Menu

freddo

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 16 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #324999
    freddo
    Participant

    A year since last update…. Already….

    Since then, a lot happened, bad things, good things. So in my last post I explained how we moved together in France even if we were separated.

    Two weeks after that, she wanted to move back to Argentina again ! This time I stood up against her and we agree that she would come back at the end of the kids school’s year.

    So from November 2017 until July 2019 we all stay in the ridiculously big house. I was kind to her, kids had great time, made friends.. But she didn’t change her mind. And I was feeling awful…

    One week after the end of school she left me with the kids, and I had to move back to my parent’s place.

    No that I can think about it with some distance, everything was so unreal. Moving with her, pretending everything was fine, her moving back…

    We agreed kids would spend summer in France (January and February) and that I will be free to see them in Argentina as many time that I wanted. We had no fight during this period and I left her leaving back to Argentina even if I knew that it was not good for my kids.

    So they left and I did everything possible to make my time away from my kids useful.

    After that I would only communicate with my kids, almost nothing with her. I didn’t knew how things were going for her, if she was still with her boyfriend… Nothing.

    It helped me to have no communication. During that time I met few girls, but for me none were worth it. I always knew that if I had to have a new relationship, that would be with someone that would blow my mind… And I knew that somehow I was still in love with my ex 🙁 .

    4 months after she left she wanted to communicate a little more with me, we started to have video-chats, we spoke mostly about our kids and banalities. My kids had no school for 4 months because of a strike, once again she sounded like she could’t handle everything alone.

    I agreed to go for the kids in November, and that they will go back to Argentina in March. We still had trust in each other.

    So in November I flew to Argentina,  and she offered me to stay at her place. I was confused because I thought she was living with her boyfriend.

    I went out with my friends on the first night and came back home at 6 in the morning. There she was, pretending sleeping.

    I had quite a few liquid courage so I sat on her bed and told her what I should have done since the beginning :” You, and the family you gave me always made me happy”.

    And she answered me that she was feeling the same.

    We opened a bottle of wine and sat on her rooftop…

    The truth is that her boyfriend was abusive, as I suspected. He stole her money, didn’t want my kids to communicate with me…. After two months of her going back to Argentina she split from him…

    She apologised, I did as well. It’s never only one person fault when a couple split. Holding her again was not strange, and in a matter of minutes we had that old couple complicity.

    I had back the woman I always loved, not the one that went to France and made me feel miserable.

    So for now she is still in Argentina and will move back to France in a month. Our family are both really happy.

    We both know that we will have to work on our relationship in the future.  But now we both know what went wrong in the first place, we had two years to think about it 🙂 . My kids are delighted and today they started school in France again.

    Most of the people don’t understand why she left, why she’s back. We really don’t care. The only things is that all our friends never saw her happy after leaving me and everyone praised her to fix our relationship.

    We still have works to do but with our kids love, I can foresee a bright future for us.

    So after all this experience, there is few things I’ve learnt:

    – you are stronger than you think

    – life is a box of chocolate 🙂

    – never try to have your ex back,  if your history was real love, somehow you will be back together

    – focus on yourself because “it is better to be prepared for an opportunity and not have one than to have an opportunity and not be prepared.”

    – be kind to others, it’s not their fault.

    – always be positive and smiling in front of others because as they say in Argentina : “Como te ven, te tratan ” (How you look, is how you will be treated).

    – treasure every moment with your loved one or with yourself

    -“The best is yet to come!”

    Love

     

     

     

     

    • This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by freddo.
    #233547
    freddo
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Well, she is not a strong woman, not like she used to be. She used to work a full time-job, study at nurse school and raise her kids…

    That how I like to remember her.

    Now It looks like everyone decided for her, she just follow the move and then complain… That how she can in the same day tell her boyfriend she is coming back and then telling me she wanted to rent a flat…

    God knows what is going on in her head…

    For now I want to make things work, so does she…

    My feelings about her? I miss her, but better said I miss being a real family with her and my kids. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard for me to let her go…

    We still have great time together, no-one would guess we split more than a year ago…

    About sharing the same bedroom? Nothing. It’s natural for us. I respect her choice and she knows it. I have access to her phone anytime but I never spied on her. At night I kiss her goodnight and nothing else. I would never do anything she doesn’t want to.

    Is it hard for me? Yes… When she touches me accidentally I feel like electricity running down my spine…

    But I need to keep focus… An act like I did this past year.

    Freddo

     

     

    #233339
    freddo
    Participant

    Some update since last time 🙂 !!!!

    Lot of things happened… My kids started school and their activities. They fit very well in their new environment. Have friends, speak good french and doing OK at school.

    My ex takes great care of them.

    About three weeks ago she wanted to have a talk with my mother. She wanted to tell her that going to France was a mistake, that she wanted to go back to Argentina on her own. Leaving the kids here with me until the end of school’s year.

    The talk didn’t end up like she wanted. My Mom told her she was a coward and that she expected better from her.

    Then we had a walk and she told me that maybe we should move to some place, away from my parents and to strive for our kids…. Never met someone changing his mind in such a radical way and in so few hours.

    Then she asked me to send a message to her boyfriend, explaining that she was still in love with him and not having relations with me other than friendship with me. That I managed to find a place for her and the kids to stay and everything was just for the sake of our kids.

    I sent the message, the boyfriend send me back like 15 messages in one hour. I could note that he wasn’t aware that she was moving with me and that he was thinking that she was coming back with the kids to live with him soon.

    I didn’t answer any of his messages, but he was very insistent.

    She told me that sending this message made things more easy for her to make her boyfriend understand her decisions.

    So we looked for a rent. Rents are expensive in this town, especially for a family with a single low wage. But we found a perfect house, nearly 90m2 with a huge bedroom with mezzanine for the kids with their own bathroom.

    My mum lend me money to buy a fridge and everything else and the rest of my family brought me furniture, plates…. Everyone was very supportive.

    One day before signing the lending contract, she send me a message, again telling me that coming over to France was a big mistake, that I was deciding everything for her and so on….

    So I told her that I had enough, that I couldn’t do it anymore… That I would pay her a ticket to Argentina and that I will bring the kids to her at the end of the year…

    And she changed her mind again telling me we should rent… so we rented the place.

    We moved in yesterday. Of course it was not like we moved as an happy family, and I know it’s hard for her. We share the same bedroom, two different bed…  But the kids are happy and we are as well, in a different way.

    Big questions are: it’s worth it? I am being selfish preventing her from being with her boyfriend? Was it the less bad choice? Will she leave one day?

    Time will tell. For now, first time since she arrived, she can unpack all her suitcases. Maybe that what she needed. To settle.  Having her things still packed somehow made her thought that coming back to Argentina was easier than staying here. I know as well that her boyfriend write to her a lot, all-day long…

    For sure I am glad my kids have their own house, but at the same time everything is so odd…

    See you soon for some updates 🙂 Thanks reading me!!

     

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by freddo.
    #223665
    freddo
    Participant

    My ex and kids stayed two more days alone at my parent’s house. The day I left, she changed her whattsapp profile picture ( her with our two boys) for a picture of her and new boyfriend.

    But my mother has her as a contact, she saw the picture but doesn’t ‘beat around the bush’. She told her that it was not nice from her to expose that picture since she was staying at her place and that she likes her like a daughter.

    My ex apologizes and changed the picture. They had an extended chat, sharing their point of view.

    They came back today. She told me about the incident so it was a good oportunity to speak. Only chitchat since they arrived.

    At first she told me that she realized that moving here was a big mistake for her.

    Then I explained to her that I never pressured her, beg her or threantened her. That she took the decision on her own. 14000 kilometers from me.

    That the point. Since we split, I managed to eep my calm always. I never spied on her or tried to ruin her new relationship. That what I told her. I like her so much that I was ready to let her go so she could be happy, even with another person.

    I was hurt but for the sake of my kids and her I never behaved outrageously. I did create all her social accounts and have access to her phone but I never preyed or spied on her.

    As well I explained to her that she jumped from a relationship to another directly. That she dind’t took time to grieve, that now she is experiencing the loss I went through more than a year before. I was upset, but never told her, when she started dating right away after we split. I guess that was her way to deal with the situation.

    I, on the other hand, was not looking for another relationship right now. I wanted to concentrate on myself, my kids, my skills and wanted to become a better person.

    Then she told me little about her new relationship, how great her new boyfriend behave with her, how much my kids like him…

    I ensure her that wanting her and the kids to France was not  part of a big plan to have her split with her new boyfriend. Like a revenge of some sort. I told her that I knew what she was leaving behind and that I would never have asked to do so if I wasn’t sure that I was better for our kids future.

    And it’s true.

    Finally I asked her what she told her new boyfriend when she left. And you have to understand that she always had trouble confronting people. Maybe she is too nice, maybe too weak… For exemple she never really told me she was starting to date a person, even if we were still living under the same room, back in Argentina.. My older son told me first and it was painful to learn it from him. Not really nice to hear him saying ” last night, when you were working, a friend of mum came home to visit her”…

    So that’s why I asked her what she told her new boyfriend before leaving because I know she is not the most straightforward person. She told him that she would go to France few months to see how things would turn out. Well in her language that means she didn’t tell him anything and that the guy is waiting for her to come back.

    And I was right because she admitted that he wrote to her about having to move to a new house, and that he wanted to rent a bigger place for when she will come back, alone, or with the kids. And that he was asking and asking again the date of her return.

    I gently explained to her that it was a way for him to pressure her, she agreed. And told me that she will ask him to look for house for himself alone and that ,if she comes back, they will look for something bigger.

    Maybe little by little she will get tired of him being needy and pressuring her… But for now I don’t put him down. I don’t want to become the villain, their common enemy.

    So for now I wait and see, on monday my kids will start school in France. I am sure they will love it, and she will realize what’s better for them.

    Nearly one year since my first post. I was still in Argentina, dazed and confuzed.

    One year later I learned how to ride a motorcycle, a car, I learned intermediate Chinese, made new friends, learned a new job, became less sellfish, learned how to seized the moment, become a better person, a more loving father and France won another World Cup.

    But the best part is that I haven’t turned into an hopeless and bitter person.

    And  I want to thank all of you, especially Anita, for it.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    #223165
    freddo
    Participant

    I managed to spend five days with my ex and kids at my parent’s place. I had great times with my kids, they were so happy to see me. We did a lot of things like a regular family, kids loved it. Hiking, swimming, going to circus, going out to have drinks….

    She was ok I guess, she cried a few times. We did talk a little. She told me it was too hard for her to leave Argentina because of her new boy-friend. That maybe the kids would go to school in France for two months then go back to Argentina with her.

    I told her we should take one step after one-other… According to her she is too old for another start and should play safe and go back to Argnetina.

    So why did she sold everything and brought everything to France? Didn’t look like a two month holiday vocation to me.

    I really like/respect her but I am starting getting mad about her changing her mind.

    It’s time for her to think about herself she told me.

    But I am sure her new boy-friend is begging her to come back everyday on the phone. Convincing her she would never be happy again.

    I’ve been very respectful and kind to her, not pressuring her…

    Kids are starting school next monday, maybe she will realize the benefits of them living here.

    I don’t mind raising my kids alone, but I would be really pissed off if a guy ,she didn’t even knew a year and a half before, jeopardizes my kids future.

    That the thing I don’t get… She came here by her own will… I was 12.000 km away when she decided to sell everything and move here… It’s not like I was pointing a gun at her head for her to pack and bring the kids…

    The Boys are really happy here, I can’t imagine them moving back to Argentina, specially now…

    But I don’t want to argue with her either, I don’t want her to feel umcomfortable.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    #221959
    freddo
    Participant

    My kids and ex arrived one week ago. We has very good quality time together, like a  “family”. We talked a lot, but nothing about what happend and the future. Maybe because I am too scared to face the truth… maybe because I dind’t want to ruin anything.

    Tomorrow they are leaving for a week to my parents place by the sea. I can’t go because of work.

    When will have to talk when they come back she told me…

    I kno she is confused, she brought all her stuff and our kids. But she is not really clear if she will stay here or go back to Argentina …

    She want to see if the boys are doing fine at school here…

    I know her new boy-friend is texting her everyday… Damn phones….

     

     

    #218869
    freddo
    Participant

    Update after two months 🙂

    Things hab been like an emotional roller-coaster… She went from “I am marrying my new boy-friend”, to “come pick-up the kids ans I am staying in Argentina”, to “My new boy-friend made my realize that I always do what you want me to do; so we are all staying there”, to again “come and pick-up the kids” and finally “I’am coming over with kids and will stay in France until they are all set-up”.

    So they are coming in two weeks…  According to her she will stay few months then go back alone to Argentina.

    I guess It will leave us some time to talk and analyze what happened to our family.  I think I’ve managed the whole thing quit well despite the distance. She was that close to stay in Argentina with the kids. But I kept my messages calm, never threatened her or spoke bad about her new-boyfriend. Always with respect and understanding.

    Being back with her is not even in my top 10 priority. Not because I don’t like her anymore, but I just realized that it’s not the woman I’ve met 13 years ago. I am not the same man either. She is not better or worse, it’s just another person. I guess it happened in every couple.

    But for now, my kids are number one on my list 🙂

    Thanks for your help, helped me a lot to go through the most harsh and painful time in my life.

     

     

     

     

     

    #211337
    freddo
    Participant

    Well, lately we communicate a little more. She went from ” I am staying in Argentina with the kids” to “come pick up the kids and bring them to France with you”.

    So things are definitely better. We agreed that I would go to Argentina in august so they can start school in France in September.

    She told me that she will stay alone and figure out what to do later. For now I know that she plans to move to a bigger place with her new boyfriend.

    I try to keep everything as peacefully as I can. We are really getting along better. So I don’t want to spoil everything.

    First things first, I want my boys to be here with me. Then maybe she will see everything differently.

    It may sounds suicidal but I haven’t lost my hopes to have my family back. Time will tell. I am a little scared of the impact for my kids to have their mum away.

    I know it’s not like she is choosing her boyfriend over her kids but it’s weird for me. I try not to judge her but still… I won’t tell her anything anyway. Maybe her way to show them her love is to let them go for a better life…

    Thanks for your support 🙂

     

     

    #204947
    freddo
    Participant

    We had the video call today.

    No one lost his temper and we both explained our point of view.

    Me, on the first hand to stay in France because it’s better for my kids and I am doing quiet well. Lots of plans for my future and my family is very supportive.  But I respect her and wants her to be happy. Even if that means that she marries someone else.

    Her, on the other hand wants to stay in Argentina. She is 37 and don’t want to finish alone. I think she is quit young to think like that. As I told her, you never know what can happen in the future. Maybe this relationship won’t last long. Maybe it will…. But she also knows that my kids want to move to France and that they will be better there .

     

    So here we are. She doesn’t know what to do.

    I am scared that her new love will try everything to convince her. I just hope she will put the well being of the kids first.

    I told her that maybe they could come other to try. And if nothing works out we would come back to Argentina.

    I will never stay that far for my kids. They need me too much. Both of us.

     

    So I just have to wait and do my best to prove to her it’s worth moving here.

     

    Thanks for reading my sad story .

    Can t wait to be happy and to sleep well at night.

    #204877
    freddo
    Participant

    Yes. It’s a nightmare .

    My kids are so happy about moving to France.  My whole family organized themselves for us to move.

    I have a decent job. My kids are allready enlisted in school here.

    I was focused on here. Last time I went to Argentina I stayed just 3 days to drop the kids.

    Even if I’ve met my friends and had good time, it was clear to me that that was past.

    That I would never come back again and that my future wasn’t there.

    I can’t go back.  My time is done down there.

    Good experience.  I loved it but that’s it.

    But frankly I can’t live without my kids either.

    I m stuck.

     

     

     

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by freddo.
    #204807
    freddo
    Participant

    So long since last update. Things went good for me since last post. Working, studying languages, getting my driving license….

    But today another blow. My ex contact me saying that her new boyfriend ask her for wedding.

    Well she was supposed to move to France with the kids in July. That what was agreed and we discussed the topic last week.

    She doesn’t know what to do now. That what she says anyway.

    Maybe she already took the decision to stay there. We are in good terms anyway and tomorrow we will have a video call.

    I really don’t want to go back to Argentina. No way. I am really focused here and I am getting more things here in 6 months than 10 years there.

    As for my kids. They will better here.

    But I can’t live away from them and I can’t stop here to be with the man she loves now.

    I can’t believe I am on the same crossroad again.  But the other way around.

    She told the guy that she would eventually moved to France but doesn’t seem that he respected her choice.

    And now she has to make a tough decision herself.

    So again I am stuck.  I don’t know what to do. What to think. What to say….

    Thanks for you help guys. You have been very helpful in the past.

     

     

     

     

    #188207
    freddo
    Participant

    Thanks for answering. You are so right all the times 🙂  I should not forget the past but learn from it. I totally agree with you.

    She is moving from Argentina because we always knew we would live in France at some point. She has been there a lot of times and she really loves my family and friends as much as they love her. And she knows that is better here for the sake of the kids. Argentina is also a tough country where it’s hard to make a good living and plans for the future.

    I am actually glad she decided to move here with the kids because overall we will have a better life. No doubts. But you can’t make someone to love you. She is coming over for the kids and only for the kids, and we will have to live together for a while. Not like husband and wife. More like friends maybe.  But if she accepted to leave everything behind maybe an idea of reconciliation is not that impossible for her.

    I am just scared that we will still be angry at each other and that she regret her choice. I know I have to do everything for her not to regret but still…. And as well I know our relationship will never be the same. I don’t know if you ever recover from a separation. Especially if she was involved with someone else emotionally.

    Well time will tell I guess. For now I’ve stopped complaining about everything and I realized that life was on my side. Who knows, maybe from all this mess a great life together is waiting for us. Or maybe we will realize we have nothing in common but stay close friends?

    Who knows….

    Thanks for your help all of you. God bless you

     

    #188005
    freddo
    Participant

    Well time for some update? Since last post my two kids stayed with me in France and we had great time.

    Christmas was great but next week I have to send them back to Argentina.

    The plan is that they come back to live here in July with their mother .  I already registered them at school and they love the idea to live here.

    Their mother on the other hand turns down a great new job opportunity in Argentina and even sold the car plan she started to pay 6 months ago. Looks like she is ready to make the move.

    Me I am great. I have several projects, I stay focused on my job and try to make things right. I started driving lessons. My cousin give me an old car and meanwhile another cousin lend me a motorcycle.

    So life seems to follow a nice path.

    Things is , I don’t know if I miss my ex wife anymore. If I really want her back. Maybe it’s because I spend time with my kids and I am not that lonely anymore…. or maybe because I stop to fantasize on her and how perfect i thought she was.

    As for my future  relationship with her. She made clear that she is coming over here for the sake of the kids. That she has to leave everything even her new relationship for them.

    You think it will be possible to forget what happened and start a brand new relationship? Do you think that I have to keep letting her go and let God?

    Thanks for helping me. I really appreciate all the kinds words I had from all of you in the past. It really helped me.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by freddo.
    #180091
    freddo
    Participant

    Well a month has passed since I last wrote.  My ex wife just flew back to Argentina.  Actually she is still in the plane. She dropped my two sons and spent a week with me and my family.

    It was odd. Really strange to see her again. I was really nervous but surprisingly everything’s turned ok.  We were really happy to see each other. After two days of chat we finally had a real discussion on our own. We were both nervous. I didn’t know what to expect. She told me that the best course our kids was her coming to live in France with them.

    Well I couldn’t believe it. Took me by surprise. I tried not to look to ecstatic. I just told her that since we broke up I always respected her decisions.

    Man. That’s the new me. Before I would have but her, kiss her and get drunk but the new me had a more mature reaction. And that’s what made the difference.

    I just know that in February I send the boys back to Argentina for few month, that I keep working in France meanwhile and that in Agust the three of them come to settle with me. As a couple ? I don’t know. But what I know is that my job is not done yet.  I still have millions things to do before I am ready to jump into a new relationship with her or someone else.

    The truth is that after a break up the ONLY  thing one can do is to let go…. don’t misunderstand me. I am not talking about loosing hope and faith in your ex. I’m just saying that one should concentrate on the things he can manage.

    My ex was/is seeing someone (I haven’t asked her) and I didn’t try to ruin their relationship.  .didn’t before either to think twice about her decision. I just let go. Easier said that done. I ‘ve cried a lot. Hated her a lot. Hoped a lot. Lost hope a lot.

    But I never told her. On the outside I was doing great. I found a nice job with a suit, exercised and never sound desesperate. I was in control on the outside even if inside I was torn to death.

    And now she saw me and saw someone else. Someone who has plans for the future. A confident man.  I still have works to do on this man. Because maybe one day I will have another shot and I can’t miss next time.

    She and my kids deserve the man I am becoming. It’s a daily struggle.  I can’t down guard. One step at a time. Now she is moving to France. Something impossible two months ago…. so who knows what the future has for us?

    Hope my experience will help people to overcome their hardship.

    I haven’t my family back yet but I am working on it.

    Love.

    #175283
    freddo
    Participant

    Hi guys.  I’m here for a little update. So I finally travelled to France alone, heartbroken.  Actually that’s wasn’t a bad move at all. After two weeks I have managed to find a job in a 4**** hotel. The only job I’ve applied to. I really felt that life was on my side this time. As for my ex wife she offered herself to bring me the kids for two months at the end of November. She herself will only stay few days with my family and go back to Argentina on her own. Well it’s really nice from her since she will take on her vocation to do so. I spent a lot of time with my mother, hiking and cooking.  Haven’t been alone with her in years so it’s good time to talk. I exercise quit a lot as well, work and keep busy. My plan is still to go back to Argentina and study even if thinking of going back there kills me. To be honest I’m enjoying my life here but I have to be close to my boys.

    I am not over my ex wife. I still fantasize about having her back even if she is sending me messages that she moved forward. Lately she is complaining that taking care of the kids is too much for her. She tries to make me feels bad I guess. She forgot who dumped who and who has to take responsibilities for his action.  Maybe it’s because I never complain about my situation to her and that I always try to sound alright when I talk to the kids through the internet everyday.  Not a day has passed without me crying for her and my kids but I will never tell her. I just want to sound that I can move forward myself in my life.  Truth is I miss her like crazy and her new relationship is killing me. But  I have to concentrate on myself and the kids.

    That’s all for today folks. I never thought I would make it through. I still have a lot of battle and hardship to face but day after day, steps after steps I will make it through this storm.  I m still in the midst of it but now I know that there is a way out. Just have to  find  it.

    Thanks for your support.

     

     

     

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by freddo.
Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 16 total)