Hi Anita. Thank you for your 2nd input.

I actually felt much better today and was therefore able to reply regarding your 1st input. I felt more at ease and confident after reading your 2nd input. I thank you sincerely.

You’re right. Despite all the plans of future meet ups and getting to know more about each other, she is but like a child in a way and my vision of a happy future with her is slowly fading. I do regret a little about sending her that letter since the content kinda makes me worship her in a way but I’m also glad at the same time because I guess it brings out her arrogant side, thinking she’s irreplaceable. Funny enough though, I think all her exes knows her address and she always received gifts from them (recently she just received one from one of them) despite them already married, not sure which ones though. Perhaps that screwed her thinking that she’s highly sought after. I did want to send her a pair of earphones during our early relationship, but she wanted to receive it personally when we finally met, never giving me her address. Maybe her exes were all local?

I decided not to contact her anymore and will delete her number in a week. The amount of her disrespect to me is pretty heinous. I will still receive her calls though but I will only wanna hear her making the relationship works at whatever the cost. Otherwise, I’ll just move on and act as if she’s dead. Love is about equal balance. As long as she still has feelings for me, many things still can be discussed. I still believe she’s not trying to lead me on, but just that she got a lot of growing up to do despite her age. Speaking of hypocrisy, she did once say she appreciates every single things in life, but somehow her actions towards me suggests otherwise, lol. And these are the words coming from a cancer survivor.

Yet, at the same time, I can’t blame her but pity her. She’s of a broken home background (husband cheated), raised by her mum, taught to stand up for herself without needing any men. So when she herself divorced (husband cheated) and 3 failed relationship after that (one of them gave empty promise), seems to have fried her brain. I’ve pretty much done all I can to show my sincerity, but it doesn’t seem to be enough. I’m attracted to her because she has qualities like my mum but also, not like my mum, if that makes sense? Hardworking, eating healthy, good conversationalist, informative, physically good looking, non-religious, independent. That’s what makes me see myself with her in the future, working together. I don’t really care if she smokes, throw a bit of tantrum, seeking for love assurances all the time. Just that her sudden indifference can be a real pain. Perhaps it’s just a test of finding partner that’s true to her but I don’t think that’s the right way.
I’m fine now, just feeling a little pain every morning when I wake up. Looking back, I only regret being emotional (I am also ashamed of this forum title lol, blaming my parents smh). My father meant well, but in my view he’s wrong about everything in his relationship advice. I still won’t let them decide who I should marry but I’m definitely more wiser after this experience and won’t settle for lesser quality women now that I know her. The only problem is her qualities are near impossible to find. Not with the kind of life I’m leading now, all work and almost no social life, is of no help (corona is making it worse). I’m refocusing on myself again and keeping my options open with her and other woman.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by Evokun.

Hi Anita. Thx for the reply.

I never said I ignored the issue. In fact, I did say to her I will confront my parents about her one day. I have assured her of my determination. I told her I just need more time. The thing is, all relationship takes time, that much we all know. I admit our attraction might seem superficial because we developed connection in such a short time. Even she agreed we need to spend more time together (like living together for 6 months before marriage). But looking at how things now, it seems whatever she said doesn’t matter anymore.

Anyway, let’s continue the story. On 28th May, I decided to send her my heartfelt letter (text, I dunno her address) about everything (being upfront to my parents about her, criticizing her negativity yet understanding her decision, and me being heartbroken, not expecting her back but hoping to meet each other again). She video-called me the next afternoon, saying she’s just checking me out because she was confused seeing my sudden letter and will call back later. She video-called me again at night, ranting about my letter (sounding angry and indifferent). We got into a debate but the whole conversation just seems off, it’s like she don’t want to have anything to do with me at all. She claimed she is rushing to sleep and need to wake up very early to go on 3 day holiday the next day and will call me back during that time. I waited. Turns out she never did. I texted her again, telling her I wanted to continue our discussion. She just said she can’t promise and will call when she’s not busy. A few days later, nothing is ever heard from her again.

I have decided to let her go and contemplating to delete her number. All this drama is taking its toll on my mental health. I find it hard to believe that she can suddenly be busy and not get back to me, knowing the fact we used to video call every night without fail. All I wanted was just to continue our leftover discussion and hopefully reach out to her. But if my love can’t get through to her then nothing ever will. I even began to think that perhaps she’s just playing with my feelings (there were some minor red flags during our relationships). If that’s true, then it’s too bad that despite all the negative stigma of single mothers (not just Indonesia but apparently it’s like all over the world) she proved them right. Or perhaps she’s sacrificing herself to prevent me falling out with my parents. She never asked for any money though, her job paid well so I don’t think she’s a con.

Thank you Anita for the reply. I’ll post more when I have more things to say.