I am so sorry for the both of you. I can understand the loss of trust for men after going through what you both went through. I have also been dumped after being in a 4 year relationship (5 months post breakup). Although we had our own separate places, we did kind of live together but our things were separate and we were not engaged to be married.

I know its hard to think that its going to be difficult to trust men after what we went through especially when you were so close to getting married, I can tell you that maybe it is better that it ended now than it ending in divorce. A friend of mine is stuck in a marriage because he thought he “owed it” to his girlfriend to marry her. Now he is miserable and does not know what to do. He knows he made a big mistake and is seeking a divorce lawyer as we speak. I know its not easy because your heart is broken and you are angry at your ex-fiance, but time will heal itself. I have forgiven the guy who broke my heart and finally able to move on to better things. I am hoping my career finally takes off and I can be my independent self again. If you need time to heal and grieve, go for it. We all have our own ways of grieving. As long as you can understand why something happened and learn from it, all this heartbreak will not be in vain. There is a purpose and a bigger picture for whatever we go through.

We need to pick ourselves up and do what we need to do for ourselves because no one can help us but ourselves. In my 5 months of grieving, I am finally able to do what I need to do for myself. Don’t let them define us. When your next relationship comes, just don’t make the same mistakes. I will definitely keep my guard up until I am certain that the relationship is definitely going somewhere and he just won’t pick up and leave when the going gets tough. I hope this helps. We are all in this together.

Peace made really good points. Forgiving is for you, not her. Once you have done that, I am sure other things will fall in its place. I do also wish you have a happy birthday. Take your sons out to celebrate and invite family and friends over. Do whatever that used to make you happy!

@Steve1:
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Here I am complaining about men when you are clearly a man suffering from what a woman did to you. I honestly don’t know how to explain woman either. They are confusing creatures as well.
All in all, heartache is heartache and I feel your pain. I felt helpless too when my relationship ended too (even though I wasn’t married) but I know its more difficult for someone to move on who has children with their partners.
Like you mentioned, you feel like you are failing your sons. Live for them. Learn to love yourself for them. Once you find that love and serenity within yourself, I am sure you will be able to find the right woman and start a whole new life with her. You deserved to be loved despite what happened to you in the past. Right now you need to focus on yourself and your sons. They need their father while they are growing up. They need him to be strong for them, be there for them and teach them things, particularly about life. Father and sons have a very special bond and I am sure you have the same bond with them. Life is too short and I know its been 4 years since your marriage ended, it might be because you haven’t forgiven your ex-wife. I think its time to forgive her for yourself and for the sake of your sons. Once you have done that, there is this powerful sense of relief that radiates throughout your whole body that I cannot explain. I felt that way when I forgave my partner for ending things with me.
Try meditation if you will. It really helps. But the most important thing is to forgive her and let go of your past. I hope this made some sense for you.

@lapedrazza:
I think that its a great idea NOT to be friends with him. In order to heal you need to let go and not have any reminders of him because it will only bring you more pain. I don’t speak to the guy who broke my heart. I got rid of everything that reminds me of him because it helps me heal. I can say that I am in a better place (5 months since the break-up after being together for 4 years). I still have a lot of let going to do but I can safely say that I am slowly becoming me again. I understand your pain wholeheartedly. He doesn’t deserve you and you will be happy again. Time will heal everything.