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This is from only my own personal experience dating an alcoholic and it may not be exactly what you are wanting to hear and I apologize if it comes off as harsh. I dated an alcoholic for almost 4 years. He cheated on me, was mean, and said hurtful things to make me feel inferior to him. I never left him because I was all he had and I was honestly scared he would hurt himself if I did. Even after he hurt me so many times, I kept holding on to our good memories. When he was sober he was an angel. He was everything I wanted. But ultimately it took a toll on my self worth and I needed out. Leaving someone who you still love is so so hard. You obviously still care about him and you are a good person. You just have to remind yourself that he is not your responsibility. You have to put yourself first and determine what is best for YOU. It is hard to believe but maybe you leaving him will be the thing he needs to finally push him to get help. That’s really all you could hope for. I know it is scary and it will be tough for you. You can not let people treat you like their punching bag. You deserve better. They have a disease and they need to handle it on their own. You can not save anyone. From what I know, my ex hasn’t changed a bit. However, even though I will always love him, my life is better. I get to worry about myself now. I get to put myself first. It was heartbreaking at first but just like I did, you will heal. You will continue living and life will keep on going. If you have nay other specific questions I’d be happy to give my perspective. Again, I’m sorry you are going through this and I apologize if this wasn’t necessarily what you were looking for. Just thought maybe my story would be helpful. I hope everything works out for you.
Yes, I have scheduled to see a therapist and also a grief specialist. My boyfriend and I haven’t had issues or fights until just recently when my brother passed. Still, nothing ever gets out of hand. We always talk through the fights and address if we do not appreciate how we are feeling. We both still would never raise our voices, name call, or get physical with each other. We both understand I am not acting like myself and I am having a hard time coping. We are both quite calm a majority of the time that is why me getting angry at things or getting frustrated so easily is so out of character that it is concerning and putting such a strain on our relationship.
I would also like to add that I had a very very hard time not taking life seriously. I am very young and have a hard time making friends or just hanging out with people because I feel like I cant connect with others. I worry about everything and I feel so uptight. It bothers me so much when my boyfriend smokes weed even though I know it is okay and I also do it sometimes. I have this irrational feeling of anger whenever I know he has or is going to do it with his friends. He doesnt have an issue with marijuana use and it does not play a role in his day to day life. I dont know where this anger is coming from or how to stop it. I try to not let it bother me but it always does. I don’t want to tell him to stop because I dont want to try to change him or be a control freak. I would rather learn to deal with why it is bothering me because I know it is not an issue with him but something within myself.
Is taking time to be alone a good idea? I have been trying for a while to not be so attached to him and dependent on him. I just really don’t know what to do and all I want is things the way they used to be. I can tell he does not feel the same he once did about me and I know it is my fault because I have very bad anxiety and tend to overreact a lot. But maybe he does feel the same way about me and I am just being insecure? I am not sure about much these days and I am having such a hard time being stable and letting myself live the life I want to. I feel as though i sabotage myself and I have no self control. I want to be kind and loving and nice but I just do things or say things without thinking and I know if it continues things will only get much worse.
For example, if I were to say to my friends “I’m so glad to have you guys in my life, you all mean a lot to me!” I would get the reply “ew” or they would just laugh. They don’t show emotions and don’t talk about things other than the surface. If I were to ask “How are you?” or say “If you ever need anything you can talk to me!” or “Hope you have a good day, you deserve it!” pretty much anything very positive they shoot down. They can’t have serious conversations and it is difficult for me because I know they are great people and I do care for them very much but I don’t feel like I can be myself around them. Maybe they are uncomfortable with showing their own genuine emotions so they don’t know how to respond to mine? I don’t know why someone wouldn’t want their friend to tell them they care about them.