be around quieter, gentler,  joyful people and a slower more natural lifestyle to help them flourish?

Dear Tey

I am sorry that you feel stuck.  Yes homesickness & nostalgia are pulling at your heartstrings at the moment along side what seems a lack of motivation from your husband.  I guess some open dialogue needs to happen between you, about both of yours  hopes,  dreams & fears and how you want to grow & nurture the relationship etc. Does your husband suffer from depression or low self esteem or illness? You do not mention your ages. Also many relationships go into the doldrums at about this time span that why its called the 7 year itch.

Also try to see other options not just the two  stay because I love him or go and enjoy life  surely there is a way to find some joy in Missouri. I think Ghandi said be the change you want to see and maybe encourage baby steps forward with your husband even if it is just to sit out side and share a cup of coffee rather than a 10 mile hike,  taking joy and appreciation in the small things help rather than putting one’s happiness in just the big things.

Dear Lunaryogini

The reason he lied was because he was scared of my reaction because he knew I was very uptight about anything to do with his ex wife

I have reread your original post. This man managed to have an amicable divorce ( major bonus points), which I think says a lot and it was you who took issue with the way that these two people chose to handle their affairs ( pets can have similar entanglement to children) which appears to led to him becoming secretive.

It makes me wonder what trust issues you have had before meeting this gentleman?

Dear Freddie

Thank you for clarifying things. I have been in a similar situation a man I was involved with, his daughter was being brought up by his ex wife’s granparents ( his ex wife had issues around alcohol). It maybe that your ex may have suffered from postnatal depression. Like you I tried to initiate a relationship with the daughter and foster a better relationship between child and parent. My then partner did have issues and would sometimes talk about them, but he refused to follow the guidance given by his doctors even with my encouragement & support.  I brought a house with my parents and moved in with my 2 children, part of the difficulty was that my mother’s mother died when I was about 4 and I think my mum did not know how to be a grandmother only a mother, so there were some control issues.

It appears that your ex is unwilling or unable to address the whys & wherefores of her families dynamics etc and therefore any relationship she has will have a shadow over it.

I hope that you find someone to make a kind & loving family with.

Dear Freddie

Your girlfriend had waited patiently for 7 years for you to work thru your stuff and commit to a loving & committed relationship. I hope that the person she is now seeing is kind and gentle as she is still very vulnerable. You both deserve to be in relationships  where the important things like children & marriage are something that you agree on especially since women’s window of fertility is much narrower than mens.

Dear Jenny

I do not know how old your children are, but you definitely do not want this man anywhere near them ( drugs & soft porn warp the users perception of reality). It is hard to be a single parent but it is better than having the wrong person in your family’s life.  Your home is your sanctuary, a place of spiritual growth take time to cleanse it of his presence also study the buddhist teachings on relationships to help you spot a good person when they come into your life.

Dear Dave

Your drinking and lying are probably the last nail in the coffin of your marriage as you came across as unreliable and untrustworthy. I know this sounds harsh but your wife tried albiet maybe unskillfully to vocalise her needs and the problems that she felt she was encountering  both in daily life and the relationship.

So where do you go from here? Some deep reflection about the needs of your children and resolve about how you wish to conduct yourself in the future. Being consistent in your commitments to the children & household requirement, this will build trust. Also offer to look after the children so yours wife can have “me time” maybe she used to have a hobby that she used to enjoy but has not had the time or energy ie you could pay for half a dozen yoga classes. and when you take the children out do not over treat them keep it simple like playing football in the park as you don,t want to get either into a competitive cycle  or make her feel inferior.  After you have put your daughter to bed make your wife a cuppa and do the dishes if there are any and ask her if there is anything you can do to help.

Remember being responsible, & reliable will mean more rapport with your wife.

Wishing you all the best on this next leg of your lifes journey.