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My ex-fiance left me with nothing

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • February 6, 2015 at 2:53 pm #72463
    Courtney
    Participant

    I was with my ex-fiance for the past 5.5 years. We lived together for about 4 of those years. We had a nice apartment with a dog and accumulated household goods and furniture together over the years. Our apartment finally felt like home. It was a beautiful, clean space that I felt proud coming back to. This was something we created together.

    After he proposed to me we started to experience a lot of stress with wedding planning, finances, and my chronic illness (dysautonomia). Well, he ended up calling off our wedding and saying he wanted to break-up and move apart when our apartment lease was up (after buying his wedding band, taking our engagement pictures, purchasing my wedding dress, hiring our photographer, setting a date, booking our venue, and asking all of our wedding party to be in the wedding).

    I feel so much anger, loss, and sadness. I invested 5.5 years of my life in this person only for them to leave. There are two big things I’m feeling: The loss of the person I loved and thought was my best friend and the loss of the life we built together.

    When our lease is up I have to bring my dog to my mom’s house because I can’t afford to care for him alone at this time. I’m going to move into the spare bedroom of my friend’s apartment and I don’t even have a bed. I can’t afford a brand new bed right now so I’m going to buy a blow-up mattress to hold me over for several weeks. I literally was left with the bare minimum: my clothes, shoes, lap top, cookware, and a few lamps, and end tables.

    I’m seething with anger that I trusted him and now have nothing. What’s hard is the next relationship I get into I feel like I’m not going to be able to trust the person. I don’t want to share my belongings with them or buy things “together” because I’m just going to end up parting with those things if they leave me.

    February 6, 2015 at 4:55 pm #72466
    Mgda
    Participant

    I am so sorry to hear that, and all I can say is that I currently stand in a completely same situation. I cought my bf for 4 years cheating. He ran away for 2 months “holiday”, and now I’m left alone in our apartment. I now need to start from 0. I have no job, I need a new place to stay ( or move back to my parents ) and he does not take any responsibility for his actions.
    What I keep telling myself in this situation is that “good/bad – who knows”. Only in time I’ll figure out. Even though it is insanely hard to not victimize oneself, I try to keep my head high, and think logically. Logically in terms that even if people love you, if they are not in harmony or suffering themselves, there is a big chance they will hurt you. It is now time to give yourself time to breathe, pamper yourself, treat yourself, and do as much as possible of all the things you love. Make an improvement, and get back that self-esteem. It will take time. But it is possible, the pain will not last forever.

    February 6, 2015 at 5:36 pm #72468
    DW2BIPA
    Participant

    I am so sorry for the both of you. I can understand the loss of trust for men after going through what you both went through. I have also been dumped after being in a 4 year relationship (5 months post breakup). Although we had our own separate places, we did kind of live together but our things were separate and we were not engaged to be married.

    I know its hard to think that its going to be difficult to trust men after what we went through especially when you were so close to getting married, I can tell you that maybe it is better that it ended now than it ending in divorce. A friend of mine is stuck in a marriage because he thought he “owed it” to his girlfriend to marry her. Now he is miserable and does not know what to do. He knows he made a big mistake and is seeking a divorce lawyer as we speak. I know its not easy because your heart is broken and you are angry at your ex-fiance, but time will heal itself. I have forgiven the guy who broke my heart and finally able to move on to better things. I am hoping my career finally takes off and I can be my independent self again. If you need time to heal and grieve, go for it. We all have our own ways of grieving. As long as you can understand why something happened and learn from it, all this heartbreak will not be in vain. There is a purpose and a bigger picture for whatever we go through.

    We need to pick ourselves up and do what we need to do for ourselves because no one can help us but ourselves. In my 5 months of grieving, I am finally able to do what I need to do for myself. Don’t let them define us. When your next relationship comes, just don’t make the same mistakes. I will definitely keep my guard up until I am certain that the relationship is definitely going somewhere and he just won’t pick up and leave when the going gets tough. I hope this helps. We are all in this together.

    February 7, 2015 at 6:45 am #72475
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Courtney,

    People in the wedding business must see this every week. Is there any way to get any money back? Start there if you haven’t already.

    So I was in a house fire years ago and was left with probably the same amount of stuff! What I tell people after going through losing “everything” (see the quotes there? LOL) is the bright side is… You get to start over with brand new stuff!! Everything (eventually) will be new. You get to pick out your style, no compromises. Always wanted a color scheme? Now you can do it without worrying how it “goes” with everything else. Also, all the new stuff will replace the old stuff which is memories of him.

    This guy: His personality flaws finally came out, and thank God! What if you had kids, a mortgage, and were God forbid dying of cancer? What if he did this stunt then?? You dodged a bullet!! I bet people on your side AND his side are secretly relieved. There was a called off wedding in our family. It was embarrassing for the couple. Some of the older generation was angry. But guess what? It was a blessing for everyone.

    Hang in There,

    Inky
    http://www.suburbanmysticmom.typepad.com

    February 7, 2015 at 7:26 am #72478
    Inky
    Participant

    Next time: Don’t move in with anyone. Keep the stuff separate. This is an unspoken energy that you can leave anytime, that you two are independent beings. It also makes the marriage more “real” when it does happen. Like, This is It!! What can happen is when you live together it seems like you’re married… but you’re not. Or, the other person can get too comfortable. Or, conversely, too pressured to make the marriage leap. If you live separately and it doesn’t work out, it would be easier, yes?

    But let’s be clear, this particular guy would have done this jerky move anyway, I suspect. I just wish you were in your own “nest” when it happened.

    February 7, 2015 at 1:45 pm #72484
    BenzRabbit
    Participant

    Hi Courtney,

    A break up is never easy – specially after you are engaged !

    I don’t know if you were given a reason but it does not matter – something obviously went wrong – looking on the positive side you are lucky it happened now rather than later after you were married and maybe even had kids !!

    Divorce is much tougher and would have taken a higher toll on you. You need to move forward even if it is very slowly. Honestly, you will have to go through the pain but will come out a stronger person and someone better awaits in the future.

    Regarding lost ‘things’ – do not worry – just keep moving forward and the Universe will provide.

    God bless !

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