@adelaide1 hey chick you have nothing to be sorry about. It just was a little insensitive and not pleasant to read. @michelle has also given a lot of her time to a lot of people on this thread without even sharing any woes of her own. So things like that make me annoyed when they put across like that. I’m still angry and when I am I can get stubborn so we shall have to see but right now this forum has left a bad taste in my mouth.

You are an amazing awesome chick, reading about your activism and your resilience already shows how much inner strength you have. Use that to conjure up the seld worth and stand up for your love and needs in a relationship too.  Do you not deserve the same equality in that? Yes you do! Every human deserves to be loved in a way that makes them feel an equal and that they too are special, bring something to this world. Use your activism energy and challenge it into your relationships. You’ll be more bolder and less willing to take the crap. Self worth is sticking up for yourself. So no point sticking up for the rights of others, if you don’t do right by yourself!! You have all the strength and are a smart cookie! Xxx

@adelaide I don’t have the time since getting to my mums its been non stop but I had to reply after I read this during a brief break.

Let me get this out the way, I’m doing well, ecstatic to see my sis after so long so far she’s doing great. Jay and I have ants in pants, things are good but both of us have the urge to see each other now. The care involved with my sister is intense so I will not be on as regularly but will reply when I can. My anxiety is calm still.

@Adelaide reading what you wrote is bittersweet. Naturally we were cheering you on but I feel all is not lost. I’m very proud of you chick because you yourself said it. The progress in getting over your ex! That is huge milestone. So Go Go Adelaide!!!

You have learnt and developed a lot, you realise it’s not your fault or something wrong within you. So self esteem and worth is high chick, keep it going!! It is a case of the other person not being where you are at and emotionally unavailable to be in a relationship. Not your fault at all.

It is sad you went from euphoria to feeling gutted but another positive is you got to overcome any physical intimacy worries. You put yourself out there and really fully risked it. That takes courage and strength and you should cry but tears of happiness at how far you’ve come. My mum always says dating is a numbers game. Some hit the jackpot right away others takes a few lessons so this is just another learning experience so don’t let it set you back.

I feel like I’ve been there but in reverse roles. If you feel that this person is potential then don’t cut contact. Do tske time you need to yourself if its hard to jump into being friends. If I had cut all contact with Jay when I was still pining over my ex then I would have lost the greatest opportunity. Yes I was stupid for not realising what a great man I had right there but healing is a process and Jay proved he was right for me because he stood by me through the worst. Now it’s my turn to repay that patience and be the woman he deserves and meet his needs too. It’s a give and take and requires patience and communication.
My mum has always said the best relationship start off as friends. So give it a go if it’s too hard or not worth it cut your losses and move on. You know you are capable of doing that because look how far you have come since you started posting. Love is not like Hollywood films that they sell us. It is hard work and you need someone who will put the work in with you. Along the way there will be some bumps but the ending will be worth it because you’ll have got exactly what you deserve.

GO GO Adelaide! You’re so awesome, you’ll get back up and enjoy what’s to come!

Thank you @adelaide and @michelle for being my cheerleaders. I feel so proud too to have come a long way. I will post on @shelbyville thread too maybe one day she will read it. It’s been a journey back in dec I was ready to end it all. This thread kept me going. Anxiety is part of me , being with someone who understands me accepts the most ugly part of me has made me stronger… it’s made me accept it too. You are right its about changing the way you react or behave rather than reinventing yourself. It’s all about the right framing and adjusting your mirrors to see a better reflection of yourself . That’s how Jay puts it. He said it’s all there the confidence, the beauty, the real me and it’s all awesome..he said I just needed to adjust the mirror like you do in the car so I could see it too. He is just my angel. I can’t wait. I’m excited.

Just another update but my ex contacted me again. Saying he missed me. I read it and deleted without replying. I did love that man so hard, I spent 5 years loving him hard and there were some magical moments but I don’t want it anymore. I’ve moved on and really believe theres more I deserve. This shows my confidence has really improved before I used to cry I’ll never find it again. But the on and off again was draining and to have a steady slow simmering relationship beats that. I do feel like I’ve fallen for Jay but I am going to keep it slow and steady because it’s healthy and its keeping my anxiety more calmer. No toxicity. Wow it was so empowering to not be sucked back into the vortex of my ex. Ok enough about men. I’m going HOMEeeee! Stay Alert? Lol.

I’ll try come on once I’m settled. But keep posting xx

Love lots Xx

@medini thanks for your contribution and self promo. I hope we do all enjoy the journey of happiness.

@adelaide it’s so nice reading you have evolved and doing well. I do often wonder how @sammy @shelbyville @kkasxo are doing as I felt we all started our journey there and both of us have grown.

Yes uk response is backwards we were still able to get takeaways yet I see you are only just beginning to have that privilege. Crazy. Sadly uk deaths are the worst in EU.

Your new relationship sounds quite perfect this far. An equal balance of give and take. It’s nice you are doing things and sending things to each other. It makes you feel so much more secure when it is expressed. Just enjoy it without letting any niggly neg thoughts control you.

@michelle I feel odd lately like all my anxiety I used to face in different areas of my life has startlingly settled. Even with Jay I feel i no longer stress about have I left enough distance am I getting to close all things which are irrelevant and stop you from enjoying each other properly. I asked him to introduce me to his parents and he was taken aback. He suggested we facetime first (prob didnt want me to panic) and it was wonderful seeing the two people who created such a great man. He looks identical to his dad. His mum is so lovely too and they’ve invited me around for Sunday roast on first weekend I’m available after lockdown eases. Everything lately feels calm. I really have this forum and you awesome chicks to thank. So thank you very very very very very much.

@Michelle I really hope your travel predictions are true because I get quite excited thinking about travelling with Jay something my ex was too much of a scrooge to consider!

Hey chicks,

I’m still not feeling well, think it may be a uti as the pain is going into my back now. I have a video call booked with my gp on mon.

To answer your question as to why I’m keeping in a bubble. Well because I want to see my family asap. I miss my mum and little sister so much and if I go out and this virus is in the air I don’t want to risk being a carrier without symptoms and then going to see my sister who has CF and causing her an infection which could really be deadly for her. This way as soon as lockdown is over I’m going to see them first. I know I talk about Jay mainly but I have others I’m talking to and family too over video calls etc. I’m enjoying being at home, I’ve got used to it. Jay ordered contactless takeaways via uber eats and we streamed a musical then did a tik tok dance challenge. It was fun but I’m feeling unwell still. So if I go quiet its because i just dont have the energy to type.

I bet your mum and dad appreciated the call a lot too. That’s a long stretch without them. Do you have plans you’re making for once this is all over?

@Adelaide the UK’s response has been rubbish. NZ has a good leader so I do envy you!

Your iso dates are going so well. Just enjoy the moment and the pesky anxiety will ease. Look how different it is already you have someone who is paying attention to what you like,need etc putting in the effort so enjoy it without overthinking it.

Keep going chick you’ve done major work on you in a short space of time ! Xx

@michelle Mr S and your 20th anniversary sounds perfect. Lovely to hear happy news and you had a special day. One to remember even more considering you were in lockdown!

I don’t think I phrased it properly, I value your opinion but I do whatever I feel is right at the end. I have already decided to not push ahead because I’m not ready to dive into something or stress about discussing boundaries. I want it to be special and not in lockdown.

The getting creative with iso dates is definitely something I’ll take on board. We did have a quiz on Zoom with a few of his friends a week ago which was nice and no pressure as I have already met them before.

The ice cream pj party sounds right up my street. I could so something along those lines surprise Jay. I think a bit of distance does makes it more romantic when you finally do meet. I’ve felt more giddy with Jay in early phases then I did with my ex who I saw daily!

@adelaide your flat mates suicide is not anything to be minimised. Pushing grief away or not dealing with it leads to bigger problems so if you want to talk about it on here. We will support you. And yes you should be proud of yourself you’ve done a lot of self assessment and most of all taken action to change your choices to lead to a more fulfilling life for yourself and better connections. You should be proud!!

I’ve been feeling very poorly last few days. My stomach is churning and I feel nauseated but can’t be sick. I don’t know if it’s a bug or my anxiety. I do miss my mum and sister a lot too. This is the longest I’ve gone without them. The more lockdown is extended the more claustrophobic I’m feeling. I dont want to unleash this on Jay he puts up with enough of my down days. So I’m just releasing my worries on here.

@adelaide sometimes I read what you write over again as it is so well written and you are so so astute and aware!

Yes control is the problem, just need to let it go and live. The thing is I am enjoying the moment but I’m limiting the moments if that makes sense. He suggested he comes over to mine because he knows I don’t want to come to his parents, now that the lockdown has further been extended further he joked he would come under the rule he was escaping an argumentative environment and going to stay with a friend as apparently that’s allowed under the guidelines. I told him off though and said he shouldn’t joke about that as unfortunately there are people in abusive homes stuck in lockdown with their abusive partners. He went a bit subdued over facetime. Another case of foot in mouth for me! We were fine later that evening though so that’s good otherwise I think my anxiety would have tortured me all night.

I am considering it but don’t know if I’m ready to jump straight into living with each other.

Your Iso date (I love that term too!) Wowee! Sounds like it went perfectly. Definitely cheering you on. Michelle can be the mascot if she is tom boyish! I’ll take the pom poms and skirt. Or t shirts it is. GO adelaide GO! You deserve this chick..but just busy yourself and you’ll be one step further in this new adventure. I’m so glad to read she made contact again too – see you are awesome believe in yourself chick! Double woo hoo! What’s remarkable is you’ve moved on, well done on recognising you deserve a relationship which meets your needs and you don’t have to waste time pining over something which wasnt for you. It was nice of your ex, if you are fine with cordial and it doesn’t affect you in anyway than you can keep contact open and reply cordially. However, this is the perfect time to cut the cord and remove contact completely that way if something doesn’t go your way in other aspects of your life you are not tempted to go back there because it feels comfortable and safe. That can take you all the way back to square 1 and undo all the hard work in moving on. An ex is an ex for a reason. That is why I got my ex to block me so I never felt tempted. It worked! Now Im in a much more fulfilling almost rship with Jay. Someone who I initially messed around and neverbthought I’d be at this stage but when someone gets you it beats everything!

It is a great you don’t need to be sucked into a conversation with your flirty acquaintance for a short term ego boost. That is an achievement too, you starting to see your own value and you don’t need that type of attention, you recognise that you want genuine connections and people in your inner circle who care about you and get you. So much progress Adelaide,!!!

I’m thinking of you too after reading about your friends suicide…its such a great loss and harder for those left behind. I hope you are coping with that ok today. You’re welcome to post on here and chat further if you need company today.

@michelle —— HAPPY 20th Anniversary. Wow that is two decades. Your partner is lucky to have such a wonderful person. Hopefully you had a great day celebrating even if we are under lockdown. What did you do?

I cant imagine you ever being needy, but look at you now celebrating 20 years, definitely inspirational. You are right, Jay is a very good presence in my life. I can be unashamedly myself so I need to work on pushing myself to break the barriers further so I can really let go and be free of the shackles of anxiety and enjoy the whole relationship and my life blossoming.

@michelle what do you think about Jay staying at mine..I’m kind of nervous by what it would mean intimately. Would he have expectations and if I wasn’t ready would he feel knocked back. When stuck together in lockdown  that would cause issues that I really need currently. Then the carefree old me wants to just jump right in and see what happens. What would you do?