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I’m sorry you are having to go through this, I know how terrible you must feel. I am also working through a devastating breakup from a very serious relationship that lasted 9 years. I have never been so down in my life, like you said, it’s as though you’ve lost everything. It’s the worst feeling in the world when we are betrayed by someone we love, someone who we thought cared about us more. I know that right now nothing seems right, but please don’t give up on yourself. I think everyone who has responded to your story has provided very thoughtful and important advice. What has been most damaging for me is constantly rehashing the past (what could’ve been, what I should’ve done differently) and obsessing over what he is thinking, feeling, doing, etc. Try to practice acceptance, allow yourself to grieve, cry, feel without judgement, and know that what she says, thinks, does has no power over you and that you can move on from this. Make loving yourself and caring for yourself a priority. After giving my love and care to someone else for so long, this is what I struggle with the most. It takes a lot of work but we are more strong and resilient than we know, believe in yourself!
There are so many great articles and stories on this site that are incredibly helpful. I try to read one every day and I always feel better, even if only for 5 minutes. Here are a few of my favorites that may be worth looking into, if you haven’t already:
I wish you the very best, take care of yourself, and stay strong! You are worth it!
~ IngridJune 17, 2013 at 10:05 pm in reply to: I don't feel good about myself unless I am in a relationship #37132IngridParticipant
Thank you everyone for your amazing responses. It is so nice to hear that I am not alone in what I am feeling. Even by just reading your stories and advice I feel so much stronger and that yes…I can do this! I can cut the cord and move forward with my life. It is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through, and I am so hard on myself that I sometimes expect change to just happen right away, or I just wish I could wave a magic wand and be free of all the sadness, regret, and heartbreak. I am realizing that there is a reason I am going through this, that my life is changing for the better, and I really have to WORK at it, but I am holding myself back for fear of losing this guy who doesn’t even care for me in the way I deserve. So thank you everyone so much!!
Jeff: You make great points. Yeah, I’m sure he is just trying to keep his options open, even though I hate to admit it haha. But he definitely knows me and knows that I have always been there and will keep holding on. I’m sorry to hear of your struggles as well, but it seems that ‘letting go’ of your wife was a good decision, even though it was tough. In reading your response, you have given me the strength to begin the process of letting go as well. Like you said, it needs to be done. Also, I am going to my first session with a counselor tomorrow so I’m looking forward to that. Thank you so much for your insight!
Bunnie: You are so brave! Wow, going into the phone company to change your number must have been so so difficult. I have felt that small sense of relief mixed with sadness as well, when I knew he wouldn’t be contacting me..but he always did sooner or later…and the cycle continues. I also may have some unresolved issues from my childhood, like you said. I’m sorry that you are also going through a tough time, although it is comforting to know we are dealing with similar issues. We deserve to feel good about ourselves without needing a man! It is such a challenge but I know you are trying so hard and I am too. Hang in there and thank you for your kind response!
Samir: You are absolutely right, that small amount of contact does get my hopes up! And then it all comes crashing down again and again. It is absolute torture, and yet I still continue to put myself through it. I am living in the past and that is not a healthy place to be. I really appreciate your advice and insight, thank you!
Anne: I was very touched by your story. I also had a dog with my ex and he ended up keeping him as well. That has broken my heart on a whole other level because he (the dog) was like a child to me, in a way! I’m so sorry for what you have gone through and that your relationship had to come to such a tragic end. But you are strong and I believe that you can one day be free of your guilt and sorrow. Thank you for sharing your story and take care of yourself!
Danubelle: You offer really great advice on breaking the HABIT! It is weird to call it that, but it totally makes sense. Being in a relationship with him, ‘loving’ him, became a habit and a sense of comfort. When it ended, it was as if my life had ended. And the contact we still share is like small little glimmers of hope that make me feel almost whole again, but it isn’t long before I crave more and feel utterly worthless again. Yeah, I am addicted! Good for you for breaking away from your old patterns! You have inspired me to do the same. I can’t take living this way or being treated this way anymore. Even though I have been resisting and resisting out of fear of life without him…like you said, my heart knows best, and I need to grieve and move on for good. Thank you so much for your wonderful response and I wish you all the best!