Banu, Well…after a couple of weeks of hiatus with sporadic texts and missed communication every other day or so.. (and really about a month of this)…I went back and forth on “do I just end it or do I talk to him..”

I like the guy – He has the makings of someone I would consider getting to know better and see what happens.The thought of talking to him…terrified me. There is nothing more I dislike than being the needy girl, something I take pride in never being.

Self love has always been a conundrum for me bc I am a successful, confident, strong, outgoing woman, get a great deal of male attention… I take great care of myself, in all areas of my life…so this “self love” thing really had me spinning…But I knew there was something there…

I took your advice – and dug deeper. My last relationship ended bc I walked off causing a ton of chaos by ending it without talking to him about what was bothering him. not that my ex didn’t have an equal part to it ending…he didn’t handle it well either. But I was unable to express like a grown woman how I felt without feeling 1) Needy, 2) High Maintenance or 3) yucky for having to “ask” – when I feel they should know what I need. So I dumped the guy…after a year and a half of never having one argument,,,before telling him how I felt…and this opened up a whole can of worms…(again, he had an equal part to the dissolution).

After a lot of praying…the words finally came to me. I sent him a text telling him exactly how I felt. In a very polite, but firm, non accusatory way…. Knowing this may be the end, but ready to end it either way. Knowing i could not go into the new year feeling like this anymore.

And the response I got? I never would have expected. He called about half an hour later and we opened up and talked. He had no idea I was feeling this way. And he was concerned, and wanted to know how long I’ve felt this way and what he needed to do to fix it. I was so shocked. I had not expected this response at all. I didn’t tell him what he needed to do, he came up with some great solutions on his own 🙂 Because I believe in saying how you feel, but I am a firm believer of letting the person be who they are…not dishing out a list of instructions.

Banu, I cannot tell you how good this feels! This has been a problem I have carried a long time.

I feel liberated.

What happens now? I don’t know what’s in the cards for us. I have no problems living in mystery as long as it feels good I feel my needs are getting met, and I feel like I am growing.

I am in Grace.

Happy New Year Banu !

Hi incurigirl42,
Thanks for your words 🙂 Well, if you have actions forget the words honey. It sounds like your bf is doing all the right stuff. Focus on that. the first 3-6 months of any new relationship we are getting to know each other and there are many insecurities flying about. you know when you are acting up and you know when something’s not quite right. I know you can tell the difference. It sounds like in your case – you’ve discovered it was about you. I did something similar w my last bf – he was doing everything right (including the calling and seeing me EVERY day – super sweet…) and I was still falling apart (behind his back of course) when I didn’t hear from him for 6 hours bc I liked him soooo much! Anways, I got over it 🙂 it gets better. Just don’t “question” him – makes you look insecure. Be confident he is with you and doing all the right things! And remember, its normal to be insecure in the beg when you like someone so much! Normal normal normal! Just bounce it off your gf’s and let the story develop. If you are happy w him- then that’s all that counts 🙂

People get busy (specially w 8 hr difference!) so you get busy….you will hear from him sooner than later and it will be all that sweeter. And don’t be so hard on yourself.

I am upset w my dude bc I have “tried” to get him on the phone 2 in the last 5 days and that is just plain weird that he can’t “talk” he needs to text me back bla bla bla…its just not normal for someone who has said all the things he has said to me and quite frankly – my feelings have changed. I just don’t feel good. It feels like I am grasping for attention – and this is where I draw the line…and I am not a needy chick…so this feels odd and weird. There’s no real “connection” it feels. It all seems watered down and like “morsels” of attention to me…

He knows has to call- he has done it before – he knows how to stay in touch – he has done it before. Something’s awry w the fella.

yeah he knows what to do. Of course he knows what to do. I have seen him do it. “hey babe, just want to say hi.” to…hardly no contact in five days? And me calling him 2 and him just sending back txt messages bc he is “sick” or “working”…

Hmmmm….I honestly dont think he is seeing anyone else – that’s not the vibe I’m getting. But there is a general lack of concern (and other things that have happened that I wont list here that just show a big lack of apathy on his part…like he is clueless)

Example – don’t “not call me” for 5 days and tell me you miss me. and still not call me. again. on day 6. But shoot me a text message to tell me you “miss me”- Please.

He is weird! weird weird! I’m not digging it.

That’s good advice. Thanks inky. I just dont feel like its “time” to have a conversation. yes..he said he loved me. yes…he makes plans. But something doesn’t feel right. Its the little contact when we are away from each other – that’s weird and odd and it doesn’t make me feel good.

Whatever. I am not having any kind of talk with him. It’s simply too soon for that. The way I see it its either there or it isn’t.

If I keep feeling like this over the next couple of weeks, I’m going to end it.

He is a grown man. He should know what a woman needs.

Wow. You are so right on. I can’t thank you enough for how you framed this for me. I will check out your other posts. You are a gifted one.

🙂