Hi TriangleSun,

I never thanked you for your response to my post. Your reply made the most sense to me and I have since closed my profile down too. Online dating does feel forced and it does just come off as an ego boost for alot of women. Not all, but a lot of them. It is probably why people remain forever single because they either don’t try to give someone a chance, or don’t give some time to see if it is worth it.

I’m focusing on what myself and my kids need right now, and when I feel like entering the dating world again, I’m going to look for some different alternatives to meeting women more organically. Like many people, I was fooled into believing that this is almost the only way to meet women these days, but maybe people just aren’t trying hard enough anymore.

Thanks again for your comments

First of all, thank-you Anita and wrighrom for your comments.

Just so you know Anita, I will get back to you about your questions. I’m with my sons all weekend and we are being pretty active. Also, I want to let you know that no harm was meant by my comments. Sometimes, I think people misread comments and respond without fully quickly about what they had just read. I had the online dating thing on my mind plus a lot of other things.
I only said that I think you mean well because I think you mean well. You gave me great insight into what your experience was and I appreciate that from you. It wasn’t meant that as a slight towards you at all.

I’ll answer more later

Hi Anita,

I’ve been reading your post a few times and I’m trying to figure out if you are giving me sarcasm or not. I know what POF and match are about. Like you said, it is mass dating, and you are trying to get to know someone a bit. How do you do that if you are meeting a mass amount of people all the time? I know it takes a while to find someone but the dates I’ve been on always led to multiple dates with these women.

I actually spent time just getting to know them, and I think because I focused on just them, it was noticed. Any women I met were only seeing me at that time. The last woman said she only wanted to get to know me at the time and was very into me at the time. It bothered me because I was drawn in by her enthusiasm and I started to feel more strongly about her. Maybe this will be a problem for her because she comes on very strong.

Your dating philosophy makes sense and I have met all the women I have met this way. I’m not afraid to be in the light and look someone in the eyes on a date. I prefer it so that I can get to know the person as a whole. The problem is, I’m trying but it doesn’t even seem to get to that point now. It always seems after I am connecting with someone, and it doesn’t work out, I can’t get anyone to respond. Maybe I need less expectations with everything. It’s just tiring going through the motions again.

I think you mean well Anita and I appreciate your input. It is nice to hear that you found someone that way. I want to believe it is possible.

Hi Anita,

I don’t know. I’m not passive aggressive. I don’t say mean spirited things to people. What happened with my ex is in the past, and I know that there are better women out there,that I’m just having trouble connecting to.

I grieved a long time over what happened and if it sounds like there is some anger when I speak of her,then I think it would be tough for anyone who was with someone so long to not be disgruntled about them. People use the term toxic for certain people. This is now I’d describe her. I deal with her as little as possible because I feel drained after I do.
It’s not something I bring to someone new. That is fresh and I want to build a new better story with them.

I just wonder if part of my past is affecting my present.

Hi Anita and anyone else who might respond,
I took it upon myself to let that woman know that I was letting go of the possibility that she might change her mind about staying in touch, and seeing where things might go.

I expressed that I regretted that we weren’t able to go any further,and said that maybe time would give her a chance to see things differently.

I sent her one other message before this but I let her know that I won’t send anymore now. Why don’t I feel any better about it?
I already know the answer. It’s because I’m truly not letting go yet. Nothing in life is consistent but I guess the sudden turn around threw me for a loop.
I started to read about the four tenets of Buddhism and I know it will benefit me to study them more in depth.
It is just difficult after going through an emotional abusive marriage break down, and then really start to feel something for someone for the first since then,and have it fall apart before you can show them that you are a good hearted person.

Hi Anita,

It seemed that it happened quickly. She was so open and vocal about what she wanted and was so attracted to me. It drew me in because I wasn’t use it someone wanting to meet you so bad and talk so much everyday.

Last year, I dated two women about 3 times each. Knowing them about 3 months each. The first one was a little more open and it didn’t last after the third. The second woman was more aloof, and I tried alot more with her because she still had alot of good qualities,but it felt like so much work with her.

With this woman now, everything was easy and natural. It just seemed to flow. But I wonder how she could shut down so easily though. Maybe she is too intense about getting to know someone and falls in and out of things quickly. Like I said, if I care about someone, I care about them. I can’t instantly shut it off

Also, we did speak on the phone too and things seemed very comfortable and easy going there. I don’t think she got my jokes alot of times. Yes, I’m from north America in Canada,and my humour is more kidding. I never mean for it to be malicious or hurtful. She is a pre school and music teacher. I work in a warehouse. I don’t think she has been exposed to the the ribbing I have. I never did that to her but my skin is probably thicker. Her world has alot of sweetness to it.

She is a good woman that I would have liked to have known better

Hi Anita,

I don’t know if it was a really a joke. It was more of a tongue in cheek thing where I was basically contradicting what I said. It was meant to be kidding but I said she was an unintentionally mean person. After that, I just went on and said a lot of things about her as a person that I thought was great, and how I’m usually guarded but I couldn’t help but let her in. Also, I told her that I couldn’t help but care about her. I know it was a stupid thing to say now. Especially if someone doesn’t get your sense of humor. It was supposed to be a contrast thing.

I know it was a mistake and I apologized for it. I’m just guessing that some people aren’t willing to give you a second chance. It just sucks because this is the first woman that I felt could have been someone worth giving your best for.