hi Annita,

thank you for writing these above, means a lot to me hence a second thoughts always help me to proceed and exceed my problems.

I would like to share with you that 2019 was a year of risks. I will explain that more.

First of all I found a new job in a different city of the one I stayed now. my salary earnings is not too high but I am feeling good that I am independently person and I manage to make savings something that I have never do before in previous jobs. except of that during the psychological session I tried to exceed my fear and move to an appartment and I did it. in the meantime the friends I had they disappear because they met other friends from their jobs and I stayed alone. I was in a 12 months period alone, lets exclude the times at job, in my free time I was alone. and then I just started becoming crazy. I was bored to gym, to spend anyway all the time on my own. it is not that I am not have a good time with my self but I needed and a friend company. so in that point of my life I started going back to home and spend some time with my parents, aunties etc.

mid of June, I started learning swimming for first time and then starting sewing for first time too. I participated in an art festival on September, was very exhausted but I gave my self the chance to try and make something new. it was a great experience that I will manage to continue.

now regarding my parents relationship, I recognise the effect that my mother had on me and believe me until today, I am trying to set boundaries to her about my choices.

I noticed that even though I saying a lot of times the word married etc is because yes of my thoughts of being unsuccessful in that part. that yes I will make poor choices and yes to be again the girl who make all the things wrong. I want to think positive, that is nothing wrong with me but I recognise as well that I am not having a person near me to remind me those things. I am trying everyday to stop second thoughts of a girl that cannot find a man. and here I want to say that is nothing to do with confidence levels because I have confidence and I believe to my self. I just need a motivator, a person to remind me the simple things in life and the hope that everything will be alright.

hope these make sense.

elli

hello Anita,

I am writing again, a year after to say that I am just stuck in the relationship part. I am currently not met any person and I am feeling alone. I started the new job as I said a year ago. I continued go to my job day by day, but I am not feel fulfill. the only thing I manage to do is to gain more money and go out sometimes for a drink or shopping. I loose my motivation to live, to fall in love, and I just cannot imagine my life to be happy. all the girls in my job are married and after work they go at home, they don’t suggest a night out or even a coffee time. I feel bored and even more now that the christmas passed, all those days I was felt lonely. all family members were with their families and bbabies. I make a friend that I single and once a week we go out for drinks or sometimes for cinema.

how I will meet my person? and when? I am 32 years old and I am feeling like 60. I am doing the life my parents do.

I

what should I do more or what I do wrong?

Yes I am afraid, a lot..its truth…the thing that I am doing now is to going to a psychologist and to my work. I started reading books that I like and see movies/series that I love. My job is in different town than my own and it help me to be away from house because I am started realise that I did well to start a full time job.

Now about the narcissist mother..I have no words to describe her…although she was a good for growing up our family, she was always compare myself with other girls on my age and school, that they were better than me, that they got married before me and they have families, that I always made poor choices on my relationships, and of course controlling, and competitive person toward her sisters and among us with other childs. She wanted to be someone else, someone that she admired, like teachers, or high level job positions. And of course everytime that I was sad was the first person to criticize me. And money I felt that was above me instead of being me above money. Because when I left my job she was so sad that I loosed the money that I gained instead of get well from depression.

What else want me to say?

Thank you,

Elli

In addition, the relationship with my parents now is good, before wasn’t caused of my toxic narcissist mum. But I put my limits and I told her that is my life and not her. I tried to move on earlier on a new flat to stay alone but I couldn’t achieve that hence the most of my life I spend it within my family. I just have a place outside the house with a bathroom and I stayed there. We share the kitchen. I think for now its good for me.