Jenny, your insight has proven to be a huge benefit to me as I can see so many similarities. Please don’t apologize for the length of the post, and know that I was not offended or hurt by your thoughts. Again, I agree with you completely. She really needs time for herself without interference. I know her ex never gave that to her, and I still don’t think she has the courage to ask for it. Perhaps if he had really left her alone after their relationship ended… after he moved across the country… and before she ever met me… she could have had an easier time in our relationship. That is a what if though, and not a truth.

I feel sad that she was reading up on our old conversations on facebook, and that she accidentally hit that poorly placed (and rather stupid) thumbs up button. I know that must have felt very embarrassing. She’s one to spend time reflecting. She always saved the random notes I wrote her and the pictures I sent to her. She even kept a picture of me by her bed, and the teddy bear I gave her on her pillow. She held on to a lot that I gave her in our strange time together. I used to find some confidence knowing she did that.
I’m sure my absence is hurting, and I hurt knowing that she hurts. But like we have talked about, it’s time I just focused on healing myself. She has to heal herself.

The feelings that have resurfaced today will slowly leave again, and maybe this time next week I will have more confidence back. I don’t plan on doing anything more than I have been now, even though she has sent words to me. I hate that I can’t respond (even if I just said that the mistaken message was okay) but I know it would just be messy if I did.

This is just something I felt I needed to write out since it’s been on my mind.

Thank you again for reading.

Thank you Jenny. I agree with everything you are saying even though it is hard to take it all in.

I won’t let her pull me back in again, not like this. I hope she doesn’t make the same mistake of reaching out to me when so little of time has passed. She really is in a whirlwind of emotion right now, who knows if her and her ex will even figure it out and make it work between them. Regardless, I don’t need to get caught up in it once again. I hope if she ever does say she wants it to work between us.. she says it out of confidence in herself and in our future… and enough time has passed for it to be real. But I won’t hold on to that hope forever.

I haven’t felt too torn up today, just moments here and there. I’m keeping my head up as the day moves on. Thank you both again very much.

Hi Jenny,

Thank you for telling me that. She said something similar to me the last night we were together, and as much as it hurt to hear it was still coming from a place of love which was comforting.

By the end of last night I was feeling pretty confident about moving forward… until right around midnight when she reached out to me. At first I saw that she sent me a game invite to the app we used to play almost nightly together for six months. I ignored that even though it took me for a spin for a moment. Then about an hour and a half later a facebook message came. It was a string of about four messages. The first one was just a random emoji, an accident I guess, because the three that followed were her saying she didn’t mean to send it and was trying to figure out how to delete it. I told myself it was better to not respond and proceeded to go to bed.

Now I have two things to ignore and it definitely hurts to do it. I don’t think she’s trying to do anything more than reach out and check on me, maybe trying to be friendly and keep me in her life, but nothing more. I know she has to be hurting.. and like I said this is the longest we have ever gone without communicating. I feel that all I can do is just leave it alone since both attempts were kind of harmless – and one might have actually been a mistake if she was just reading through our old message conversations or something.

I slept okay, but I know I’ll feel strange about it all day.
Any advice and support would certainly help.
Thanks.

Thank you Anita. One of the many things this powerful website has taught me is to breathe into my feelings and never fight them. I woke up this morning far earlier than usual, feeling the loss of her stronger than yesterday. This is the longest we have ever gone without talking since we met, and it’s only been 3 days. I knew that there would be ups and downs in this process; good days and bad. It just hits like a bag of bricks when you wake up feeling down.

I have a full day planned so I know I’ll be alright. I go back to work tomorrow and I’m slightly nervous for what will go through my mind in the downtime.. which I get a lot of there. Still, it’s something I have to do.

I promised myself that if I want to try and get her back I shouldn’t do a single thing until at least 3 months have gone by. There’s no point to act on the feelings I have now, because it’s so early and not much has changed. That’s smart right? I can’t fully dismiss that I want her back… even though I’ve heard I shouldn’t. Though I know time has to do its process. It’s been such a small amount of time thus far. I have to try and move on first even though I’m not sure what that fully entails.

Then again, maybe it’s time she did the fighting for me… I shouldn’t want her back unless she comes to me in full. That’s all I ever wanted from her; I wanted her all. Something she told me she could see herself doing if her situation was different. The hypothetical what ifs were the saddest part. That’s what made our relationship so unbalanced even though the connection was beautiful. I think love is so rare, which makes it hard for me to walk away from without looking back. These are just some of the thoughts that have troubled me this morning.

Anyways.. I’m always appreciating more insight, and I’m thankful I can treat this thread a sort of journal through this process. I’ve been reading other posts in this forum and can see that a lot of good support comes through here. That’s a lovely thing.

Hi Everyone,

I’m back, and unfortunately with a broken heart. At the end of November we ended our break, stating that even though we’ve had our difficulties it was worth it to still try and make it work. For about three weeks things were great… better than before even. We were talking daily, seeing each other multiple times a week, we had the holiday spirit with us and it finally felt right. By the time Christmas came around however she became distant again… and I didn’t see her for over a week. We hardly talked, I’d send texts that wouldn’t get responses. It began to hurt badly. Her birthday came and went right after the holiday, then came New Years Eve. We didn’t do anything with each other for either other then send a few texts.

So last night we had plans to meet up after she got out of work. I was beyond excited. Even though it had been a rough couple of weeks I knew that she was busy and things would be good going into the new year. When I saw her though, she wasn’t her usual self. She seemed colder and distant. We went to get a glass of wine, and about 20 minutes into it she told me that she felt a lot of guilt for not giving me what I deserve in our relationship. She had been torn emotionally throughout the holidays.. wanting to do them with me and not being able to emotionally. She knew she was hurting me, and she said she couldn’t do it anymore. We left the bar and I took her home. I sobbed intensely, because I felt my heart breaking in a way it hadn’t before. We talked about what could have been, and how we know we would have been good together if the timing was different. She reiterated what she said back in November… that she felt this is one of the most intense decisions she’s ever had to make. Even though she cares so deeply for me, her heart still belongs to her ex boyfriend. We kissed goodbye and she went into her apartment. I drove home with tears streaming down my face.

I couldn’t sleep last night, and I feel dreadful today. The situation seems so unfair to me. I feel like I’ve lost someone great, and I never got to see the version of her that she wished she could have given me. I’m not mad at her, I know she must be just as hurt. It was nice hearing all the kind things she said, and knowing that she was being honest about the problems our relationship had endured. It wasn’t nice having no choice but to give up the fight.

I know I have to move on now. That hurts, but it’s supposed to right? Part of me really wishes that somewhere down the line of life we end up together again. I don’t want it now. But maybe someday. I won’t hold on to that thought though, I know I have to get over her first.

Would appreciate any kind encouragement. This is a tough way to start a new year.

Thanks

Thank you all for your advice and good words. Jkblue, your advice resonated the most with me, though I appreciate everyone’s posts greatly.

I don’t feel powerless in this situation, but I certainly do feel sad. It’s funny how I had a lot of anxiety before it reached this point but since the conversation took place I have felt very calm. I plan on taking it one step at a time, and checking in with myself before anyone else.

She reached out to me last night, while I was asleep, so I know that she’s certainly still struggling with the situation as well. I guess I’ll update you all if something comes of it. For now it’s a day-by-day thing.