Wow. You are so right on. I can’t thank you enough for how you framed this for me. I will check out your other posts. You are a gifted one.

🙂

That’s good advice. Thanks inky. I just dont feel like its “time” to have a conversation. yes..he said he loved me. yes…he makes plans. But something doesn’t feel right. Its the little contact when we are away from each other – that’s weird and odd and it doesn’t make me feel good.

Whatever. I am not having any kind of talk with him. It’s simply too soon for that. The way I see it its either there or it isn’t.

If I keep feeling like this over the next couple of weeks, I’m going to end it.

He is a grown man. He should know what a woman needs.

Hi Steve, thanks for your advice. First of all let me tell you – you are one well-balanced guy! You sound like such a cool person with a good heart! I think you have you’re own personal “We Love Steve1” following from all us gals with bf questions 🙂

Well – idk. That’s the point. That he “seems” to be very bold when we are together (you should hear some of the stuff this guy tells me…super sweet..although some of my gfs think its creepy cause its too much too soon…and maybe they are right.), but then we we are apart he is like fallen off the planet (just one text a day – if that…and maybe a phone call every 3-4 days. And given, we do see each other ever week.

I want to think that its because he doesn’t want to “be in my face” and keep the mystery going – but I have to tell you … it doesn’t feel that way. Something is awry w this fella. And its becoming clearer and clearer each day.

There are things I know about his past that make me question his emotional stability and ability to feel love a little bit…and one of the main reasons I hesitated at first going out with him. But he seemed to be past these things and has certainly done a lot of work that I command him for- and I am open minded about people going through life – lord knows I’ve had my share of struggles . We have all fought something at some point or another.

I am a pretty emotionally stable and confident chick. So I don’t question so much… “does he like me? and does he want to be w me.” I know he does – I just question if this is the man that I will be happy with.

I’ve decided to just let it run for a couple of more days – but it feels kind of nearing the end for me.

And now for the original question: Do I tell him what I need? This one is a toughie. For me, if you have to ask, you already have you’re answer – but I will be open minded and tell myself that maybe I am wrong here – I will mostly likely ask…and see how the convo goes…and at that point..I will make my decision.

A wise woman once told me: You have to like them just exactly as they are…not what they have the potential of becoming.

Life is such a mystery…So glad to be part of it all.

Steve1 for president :)!

Banu, Well…after a couple of weeks of hiatus with sporadic texts and missed communication every other day or so.. (and really about a month of this)…I went back and forth on “do I just end it or do I talk to him..”

I like the guy – He has the makings of someone I would consider getting to know better and see what happens.The thought of talking to him…terrified me. There is nothing more I dislike than being the needy girl, something I take pride in never being.

Self love has always been a conundrum for me bc I am a successful, confident, strong, outgoing woman, get a great deal of male attention… I take great care of myself, in all areas of my life…so this “self love” thing really had me spinning…But I knew there was something there…

I took your advice – and dug deeper. My last relationship ended bc I walked off causing a ton of chaos by ending it without talking to him about what was bothering him. not that my ex didn’t have an equal part to it ending…he didn’t handle it well either. But I was unable to express like a grown woman how I felt without feeling 1) Needy, 2) High Maintenance or 3) yucky for having to “ask” – when I feel they should know what I need. So I dumped the guy…after a year and a half of never having one argument,,,before telling him how I felt…and this opened up a whole can of worms…(again, he had an equal part to the dissolution).

After a lot of praying…the words finally came to me. I sent him a text telling him exactly how I felt. In a very polite, but firm, non accusatory way…. Knowing this may be the end, but ready to end it either way. Knowing i could not go into the new year feeling like this anymore.

And the response I got? I never would have expected. He called about half an hour later and we opened up and talked. He had no idea I was feeling this way. And he was concerned, and wanted to know how long I’ve felt this way and what he needed to do to fix it. I was so shocked. I had not expected this response at all. I didn’t tell him what he needed to do, he came up with some great solutions on his own 🙂 Because I believe in saying how you feel, but I am a firm believer of letting the person be who they are…not dishing out a list of instructions.

Banu, I cannot tell you how good this feels! This has been a problem I have carried a long time.

I feel liberated.

What happens now? I don’t know what’s in the cards for us. I have no problems living in mystery as long as it feels good I feel my needs are getting met, and I feel like I am growing.

I am in Grace.

Happy New Year Banu !